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Scarlett
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I have one kid who asks that I buy him food to help him gain/ keep weight...and one who needs to lose. It is so uncomfortable to me.

 

Sorry hit post too soon.

 

Dss went to his moms for 5 weeks this summer and totally fell of his diet wagon. He gained all he lost plus 2 pounds.

 

I don't have any idea what to do to help him.

Edited by Scarlett
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I'm sorry your dss gained the weight back, but keep reminding him that if he lost it once, he can lose it again. It's a shame his mom wasn't helpful and that she didn't encourage him to maintain his healthy habits, but he's home with you again now, so hopefully he will get back in the habit of eating well and getting more exercise.

 

I feel sorry for the poor kid. :(

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:grouphug: 

 

Could he get into a sport of some kind?  Besides poor eating practices I would be concerned he isn't getting enough exercise.  Also, every friend/family member that was in a sport like soccer or swimming was able to reasonably maintain a healthy (for their body build) weight over time.

 

Has he seen a nutritionist and a pediatrician to make sure there are no additional issues he is dealing with?  

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Has the DS who needs to lose weight seen a doctor to rule out underlying causes of his weight gain?

What is he eating when he is woith you? Any reason to think he can not lose again by changing the eating pattern to the one in your home?

 

Add exercise - for both.

The DS who wants to gain should add weight lifting and similar muscle building exercises to help him bulk up. He may need to eat more, but, as pp noted, it shouldn't be junk either. 

 

Edited by regentrude
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I agree with PP- if you "need" to gain weight, have an extra serving of protein, or snack on healthy foods.

 

I'm sorry your DSS gained the weight back, and as a teen with little control over the food served him (probably), it may be helpful to let him overtake decisions. Help him understand portion sizes, drinking lots of water, making healthiest choices possible with food served. It may be a great idea for him to take control so that "in the real world", he can have better tools on how to avoid temptations, proper servings, etc.

 

It's hard to lose and maintain weight in the US, with lots of temptations, massive portion sizes, low intake of F/V, etc.

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Yes the one who needs to lose has been to a doctor. Nothing going on except he needs to lose weight.

 

We have suggested over and over again he needs exercise. Our life is not currently set up for him to join a sport, but he could walk or ride his bike.

 

I am not worried about the health of the thin one. Honestly he isn't that thin. He weighs 190 pounds at 6'3. Well last week he did. He easily starts to lose if he doesn't focus on keeping it up.....he told me yesterday he weighs 184....and yes I buy him whole dairy, cheese, peanut butter ....he doesn't eat hardly any junk.

 

The over weight one doesn't either bcause I don't keep it in the house and he doesn't drive yet so he isn't stopping and getting junk on his own. The culinary arts program he is in is not going to be helpful to him. They let them eat if there is extra and it is things like burritos and tatertots...surely they have salad....I need to ask. Otherwise he needs to skip it and come home and have something healthy and better for weight loss.

 

Cat, he stopped counting his points and I talked to him and asked him if he was going to start back and he said he wants to....that was 2 weeks ago....I do need to remind him if he lost 15 pounds once he can do it again..

 

I find it difficult to know where the balance is in encouragement and badgering. I don't want to make him feel bad but I can't see just remaining silent as he continues to gain. Dh agrees with me and he talks to him too...

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I agree with PP- if you "need" to gain weight, have an extra serving of protein, or snack on healthy foods.

 

I'm sorry your DSS gained the weight back, and as a teen with little control over the food served him (probably), it may be helpful to let him overtake decisions. Help him understand portion sizes, drinking lots of water, making healthiest choices possible with food served. It may be a great idea for him to take control so that "in the real world", he can have better tools on how to avoid temptations, proper servings, etc.

 

It's hard to lose and maintain weight in the US, with lots of temptations, massive portion sizes, low intake of F/V, etc.

Yes I agree the US is set up to fail in regards to keeping a good weight. I have educated dss a lot. I talk to him about portion sizes and all of that. And he helps decide what to make for dinner at our house....he often helps cook. I know it is harder at his moms house....for instance he says their after isn't good to drink and they do t keep bottled water.....but they have lots of canned soda which is so easy to grab before you realize it. We don't keep soda in the house. and our water is ok to drink and I keep bottled water.

 

I think his portions are too big and he needs to get some exercise.

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The kid who needs to gain should eat nuts, cheese, full fat dairy if his stomach will tolerate it, avocado, etc. Unless he is dangerously thin, a slender teen boy really isn't unhealthy.

I don't think the thin one is unhealthy....I just feel bad because he can eat twice what the other one can and just maintain. He is very active though. All summer he worked full time and got about 16k steps a day. I think that is part of it and then genetics is the other part.

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That is so typical. Some of us will always struggle with weight. This is part of the process that will help him learn how to be an adult who struggles with weight.

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I find it difficult to know where the balance is in encouragement and badgering. I don't want to make him feel bad but I can't see just remaining silent as he continues to gain. Dh agrees with me and he talks to him too...

 

At this age, there is little you can do. He is almost an adult. You can educate him, encourage him, and make it easy for him to be healthy by keeping healthy food in the house and not making junk easily accessible - which is what you are doing. But ultimately, he needs to take the responsibility and DO it. You cannot make him exercise - but you can buy him a pair of running shoes or provide a bike.

Good luck. IME, badgering a teenage son tends not to accomplish the desired effect,  because they crave agency.

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I'm sorry your dss gained the weight back, but keep reminding him that if he lost it once, he can lose it again. It's a shame his mom wasn't helpful and that she didn't encourage him to maintain his healthy habits, but he's home with you again now, so hopefully he will get back in the habit of eating well and getting more exercise.

 

I feel sorry for the poor kid. :(

Yes it is rather infuriating that she didn't help him. But he is 16 and has got to take some responsibility for his own health. 300 pounds is just waaaay too much. He is 6'2, but that is still way over weight. His brother who is also 6'2 lost down to 190 and looks great....dss thinks his older brother looks too thin and sickly.....but he doesn't.

 

My son gets a lot of comments from his friends about being too thin....but he isn't. It is just a relfection of society that is all so overweight they think is normal.

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At this age, there is little you can do. He is almost an adult. You can educate him, encourage him, and make it easy for him to be healthy by keeping healthy food in the house and not making junk easily accessible - which is what you are doing. But ultimately, he needs to take the responsibility and DO it. You cannot make him exercise - but you can buy him a pair of running shoes or provide a bike.

Good luck. IME, badgering a teenage son tends not to accomplish the desired effect, because they crave agency.

True. I am going to try to stop worrying about making him feel bad that ds can eat so much.

 

I have never been around a teen boy that needed to lose weight. In my world it was always, ' are you hungry? Let me fix you a snack.' I obviously can't do that with dss but I do it for ds and I need to stop feeling bad about it.

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True. I am going to try to stop worrying about making him feel bad that ds can eat so much.

 

I have never been around a teen boy that needed to lose weight. In my world it was always, ' are you hungry? Let me fix you a snack.' I obviously can't do that with dss but I do it for ds and I need to stop feeling bad about it.

 

Yes. You consider each child's individual needs - you do that in any aspect of their lives, be it education, or material things, or food.

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It can be exceedingly hard to get into a healthy routine of eating well and exercising, especially when doing so alone.  Since the other teen in the house has the opposite issue that makes it doubly difficult because they can't really be that support mechanism sharing the same goals.

 

Meaning most 16 year olds do better working through this type of thing with a peer they want to hang out with or a mentor they genuinely look up to, and heck, even as fully functional adults there are many times many of us who struggle to get started into that type of lifestyle change without the extra support of a peer.  

 

I need exercise but have had a hard time staying consistent.  A friend of mine needs exercise too.  We both have health issues that make things problematic and are facing a future with very diminished capacity over time.  Exercise can help stave that off.  It is so hard to get into a solid routine, though,especially with pain involved.  She and I are going to start exercising together and just knowing I have a friend dealing with similar issues is very uplifting to me.  Even DD is picking up on the positive vibe and wants to join us.  It is no longer seeming like a chore and something else I might fail at with my health but something that might not only help me but be fun.

 

I don't suppose there are any youth groups in your area doing something that would get him involved and active?  Or maybe a gym with affordable rates?  When my youngest BIL needed to get into a healthier routine he and his twin brother (who was willing to support his bro by joining in) joined a gym and hired a personal trainer for just a few months until they were sure 1.  They were doing the exercises correctly and 2. Had realistic and healthy goals.  This way they weren't being nagged, they were in training with a neutral 3rd party.  It made a tremendous difference.  

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Your stepson didn't gain the weight overnight and it's not surprising he lost/gained at his first attempt at getting healthier. He is learning a new way of life after years of unhealthy eating.

 

He's already making progress if he is willing to try again.

 

My 17 year old gained 20 pounds due to medication. He is down 28 pounds and will probably lose another 10.

 

He eats potato chips, tacos, chips/guacamole, doughnuts, even Tator tots like a typical teen. But he has learned to read labels and see what a serving size is. We weighed his potato chips, we count out a serving size of tater tots. We even weigh dry pasta to see what a serving size is. If he is having doughnuts one day, he will eat fairly clean for the rest of the week and increase his excerise.

 

He is not on any organized sports teams. He wears a Fitbit so he can see how much/how little he is moving. This summer he swam (not laps) several times a week.

 

Don't give up hope!

Edited by gingersmom
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Meaning most 16 year olds do better working through this type of thing with a peer they want to hang out with or a mentor they genuinely look up to, and heck, even as fully functional adults there are many times many of us who struggle to get started into that type of lifestyle change without the extra support of a peer.  

 

I don't suppose there are any youth groups in your area doing something that would get him involved and active?  Or maybe a gym with affordable rates?  When my youngest BIL needed to get into a healthier routine he and his twin brother (who was willing to support his bro by joining in) joined a gym and hired a personal trainer for just a few months until they were sure 1.  They were doing the exercises correctly and 2. Had realistic and healthy goals.  This way they weren't being nagged, they were in training with a neutral 3rd party.  It made a tremendous difference.  

 

Where is the boy's father in all this? Exercising is easiest if it is a family lifestyle and everybody is active together. Is the father spending time with his son doing physical activities? If not, i would strongly suggest he get in thehabit of doing so.

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Where is the boy's father in all this? Exercising is easiest if it is a family lifestyle and everybody is active together. Is the father spending time with his son doing physical activities? If not, i would strongly suggest he get in thehabit of doing so.

Agreed.  Maybe if his dad was walking/jogging/riding a bike daily and invited him to join they could have some son/father time together?

 

ETA:  But does your husband have some sort of health issue?  I may be misremembering...

Edited by OneStepAtATime
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I find it difficult to know where the balance is in encouragement and badgering. I don't want to make him feel bad but I can't see just remaining silent as he continues to gain. Dh agrees with me and he talks to him too...

IME, encouragement at this age is limited to purchasing healthy food, being a good example of eating nutritiously and exercising, discussing healthy nutrition and healthy body image (occasionally)  in general conversation, and giving specific advice or input ONLY when directly asked.  To a teen boy, badgering occurs when you provide input regarding the topic when you are not asked.

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Where is the boy's father in all this? Exercising is easiest if it is a family lifestyle and everybody is active together. Is the father spending time with his son doing physical activities? If not, i would strongly suggest he get in thehabit of doing so.

I wouldn't judge Scarlett's dh too harshly. I know from her posts that he recently had knee surgery and was in a lot of pain prior to that. I'm sure he hasn't been in a position to get extra exercise in addition to his daily work and home responsibilities.

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IME, encouragement at this age is limited to purchasing healthy food, being a good example of eating nutritiously and exercising, discussing healthy nutrition and healthy body image (occasionally) in general conversation, and giving specific advice or input ONLY when directly asked. To a teen boy, badgering occurs when you provide input regarding the topic when you are not asked.

I remember from previous threads about this topic that Scarlett's dss welcomes her help and encouragement with his weight loss issues.

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I wouldn't judge Scarlett's dh too harshly. I know from her posts that he recently had knee surgery and was in a lot of pain prior to that. I'm sure he hasn't been in a position to get extra exercise in addition to his daily work and home responsibilities.

 

My post was not meant as a judgment, just a question and suggestion.

Edited by regentrude
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Where is the boy's father in all this? Exercising is easiest if it is a family lifestyle and everybody is active together. Is the father spending time with his son doing physical activities? If not, i would strongly suggest he get in thehabit of doing so.

My husband had a total knee replacement 5 weeks ago. And he has a double fusion on his spine and needs a third.

 

He hopes to get to where he can exercise more soon.

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How do you know how much he gained? Did you weigh him when he got home? Did he weigh himself and tell you? That sounds rude but I'm asking to get a feel for how how he felt about it when he came back. Was it bothering him?

He has been home 3 weeks. His dad asked last night how it was going and he told his dad he was at 299 now.

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I'd make this a priority. Exercise is so important to overall health, and the more muscle he builds the more calories he'll burn.

He can exercise. He has a new bike, a pool, a place to walk or ride the bike, and a weight bench in the shop. It is a lot more reasonable that he put forth some effort to one or more of those options than us trying to get him into the gym 10 miles away.

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He can exercise. He has a new bike, a pool, a place to walk or ride the bike, and a weight bench in the shop. It is a lot more reasonable that he put forth some effort to one or more of those options than us trying to get him into the gym 10 miles away.

 

Do the boys get along? Could they exercise together? (I assume exercising with you wouldn't be "cool" for a teen guy?)

Can he bike to the gym?

Edited by regentrude
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Do the boys get along? Could they exercise together? (I assume exercising with you wouldn't be "cool" for a teen guy?)

Can he bike to the gym?

No he can't bike to the gym. It is ten miles on dangerous non bike friendly roads.

 

They get along ok, and go walking with friends sometimes.... But says it is maddeningly slow to walk with dss.

 

I am going to look for a couch to 5 k app to show to dss.

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Counting points doesn't seem like something a dude will really do long term. I wouldn't keep him from the culinary arts goodies either. Learning to prepare your own food is a huge lifestyle enhancer. It's hard to make stuff that's as bad and salt-laden as prepackaged stuff. Would he respond more to something like a fitbit? Would he do a Couch to 5k thing? Would he be willing to pre-prep several days worth of salads for himself? If he eats a hearty salad and has a large glass of water 30-60 minutes before dinner, he might be satisfied with smaller portions when you all sit down at the table. Could both boys benefit from a weight set to bulk up the skinny one and tone up the stocky one? Can he switch from soda to tea at his mom's house? Even lightly sweetened he would avoid the corn syrup and it would be much less sweet. Does he enjoy anything active? Can he start a rent-a-muscle business where he can mow, or move heavy things for neighbors? I'm about to pay my neighbors's teens to move some things around for me because they won't feel it in the morning like I would and the average teen boy is so much stronger than me. Can he get a job where he moves? DD's boyfriend worked at a laser tag place in high school. He was up and walking during his entire shift. Stock boys do the same. Will anyone in the family walk with him? I know I never exercise without witnesses, but I do several dance classes a week and move the entire time in there. It doesn't feel so much like exercise if it's not boring.

 

ETA: I cannot stress enough how some people are just not wired to exercise alone. I will not do anything consistently without a class in my schedule and other people involved for some social feedback and accountability. This can be done for free if he can find someone in the neighborhood with similar goals. Even a local volksmarching or geocaching club might be all the motivation he needs.

Edited by KungFuPanda
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Counting points doesn't seem like something a dude will really do long term. I wouldn't keep him from the culinary arts goodies either. Learning to prepare your own food is a huge lifestyle enhancer. It's hard to make stuff that's as bad and salt-laden as prepackaged stuff. Would he respond more to something like a fitbit? Would he do a Couch to 5k thing? Would he be willing to pre-prep several days worth of salads for himself? If he eats a hearty salad and has a large glass of water 30-60 minutes before dinner, he might be satisfied with smaller portions when you all sit down at the table. Could both boys benefit from a weight set to bulk up the skinny one and tone up the stocky one? Can he switch from soda to tea at his mom's house? Even lightly sweetened he would avoid the corn syrup and it would be much less sweet. Does he enjoy anything active? Can he start a rent-a-muscle business where he can mow, or move heavy things for neighbors? I'm about to pay my neighbors's teens to move some things around for me because they won't feel it in the morning like I would and the average teen boy is so much stronger than me. Can he get a job where he moves? DD's boyfriend worked at a laser tag place in high school. He was up and walking during his entire shift. Stock boys do the same. Will anyone in the family walk with him? I know I never exercise without witnesses, but I do several dance classes a week and move the entire time in there. It doesn't feel so much like exercise if it's not boring.

I think I have suggested every single thing you mentioned in your post..

 

He can't get a job until he gets his license....which hopefully will happen soon. He will probably get a job in the food industry and that is usually a fairly active job.

 

Really I guess it boils down to he has to want to do it.

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Perhaps instead of weight watchers try a therapy based program supervised by a specialist. They will have a nutritionist, therapist, trainer, doctor, etc who will be able to help him see why he eats certain ways and how to cope with stress, emotions, etc instead of with food. This will only work if he wants it and based on history, I am not sure he is really there and not just saying it to appease dad and step mom.

 

Is there anywhere your DH and your stepson could go swimming together? Not very hard on your dh's body and would be excellent for both.

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Well, a quick glance at a BMI chart says about 145-185 is the "healthy" range for 6'2", so I wouldn't worry at all about the slimmer boy needing to gain. I'd leave that completely alone, telling him he was/is perfectly healthy, and, of course, provide the healthy calorie-dense foods he likes and wants. 

 

My 6'1" 18 year old son is about 155. He's muscled and slim, but he doesn't look skinny. He fluctuates 5-10 lb or so, mostly depending on his activity level and access to food. (He loses some if he travels away from my bottomless-pantry, lol.) (140-180 looks like his "healthy BMI range, FWIW.)

 

So, anyway, I wouldn't worry at all about your slim son's weight. He can gain if he wants, but only if he's really just putting on muscle, as extra fat isn't going to be good for him, and gaining muscle is going to be very intentional at that size, I'd think. So, he can take care of his health/weight just fine so long as you've got good calorie dense foods around that he can add on to meals. 

 

I'd probably lean towards providing healthy relatively low calorie meals for the entire family, and aiming for the calorie dense stuff for meals the boys tend to self-serve (in my house, typically breakfast and lunches, and snacks/late night munching for the teens who need more than 3 squares a day . . .)

 

If your heavier son is willing to use some sort of convenience "meal replacements" that are lower-calorie, I might aim to provide that . . . Some sort of healthy version of meal-replacement shakes, or whatever. . . for when/if he travels to his mom's house again in the future . . . Also, maybe you can send him with a few cases of bottled water and/or similar things that might make it easier to maintain his healthy habits when he's away from your home. I generally don't like "fake foods" but in that situation, maybe that'd help him (ie., meal replacement shakes/bars/snacks/etc.) You could also pack a huge duffel bag and/or cooler full of his preferred healthy snacks . . . 

 

(((hugs)))

 

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Add exercise - for both.

The DS who wants to gain should add weight lifting and similar muscle building exercises to help him bulk up. He may need to eat more, but, as pp noted, it shouldn't be junk either. 

 

:iagree:   If your skinny kid is 180ish and 6'3" that actually sounds fine to me and certainly no reason to keep junk around the house.  My kids is 5'9" and 112 lbs and the doctor has always said that's just him and he's fine.   I guess I wouldn't worry about that too much. 

 

Can you make a habit of walking together daily or something as a bonding exercise?  Or maybe with your DH?  Building some life long habits can go a long way at this age. 

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I think I have suggested every single thing you mentioned in your post..

 

He can't get a job until he gets his license....which hopefully will happen soon. He will probably get a job in the food industry and that is usually a fairly active job.

 

Really I guess it boils down to he has to want to do it.

 

You seem to feel fairly strongly that he has to come up with his own motivation.  While he needs buy in for anything to work, reality is, as I mentioned up thread, that some people really need external motivations to at least get started.  Something to get them engaged and consistently participating.  This is EXTREMELY true of most teenagers.

 

There are many of us that struggle to get started and stay motivated in a vacuum.  Yes, he has all of these things that he could use to exercise.  But if he does not do well doing things that are not pleasant to him without some sort of consistent support/external motivation those things are not going to get used.   Period.  Ask all the zillions of people out there that wanted to start, may even had started, but were not able to keep going on a consistent exercise routine because they needed more than just internal motivation.

 

Plus there are a lot of people who are not hardwired to exercise but do well in something that requires physical activity.  In other words, something where the exercise is purposeful for an end goal other than exercise, not just exercising to lose weight.

 

Is there ANY peer or other person he likes hanging out with that might be interested in doing a program with him?  Walking each day?  Or is there a beginning swim team he could get on?  Could he take public transportation to get where he needs to go?   The gym?  Team sport?  By bus since you cannot drive him places?  Weekend volleyball group that gets together for fun?  If he were doing something physically active with peers at least once a week that might be enough impetus for him to want to do more on his own.

Edited by OneStepAtATime
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We have a similar issue with a 15 yo who is overweight and done growing (puberty was at 9, she topped out on height at 11) and a 9 yo who is very much still growing and thin and active. I hate that I can't tell the 9 yo 'yes' to seconds at dinner without the 15 yo asking for seconds too. If I say 'no' to her I feel like I'm being overly pushy. But if I say yes or even 'if you want' or anything but a firm 'no' she will go get more even if she's not truly hungry. Plus she sits inside all day whereas ds runs around several hours outside.

 

Honestly, I take chances to give DS extra food whenever DD15 isn't around.

 

Also, we do tell DD15 she has to do a sport and that helps. When the sport season ends she gains it all back, but at least during the season she'll drop back into a healthy weight range plus I don't feel as worried about a few extra pounds on an active teen vs a completely inactive one, kwim?

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You seem to feel fairly strongly that he has to come up with his own motivation. While he needs buy in for anything to work, reality is, as I mentioned up thread, that some people really need external motivations to at least get started. Something to get them engaged and consistently participating. This is EXTREMELY true of most teenagers.

 

There are many of us that struggle to get started and stay motivated in a vacuum. Yes, he has all of these things that he could use to exercise. But if he does not do well doing things that are not pleasant to him without some sort of consistent support/external motivation those things are not going to get used. Period. Ask all the zillions of people out there that wanted to start, may even had started, but were not able to keep going on a consistent exercise routine because they needed more than just internal motivation.

 

Plus there are a lot of people who are not hardwired to exercise but do well in something that requires physical activity. In other words, something where the exercise is purposeful for an end goal other than exercise, not just exercising to lose weight.

 

Is there ANY peer or other person he likes hanging out with that might be interested in doing a program with him? Walking each day? Or is there a beginning swim team he could get on? Could he take public transportation to get where he needs to go? The gym? Team sport? By bus since you cannot drive him places? Weekend volleyball group that gets together for fun? If he were doing something physically active with peers at least once a week that might be enough impetus for him to want to do more on his own.

We live 10 miles from a small town. An hour to anywhere that has public transportation. I work 3 days a week. Dh works in the city 5 days a week. So he will have to do something at home. At least until he drive himself. we have provided him with every sort of help and motivation that we are capable of. If it isn't enough then I guess it isn't enough.

 

Btw, I do drive him plenty of places. As does ds. But between my work and Ds's work there is no way we can also run him back to town to work out at the gym.

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What is your street like?  A few times a day I set a timer for 6 minutes and walk as far as I can get in 6 minutes up the street.  When it beeps, I head home.  I get in 12-minute bits of exercise throughout the day like that.  

 

He can start slowly, but eventually should start trying to walk a little farther each day until he's walking very briskly on his walks.

 

I like this because I can go out for 12 minutes (or even just 10.  Or just 8) in almost all weather without it being a big fuss.  More than that, and I'd be too cold or too hot or would need to take water, blah blah.  

 

It would be a start.  

Edited by Garga
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When your DH starts exercising again he will also be slow and unfit. Maybe they could do a couch to 5k together taking longer as you DH will need a lot longer anyway.

Good idea. They could do it together, I am not sure how long before Dh can start really walking any distance....maybe another 4 weeks?

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What is your street like? A few times a day I set a timer for 6 minutes and walk as far as I can get in 6 minutes up the street. When it beeps, I head home. I get in 12-minute bits of exercise throughout the day like that.

 

He can start slowly, but eventually should start trying to walk a little farther each day until he's walking very briskly on his walks.

 

I like this because I can go out for 12 minutes (or even just 10. Or just 8) in almost all weather without it being a big fuss. More than that, and I'd be too cold or too hot or would need to take water, blah blah.

 

It would be a start.

When you come out of our drive way a left turn takes you a quarter mile down a dead end lane. Straight ahead out our drive way will take you around a block of sorts....it is 1/4 mile around. One side of that block is a fairly busy road, so it makes it a little tough to walk but he could just turn around and come back. Two years ago he road his bike around that block about 16-20 times per day....so 4 or 5 miles. He lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks.

 

I am going to look for a couch tom5 k app today....anyone have one they like?

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We have a similar issue with a 15 yo who is overweight and done growing (puberty was at 9, she topped out on height at 11) and a 9 yo who is very much still growing and thin and active. I hate that I can't tell the 9 yo 'yes' to seconds at dinner without the 15 yo asking for seconds too. If I say 'no' to her I feel like I'm being overly pushy. But if I say yes or even 'if you want' or anything but a firm 'no' she will go get more even if she's not truly hungry. Plus she sits inside all day whereas ds runs around several hours outside.

 

Honestly, I take chances to give DS extra food whenever DD15 isn't around.

 

Also, we do tell DD15 she has to do a sport and that helps. When the sport season ends she gains it all back, but at least during the season she'll drop back into a healthy weight range plus I don't feel as worried about a few extra pounds on an active teen vs a completely inactive one, kwim?

Thank you. That is what is so hard. Feeling like I am being mean to dss by not offering him the same thing I am making for ds. Also, I have started serving him a plate and putting away all the extra food immediately ( before I even eat my own plate full) except vegetables or salad. Two reasons....I try to make enough for lunch the next day and if I leave it out they will eat it all.

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When you come out of our drive way a left turn takes you a quarter mile down a dead end lane. Straight ahead out our drive way will take you around a block of sorts....it is 1/4 mile around. One side of that block is a fairly busy road, so it makes it a little tough to walk but he could just turn around and come back. Two years ago he road his bike around that block about 16-20 times per day....so 4 or 5 miles. He lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks.

 

I am going to look for a couch tom5 k app today....anyone have one they like?

 

 

If your distances are accurate, then that can work.  In 6 minutes, I go about 1/4 mile at a nice clip.  I just walk up the street...then back down.  

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I just want to say that your love and concern for your sons is very touching!  It is great that you care enough to brainstorm (WTM...best place for brainstorm sessions!=), and the decisions you make will surely have an effect, even if being encouraging is all you end up doing - keep up the good work!

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Good idea. They could do it together, I am not sure how long before Dh can start really walking any distance....maybe another 4 weeks?

What if your DH presented it as HE needs some help with motivation and if his son could join him it might help them both out.  Does your DSS like to be helpful to his dad? Perhaps they could start with something very gentle daily to get ready and get used to doing something each day?  

 

I know you are in a tough situation with this.  I appreciate that you are trying to help him.

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I remember you posting almost the same post about a year ago or so.  He lost the weight, how much did he lose?  Does he want to lose weight?  He is at the age where he has to be completely on board.  

 

You say you fix your son a snack, but why can't you just serve cut up apples and nuts to both boys?  Something healthy that they can both eat?  Why would you say "obviously I can't feed my DSS?"  Yes, you can, he needs to eat to.  

 

I worry he may be stressing because of your stress and eating to cope.  I eat when I am stressed.

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