Nephew/ds piano teacher moving to a bad neighborhood..how to handle this?

[mommyoffive]

You know I think you have to do what you feel comfortable.  Us all telling you not to worry isn't going to do much if in your gut you don't feel comfortable.  I say listen to your gut.  If you don't think it is the right thing, than don't keep it up.  

 

Have him come to you or find another spot.  

 

 

[Bluegoat]

I read the OP as saying she'd been to that neighborhood, though the OP was definitely ambiguous. However, in post 32 she explicitly states she's been to that neighborhood, and yet, there are people who continue to tell her to just give it a try after that, or to minimize her concerns. And she has stated that she's possibly willing to go during the day, on weekends. So, I'm not sure why people here seem to be hell-bent on wanting her to go into a bad neighborhood at night that's she's already been to during the day, and that none of the posters here seem to have personal experience with. It's quite patronizing in a way. 

 

I'm guessing she was hoping someone would say some completely different solution, like if this was math tutoring, suggesting they could study in the library (obviously not a possibility with music lessons). 

 

ETA: also, no idea how old nephew is, but young adult males often think they're invulnerable... I wouldn't necessarily trust their risk assessment. 

 

I don't think driving through those kinds of places makes people feel better about them.  It's really being there, walking around, that sort of thing.

 

I agree young men can feel invulnerable, but I had the impression he has a family - presumably he feels fine taking them there, and his wife agrees.  

 

I guess the thing is - no one is saying, keep going even if it keeps feeling scary, or there are problems.  But it isn't that much of a commitment to try it for a bit and see, maybe see how the nephew finds the community.  It's not like buying a house and being stuck there.

[Catwoman]

This is the thing though - I think a lot of people realize how common it is for people to have the wrong impression about the dangers of a neighbourhood.  It's often only when they start to visit them that they realize their impression wasn't quite the reality of the situation.

 

When we last moved, my dad flipped out when we were looking in one neighbourhood.  We'd been out of the city a while, and didn't think it was at all like he did, but OTOH I was concerned by his worry.  He was quite happy when we bought in a different area (not for that reason.)

 

Now, 6 years later, I can say he was totally not right to think that little area was a problem, despite being in a larger "bad" neighbourhood.  In fact we get a lot more crime that actually affects us where we are now.

 

And I've had similar experiences living in other bad areas which might have had more of certain types of crime, but not necessarily the way they imagines - I was often more nervous walking around the high end areas when I lived there, because they were so deserted.

I think it's incredibly patronizing and disrespectful for people to keep telling Heather that she has the wrong impression about the neighborhood, because none of us has been there, so we probably shouldn't be telling her that it's probably perfectly safe when she has repeatedly told us that it is not.

 

I understand that a neighborhood can be be both poor and rundown, yet still be safe. I know plenty of areas like that, and I wouldn't hesitate to visit them at any time of the day or night. But I also know neighborhoods that are just plain dangerous. I have been warned to stay out of them at night by people who actually live in those neighborhoods, so clearly there are places where even the residents don't feel safe, and if Heather says that this is that type of neighborhood, I believe her. Heather's nephew doesn't even live in his new house yet, so he may be the one who doesn't have a realistic expectation of what it will be like to live there, so I'm not sure his opinion of the area means all that much right now.

 

Heather has been on the forum for a long time and she seems like a sensible person. She's not someone who's always posting alarmist threads about all kinds of irrational fears. That's why I trust her when she says her nephew's new neighborhood is high crime and isn't a safe place to be. Both she and her dh are familiar with the area and I'm not, so if she says she's worried about bringing her son there for his lessons, I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. I feel sorry for her because she's in a tough spot -- she wants her son to be able to continue taking lessons with her nephew but she's not sure how to make that happen.

[Catwoman]

I read the OP as saying she'd been to that neighborhood, though the OP was definitely ambiguous. However, in post 32 she explicitly states she's been to that neighborhood, and yet, there are people who continue to tell her to just give it a try after that, or to minimize her concerns. And she has stated that she's possibly willing to go during the day, on weekends. So, I'm not sure why people here seem to be hell-bent on wanting her to go into a bad neighborhood at night that's she's already been to during the day, and that none of the posters here seem to have personal experience with. It's quite patronizing in a way.

 

I'm guessing she was hoping someone would say some completely different solution, like if this was math tutoring, suggesting they could study in the library (obviously not a possibility with music lessons).

 

ETA: also, no idea how old nephew is, but young adult males often think they're invulnerable... I wouldn't necessarily trust their risk assessment.

:iagree: