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Something that really bothers me on social media...


Misha
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It used to really bother me. As well the countdown to kindergarten. "Only two more years!"

I think it's a sad commentary on the importance we place on raising our children. Like time at home is something to be endured until we can get back to doing important, desirable things.

I don't see it as much as I used to. I have seen all the defensive explanations. People like routine, school kids aren't great at entertaining themselves all day, parenting is hard. It's all true.

I still think it's in poor taste. But so is discussing politics in public.

Edited by desertstrawberry5
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I started this type of thread once.  Yes, I find it irritating.  Or at least I did until we had a very abusive kid stay with us for a couple of months (we're foster parents).  I counted down the days until that kid left.  Hey, the kid is gone!!!!!  We can finally sleep without worrying anyone is going to get attacked.

 

After that happened I resolved to be far less judgmental of parents complaining about kids. Sure, they might be exaggerating their woes a bit, but they also tend to be the moms who never learn to balance doing anything for themselves.  If their kids are home, they are ALL about the kids. Everything else goes out the window.  So it's not that they are missing out on how amazing their children are, it's that they need a moment to themselves again.  And that's okay.

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I used to feel sad when I saw those posts, but realized that I wanted school to start in the fall also.

 

I agree it is about routine. Even though the kids were still going to be home with me, it was still about routine.

 

I imagine they also love their kids, and want to be with them. They are just used to a different amount of time and routine.

 

I know where you're coming from, but believe you need to give the other side some slack also. Your life is different from theirs. Neither is necessarily the best for everyone.

 

Kelly

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This thread happens every year. Some people like routines. Some people like school. I love my kids to pieces but am looking forward to preschool starting back for my youngers. One is so much more fun to be around when she's been at school for a few hours a day. Go ahead, be smug and get angry over how I carefully researched options and found her someplace where she thrives. Sigh.

 

 

At this point, this thread is a routine. A yearly tradition. :)

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I'm really quite surprised at all the negative responses you are getting about this on a homeschooling board. Attitudes like that just make me sad.  I think those parents are missing out...but I'm just an oddball that really enjoys being with my kids which is one reason why I chose to homeschool.

 

Susan in TX

Well, most of the non-homeschooling people on my non-existent, hypothetical facebook feed would be working parents.

 

Whether school is in sesssion or not changes little about how much time they spend with their kids.

 

I would perceive it as : The kids are staying up too late, eating crap, all the fun stuff has been done, so everything is BORIIING. The house is a disaster and a little structure would be fabulous.

 

And as a homeschooling mom, I totally understand it. We need to get back to school too because our non-structured days are getting to us. The house is dirtier because we're not doing our chore routine, the kids are bickering more because of boredom, and it's so stinking hot.

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I'm looking at it, imagining if I was a new/newer member here and had not seen this topic discussed before, which I was at one time. There's an attitude of, "Silly newbie! *We* aren't bothered by people posting hyperbolic posts begging the little buggers to go back to school." Seriously, there are a lot of minefields here that you don't learn about unless you were lurking and watched someone else detonate them or you foolishly posted about it before knowing.

 

She expressed that she's "angry" at parents who do fairly conventional things and "sad" presumably for their children.  I think the sooner she learns that WTM forums are not an anti-b&m cult, the better.

 

I don't think I'd get a lot of support for trashing posts of moms happy to pull their kids out of school to homeschool, or sad to have to send them to b&m school.

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She expressed that she's "angry" at parents who do fairly conventional things and "sad" presumably for their children. I think the sooner she learns that WTM forums are not an anti-b&m cult, the better.

 

I don't think I'd get a lot of support for trashing posts of moms happy to pull their kids out of school to homeschool, or sad to have to send them to b&m school.

I'm not a conventional parent. Much that falls under the umbrella of conventional parenting makes me sad for the kids.

 

We have swaths of threads on here where posters are proudly unconventional.

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She expressed that she's "angry" at parents who do fairly conventional things and "sad" presumably for their children. I think the sooner she learns that WTM forums are not an anti-b&m cult, the better.

 

I don't think I'd get a lot of support for trashing posts of moms happy to pull their kids out of school to homeschool, or sad to have to send them to b&m school.

Oh, and you'd get support bc there are homeschoolers on the board who have stated that they think only people who homeschool their way should be allowed to homeschool.

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LOL well I recall being "schooled" shortly after I joined (about something entirely different), which wasn't pleasant at the time, but which was good in that I learned what people will and won't tolerate on this board.  :P

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I'm not a conventional parent. Much that falls under the umbrella of conventional parenting makes me sad for the kids.

 

We have swaths of threads on here where posters are proudly unconventional.

 

You can be unconventional without going on about how sad and angry you are for the children of parents who don't do things like you.

 

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My kids are in public school!  So, no, it doesn't bother me.  My kids are looking forward to getting back to school.

 

We enjoy each other, and I enjoy seeing them pursuing things they enjoy doing without me.

 

No right now wrong about either way.

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I have wasted far too much time on this website. Sadly, I probably sounded a tiny bit like the Sanctimommies with my first kid. Until I had my second.

 

My favorite comment about the meatloaf/mashed potato smash cakes:

 

"Yes. It's important that my child's celebrations taste like organic sadness, tinged with regret. Use crispy kale shreds for sprinkles!"

 

I know I sounded like that when dd was little. I had a different pair of judgypants for every day of the week. :lol:  I wish Sanctimommy had been around back then so I could have read it and gotten a little perspective.

 

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LOL well I recall being "schooled" shortly after I joined (about something entirely different), which wasn't pleasant at the time, but which was good in that I learned what people will and won't tolerate on this board. :P

People tolerate different things from different posters. Some posters get headpats and attagirls for their posts but if another poster wrote the same thing, she'd get (figuratively) torn apart.

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Many of the posts by sanctimommy commenters are more sanctimonious and judgy than the original posts they're responding to. Mommy wars are super fun!

 

Some of them are judgy. But most of them are poking fun at people who post over-the-top judgmental stuff about other mothers online.

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Funny, I have been on these boards since before Y2K and I don't ever remember this topic being a source of controversy or something that came up every year. Where have I been? Now I do remember some very heated threads about vacuum cleaners and shopping carts.

 

Susan in TX

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I always looked forward to going back to school when I was a kid! I had and still have a good relationship with my parents and siblings. I just liked school (for the most part), liked seeing my friends everyday, liked the routine, etc. I had separate summer activities, and looked forward to some that were only during the school year.

Summer was fun, but then it was time to go back to school! :)

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SKL, I hope it's not out of line for me to say that though you may have picked "conventional" schooling for your kids, based off previous posts, you are proudly an "unconventional" parent.

 

But I don't get angry or sad about people who are conventional.

 

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As a parent of children who attend or have attended public school and a teacher in public school. I am always excited for the new school year to begin. Part of it is getting back to a regular routine, but part of it is the excitement of starting a new year- new school supplies, new clothes, new shoes, new books, new students and or new teachers, see friend again (for students and teachers) Extra curricular activities start back up -band and sports.

 

Also, there are a lot of people who just like to complain about anything in real life or on social media. My DH and I each have a coworker like that. We joke that they could win the lottery but would complain about the drive to pick up the check and be on tv.

 

If I actually thought someone on social media was serious about a post like that, I would probably not be friends with them in real life, but I do know everyone I am "friends" with on Facebook and I know they all love their kids in real life. While I would not complain about my kids on Facebook, many adults who are younger than I are much more open on social media.

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Yeah, I've been known to say I need a drink, though I have never ever drunk a drop in reaction to stress.

 

I often say [in a joking tone] that I'm gonna beat my kids.  The other day I said it right here on this forum.  My kids know I'm just joking when I say that.  If I was really gonna beat my kids, I wouldn't tell the world first.  :p  Sometimes I even say, in my kids' presence, "I am going to kill my children" [in a non-scary, philosophical kind of tone].  Obviously that is a joke, but because some people don't have a sense of humor, I would never say that on social media.  :p

 

As for school, I often reflect on the way we are so eager for school to end so we can do xyz, and then we are eager for school to start so we can do xyz.  :p  I think it's pretty universal (among people who do seasonal school).

 

Edited to explain that I'm not making threats to my kids in an angry tone.  :)

Edited by SKL
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Here, summer is almost over-school starts August 7, so a lot of the programs and special activities are over, it's over 100 degrees with high humidity, and it's just plain miserable. I started some school stuff last week because it just plain is too hot to do anything else.

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Yeah, I've been known to say I need a drink, though I have never ever drunk a drop in reaction to stress.

 

I often say I'm gonna beat my kids. The other day I said it right here on this forum. My kids know I'm just joking when I say that. If I was really gonna beat my kids, I wouldn't tell the world first. :P Sometimes I even say, in my kids' presence, "I am going to kill my children." Obviously that is a joke, but because some people don't have a sense of humor, I would never say that on social media. :P

 

As for school, I often reflect on the way we are so eager for school to end so we can do xyz, and then we are eager for school to start so we can do xyz. :P I think it's pretty universal (among people who do seasonal school).

Well, it's obvious hyperbole, but that is something my mother did that I have not repeated because I think it's just not great. It's unduly negative. My mom barely opened her mouth at us unless it was to say:

I'm going to kill you.

I'm going to slay you.

I'm going to wring your neck.

I'm going to beat you so bad, you won't sit down for a week.

I'll give you something to cry about.

 

Now, obviously, I made it to adulthood without getting my neck wrung, but I can't think those interactions added much of benefit to my character. No, it's not the *worst* thing she ever could have said and, ironically, my parents are scrupulous non-cussers. I've never even heard them say damn. So, in very clean language, mom threatened to murder me every day or so. Marvelous.

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Well, it's obvious hyperbole, but that is something my mother did that I have not repeated because I think it's just not great. It's unduly negative. My mom barely opened her mouth at us unless it was to say:

I'm going to kill you.

I'm going to slay you.

I'm going to wring your neck.

I'm going to beat you so bad, you won't sit down for a week.

I'll give you something to cry about.

 

Now, obviously, I made it to adulthood without getting my neck wrung, but I can't think those interactions added much of benefit to my character. No, it's not the *worst* thing she ever could have said and, ironically, my parents are scrupulous non-cussers. I've never even heard them say damn. So, in very clean language, mom threatened to murder me every day or so. Marvelous.

I try not to use violence in my language or my writing. I know I've failed, but it is my goal. I've said it on the boards before. I understand that in other families, it might not be a big deal, and it is all understood as a joke. Edited by unsinkable
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I check my facebook a few times a week - I've noticed the constant posts from parents exclaiming how they can't wait for their child(ren) to return to school, and how being home with them is driving them up the wall. It seems like so many people post these messages along with their desperate desire for an adult beverage and then bemoan that summer vacation is only half over. 

 

 

It saddens me as well as angers me.

 

 

Does this bother anyone else?

Yes. Every single year it breaks my heart to hear parents say IRL or online, "Finally, school has started! The kids were driving me crazy!" or something to that extent. I always think,"They are your kids, you are responsible for raising them, not the school." And other random thoughts. That's the part that bothers me - that they seem happy to "be rid" of their kids. And that they want to proclaim it to the world of social media. 

 

I realize some may "just be venting" but I don't think facebook, or any other social media, where people actually know who you are, is the appropriate place for that kind of venting.

 

Disclaimer: this is only my opinion and I realize not everyone will agree with me. I was simply answering the OP's question.

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I'm fine with no quarter (what we used to call "safe space") for a group to puff itself up by putting others down. I think such enclaves have made the world worse. Not just hs'ing groups but religious, political, ideological, just ALL over the place, all we do is form camps from which to judge others. And we call that "support."

 

What if we all decided that we'd be pro us without being anti them? Would that make the world better?

 

I am not a paragon of virtue in this regard. Absolutely do not think that I'm setting myself up as the good example, because I'm not. But if I ever do grasp the awareness for a second and say, "Whoa, don't bring that garbage in here," I'm not going to apologize for it!

 

Not in church settings, or hs'ing groups, or political activism.

 

If we don't like the divided and hyper emotional world we are living in, we will have to be adults and have some standards. "This is not a place to bad mouth people who are not legally or morally wrong," is a standard, and probably an easy thing for most people to agree on? I'd hope?

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Well, it's obvious hyperbole, but that is something my mother did that I have not repeated because I think it's just not great. It's unduly negative. My mom barely opened her mouth at us unless it was to say:

I'm going to kill you.

I'm going to slay you.

I'm going to wring your neck.

I'm going to beat you so bad, you won't sit down for a week.

I'll give you something to cry about.

 

Now, obviously, I made it to adulthood without getting my neck wrung, but I can't think those interactions added much of benefit to my character. No, it's not the *worst* thing she ever could have said and, ironically, my parents are scrupulous non-cussers. I've never even heard them say damn. So, in very clean language, mom threatened to murder me every day or so. Marvelous.

 

Well you'd have to hear the tone - I'm not saying this in an exasperated or angry tone.  It's said in a sort of philosophical tone.  My kids know very clearly that it's a joke and not said in anger.

 

I have other ways to express real frustration or anger.  :P  And otherwise to scar my kids for life.

 

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Well, it's obvious hyperbole, but that is something my mother did that I have not repeated because I think it's just not great. It's unduly negative. My mom barely opened her mouth at us unless it was to say:

I'm going to kill you.

I'm going to slay you.

I'm going to wring your neck.

I'm going to beat you so bad, you won't sit down for a week.

I'll give you something to cry about.

 

Now, obviously, I made it to adulthood without getting my neck wrung, but I can't think those interactions added much of benefit to my character. No, it's not the *worst* thing she ever could have said and, ironically, my parents are scrupulous non-cussers. I've never even heard them say damn. So, in very clean language, mom threatened to murder me every day or so. Marvelous.

 

Well you'd have to hear the tone - I'm not saying this in an exasperated or angry tone.  It's said in a sort of philosophical tone.  My kids know very clearly that it's a joke and not said in anger.

 

I have other ways to express real frustration or anger.  :P  And otherwise to scar my kids for life.

 

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Also "finally school started" can be similar to "finally that deadline is past!"  Because there is so much to do to get ready for school, it's reasonable to heave a sigh of relief once the big day finally comes.

 

We use the term "crazy" very very loosely in our culture.  I think some people take it more seriously than is warranted.  Instead of "my kids are driving me crazy," they probably mean something more like "we're more disorganized than I prefer over here."

 

I know a lot of people, and I can't think of any who dislike their young children.  Most adore their kids and just like to talk silly.

 

Really, I think a sense of humor is so important to being human.  I am trying to encourage my kids to develop theirs.  That includes understanding that others express humor and lightheartedness differently.

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I just really like the school supply sales.

 

Surely that's something all parents, homeschooling or not, can agree on.

 

I have one going to a very unique school after 7 years of homeschooling. He's starting high school at a very hard to get into specialized public school that is right up his alley. I can't wait for him to start. Not because I am glad to be rid of him but because I'm excited he's getting to go...this has been his dream for 2 years. I'm proud that he's well prepared academically. A little trepidatious about how he will do socially and how he will handle the transition. Just excited to see how it all goes.

 

My other son will continue homeschooling with some part time classes.

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It never fails. EVERY year around July/August this topic comes up. I've come to the conclusion that these things are said in the same spirit that one talks about how awful the heat is in July, or about the miserable cold in February. It's just something to talk about, and not meant seriously.

Edited by extendedforecast
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When we first started homeschooling, I would occasionally (very occasionally) drop my two oldest  off at an open gym night; it was 2 hours for $12 or something like that.

 

When we moved to Colorado a year later, they had a free one day a week homeschool charter program.  A whole day without the oldest two kids, for free!  I rejoiced.

 

I love my kids, though :)

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I think it's the social media aspect that provides the discomfort. It's public and permanent. How will the kids feel when they see this stuff? I was present when someone I know started talking about the gifts her kids gave her when they were little. They picked them out themselves. One of her dc was present. She made fun of the gifts and then talked about how she quickly disposed of them when the kids weren't around. The child looked positively crushed. They tried to put on a brace face, but it was obvious this was painful and embarrassing. This child was in the late teens. The mom thought it was all so funny, but it obviously hurt her child. I would put this in that category. And it's out there for them to find at any time. A child is a person. If you're craving routine, say that. You don't have to make your kids the butt of your jokes like they're the problem to communicate that you're having issues with the situation.

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I really dislike it when people badmouth their children or spouses on social media. Even things that are supposed to be jokes I really don't care for. While I can totally understand the sentiment and there are times I would rather not be around my children, I think it is a pretty terrible thing to say to anyone, except your spouse or mother or best friend. Certainly don't broadcast it to the world. But the fact that people do, makes other people feel freer to do the same thing. People seem to have the idea that as long as they are telling the truth then they should be able to say anything they want.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited by ealp2009
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She expressed that she's "angry" at parents who do fairly conventional things and "sad" presumably for their children.  I think the sooner she learns that WTM forums are not an anti-b&m cult, the better.

 

I don't think I'd get a lot of support for trashing posts of moms happy to pull their kids out of school to homeschool, or sad to have to send them to b&m school.

My eldest child (age 17) is a b&m student, since kindergarten. I'm not anti b&m. Some things aren't as black and white as people would like to believe. 

 

 

What I find saddening is the abusive tone some of these posts take. "Why did I have kids again? FML" "Can't wait for school, if I have to deal with this kid another day I'm leaving and may not come back". 

 

Sorry, but when I see such blatant disrespect to children it saddens and angers me. 

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 "This is not a place to bad mouth people who are not legally or morally wrong," is a standard, and probably an easy thing for most people to agree on? I'd hope?

 

What is "legal" is spelled out for us, for the most part.

 

But what is, and isn't, morally wrong/right is another matter entirely. I disagree, on almost a daily basis, with things many of my friends and loved ones consider "moral," and I'm sure the feeling is mutual. 

 

So, no, I do not believe that what is moral is an easy thing for most people to agree on. Not by a long shot. And I don't think that's a negative, but that's just me. 

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My eldest child (age 17) is a b&m student, since kindergarten. I'm not anti b&m. Some things aren't as black and white as people would like to believe. 

 

 

What I find saddening is the abusive tone some of these posts take. "Why did I have kids again? FML" "Can't wait for school, if I have to deal with this kid another day I'm leaving and may not come back". 

 

Sorry, but when I see such blatant disrespect to children it saddens and angers me. 

 

Did you change your siggy? I could have sworn that you had another kid on there yesterday, lol. I remember thinking, "I have a teenager, too!" 

 

Anyway, I don't think you can really infer tone over the internet. 

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Did you change your siggy? I could have sworn that you had another kid on there yesterday, lol. I remember thinking, "I have a teenager, too!" 

 

Anyway, I don't think you can really infer tone over the internet. 

I did change it, just yesterday. 

 

Changed it solely because I tend to only discuss my hs issues (when I'm not getting upset over something I see on the internet, that is  :001_rolleyes:).

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Again - the vast majority of people recognize those posts as a different kind of humor, not hatred.  You don't need to like their sense of humor, but don't make it something it isn't.  And if you can't understand it, maybe spend a little time trying to understand the rather large chunk of US society that jokes like that despite loving their children no less than you love yours.

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What is "legal" is spelled out for us, for the most part.

 

But what is, and isn't, morally wrong/right is another matter entirely. I disagree, on almost a daily basis, with things many of my friends and loved ones consider "moral," and I'm sure the feeling is mutual. 

 

So, no, I do not believe that what is moral is an easy thing for most people to agree on. Not by a long shot. And I don't think that's a negative, but that's just me. 

 

I think you'd have a hard time finding anyone who thinks this kind of thing is actually immoral, though. Being relieved that you're going to get time to yourself isn't exactly a moral failing.

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Again - the vast majority of people recognize those posts as a different kind of humor, not hatred.  You don't need to like their sense of humor, but don't make it something it isn't.  And if you can't understand it, maybe spend a little time trying to understand the rather large chunk of US society that jokes like that despite loving their children no less than you love yours.

This. Especially since you can't read tone on the internet and you don't know what kind of relationship those parents have with those children. What you or your children might find hurtful, another family might do and find funny because family culture varies widely.

 

My parents often joked about being "free!" on the first day of school and they both worked full time, but it was funny to us kids and usually prompted us to roll our eyes. We were quite secure in their love for us and were not the slightest bit disrespected.

 

Dh and I will sometimes joke with the kids about how we're going to be "free!" when they go off to summer camp and it elicits the same response from my kids - much eye rolling and dry humor.

 

So, OP, I get it. You disagree with those sorts of things because you come from a different family culture and hold different views on what is and isn't appropriate. So don't you do it then, but don't assume that you know how those kids feel or what kind of parents they are just because you read a post on FB.

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My opinion is that we shouldn't worry unduly about how those poor kids will feel if someday they find out that their parents occasionally griped about being parents.

 

I have a sanctimommy. I love her dearly. And yet I will never be able to be truly close to her, because when your parent cannot admit to herself that sometimes children are frustrating and annoying and provoking, it feels like possessing those feelings = not loving your children. I try to teach my kids that we can be annoyed at each other, and want space from one another, and that's just part of being a loving family.

 

It seems like you'd have to have other things, more serious things, wrong with your parental relationship to be damaged by the "I need a break from the kids!" sentiment. Especially once you become a parent yourself. If you're secure in the fact that your parents love you, I don't think knowing that you occasionally (or constantly) drove them crazy is much more than a funny memory.

 

With that said, I'm not on Facebook, and sometimes that in itself comes off as sanctimonious and judgmental!

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I hate the idea that the kids would see those posts or hear them say something like that. That's what bothers me about it the most.

This. Do children really need to be made to feel like it's a burden/aggravation for them to be home? I home schooled my kids their entire lives, and many days they frustrated the heck out of me, but I hope that I never gave them the impression that I'd rather they were elsewhere.

 

I'm not saying every person's child/children would see their FB posts, but some surely could, and there are countless others whose parents say things like this with them sitting in the same room. That's what makes me sad.

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