CalicoKat Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 My oldest dd, just turned 9, has always been impetious (according to my mother that's the word). She's the kid who rather than answer the opthamologist's questions about which viewing option was better or worse decided it was a game and answered each question opposite. The opthamoligst was very professional with her an at no time during the appointment gave her/or me the impression that he was playing with her. She's the kid who asks for help, from me or any other adult, and then proceeds to act completely silly or stupid when help is given. She loves to cook and I gave her a new cookbook for her birthday. And I invited her to make lunch today from a recipe in her cookbook. She was excited, but then she acted like she didn't know what to do -- not so! She acted like she couldn't read. She acted like she didn't know how to find ingrediants in our cupboard. And then when I helped she got silly and shut down--literally she laid down on the floor in front of the stove. She wouldn't answer my questions--are you OK? Am I doing too much? Is this too hard? Do you not want to do this any longer? Do you not want my help? It seems that you are upset. Are you upset? She's the child who will hide directly behind you, and turn to stay directly behind you, in public just when you call her name and start to panic because she's not visible. She convinced everyone that at 8 she still couldn't read--when she reads very well! My former elementary teacher MIL and special ed teacher Dad were both very concerned there for a while. She's the kid who can't find anything despite the directions you give her. And then when you get up to find it (in plain view) she acts offended. "The socks are in the basket next to the washer." I can't find them. They're usually right there. She behaves this way with all the people in her live, at Church or Homeschool Co-op, and in her interactions with our babysitter. I know my dh wants her to do standardized testing this year. But I'm afraid, from experience, that she'll see it as a game and answer everything opposite. Just because she can. I coach her on what her behavior makes the people around her think about her and perhaps about being around her. I tell her that when she's acting aloof, incommunicative, etc. that it makes people very uncomfortable. And that when they ask her questions to find out what's wrong they're truly interested in helping make things better--it's not a game--and the best thing she can do is it respond! Does your 9 yo act this way? Is there something you've shared with your little person that has helped them to understand that acting in these ways isn't good? She'd rather act contrary regardless of how her behaviour impacts her. thanks for your thoughts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCoppock Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 First off I am sorry you are dealing with this. My 8yo DS occasionally likes to act this way. It is not usually that bad but I had said a number of times, "Please stop acting like you are dumb because you are a very intelligent boy." He general just smiles at this comment. We have also had discussions about acting obnoxious (sorry I can't think of a better word) I let him know that other people do not like being around someone with this behavior because it makes them feel uncomfortable. I tend to find he learns best from either me copying the behavior back or when we see others acting the same me pointing it out and discussing it. He does find it quite funny me copying him but he does get the point and quickly changes the behavior. I hope someone on here has better advice for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 My ds(now 10) has this tendency (and has had it since toddlerhood). I know that it has felt mean (and over-the-top) to me to discipline for what is being "funny" but in our case we've had to. This is the child that I have to say, over and over, at the slightest provocation, "settle down", because if I don't things get way out of hand. The principle I've taught my ds is, "There is a time for silliness and games but there is also a time for being serious." In our case, just telling him this doesn't work. I have to follow through with specific instructions: "This means, if I give you a worksheet, you must answer the questions seriously even if you think of the best pun in the world." or "You asked for help. You need to listen to the directions." Unfortunately, my ds (in the past) would force me to make it a huge issue with repeated discipline until he would obey. This would not be my choice - a simple quiet reminder would do it for me! But he pushes the issue and both my dh and I have felt that this needed to be a "line in the sand" kind of thing with this child. One thing that helped us in our case was realizing that with our son (I don't know about yours) that there was a huge passive-aggressive component to it. He is now 10 and now, while I have to watch him, he doesn't try this kind of stuff with me most of the time. Now, I should mention that I try to make sure that we do have a lot of appropriately silly times in our house too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 Hi Calico, You sound so patient and loving in your dealings with your dd. I agree with the previous poster that her behavior sounds very passive-aggressive. I think I'd be quite frustrated and want to be really punitive, but I'm sure there's a better way. Here's a link to some discipline ideas I keep in my bookmarks. I wish I could help more. Maybe you'll find something useful. Ask Joanna for help--she's got a business, giving parenting advice. Discipline Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted February 14, 2008 Author Share Posted February 14, 2008 My ds(now 10) has this tendency (and has had it since toddlerhood). I know that it has felt mean (and over-the-top) to me to discipline for what is being "funny" but in our case we've had to. This is the child that I have to say, over and over, at the slightest provocation, "settle down", because if I don't things get way out of hand. The principle I've taught my ds is, "There is a time for silliness and games but there is also a time for being serious." In our case, just telling him this doesn't work. I have to follow through with specific instructions: "This means, if I give you a worksheet, you must answer the questions seriously even if you think of the best pun in the world." or "You asked for help. You need to listen to the directions." Unfortunately, my ds (in the past) would force me to make it a huge issue with repeated discipline until he would obey. This would not be my choice - a simple quiet reminder would do it for me! But he pushes the issue and both my dh and I have felt that this needed to be a "line in the sand" kind of thing with this child. One thing that helped us in our case was realizing that with our son (I don't know about yours) that there was a huge passive-aggressive component to it. He is now 10 and now, while I have to watch him, he doesn't try this kind of stuff with me most of the time. Now, I should mention that I try to make sure that we do have a lot of appropriately silly times in our house too! Oh my, when I read your words there was a huge recognition of the heart issue going on. Yes, her behaviour is trying to let me know who she thinks is going to be boss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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