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DH is in the hospital?!!


Moxie
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The day before my dh passed away last September, he woke up with what we thought was a pulled muscle in his leg.  Hurt enough that he had a slight limp.  He frequently got muscle pain and cramps in both legs when he had to go up and down a ladder alot at work, which he did alot the week before.  The next morning the pain and the limp was gone.  He left to work out of town.  He died that afternoon from a 6 inch blood clot that went to the lungs.  I struggle with a lot of guilt about not making him go in, but he always had lots of aches and pains.  The medical examiner told me his body did not show the typical signs that you would normally see for a blood clot and he tested positive for a blood clotting disorder, Factor V Leiden.  

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Agreeing that in the moment, the doctors have to assume something could be massively wrong before they can rule out massively wrong. My BIl left work one day because he felt sick to his stomach. He was driving nearby the hospital and his arm was tingly, so he went in. He was having a heart attack! But he didn't know it; he followed some instinct about going in.

 

I think when you have that thought of, "maybe I need to go to the ER," heed it.

 

My sister thought she had the flu. Actually, though, she had a kidney infection that was going septic. My dad had the thought in the middle of the night, "I think she needs to go to the ER." But it was too late. She died.

 

I think, if someone has that thought of, "maybe this needs checking out," you go to the ER. I know paying for it is no small worry, and I wish that wasn't true in this otherwise prosperous country, but you just can't mess around if you think the hospital is where you need to be.

 

Offering  :grouphug: .  I'm so sorry.

 

The day before my dh passed away last September, he woke up with what we thought was a pulled muscle in his leg.  Hurt enough that he had a slight limp.  He frequently got muscle pain and cramps in both legs when he had to go up and down a ladder alot at work, which he did alot the week before.  The next morning the pain and the limp was gone.  He left to work out of town.  He died that afternoon from a 6 inch blood clot that went to the lungs.  I struggle with a lot of guilt about not making him go in, but he always had lots of aches and pains.  The medical examiner told me his body did not show the typical signs that you would normally see for a blood clot and he tested positive for a blood clotting disorder, Factor V Leiden.  

 

Offering oodles of  :grouphug: here too.  So many times I wish life had a "do-over" option for some of our decisions.

 

FWIW with both of these... I'd have done the same.  I'm a "wait it out" person by nature.  I just can't ever recommend it to anyone else because I know guessing incorrectly can be so tragic.  I certainly don't want my hubby to be that way if he feels something worthy of being checked out.  I'm quite ok if I pass away (my kids are grown, I have health issues I'd no longer have to deal with daily, etc).  I'm NOT ok with him passing away.  I'd miss him way too much - far more than money.

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Moxie, I know you love your husband. I totally get how you feel about the money. Money worries sometimes consume my thoughts to the point I can't enjoy life! I feel like I am always the one saying, 'no, stop, don't buy that, we can't afford that'.

 

It is exhausting to be me. LOL

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I'm so sorry for those of you who have lost someone dear to you.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

The thing with ER visits and expensive treatments is that if they do discover something life-threatening, then you are so relieved that you went.

 

If they don't discover anything, then you might think it was a waste of time and money.  But how would you possibly know?

 

The best outcome of an ER visit of course is nothing serious found and no big bill.  Second best though is nothing serious found.

 

I do understand about the abhorrent cost of medical treatment nowadays, but I think that needs to be separated out from whether going to the emergency room was the right thing to do.  

Edited by J-rap
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Well, Creekland, if you have a notion that you might need to go to the ER, please go. You are, I'm sure, as precious to your people as your DH is precious to you. Plus our meet-ups would be so dampened without you.

 

But see, I can agree with you rationally - no problem there - but when something is actually wrong it just takes me a long time to do anything about it - even when the "it" is chest pains or other things that (quite honestly) had me worried and more or less setting things up at home in case I didn't make it.  I don't even let family know what is going on (or went on) until after it's all over and better.  I've no clue why.  It might be genetic.  Supposedly my grandfather was the same way.  It took me more than 18 months to go to the eye doc when I was having double vision to the left.  At that point I begrudgingly admitted it probably wasn't going to get better on its own...  There was one nice perk.  The docs knew the tumor wasn't likely to be malignant... 

 

Every now and then (esp on bad days) I toy with going to the doctor again (new one) to see if they can finally figure out what is progressively wrong, but when it comes down to it, I seriously doubt I will do it.  Of course, a good part of that now is they never checked to see if there was anything cancerous (like with my mom) and if it is, it's spread enough (if areas that are symptomatic are figured in) that I'd rather not know.  But then again... overall it's been going on for a while so the chances of anything malignant might not be that high.  ;)

 

The really good thing is I can pretty easily hide it all - all except the shortness of breath progression anyway - but that one only gets "seen" by those who go on walks or do chores with me - not many folks.  I stay out of gyms and sports.  You won't see a thing at the get together, even if it happens to be a bad day.   :coolgleamA:

 

It's a mindset - and one I don't really think can be changed.

 

I just wish for everyone it was a mindset and not a cost issue.

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But see, I can agree with you rationally - no problem there - but when something is actually wrong it just takes me a long time to do anything about it - even when the "it" is chest pains or other things that (quite honestly) had me worried and more or less setting things up at home in case I didn't make it.  I don't even let family know what is going on (or went on) until after it's all over and better.  I've no clue why.  It might be genetic.  Supposedly my grandfather was the same way.  It took me more than 18 months to go to the eye doc when I was having double vision to the left.  At that point I begrudgingly admitted it probably wasn't going to get better on its own...  There was one nice perk.  The docs knew the tumor wasn't likely to be malignant... 

 

Every now and then (esp on bad days) I toy with going to the doctor again (new one) to see if they can finally figure out what is progressively wrong, but when it comes down to it, I seriously doubt I will do it.  Of course, a good part of that now is they never checked to see if there was anything cancerous (like with my mom) and if it is, it's spread enough (if areas that are symptomatic are figured in) that I'd rather not know.  But then again... overall it's been going on for a while so the chances of anything malignant might not be that high.   ;)

 

The really good thing is I can pretty easily hide it all - all except the shortness of breath progression anyway - but that one only gets "seen" by those who go on walks or do chores with me - not many folks.  I stay out of gyms and sports.  You won't see a thing at the get together, even if it happens to be a bad day.   :coolgleamA:

 

It's a mindset - and one I don't really think can be changed.

 

I just wish for everyone it was a mindset and not a cost issue.

My dh was alot like you  He started getting bad migraine headaches when he was 5  We were married for 15 years before they came out with Imitrex, which was a godsend.  Before that I could count on him spending the day in bed in great pain at least once a week.  He was the kind of guy that worked and played hard, KWIM!  Pains and aches were just a part of his life.  Five years before he passed away he fell off the roof and crushed his heel.  Had two operations, was in alot of pain from that all the time.  Had a very, very high pain tolerance  He never let the pain stop him from doing anything.  People that knew him tell me he never would have gone in for a muscle pain, if he did he would have been in the ER or doctor's office almost every day of the week.  But if we had known he had Factor V and knew the warning signs like we do now, he would have went in. Unfortunately I massaged the pain a few times that day, which is the worst thing you can do for a blood clot. He went in right away when he wasn't feeling good and his blood pressure was high.  He went in right away when we thought he might have appendicitis, and it turned out to be a kidney infection and he was septic.  

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My dh was alot like you.  

 

From this post and from what you've written before, I expect I'd have really liked your dh.  I can certainly understand why you did.  It's too bad there's no device of any sort that one can use at home to determine just how "bad" something really is.

 

The main conclusion I've come up with is it's all a mindset that we each naturally respond to one way or the other.  When it comes to health, those with the mindset of getting things checked out are definitely safer than those with the "tough it out" response.  I can rationally understand that, but overriding natural responses is incredibly tough - esp "on the spot."

 

One of the reasons I've made sure my boys had the meningitis vaccine is because I know at least two of the three would be like me and go home to sleep it off if they felt like they had "the flu."  That one would be deadly.  My cousin was fortunate that he wasn't so "tough it out" natured.

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The day before my dh passed away last September, he woke up with what we thought was a pulled muscle in his leg. Hurt enough that he had a slight limp. He frequently got muscle pain and cramps in both legs when he had to go up and down a ladder alot at work, which he did alot the week before. The next morning the pain and the limp was gone. He left to work out of town. He died that afternoon from a 6 inch blood clot that went to the lungs. I struggle with a lot of guilt about not making him go in, but he always had lots of aches and pains. The medical examiner told me his body did not show the typical signs that you would normally see for a blood clot and he tested positive for a blood clotting disorder, Factor V Leiden.

Hugs

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Just checking in and hoping for a positive update from Moxie about her dh. I hope he's feeling well and that his numbness has gone away. I also hope he has an appointment to see a specialist very soon to help ensure that nothing like this ever happens to him again.

 

Sending hugs and prayers, Moxie! :grouphug:

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I've been following this thread from the start, Moxie, and just feel so much sympathy for you. I had a similar experience and yet so different here in Australia. I went to the GP feeling unwell and she sent me to emergency for heart issues. I got seen in 10 minutes by a nurse; within an hour by a doctor; was given an electrocardiogram, put on a heart monitor and had blood taken; was seen twice more by the doctor. I was allowed to go home but told to return the next day to have a 24 hr monitor (holter). It didn't cost me a cent at the time (yes, we have income tax and tax on goods and services and a medicare tax that pay for it). 

 

It is stressful enough being told to go to emergency, and even after interventions not being sure what's wrong (I am seeing a cardiologist next week so will hopefully find out more). But if I'd been told I had to pay ten grand on top of that? I don't know how I could cope. I can totally understand feeling utterly frustrated and angry. 

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