spinoff: easy/simple ways to lose a little weight

[caedmyn]

My DH needs to lose weight.  His BMI is 39.  He hasn't had any obvious health problems turn up at his yearly physical other than being diagnosed with degenerative disk disease in his back a few weeks ago after he started having severe back pain at the beginning of the summer.  Oh, and sleep apnea...he uses a CPAP.  And has a family history of heart disease and one of his siblings is on meds for high cholesterol and the other on meds for high blood pressure.  

 

He occasionally decides he wants to lose weight but doesn't put effort into changing the way he eats for very long.  Years ago when he was in the military he successfully dieted by low carbing, but either it doesn't work for him anymore or he doesn't stick to it.  He'll tell me to not let him buy Mountain Dew, or ice cream, and then turn around and go to the convenience store down the road and buy it anyway.  I can say, "Don't buy any Mountain Dew!" and he'll come out of the store with one.  I don't know why he asks me to help him, because he clearly doesn't actually want my help.

 

He will not exercise.  He bought a recumbent bike last December, assembled it, and hasn't used it one single time.  He won't join a gym.

 

I've tried to get him to get his thyroid tested but he won't do it.  He says he just doesn't have any self-control when it comes to food, which is largely true.  Watching 5-7 hours of movies every night doesn't help either.

 

I think he needs an accountability partner but when he's tried that, the other person doesn't have any more self-control or motivation that he does so they stink at encouraging each other.  

 

Anyway, I'm looking for suggestions on simple/easy changes he could make that would be likely to result in him losing a few pounds, which would hopefully motivate him to continue trying to lose weight.  He won't eat breakfast, often waits until late afternoon to eat and then is absolutely starving and snacks on junk food mostly all evening.  He likes vegetables but doesn't eat all that many.  He rarely eats fruit.  He drinks tons of Diet Pepsi....occasionally tries to switch to water but that never lasts long.  He buys most of his own food so it's not like I can just stop buying junk food to change the way he eats.

[Guinevere]

Start small, like maybe start a new tradition of an after dinner stroll.

[maize]

Personal trainer or life coach for accountability.

 

Fasting--the kind where you just limit your eating to certain hours (say 9:00 AM to 6:00 PM)

[Lang Syne Boardie]

This is going to sound so harsh, but here goes...

 

He watches six hours of videos at night (while the rest of the family does what?).

He won't follow a diet that HE tries to follow.

He lets you cook for him and the family but also buys his own food.

He won't exercise with you, or with the kids, or play with the kids.

 

So.

 

I would say take care of yourself and the children, and then decide what you are willing to live with in a spouse. You have enough to do without caretaking responsibilities for an adult who won't work with you and who does whatever he wants anyway.

[HomeAgain]

I don't think you can make any suggestion that will change him.  He has to want it.

 

However, there's always the birds-of-a-feather mentality.  If one person in a family starts doing something, it is more likely to catch on with the others.   If I announce I'm going for a hike, dh will come join me.  If he goes for a bike ride I'll join him.  If he makes a new dish I'll try it.  And so on.  So I guess what I'm saying is the most you can do is live life like a healthy person and let him join or not.

[Bluegoat]

You could announce you want to go over all the finances and such in case he drops dead.  

 

That sounds like I am being jokey, but I'm really not -it's never a bad idea to get these things in order, and it might be a wake-up call. 

[blondeviolin]

Can you have him switch to diet Mountain Dew? What if he walked to the convenience store for the snack he wants? Maybe he just doesn't want to give those creature comforts up and dieting means no completely to him. Personally, I wouldn't buy any snack items. If he buys it at the convenience store, sure - with a limit. I'd start with reducing portions, add in a walk (go with him!), and stop snacking after a certain time.

 

Is it possible he's depressed or suffering anxiety or something?

[SparklyUnicorn]

Well, replace the regular soda with diet soda.  That right there would shave off quite a few calories.  I know, some people will jump up and down about artificial sweeteners, but lets get real here it's not a health food to begin with and regular has an insane amount of sugar (and calories).

 

I agree he has to want it.  My husband too needs to lose weight.  I don't say a word about it.  He knows I'd support him with just about anything, but it's not really anything I'm doing or not doing to help him.  He has to want to do it.

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

 

 

However, there's always the birds-of-a-feather mentality.  If one person in a family starts doing something, it is more likely to catch on with the others.   If I announce I'm going for a hike, dh will come join me.  If he goes for a bike ride I'll join him.  If he makes a new dish I'll try it.  And so on.  So I guess what I'm saying is the most you can do is live life like a healthy person and let him join or not.

 

This worked here with exercise.  My husband does join me in doing that.  But in terms of eating?  Nope.  My habits have not changed his.  I lost a bunch of weight, but that has not encouraged him in any way.

 

Despite the fact he now exercises regularly, he has lost no weight from it though.  But hey at least he is exercising.  

[Night Elf]

It doesn't sound like he really wants it. It also sounds like he knows things to do but he's not willing to do them. You can't make the changes for him if he goes around you. I mean you can cook healthy and serve smaller portions but if he buys his own junk food and eats what he wants the rest of the day, he's not going to lose weight. Is he as worried as you?

[mytwomonkeys]

Personally, the first thing I would discuss with him is getting off Diet Pepsi and try to switch to water only - that would be a quick way to lose a few pounds and he will feel so much better. Aside from that ...just making slow changes from processed food to whole foods. My husband is 6'3 and can seriously eat. Like your husband, heart disease runs rampant in his family (his dad just had a quadruple bypass several months ago). My husband is pretty open to eating whatever I fix, so I create healthy versions of his favorite foods (pizza, Mexican, Italian, Chinese, etc). For snacks we have an air popper for popcorn, I make homemade chips and salsa (I bake the corn chips), I make french fries in our air fryer, etc. We also eat fruit, have smoothies, eat banana ice cream (insanely delicious), and he enjoys cereal too. My husband has lost weight and his cholesterol is normal now. He still eats some junk at work or orders whatever he wants when he goes out to lunch... but he can feel the difference when he eats right and consumes junk. His body lets him know and he just feels yucky - so even away from home his habits are changing now.

[lauraw4321]

I think you aren't likely to be successful in convincing him to change given what you've written, but... A few ideas.

 

1) La Croix or other carbonated water instead of diet soda. Even though diet soda has no calories it does something to your gut and endocrine system that can make you gain weight.

2) Family evening walk after dinner. Mandatory, everyone goes.

3) Family game of duck duck goose (or tag, or tickle-monster or similar).

4) Make him a high protein breakfast for a few weeks as an experiment. 

 

[fairfarmhand]

Maybe if he heads to the convenience store to buy a snack you could offer "We have baby carrots, broccoli, cheese sticks, and nuts. Why not eat some of this and in an hour if you still want the snack junk, go ahead." Then try to keep him busy enough that he's distracted from his craving. In other words, offer something nutritious and then put off the junk food for "later"

[kiana]

A lot of people say diet soda makes you gain weight. I can only say that since I switched to diet soda I have successfully continued to lose weight (-60 since I switched, at normal BMI range now), the sugar cravings are gone, and my dentist is much happier with me. 

 

I think it is definitely worth a shot. I tried and failed over and over and over again to quit soda, and it invariably came back. This is the only thing that ever worked. It filled the cravings I did have for caffeine. 

[mathnerd]

He may have fallen into a rut and may not really know how to get out of it. He should want to lose weight enough for him to be motivated. Since you asked about "easy" ways, a motivated spouse can do something about small and simple life changes, though he needs to make the big changes by himself.

 

He won't eat breakfast, often waits until late afternoon to eat and then is absolutely starving and snacks on junk food mostly all evening.  He likes vegetables but doesn't eat all that many.  He rarely eats fruit.  

 

 

You can help with his diet changes. You can begin by tackling the bolded. Make him a breakfast and ask him to join the family for breakfast. Do it consistently and it might become a habit. Try to add fruit to the breakfast - berries, bananas etc. Try to add a salad (however small) to his lunch or dinner every day. If he has more fiber content in his food (veggies, fruit etc), he will not be absolutely starving all evening. Bump up dinner time and let him eat earlier in the evening before he feels like he is starving. Keep cut fruit like watermelon, pineapple out for an after dinner snack - in my house, people like these fruits, but will never do the work to cut them and eat them. 

 

See if you can join him in going for walks or doing a day at a museum once a week where you are on your feet for several hours. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

He may have fallen into a rut and may not really know how to get out of it. He should want to lose weight enough for him to be motivated. Since you asked about "easy" ways, a motivated spouse can do something about small and simple life changes, though he needs to make the big changes by himself.

 

 

 

You can help with his diet changes. You can begin by tackling the bolded. Make him a breakfast and ask him to join the family for breakfast. Do it consistently and it might become a habit. Try to add fruit to the breakfast - berries, bananas etc. Try to add a salad (however small) to his lunch or dinner every day. If he has more fiber content in his food (veggies, fruit etc), he will not be absolutely starving all evening. Bump up dinner time and let him eat earlier in the evening before he feels like he is starving. Keep cut fruit like watermelon, pineapple out for an after dinner snack - in my house, people like these fruits, but will never do the work to cut them and eat them. 

 

See if you can join him in going for walks or doing a day at a museum once a week where you are on your feet for several hours. 

 

But see this is why I think it is really on him to want to make the changes and it is very individual in terms of what works and what he wants.  I don't eat breakfast and I hate fruit.  And fruit for breakfast would be the absolute worst thing for me to eat.  I'd be starved shortly after.  So if my husband started making me breakfast and threw a bunch of fruit on my plate I'd tell him thanks but no thanks. 

 

[bookbard]

I agree with what most people are saying - he has to change himself.

 

However, if you cook lunch & dinner etc, and he's willing to eat whatever you cook, swap meat for beans (bean salad, bean soup - obviously not high sugar baked beans). I lost 2 kilos last week doing that. No bread, no pasta, no meat. Just veg and beans. 

 

There's no way my other half would eat that though. So I cook his meat and starch, and eat beans myself, and then he eats his chips and snacks afterwards. But it's his journey.

[mathnerd]

But see this is why I think it is really on him to want to make the changes and it is very individual in terms of what works and what he wants.  I don't eat breakfast and I hate fruit.  And fruit for breakfast would be the absolute worst thing for me to eat.  I'd be starved shortly after.  So if my husband started making me breakfast and threw a bunch of fruit on my plate I'd tell him thanks but no thanks. 

 

I actually agree with you. I have not eaten breakfast for 25 years. I used to feel nauseous at the sight of food early in the morning. Last year, it turned out that all of us were home only at breakfast time. I wanted to participate in one meal a day with my family. So, very reluctantly, I ate a piece of toast with the rest of the family. I did not like it at all. But, I kept at it. It took me 8 months of training my system, but, now, I can eat breakfast again this year. Not a big breakfast, but, a small breakfast with black coffee. Which is why I suggested that the OP try it for a while and "maybe" it will become a habit (and maybe it will not, she has to find out how that goes).

 

PS: I still cannot stomach fruity smells early in the morning. So, I am working on eating fruit in the mornings, but, I try some berries once in a while for breakfast!

Edited August 31, 2017 by mathnerd

[Selkie]

You could announce you want to go over all the finances and such in case he drops dead.  

 

That sounds like I am being jokey, but I'm really not -it's never a bad idea to get these things in order, and it might be a wake-up call. 

 

Yes, and if he doesn't have good life insurance, I would tell him he needs to get some (although it may be very pricey since his BMI is so high).

[SparklyUnicorn]

I actually agree with you. I have not eaten breakfast for 25 years. I used to feel nauseous at the sight of food early in the morning. Last year, it turned out that all of us were home only at breakfast time. I wanted to participate in one meal a day with my family. So, very reluctantly, I ate a piece of toast with the rest of the family. I did not like it at all. But, I kept at it. It took me 8 months of training my system, but, now, I can eat breakfast again this year. Not a big breakfast, but, a small breakfast with black coffee. Which is why I suggested that the OP try it for a while and "maybe" it will become a habit (and maybe it will not, she has to find out how that goes).

 

PS: I still cannot stomach fruity smells early in the morning. So, I am working on eating fruit in the mornings, but, I try some berries once in a while for breakfast

 

But see to me there is no reason to force food in the morning.  I am almost never hungry in the morning and if I eat I'm hungrier all day long.  No clue why.  Once in awhile I do wake up hungry so I eat. 

 

If I made breakfast in the morning my husband would gladly eat it AND everything else he would normally eat.  So it wouldn't help him lose weight. 

[Guest]

Tibbie speaks truth. You can support him in what he requests, provided he doesn't make you accountable for his success, but unless he is willing to stick to changes in eating and habits you cannot will him to do it. I'd recommend low carb again for him if it worked in the past - there are so many good products and services now that weren't around a decade or two ago. But again, it has to come from him.

[G5052]

Losing weight isn't easy, and the person has to be committed to figuring it out for themselves because we're all different with what works. I've lost 55 pounds in just over a year and probably will stay here.

 

Weight Watchers didn't work for me because it was too "open." I did Nutrisystem until I discovered that I was gluten intolerant, but I learned that I could be very satisfied with better choices and smaller portions. I also learned that when I eat gluten, it makes me hungry in addition to locking up my gut. I also have to avoid anything with a lot of vinegar or citrus.

 

I had a sleep test and use a CPAP. Sleep deprivation can make it harder to lose weight.

 

I was a gym rat before losing weight, so that wasn't a factor. I still go 4-5x a week.

 

Now I can't eat most restaurant portions unless they are willing to sell a kid's meal to an adult. It's just too much food for me. I usually take 1/2 of it home.

[Ausmumof3]

I know it's not proven but I think it's possible that sleep apnoea actually causes weight gain or contributes because it slows the person down so much. It's anecdotal but one person I know lost weight without much effort once the sleep apnoea was being successfully handled.

 

Is there anything he can do to help with it beyond the machine? I know there are sometimes surgical options.

[happypamama]

Re: low carbing. I would try making low carb versions of the things he likes to eat. Make that what's available in the house.

[Bluegoat]

Yes, and if he doesn't have good life insurance, I would tell him he needs to get some (although it may be very pricey since his BMI is so high).

 

There's nothing quite like appealing to the pocket-book.

[Bluegoat]

But see to me there is no reason to force food in the morning.  I am almost never hungry in the morning and if I eat I'm hungrier all day long.  No clue why.  Once in awhile I do wake up hungry so I eat. 

 

If I made breakfast in the morning my husband would gladly eat it AND everything else he would normally eat.  So it wouldn't help him lose weight. 

 

For some people it can make a big difference though.  My sister lost quite a bit of weight simply by starting to eat breakfast - it changed her eating habits for the rest of the day.

 

The way the OP's husband is eating, he's getting most of his calories not only after lunch, but actually after supper - which for a lot of people is snack food time.

 

Now, maybe if he eats breakfast he'll do both, but if he wants to get out of the snacking all evening thing he's probably going to have to start eating earlier in the day.  

 

One issue might be why he isn't eating breakfast.  For some people it's because it seems gross for the first while, but a substantial portion of people - and maybe especially the last-snacky watch hours of tv types - it can be because they want to sleep in as late as possible.  In that case, the best answer might be an earlier bed time, but if he won't, maybe breakfast at mid-morning.  It would still be a lot earlier than what he's doing now.

Edited August 31, 2017 by Bluegoat

[MotherGoose]

I would try to encourage him to eat breakfast and lunch and then to move more in some way. And are you waiting on him in the evenings? (Not judging!!) but my dh would have loved it if I would have been his gofer for snacks and drinks and such but I established early on that he needed to get off his hiney and get his own. (his dad's wife waits on him hand and foot). Or having him put out portions of his snacks in bowls instead of access to the entire bag of chips, for example.

[gardenmom5]

drink water instead of pop or juice. 

 

park at the far end of parking lots and walk.  take the stairs instead of an elevator.

 

snack on veggies instead of chips.

fruit instead of candy.

[Alicia64]

Any chance you live on the East Coast? I've been trying to buy a used recumbent for months now.

 

Alley

[caedmyn]

Nope.

[DawnM]

My husband is not overweight but he will get on health kicks and say, "Don't buy chips or ice cream!  No sugar or fried foods!"

 

So, I will comply, only to have him wander around the kitchen opening and closing cabinets (as if things will magically appear that weren't there a few min. ago!) and mumble that we have "nothing to eat."

 

Sigh......

[wintermom]

I believe that in order for there to be any success, your dh has to be on-board with whatever weight-reduction plan is decided. It sounds like he has a lack of confidence in what he can do, and is probably scared about his future (will he be alive and healthy to support and enjoy his young family).  You are probably just as scared as he is in the future. Getting some outside help might be a great idea. A neutral body can be the one to say, "limit the sugar" or what have you, leaving you to support and congratulate him. 

 

 

Edited September 1, 2017 by wintermom

[regentrude]

From what you write, he does not seem to want to. If he wanted to, there would be a lot "low hanging fruit" he could start with.

He could get off his butt. Nobody needs to watch TV for 5-7 hours every night. He could choose not to buy junk.

But he is not willing to do these things and uses his lack of self control as an excuse.

Unless he is motivated to take steps and takes responsibilty, there is absolutely nothing you can do to make him. 

 

[gardenmom5]

My husband is not overweight but he will get on health kicks and say, "Don't buy chips or ice cream!  No sugar or fried foods!"

 

So, I will comply, only to have him wander around the kitchen opening and closing cabinets (as if things will magically appear that weren't there a few min. ago!) and mumble that we have "nothing to eat."

 

Sigh......

 

dh will say he doesn't want chocolate chips in the house.  I told him I would buy them for the kids.  then I'd hide them from him - and he'd get mad.  he will go eat a handful a few times a day  when he's feeling stressed.  

[Bluegoat]

This is like my dh - he complains that my serving size is too large.

 

So I make it smaller, and then he is raiding the fridge and eating things I had planned for another meal, or leftovers for lunch.

[gardenmom5]

since he is a talker as opposed to a doer - does he care about money? presenting it in a way of "how much he spends on junk food"?   

 

my dsil is a spender (and  paranoid about money.  go figure.) he also loves his junk food - but is big into bike riding.    but he also looks at how much he has to work to pay for what he is buying.

 

if he will be willing to consider how much money it is costing him to buy mt. dew (adds up fast), and chips, etc. - let him put that money in a savings account - BUT, he can put the money there, or buy the chips.  not both.   when he has reached his goal/etc., he can buy something he wants that he feels is out of reach for him.

I got that idea from reading of a woman who used it to stop smoking.  every cigarette she didn't buy - she put the money in the bank.  when she finally had kicked her cravings - she was allowed to go spend it.  she bought herself diamond earrings.

[gardenmom5]

one thing I wonder about watching that much tv - is he depressed?  even mild depression?  (can kill motivation).

I ask because my mother lived in front of the tv - even when we were kids, and it only got worse as she got older. she was trying to escape her reality. 

[marbel]

one thing I wonder about watching that much tv - is he depressed?  even mild depression?  (can kill motivation).

 

<snip>

 

This is what I was wondering.  My completely uneducated guess - he knows he needs to do something, but it seems too overwhelming and hard; maybe other things in life seem too overwhelming and hard too; watching tv and eating junk is soothing. 

 

I don't think this is always as simple as "if he wanted it, he would do it."  

 

When was his last complete medical workup - blood tests, etc?   Not just thyroid.  This is what he needs, but, I know how hard it can be to get a guy to go to the doctor for something like that.  

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

[73349]

Would he use a simple app like Habits to track how often he does something (e.g., drinks water instead of soda)? You can set a reminder for each habit if you choose. Don't do more than three at a time.

 

Would it help if whatever form of payment he uses at the convenience store was harder to get to (needs retrieving from an ATM, under the bed, a safe, bottom of the linen closet, whatever)? Is there anything else he could do that would make it more of a hassle? Sometimes adding a couple of tiresome steps is enough to discourage an unwanted behavior.

 

Would he pay/reward himself for weight loss, or use one of those web sites where you can punish yourself for not doing something by donating to an organization you dislike?

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

This is like my dh - he complains that my serving size is too large.

 

So I make it smaller, and then he is raiding the fridge and eating things I had planned for another meal, or leftovers for lunch.

 

Ah yup.  A few times my husband has said, "Don't buy me cheese."  Ok.  So I don't buy him cheese, but then he is raiding the pantry for stuff that is actually far junkier.  LOL 

 

I don't say a word.  It's his body.  He knows how this stuff works. 

[Greta]

You asked for easy, simple suggestions and what I'm about to give you is not that.  But it sounds like he isn't interested in easy, simple changes or he'd be doing them already.  So perhaps something a bit more radical is in order?  It depends on the person, but I'm usually more motivated to make a big change (even a difficult one) that I'm enthusiastic about than a little one that I don't feel will yield much benefit.  So, I don't know if this would work for him of course, but I just read the book How Not to Die by Michael Gregor, MD and I found it very powerfully motivating to make a radical change in my diet.  (It's also available on Audible if he would prefer listening over reading.)  Chapter titles are:  How Not to Die of Heart Disease, How Not to Die of Diabetes, How Not to Die of High Blood Pressure, and so on.  If he's not much of a reader, the author has an extensive website with tons of informative videos.  You might have him start with this compilation video.

 

Just a thought.  Good luck with whatever you choose!

[SparklyUnicorn]

I wonder if he'd respond to an incentive.  Like encouraging him to buy something fun he wants if he reaches a goal. 

 

I mean hey whatever works.  I'd be motivated by that. 

[caedmyn]

I don't think he really wants to, but I'm hoping his next talk with the dr. about the degenerative disk disease will motivate him. The next time he says he wants to, I want to have some suggestions for him.

 

I've never thought he was depressed but a couple of people have suggested it to me recently so maybe. Never in a million years would he do anything about it if he is though, because he doesn't believe in depression, or believes it's all mental.

[J-rap]

Other people have mentioned depression and lifestyle changes already.

 

But as far as easy/simple ways to lose weight, what has helped me:

 

Substitute water for all beverages (except coffee of course, and an occasional glass of wine!)

 

Eat a good breakfast so you feel full.

 

For lunch, serve yourself only half of what you usually eat.  Eat it more slowly.  Most of the time, by the time I'm done with that half, I realize that I'm actually satisfied and don't need the second half.  Often, I'll begin lunch with a veggie smoothie (sweetened by just a little fruit or coconut milk).  Other than just a little coconut milk or something like that, use only water as liquid.

 

Eat dinner so that you're full, but try and substitute that extra carb side (common in the US) for an extra vegetable side instead.

 

Cut desserts;  or at least cut your desserts in half.

 

Walk a little more.  I'm the type of person who has to make changes slowly.  So, walking a little more might mean walking upstairs the minute I think of something I need upstairs, rather than putting it off until I have to go upstairs.

 

Incremental changes can have very good results, and those results then motivate you to make more incremental changes. 

 

 

 

[wintermom]

I don't think he really wants to, but I'm hoping his next talk with the dr. about the degenerative disk disease will motivate him. The next time he says he wants to, I want to have some suggestions for him.

 

I've never thought he was depressed but a couple of people have suggested it to me recently so maybe. Never in a million years would he do anything about it if he is though, because he doesn't believe in depression, or believes it's all mental.

 

He is fighting a mental battle here, and he's losing, to be honest. He won't see the dr, he won't exercise, and he won't adhere to a diet he chose. He has given up on himself, and it's very sad for him, you and your family.  I would ask him what he thinks is keeping him stuck in this situation.