Trash talking ourselves

[SKL]

Anyone else subject yourself to a constant barrage of trash talk?

 

If I had a nickel for every time I said "I hate myself" or worse, I would never have to work again.

 

I keep telling myself I need to stop doing that, but it keeps coming out every time I get stressed, which is often.  (I do usually avoid saying such things in front of my kids.)

 

I seem to remember my parents doing this sort of thing too.

 

If you have fought this problem, how do you cut it down or stop it?

 

I have tried to stop mid-sentence and change the sentence into something positive, but I know I'm faking it.

 

On a related topic, do you believe in "affirmations" for grown-ups?  Really?  They don't seem to do anything for me.  :P

[Elizabeth86]

All the time. However, I did not get it from my parents. but I think it is their fault. lol They never even had constuctive criticism for me growing. Everything I ever did was perfect in their eyes, so I became my own worst critic because I couldnt count on them to tell me to ry harder or do better. How to fix, I have NO idea.

[maize]

CBT can help with this, there are books and workbooks if you don't want to go to a therapist.

[Liz CA]

So...are you up for an experiment? Would you be willing to say immediately after you had one of those negative thoughts something like: "I know this is not true. I am..."opposite or more realistic assessment of yourself but nothing negative?

 

People are of ten surprised what a difference it makes after a few weeks.

...CBT.

 

Much of it is training as you mentioned or someone else saying thing about you that unfortunately stuck and you end up playing the same track.

[Miss Mousie]

Just about every single day, often multiple times a day, some memory of me embarrassing/humiliating myself or doing something utterly stupid or mean or ignorant will pop into my head.  And of course there are many of them (so, at least I get a little variety! ;) ).

 

Also, a common refrain in my head is "I've lived my life all wrong."

 

It stinks, and it's irritating and somewhat demoralizing, but I know well enough that the refrain isn't true and that everybody does stupid stuff, etc., so I'm not speeding off to therapy for it.  

 

I do know it has nothing to do with my parents or anything like that.  It's just one of the many ways my brain entertains itself.  It is *always* churning something - but not always something negative.

 

ETA:  I'm pretty sure I've never mentioned it to anyone IRL.  Certainly not to the kid!

 

 

Edited September 6, 2017 by Miss Mousie

[kiana]

If I were anywhere near as much of a jackass to my acquaintances as I am to myself, nobody would ever talk to me. 

[6packofun]

If I were anywhere near as much of a jackass to my acquaintances as I am to myself, nobody would ever talk to me. 

 

:lol:  :lol:

[Elizabeth86]

If I were anywhere near as much of a jackass to my acquaintances as I am to myself, nobody would ever talk to me.

I know, right?

[wintermom]

I used to do this as a child. I distinctly remember this voice in my head saying negative things to me. I'd be making my bed and it would tell me how I was doing it wrong. 

 

I'm not sure when I grew out of it, but I don't do much negative self-talk anymore. I try to do positive self-talk, goal setting, or talking things out with friends or dh. 

 

 

Edited September 6, 2017 by wintermom

[SquirrellyMama]

Oh my, yes! I'm trying to stop, but it is so hard! I usually keep it to myself.

 

Kelly

[kewb]

My inner voice is a harridan. I hate her. I do have to say, yoga has helped me calm the shrew in my head. It took a solid year of consistently doing yoga to find some real inner peace.

When I catch myself in a negative thought I breathe for a moment and refocus my thoughts.

Some days are more successful then others but overall I am more at peace with myself.

[SKL]

Just about every single day, often multiple times a day, some memory of me embarrassing/humiliating myself or doing something utterly stupid or mean or ignorant will pop into my head.  And of course there are many of them (so, at least I get a little variety! ;) ).

 

Also, a common refrain in my head is "I've lived my life all wrong."

 

It stinks, and it's irritating and somewhat demoralizing, but I know well enough that the refrain isn't true and that everybody does stupid stuff, etc., so I'm not speeding off to therapy for it.  

 

I do know it has nothing to do with my parents or anything like that.  It's just one of the many ways my brain entertains itself.  It is *always* churning something - but not always something negative.

 

ETA:  I'm pretty sure I've never mentioned it to anyone IRL.  Certainly not to the kid!

 

My brain is always churning something too.  Wonder if this is just the natural result of that ....

 

I do have positive thougths too.  Maybe not as extreme as the negative ones.  :)

 

[regentrude]

I used to do this for many years, but at some point I have come to the realization that I am actually darned good at the things I do. It was hard to accept that it's OK to be proud of myself and not beat myself up for not being more perfect, because society so conditions especially girls not to "brag".

Not sure how I got there - life experience I guess, plus outside recognition. I still have occasional flare ups of impostor syndrome, though :)

Edited September 6, 2017 by regentrude

[Rosie_0801]

Positive affirmations make me scowl. Instead of saying something negative about yourself, amend it to something negative at the situation.

 

Instead of "I hate myself" say "Oh, bugger!" Or something more culturally appropriate. :p

[Junie]

:grouphug:

 

I tend to be a negative person.  I'm working on it.

 

I try to tell myself the words that I would want someone to tell me.  Or words that I would tell a friend.

 

"You're ok."  "It's really not that important."  "You can try again tomorrow."  Sometimes saying the words out loud helps.

 

And, especially involving situations from the past involving me doing/saying something dumb, I tell myself that the other person probably doesn't even remember it.

 

[DawnM]

A few years ago I was fed up with stuff and said, "Ugh, I am such an idiot"  I was truly kidding but this person was horrified!  She said, very strongly, "YOU are a precious child of God!"

 

I told one of my best friends and we had a good laugh over it, so now, when I am really frustrated with myself I say, "I am such a precious child of God!"  and she knows what that is code for!

 

:lol:  :lol:

[momacacia]

Think Up app.

[Peaceseeker]

This is not an area I struggle with personally but I have watched my daughter struggle with it and I have to tell you I started nipping it in the bud immediately. Because I do believe words and thoughts have power. And I can tell her how amazing she is all the time, but it won't matter if there is a broken record in her head saying otherwise. I hope it is getting better. I do think it is a habit that can be replaced by a new habit (positive self talk or neutralizing/recording the negative statement immediately every time you do it).

 

I asked her if she would talk that way to anyone else (of course not). I ask her if she would hold her best friends to the same impossible standards she holds herself to (of course not). I ask her to please speak as kindly to herself as she would to her best friend. I ask her to please give herself the same grace she gives others.

 

I do think this might be related to her perfectionism. If you are unable to honestly say anything kind or nice about yourself, at least try to neutralize the statement so it is not so harsh to yourself. I don't think self abuse is really much better than any other kind of verbal abuse. Maybe even worse because you can't actually get away from yourself. I would not want to be told I am useless, good for nothing, fat, lazy, stupid, or whatever else by ANYONE all day long, not even myself!

[Peaceseeker]

I can be brutally honest about myself and my own flaws but it is always balanced with seeing my strengths and positives as well. So I can say, you have been terribly lazy today to myself and it would just be honest. But I can also say to myself (on another day) look at all the amazing things you accomplished today you superwoman!

 

So I think everyone can recognize their flaws and try to improve. I think the problem for people who struggle in this way is that they ONLY see the flaws and not the good stuff. They also often say it in a REALLY mean way to themselves.

[EMS83]

I used to function under the philosophy that if I put myself down enough, nothing anyone else could say would hurt me.  And I did expect perfection from myself, or more like universal acceptability.  My faith has changed/is changing that, gradually and in stages.  That may or may not be helpful to you, though!

 

And yes, this was modeled for me by a parent, but not directed at me.