Dramatic kids and illness

[fairfarmhand]

Of my four kids, I have two very dramatic children. They frequently over react, and just get wound up easily.

 

I don't mock them or whatever, I just simply listen and move on.

 

Sometimes though, this response gets me into trouble when they legitimately have an illness. They act like they're dying for simple bumps and bruises, sniffles and coughs. So when they do get injured or very ill, I'm...not suspicious, but a little skeptical maybe. I try to not let it show and just do a lot of listening and making of soothing noises but I can't go to the doctor repeatedly for sniffles that are merely sniffles.

 

Those of you who have dramatic kids, how do you figure put what a legitimate problem is vs. just a "you'll be fine, let's give it a few days." Problem?

 

One of my kids had what we think was an asthma attack last week. He had bronchitis and it went from there. But since he makes a habit of laying in the floor wailing or gasping in agony for the slightest thing, I really didn't take it seriously. I mean I made soothing sound s and instructed him to stay calm and it would be okay, but I never imagined it was a real problem.

 

Now I have guilt!

 

Help me hive!

 

 

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[theelfqueen]

My youngest is super dramatic about these things...When my youngest fell at the park and broke his wrist and elbow (terrible break - his surgeon kept telling him how very, very bad it was) I was walking in another part of the park and told him to stop screaming as I was walking back toward him.... the I got I'm there and his arm was hanging limp at the wrong angles... I felt terrible. On the plus side I think his wailing got us through the ER really quickly.

 

(Weirdly he's totally fine when he's sparring in karate or wrestling)

 

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[Tap]

Sometimes, I base my diagnosis more on how they respond to treatment, than the symptoms. I will give them a choice of treatments.

 

If dd says her shoulder hurts. I do a few things:

 

1. Offer a naproxen

2. offer a cold pack

3. offer rest and a movie.

 

 

If she takes a pill and head off playing. She is fine.  If after 12 hours, she is complaining again, it makes me more likely to think it is legit (naproxen lasts apx 12 hours)

If she takes the ice pack, I know she is hurting, because she hates ice packs.

If she takes the offer to rest and a movie, I know she is really, really hurt because she doesn't usually stop moving. 

 

 

 

If dd says she has a fever:  (she is a sweaty kid so fevers are harder to identify with her)

 

I take a temp.

I offer a warm, not hot,  shower (gets the sweat and heat off)

I offer an icy drink.

 

 

If she has a mild fever, I let her go until she is over 100-101. and don't medicate before that.

If she is willing to take a shower, I take a temp 1 hour later and see how she feels then.

If she takes an icy drink, I let her drink and then take her temp 1 hour later. 

 

If she is really sick, she will refuse the shower and icy drink. If she is really sick, she will want a bath and a juice box to drink in the bath.   

Edited September 7, 2017 by Tap

[gardenmom5]

I often faked sickness to get out of going to school.   my kids - have never gotten away with it with me.

 

there is drama - and there is genetic susceptibility to discomfort/illness.   you have to know your kid enough to know the difference.  there are studies indicating redheads feel more pain. . .  don't think dh does, but 1dd certainly does.

 

no matter how dramatic they are - if they willingly give up the computer, or food, or watching TV - it's more likely to be legit.   fever and glassy eye can't be faked.  (well, not easily)  my kids lips will also get really red when legitimately ill. (usually) and flushed.

 

If I couldn't tell the difference, I would treat them all - fakers and legit - the same.  they need to stay in bed and rest. no tv, no computer.  they get bland food.  the goal is to make being sick as boring as possible.  this usually will provoke a rapid recovery for a dramatic child.  for those truly sick - whatever they wanted to eat.  whatever would give relief to their symptoms, or help pass the time.

 

the advantage of this - it's not worth their while to fake being sick.  and they tend to not do it.

 

understand -I had one I had to *demand* stay home from school with a temp of 102 whilst child was whining they had a final and wouldn't be able to retake it, so would get a zero.  (I assured said child, they would be able to take the final after they returned to school.)  and two with broken collar bones . . . one, who needed help with everything - and it was broken at the beginning of spring break and still wasn't comfortable returning to school a week later. (stayed home a couple more days.  was afraid of jostling in the hallways)  and was in  pain . .  and the other, wouldn't keep his arm in his sling because it interfered with typing on the computer. smh. I've seen the x-rays - they were both full breaks in similar locations.  similar ages too.  

 

eta: for me, it's the kids who WON'T say anything . . . . the son with the broken collar bone - fell 18' out of a tree when the branch broke.  I found out about it MUCH later.  when a younger sibling tattled.  there was no apparent damage. . . but he did fracture a vertebra that was pinching a nerve in his spine.  his regular dr didn't diagnose it, neither did any of the other drs I took him too - including the children's hospital.  my chiropractor did . . . successfully treated it too.(which the others weren't able to do either.)  that was my kid who was never lost.  . . *he* always knew where he was . . . . . . never mind I'm frantically searching for him . . . he was perfectly calm, doing whatever he was doing.

Edited September 7, 2017 by gardenmom5

[KathyBC]

Yep, this was my oldest. Many years ago when he broke a small bone at the top of his foot fooling around before hockey practice, I really couldn't tell how hurt he was. I had him try on a skate to see if his foot would fit and he could bear weight, trying to get a sense of how serious it was. I could see one of the dads giving me a horrified look. What can I say? I also missed appendicitis with this child. He always moaned like he was dying when he had the flu. He was in grade 12 at the time. I went down to the community center to explain why he couldn't honor a commitment there (we hadn't all caught up to the texting craze here quite yet), and while I was gone he fortunately called his grandmother who took him in to the hospital.

 

No solutions here, just offering support and sharing in the mom guilt.

 

 

ETA: Maybe it's worth mentioning that this child also had a hard time articulating what he was feeling. For example, buying him shoes was a nightmare. So in retrospect, perhaps if we had worked on that aspect, the feelings wouldn't have seemed so overwhelming.

Edited September 7, 2017 by KathyBC

[Terabith]

Yeah, no advice.  I have one who is superdramatic.  She's not a hypochondriac; she legitimately feels things intensely, I think, but there's really no way to tell what's serious and what isn't in the absence of major symptoms.  I've missed a few injuries.

[Twolittleboys]

No advice here either. I have a dramatic kid - when he was little he asked me to urgently call the doctor EVERY SINGLE night (presumably he started to feel a bit off when he got sleepy). He still comes with the weirdest problems (e.g. swallowing "feels different") and is convinced it is an emergency. Unfortunately, sometimes there really is a problem and I tend to ignore it, especially if he doesn't make a huge fuss over it. A couple years ago we missed an infected toe until it was really bad.

 

I wish I had a solution!

[Elizabeth86]

Kind of on the same note, but I can tell from a mile away ds 2 is getting sick, but with ds 1 you just dont notice until he is showing major symptoms. When he starts getting sick he will either be grumpy, unwilling to do anything, not very obedient just some random no good attitude and then a day or so later, oh I see, you were getting sick. It is odd, but ds 2 gets this look about him and does and and says really predictable things and ds2 acts like a jerk and doesnt think to tell me he doesnt feel well.

[Ausmumof3]

Of my four kids, I have two very dramatic children. They frequently over react, and just get wound up easily.

 

I don't mock them or whatever, I just simply listen and move on.

 

Sometimes though, this response gets me into trouble when they legitimately have an illness. They act like they're dying for simple bumps and bruises, sniffles and coughs. So when they do get injured or very ill, I'm...not suspicious, but a little skeptical maybe. I try to not let it show and just do a lot of listening and making of soothing noises but I can't go to the doctor repeatedly for sniffles that are merely sniffles.

 

Those of you who have dramatic kids, how do you figure put what a legitimate problem is vs. just a "you'll be fine, let's give it a few days." Problem?

 

One of my kids had what we think was an asthma attack last week. He had bronchitis and it went from there. But since he makes a habit of laying in the floor wailing or gasping in agony for the slightest thing, I really didn't take it seriously. I mean I made soothing sound s and instructed him to stay calm and it would be okay, but I never imagined it was a real problem.

 

Now I have guilt!

 

Help me hive!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I tell the story of the boy who cried wolf to one of mine on a regular basis...

 

In other words no answers but I feel your pain.

[DawnM]

Don't feel too bad, when my oldest was 9, he fell outside and was quite dramatic about the pain.  I told him to go lie down and see how he felt later.  

 

30 min. later I hear him upstairs crying.  I go upstairs and he can't get up!  He had broken his collar bone!

 

I felt pretty bad later.  but he could sometimes be dramatic and my go-to was "go lie down in your bed for a while and if you are really sick, you need to stay there the rest of the day."  If they were really sick, which took about 30 min. max to determine, they wouldn't want to get up.

[RootAnn]

My mom told my brother to stop complaining about his arm or she'd take him to the doctor. Three weeks later, he finally convinced her to take him. Broken arm. Had to be rebroken so it would heal correctly.

 

I was a hypochondriac, though.

 

I never know when to take my kids in. DH seems to have a better handle on it.

[EMS83]

I've explained multiple times to my reactive child that it makes my job harder to sort out what's serious and what's not when they react to everything like it's serious.  And we've discussed The Boy Who Cried Wolf a couple of times.  A while it's my job to check things out and help them figure out what's a big deal and what's not  (and I'm only human), it's not the rest of the world's job to do that, and I let them know all of that (matter-of-factly).  Interestingly, or maybe not, this child is quieter the worse an injury is.  I'm sort of like that myself, though.

 

I do also make the sick boring, like gardenmom.  My mantra there is, "If you're too sick to work, you're too sick to play."  ;)  But I try not to brush things off; I take temperatures and check out hang nails, bug bites, etc.  None of mine really demand the doctor.  The reactive child just simply has undirected angst.  One of the other ones asks about every little thing: if it will be ok, and what does it all mean, and do we need a doctor...but it's all very calm and vaguely worried.  :)

[wintermom]

I have a dd who used to scream and cry, and when I asked her what was the problem she'd say, "I almost hurt myself!"   :laugh:  She screamed at everything. When she was not screaming, that's when I knew something was really wrong.

 

One of my ds would be slightly off his normal, happy, excellent sleeping routine, but never cry. I'd take him into the dr and discover he had a double ear infection. He still rarely complains, so when he does I try to take it very seriously. 

 

It's really tough being a mom. ;)

[EKS]

I have an overly dramatic child as well.  Like you, I have learned to underreact to his physical complaints.  The only time this has gotten me into trouble is when he developed pneumonia (he was 13).  I thought it was just a cough (and, in my defense, I had the same cough and the same symptoms).  But then out of the blue he threw up (and he's not a kid who does that a lot) and broke out in a rash.  So off we went to the doctor.  

 

Now that he's older, I have actually talked with him about his responses to physical discomfort and how it makes it very difficult to figure out the severity of his symptoms.  And I think he has toned things down a bit.

[Farrar]

I don't know, but I wish I did. It's not even that BalletBoy is all that dramatic, he's just very, very bad at gauging his own level of pain. Sometimes he complains for days about something that's clearly nothing and other times he doesn't say a word about something that's obviously something. I genuinely can't figure out how to respond. I'm at the point where I ignore all the physical bumps and so forth, which is probably not great because he's a serious athlete and might actually injure himself, but I'm at a real loss. As for illnesses, I only take it seriously if other people are sick. Then he might be too.

[Piper]

My dd used to be like this. Screamed her head off at the slightest thing. It drove us batty! Then when she was five, she took an awkward fall, and broke her arm. We figured it was the usual dramatic carry-on, so didn't pay a lot of attention to her, until some hours later when her arm showed hideous bruising. We took her to the ER then and thoroughly castigated ourselves for being lousy parents. She had to get pins and everything, but the interesting thing is, that since going through that whole dramatic experience - the break itself, and two generals to get the pins in and then out six weeks later - she toned down her responses hugely! Now her responses are way more in line with what you'd expect, thankfully. It's like her little five-year-old brain went, "Oh, THAT'S what pain really feels like!"

 

On the good side, we did learn, as a PP said, that the best way we find to gauge injury/pain in a dramatic child is to monitor the response to treatment. If solacing treatment is ineffective, seek medical help!  :laugh:

[gardenmom5]

I've explained multiple times to my reactive child that it makes my job harder to sort out what's serious and what's not when they react to everything like it's serious.  And we've discussed The Boy Who Cried Wolf a couple of times.  A while it's my job to check things out and help them figure out what's a big deal and what's not  (and I'm only human), it's not the rest of the world's job to do that, and I let them know all of that (matter-of-factly).  Interestingly, or maybe not, this child is quieter the worse an injury is.  I'm sort of like that myself, though.

 

I do also make the sick boring, like gardenmom.  My mantra there is, "If you're too sick to work, you're too sick to play."   ;)  But I try not to brush things off; I take temperatures and check out hang nails, bug bites, etc.  None of mine really demand the doctor.  The reactive child just simply has undirected angst.  One of the other ones asks about every little thing: if it will be ok, and what does it all mean, and do we need a doctor...but it's all very calm and vaguely worried.   :)

 

dudeling . . doens't complain.   he'd fall down, people around him would think he must be hurt.  no.  if he's crying it's because his hands are dirty . . . (seriously.  he'd scream about dirt).   if he even "said" 'my ear hurts"  once . . I learned to run him to the dr.  he'd have an ear infection.   three of my older kids almost never ever had infections (angle of eustachian tube).  but he's one who did.  the last one had tubes.   but he's one who didn't notice if he was hungry . . . some kids don't' respond appropriately to nervous stimuli - or maybe their nervous system just doesn't send out a message.

[Katy]

The Boy who Cried Wolf, reacting to all sniffles with an imposed day in bed without fun, limiting good food to broth and toast when someone fakes a stomachache, saying, "You're fine!" frequently, checking tongues for white coats, checking for fevers before letting anyone stay home sick have helped us somewhat here.

 

I think dramatic kids will always be dramatic.  Sometimes using the term "Dramatic" when talking about them to the doctor can help you sort it out and subtly signal to them that they really do need to dial back the drama.

 

What's interesting to me is that the dramatic kids always tend to be the ones that understate severe injury.