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jrn
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I am so sorry.

 

I don't know whether you have read any of our prior threads from people who have gone through this, but there is great collective knowledge here.  I don't know whether any of those older threads are still around--they tend to get deleted for privacy and legal strategy reasons--but if you have seen any of them you know what I mean when I speak of great knowledge.

 

Right now you're probably just reeling, and it's hard to plan or even think.  I encourage you not to make any sudden moves, to consult several lawyers immediately (get referrals from your friends), and don't go on a vacation or do anything else that could be interpreted as you abandoning the premises.  I have to assume that those papers were in the works for some time--they don't just materialize in a flash.  So that means that it's important to stop confiding in your husband at this point about your feelings, your strategies, or much of anything else.  Be the duck.  You are calm on the surface, and underneath you are paddling like mad and making great progress, but he can't see that or see how--that is the most productive and safe stance right now. 

 

There is much more ahead, please feel free to come and ask questions, but for starters, those are the crucial first things. 

 

Hugs to you.  I am SO sorry.

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I am so sorry.

 

I don't know whether you have read any of our prior threads from people who have gone through this, but there is great collective knowledge here. I don't know whether any of those older threads are still around--they tend to get deleted for privacy and legal strategy reasons--but if you have seen any of them you know what I mean when I speak of great knowledge.

 

Right now you're probably just reeling, and it's hard to plan or even think. I encourage you not to make any sudden moves, to consult several lawyers immediately (get referrals from your friends), and don't go on a vacation or do anything else that could be interpreted as you abandoning the premises. I have to assume that those papers were in the works for some time--they don't just materialize in a flash. So that means that it's important to stop confiding in your husband at this point about your feelings, your strategies, or much of anything else. Be the duck. You are calm on the surface, and underneath you are paddling like mad and making great progress, but he can't see that or see how--that is the most productive and safe stance right now.

 

There is much more ahead, please feel free to come and ask questions, but for starters, those are the crucial first things.

 

Hugs to you. I am SO sorry.

:iagree:

 

A big YES to everything Carol said. If you weren't expecting the divorce papers and your dh was acting as though he was willing to go to counseling while he was actually consulting with an attorney and having divorce papers drawn up, you now know you can't trust anything your dh tells you.

 

Your dh has a head start on you, but if you remain as calm as possible (not easy, I know!) and get a very tough attorney of your own, you will be just fine.

 

One thing to do immediately -- make sure you make copies of every financial record you can find and take steps to ensure that your dh can't drain your accounts.

 

Sorry to sound paranoid, but it sounds like your dh has been very deceitful, so you need to be as careful and as proactive as possible to protect your own interests.

 

I hate it that you have to go through this. :(

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I'm so sorry.   :grouphug:

 

Do you have any support around you with friends/family or similar?  They can be worth their weight in gold as you go through this.   :grouphug:

 

If not, it could be very worth it to look for a divorce support group in your area.  (It could be worth it anyway for the advice you could glean.)

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