Babe, Baby, Honey, Sweetheart, Darlin'...

[stephanier.1765]

Dear Male Walmart Shopper,

 

Please refer to the above list and note that none of them are my name. Please address me as Ma'am or a polite "excuse me" would work as well. If your intent in addressing me is to be a slimeball, please reconsider and walk away. Respect should always be your first course of action when interacting with your fellow human beings.

 

Sincerely,

 

Fed Up Female Walmart Shopper
 

[AimeeM]

It would be difficult to tell who prefers what, on his end.

 

I really dislike being called ma'am. I have zero issue with babe, honey, darlin', etc. 

[rose]

It would be difficult to tell who prefers what, on his end.

 

I really dislike being called ma'am. I have zero issue with babe, honey, darlin', etc. 

 

Really?! I didn't even know that there were women that would prefer that. Those terms from a stranger would give me the creeps.

[Seasider]

Sugar. Add that one to your list for us southern shoppers.

[AimeeM]

Really?! I didn't even know that there were women that would prefer that. Those terms from a stranger would give me the creeps.

 

I know it depends a lot on the individual, but it may have to do with where I was raised. Those were just as much terms of general address (and endearment) as "Miss" (or similar). 

[Wabi Sabi]

My MIL called everyone "baby." It didn't matter who you were- her doctor, her family members, old friends, store clerks. It was her way of compensating for the fact that she struggled with names after her last stroke. 

[Tangerine]

My personal skin-crawler is "doll".  Blergh.  But yes, it should be pretty standard practice to not use diminutive cutesy terms of endearment for women you don't know.  Or in my case, even if you know me.  Please do not.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Honey, Sweetheart or Darlin' would not bother me from an elderly man.  I would see it as "fatherly" or "grandfatherly".  Babe or baby would bother me because I couldn't ever see those words as fatherly or grandfatherly.  A man clearly my age or younger would bother me because of course the fatherly or grandfatherly scenario would not apply. 

 

Though a young female waitress kept calling me (and only me) "Darling" the other day and I almost burst out laughing.  I think she was treating me like she would a grandmother. . .   

[happi duck]

To me, it really depends on who's saying what.

 

The words themselves aren't automatically disrespectful, imo.

[kroe1]

It is the connotation that matters. If the guy is ogling you while he is saying it, is much different than a Southern man calling every woman in his path those words. There is nothing wrong with using those words as a term of endearment or respect.

[Guest]

I take it on a case by case basis. Usually it doesn't bother me.

[SquirrellyMama]

Sweethart, darling, honey and doll are not problems for me. I call kids babe and doll a lot.

 

A grown person calling me baby would be weird. Depending on how babe was said might not be an issue.

 

Kelly

[catz]

If I were traveling in the south and it was a respectful older gentleman I could possibly be ok with it in context.  But for the most part, he11 no. 

[stephanier.1765]

It is the connotation that matters. If the guy is ogling you while he is saying it, is much different than a Southern man calling every woman in his path those words. There is nothing wrong with using those words as a term of endearment or respect.

 

Oh my post is all about the connotation and the dirtbags offering it. I'm tired of it. I absolutely agree that these words aren't necessarily disrespectful endearments but the way I've been addressed lately and often haven't been endearing, they've been repulsive. One great big ick!

 

I do love when a grandfather figure uses "darlin" because he is usually a sweetheart himself. :)

[Crimson Wife]

When I worked in procurement it absolutely drove me BONKERS when salesmen would use a term of endearment with me (which happened ALL. THE. FLIPPIN'. TIME :glare: ) Totally unprofessional. If you can't remember my name, a simple "miss" would do (I was in my 20's when I worked this job so that would be more appropriate than "ma'am").

[Elizabeth86]

It would be difficult to tell who prefers what, on his end.

 

I really dislike being called ma'am. I have zero issue with babe, honey, darlin', etc.

Me too lol, but Im from the south and tons of people men and women talk like this.

[Scarlett]

Yep. I hear these terms a lot. Doesn't usually bother me. I find a lot of elderly women use those terms too.

[Catwoman]

Oh my post is all about the connotation and the dirtbags offering it. I'm tired of it. I absolutely agree that these words aren't necessarily disrespectful endearments but the way I've been addressed lately and often haven't been endearing, they've been repulsive. One great big ick!

 

I do love when a grandfather figure uses "darlin" because he is usually a sweetheart himself. :)

I absolutely understand why you were offended, but now that it's over, put a positive spin on it and assume he thought you were one hot mama!

[stephanier.1765]

I absolutely understand why you were offended, but now that it's over, put a positive spin on it and assume he thought you were one hot mama!

 

If it was only one guy I would, but lately and only at Walmart, it has been happening every time I go and sometimes with multiple men. It just makes me feel dirty.  :glare:

[Tangerine]

I assume there were ladies in the typing pool who didn't mind a firm pat on the rump, but "Nice work, Miss Smith" was still a better choice regardless. And time marches on.

[nixpix5]

Baby or babe doesn't seem appropriate as it feels much more personal between significant others. Honey, sweetheart and darlin' are cute to me. They wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I have heard both men and women use these equally. I prefer them to ma'am which sounds sterile. Now I personally don't use these myself but I have always appreciated hearing them in the south :)

[Mommyof1]

It depends on how it's been said and the motive behind it.

 

Some guys when they say it, don't mean anything bad, it's just how they talk.

 

Others, make your skin crawl.

[EMS83]

Sugar. Add that one to your list for us southern shoppers.

 

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:

 

I'm more likely to be called that by older women, though.

 

I  guess the most offensive would be Babe or Baby--I have trouble interpreting those as anything other than a come-on.  The others are just over-familiar.  I mean, older women have called me the last three, even peers occasionally.  It's colloquial.  But from family or acquaintances.  From a stranger it's a bit forward.  And yes, male vs. female and age changes how I'm likely to take it.

 

I just avoid Walmart altogether; problem solved.   :D  Not a head-turner, so I'm generally safe anyway.   ;)

[Seasider]

Me too lol, but Im from the south and tons of people men and women talk like this.

Sure, but I imagined the scenario differently, I thought of a much younger person using all those endearments with me. That's wrong because it makes me feel old! I rarely experience someone doing it to be disrespectful on purpose.

[gardenmom5]

Dear Male Walmart Shopper,

 

Please refer to the above list and note that none of them are my name. Please address me as Ma'am or a polite "excuse me" would work as well. If your intent in addressing me is to be a slimeball, please reconsider and walk away. Respect should always be your first course of action when interacting with your fellow human beings.

 

Sincerely,

 

Fed Up Female Walmart Shopper

 

 

that includes clerks saying it to customers,   and i have many more choices in where to shop.

eta:"  it's not a walmart thing.  it happens other places too

Edited September 7, 2017 by gardenmom5

[Bluegoat]

It wouldn't bother me particularly.  I'd be surprised by baby/babe, because you don't hear that here.  I'd tend to assume they were from away.

 

"Dear" is pretty common here, or "hon".  Newfoundlanders are pretty thick in these parts and will say "my lover".  

 

I've met a few people who were enraged when someone used a term like this, like a nurse giving a shot to their kid.  I don't think there's really enough time in the day.

[Crimson Wife]

When it happened in the context of a business transaction, I felt like it was demeaning. The only guy I want using a term of endearment towards me is someone I'm romantically involved with. Maybe a relative if it's more on the sweetie/honey side and not something like "babe". 

[Sarah CB]

Dear Male Walmart Shopper,

 

Please refer to the above list and note that none of them are my name. Please address me as Ma'am or a polite "excuse me" would work as well. If your intent in addressing me is to be a slimeball, please reconsider and walk away. Respect should always be your first course of action when interacting with your fellow human beings.

 

Sincerely,

 

Fed Up Female Walmart Shopper

 

 

Where I live it's common  for both women and men to call people "my darling" or "my angel" or "my love". 

 

Me: Can you tell me what aisle the cereal is in?

Literally anyone who grew up here: Why yes my darling it's over in aisle 7. 

 

They also say "my son" the same way, which I also like. 

 

If you tried to talk like that in the last province we lived in you would eventually be cited for sexual harassment, but it's really just built right into the rhythm of speech here - at least that's what it seems like to me.

[Sarah CB]

  Newfoundlanders are pretty thick in these parts and will say "my lover".  

 

 

 

Yes! Though, I haven't had anyone call me "lover", I have been called "my love" many times. I have a friend who calls his wife "my lover".

[Pawz4me]

If it was only one guy I would, but lately and only at Walmart, it has been happening every time I go and sometimes with multiple men. It just makes me feel dirty.  :glare:

 

I think it's a Walmart thing. Let's face it, there are some pretty weird people there sometimes.

 

My fingers were swelling some earlier this summer and so I bought some silicone bands to wear in place of my wedding rings when they're uncomfortable. DH asked why, saying he knew we were married and that was all that mattered. I said "To deter the creepy men at Walmart." :lol:

[marbel]

Years ago I worked with a salesman who called almost all the women he encountered (in my presence at least) "Babe."  Me, other women in the office, waitresses, pretty much any woman.  It was just his thing.  (He was from Mississippi, fwiw.)  He was a really nice guy, very good to work with, very respectful and kind, never a jerk.  Compared with men who used the correct/proper terminology, but were complete jerks to sales support staff (including me) and other women he encountered... I'd take being called Babe any day. 

[Murphy101]

None of those bother me from other people who I am not working with.

 

So customer to customer? Whatever.

 

Employee/coworker/someone I am doing business with calling me that? No. So unprofessional.

They should either use ma'am or Mrs -- or my first name if I work for/with them.

[Laura Corin]

'My lover' is very common in my home town.  'Don't you worry, my lover', or 'I'll get that for you, my lover.'  It doesn't worry me.  I wouldn't be so keen on 'babe' or 'baby' - those sound belittling to me.  But it would depend on the local context.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

 

 

Sir, Ma'am and Miss should be safe terms as they are in books of etiquette.

 

I'm not offended by other terms automatically, it depends on who and how they are used.

[Laura Corin]

Sir, Ma'am and Miss should be safe terms as they are in books of etiquette.

 

 

They can sound sarcastic here.  'Excuse me' is always safe.

[creekland]

Add me to those who wouldn't have been bothered - or probably even noted it.

 

I had no idea I should be bothered by those things.  From our travels we've found folks have all sorts of ways of addressing each other - and it's ok.  I can't imagine getting worked up about those sorts of verbal things.  (Physical things - like someone had mentioned a slap on the rear - are completely different, and not ok.)

[AimeeM]

Me too lol, but Im from the south and tons of people men and women talk like this.

 

I'm in the south, too :)

 

It's used by both men and women here and I just can't fathom it being offensive, unless it was said by somebody who was clearly eyeballing you... but, then, the eyeballing would bother me, not the terms of address.

[AimeeM]

They can sound sarcastic here.  'Excuse me' is always safe.

 

My yankee-born-and-bred husband (Philly area) said they were only used sarcastically in his circles. He does not like being called "sir," even now that he's lived in the south for 20+ years.

[Ravin]

Yes! Though, I haven't had anyone call me "lover", I have been called "my love" many times. I have a friend who calls his wife "my lover".

 

This reminds me of an old SNL skit.

 

I would rather hear terms like "Babe" and "Honey" than possibly inaccurate gendered greetings. "Ma'am" and "sir" are best avoided. "Thank you" or "Please" can generally do it for conveying politeness without implying age or gender of the person you are talking to (or station in life. Like we used to say when I was enlisted, "Don't call me sir/ma'am, I work for a living!"

 

"Would you like fries with that?"

"Yes, thank you."

 

"Excuse me, do you know what aisle the ketchup is on?"

"Yes, aisle four. Thank you for shopping with us!"

 

etc.

 

As for other walmart customers, I'd rather not have to talk to other people in the store for any reason, beyond the occasional "excuse me," thus leaving no opportunity to call/be called anything whatsoever.

[wintermom]

There aren't too many cute names for strangers and such around here. Pretty much "bud" is the one I hear every once in a while. I'm not a fan of being called over by a, "Hey, bud!"  :laugh:  I guess we don't have much imagination here, or there are too many politicians and civil servants here, people are too afraid to be politically incorrect. ;)

[Rosie_0801]

I noticed I was getting old when I started calling random people "love."  :huh:

[marbel]

Sir, Ma'am and Miss should be safe terms as they are in books of etiquette.

 

I'm not offended by other terms automatically, it depends on who and how they are used.

 

I would agree with you, but there have been many threads here in which people said those terms were rude and/or meant sarcastically.   I grew up saying them, and still use them, but I've come to realize it is not universal (even within the US).

Edited September 7, 2017 by marbel

[Guest]

We visited family in the south of the U.S. this summer, and my 90-year-old aunt and uncle had a way of calling my ds17 "Baby" that was so sweet! He loved it.

[Sk8ermaiden]

Those don't bother me here, in the south, where they are used equally by men and women, towards men and women. It doesn't even occur to me that it's a patriarchy issue (like some have implied/said) because it's equal opportunity. If it were just old dudes being creepy to women, that would be totally different. I'm sure there are some places I could hear it where it would bother me.

[Guest]

If you come to Baltimore, you should find a way to be okay with "Hon," though. Because it's a thing here.

[SereneHome]

If you come to Baltimore, you should find a way to be okay with "Hon," though. Because it's a thing here.

 

Really????  No one has EVER called me that in Baltimore.  Must be my sunshiny personality coming through on my face...

[Guest]

Really???? No one has EVER called me that in Baltimore. Must be my sunshiny personality coming through on my face...

You didn't meet the right people I guess.

 

https://baltimorelanguage.com/welcome-to-baltimore-hon-podcast/

[Guest]

Hmmm....I actually call women Love or Sugar or Sweetheart (Bud for guys) if I don't know them.

[nixpix5]

When I was in Dallas/Sachse a number of years back I ended up at the ER in Plano. I was pretty stressed out and crying because I was quite ill. The doctor in the ER had just come on and was putting on his scrubs. He had on cowboy boots and was chatting with his nurses about his date the previous night out in the hall. He looked pretty young. Anyway, when he came into the room he said "so your not feeling very well huh little lady" I will never forget it. It shocked me right out of my agony. My husband could barely keep from cracking up. Yet it wasn't offensive, it was actually more endearing with his southern accent. I couldn't imagine anyone in the PNW pulling that off.

Edited September 8, 2017 by nixpix5

[Violet Crown]

They can sound sarcastic here. 'Excuse me' is always safe.

I remember when traveling to Ireland as a student, politely addressing a woman at a hostel as "ma'am" and having my head ripped off for my trouble.

 

At the time I was humiliated but in retrospect surprised that someone would choose to take such offense at a young foreigner striving to be polite by using a term pretty well-known, even over the ocean, as a courtesy in the mouth of Southern and Western Americans.