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Moxie

Women who don't cry

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I see it a lot here and irl. Women who cry real tears.

 

Is anyone else NOT like that?? I can't think of the last time I cried. Probably while I was pregnant?

 

The thread about jerks got me thinking. If someone left a nasty note on my car, I literally would not care one bit. Like, I might chuckle but I'd throw it away and not think about it. If a man called me a name out the car window, my first instinct would be to let loose a string of curse words right back at him.

 

I have pcos so my androgens run a bit high. Maybe that's why?? If so, I'm glad. I don't want to be a crier.

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Me! I get the crying thing, I have some friends who are criers and I kind of secretly envy their ability to emote like that. The only things I've really cried over in our whole marriage was the NICU stuff and coming to terms afterward with the diagnoses. And very occasionally during a movie or something my kids do I will tear up a bit. But that's it. I didn't cry when I got married. Never at funerals. Not even when my babies were born. It's just not me, though I'd say I'm a reasonably sensitive and emotional person it doesn't show on my face unless I want it to.

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I don't cry. I've gotten ugly notes about my parking before. They made me laugh.

 

A few years ago, my hormones were really messed up after multiple miscarriages right in a row. I sat down on the front steps and started crying. Of course, my Dh called in the middle of it.

 

He was so scared, he wanted to take a cab home right that second even though it would have been more than $100. He thought the world must really be coming to an end if his wife was breaking down. Fortunately, when it was over, it was over.

 

I get that it is a realease for some people, but if I never cry again, it will be too soon for me.

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I cry, but my reactions would be the same as yours. I have no problem dressing down a stranger in public. Especially those jerks. So ridiculous.

 

Sad songs, sweet moments with my kids, fights with my husband, I'm a sobbing mess. I do think hormones have something to do with it. I cry less now that I'm not pregnant or nursing.

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I cry but not over the type of things you mentioned. I'd react the same way as you would in the above scenerio. I cry when I get overwhelmed and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But that isn't often

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I do cry, but not over notes from strangers. But I'll cry over sad scenes in movies and books, anyway, and that's equally divorced from something I really care about.

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I was never a big crier but when I hit my late thirties, I started crying more. I still don't cry that often but definitely more easily than before. I really do think it is hormone related.

 

(The funny thing is that movies cause me to cry more than anything. Not adult movies, though. Kids movies. They get me every.stinkin'.time.)

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I cry but not over the type of things you mentioned. I'd react the same way as you would in the above scenerio. I cry when I get overwhelmed and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But that isn't often

Overwhelmed makes me go right to anger. Like, I want to punch a wall. I don't because I'm an adult but when I'm overwhelmed is when I'm most likely to yell at the kids about picking up their stuff.

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I cry pretty often, but not over things like nasty notes and jerkish behavior. It's sentimental and sad things that get to me.

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I don't cry much anymore; I am pretty sure it's due to my ovaries being removed. The surgery was 6 years ago, and I would say I haven't had a good cry in 4 to 5 years. I used to cry a lot - I practically sobbed through my own wedding. Occasionally I'll get misty over a sentimental movie, but out and out crying, hardly ever. 

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I cry but it isn't breaking down. It really just happens with strong emotions.

 

When there is a full on emergency I am calm and on top of things. Not until everything is fine do I cry out of relief.

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I'm a crier.  I cry too easily, from stress, from sadness, from feeling overwhelmed.  Once I cried while quitting a job, thus convincing my manager that I didn't really want to quit, even though I did want to, very much - I was just overwhelmed by the process.  I hate it that I cry so easily.

 

But I would not cry over notes left on my car.  I have been flipped off and had things yelled at me in anger.  That doesn't make me cry.   I guess I would be embarrassed if someone left me a note about parking badly, if indeed I had parked badly.   I've been tempted to leave a note when someone parked badly such that it would inconvenience someone else trying to park.  But I never have.  if I did, I wouldn't use foul language! I wouldn't want to make someone else cry. 

Edited by marbel
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I'm not a crier and I've always wondered about criers because it's so foreign to me. For example, recently there was a mother who lost her nine month old to SIDS and she posted her story to Facebook. I completely agree that her story was heartbreaking and I couldn't help worrying about my own baby after reading it...but hundreds of women commented that they were sobbing from reading her story. The idea that you'd burst into tears from reading something sad is just not on my radar. I hardly ever cry at movies either, though I have a handful of times (I think the last time was Les Mis). I didn't cry at the births of my children or my wedding or my father's funeral. Sometimes, I wonder if there's something wrong with me.

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I cry, but not over anything that happens to me in real life usually. Some stranger being a jerk to me would just make me think they were simply having a bad day. I wouldn't take it personal & it wouldn't phase me - other than feeling sad for them.

 

My tears are more to do with commercials, YouTube videos (especially with animals being rescued), movies of all kinds... I cried at the first Justin Bieber movie.... 😕 Why? God only knows. If someone is sad or happy on TV, I cry because I'm happy or sad with them. My husband and kids like to tease me about it. And rightly so. I feel embarrassed for myself sometimes, lol.

Edited by mytwomonkeys
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I rarely cried as a kid and young adult.  The times I cried are so rare that I remember at least most of them individually.  I didn't cry at funerals or weddings and rarely when reading a sad book.  I think actually there was only one story that caused me to cry and that may have been hormone related since I was 12.  I remember vividly as a very young adult leaving a very sad movie with my boyfriend and another couple.  The other three were crying, including both tough as nails men.  They thought I was a freak for not crying.  They weren't mean about it really, but they did look at me oddly and tease me about it incessantly for months.  I didn't cry hardly at all even when I had cancer.  

 

I, oddly, cry more now.  

 

I don't fault others for crying, though.  I think biologically some of us are built to cry more than others.  Certainly life experience and circumstance can influence whether we cry or not as well.  I don't see crying as a fault or a weakness.  It is a response.  Some of us respond that way more than others.

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When I get really angry, like just seething mad, it oddly can come with a mix of tears for me. The hot tears just well up in my eyes. It's so weird. This happened a few weeks ago at a doctor's office.

 

I tear up at certain movies.

 

I cry when I feel lots of pressure to do what I need to do when there's a lot. Like I feel like my nest is a wreck and we're packing for a trip. Ugh. It's like a perfect storm.

 

We didn't make it to church yesterday. DH is traveling and a few of us have bad colds. So I led our church at home on the sofa. One of the songs I somehow decided to pick was The Old Rugged Cross. I was a mess....it was one of my grandpa's favs. And he passed last November. Just the words, memories, there with kiddos, etc..

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I'm a crier.  I cry too easily, from stress, from sadness, from feeling overwhelmed.  Once I cried while quitting a job, thus convincing my manager that I didn't really want to quit, even though I did want to, very much - I was just overwhelmed by the process.  I hate it that I cry so easily.

 

But I would not cry over notes left on my car.  I have been flipped off and had things yelled at me in anger.  That doesn't make me cry.   I guess I would be embarrassed if someone left me a note about parking badly, if indeed I had parked badly.   I've been tempted to leave a note when someone parked badly such that it would inconvenience someone else trying to park.  But I never have.  if I did, I wouldn't use foul language! I wouldn't want to make someone else cry. 

This is me exactly.  Thank You for saving me a lot of typing.

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I agree that there is something biological involved.

 

My dad was the crier and I can't think of a time my mom cried.

 

I don't judge non-criers or regret my own weepiness. It's just another difference.

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When I cry, it's deep and I go into a very different state of mind. Things can trigger it. Sometimes it's little things, and sometimes it's big things. I now believe I am this way partly because of my personality, but mostly because of past experiences from when I was being raised. I'm working on this and just coming to the knowledge of seeing things for what they really are (for the first time) makes all the difference. It's easy to heal when you know it wasn't your fault. I think going forward I will have a much better handle on this.

 

Editing because I just realized you wanted to know of any others who DON'T cry. Nope this isn't me. Sorry. :) Wish it were. Ask me again next year.

Edited by Indigo Blue

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For example, recently there was a mother who lost her nine month old to SIDS and she posted her story to Facebook. I completely agree that her story was heartbreaking and I couldn't help worrying about my own baby after reading it...but hundreds of women commented that they were sobbing from reading her story. The idea that you'd burst into tears from reading something sad is just not on my radar. 

 

 

In scenarios like this, I am not quite sure how much of the sobbing is actually happening, or to what degree that is hyperbole meant to comfort the bereaved.

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I usually only cry when I see human suffering. I sometimes wonder if something is wrong with me. I just can't help it.

 

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with that. 

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I do cry, but not over notes from strangers. But I'll cry over sad scenes in movies and books, anyway, and that's equally divorced from something I really care about.

Me too. I can cry over a song but don't usually cry over IRL happenings, which is so weird to me.

 

I didn't cry over my house burning down or all that stuff. I've cried over people close to me dying or over the sorrow of my loved ones but luckily for me that has not been a frequent occurrence.

 

Little stuff often bothers me more than I'd like but my reaction is not crying, more venting and b*tching.

 

There is nothing wrong with crying or not crying. I had a dear friend that cried at everything, sometimes people seem to think that means a person is less intelligent or rational and that crying is some negative reaction associated with being a woman. 

 

I am an inappropriate laugher. I have to bite my tongues at things like funerals because social situations cause me to sometimes get nervous and when I get nervous I laugh. I think I'd rather cry!

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Interestingly, there are studies that have found stress hormones are released in tears So perhaps we should cry a little more.

I do cry when I lose someone dear to me or when I see cruelty to either humans or animals, however only when I am by myself. The one time I cried with other people present was when the ashes of our dear aunt were buried at sea. We were on the boat and there were other family members / friends there.

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I am a crier, and i have PCOS, so I am not sure how much correlation there is there.  I don't know a lot of criers though.  I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen my mom cry.  I can't remember seeing my sister cry, though I am sure she must have when we were little.  My DD doesn't cry very often and has mentioned how she is embarrassed that she doesn't cry even at funerals.  I told her that everyone is different and how they respond is unique to them.  I also told her that I am embarrassed that I do cry so often.

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, I have some friends who are criers and I kind of secretly envy their ability to emote like that. 

 

I am a crier and although I have gotten much better at controlling it over time, I envy people who don't immediately have to concentrate on fighting back tears every time they're confronted with a difficult situation!

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Very rarely. But it's not because I'm not sad/mad/frustrated/upset. I think I take a little bit more time to process what I'm feeling before I express it in whatever way is best for me.

I also tend to go do something physical when I need to vent. So I'm not going to go off on anyone, but I might need to go run, or do some hard housework to blow off steam. I'm not sure it is as much biological (people who cry, people who don't tend to cry) as much as it is a personal way of processing and dealing with stress.

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I pretty much only cry for movies these days.  Watched Apollo 13 over the weekend for the first time since it was in theaters... cried like a baby.  

 

Oh no I take that back, I also cry during books.  Watching me read Little House on the Prairie is like watching a car wreak.  

 

But real life things?  nah.  

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I'm also more likely to laugh than cry.

 

I have never been a crier.  Won't say I never shed tears, but I had to be really really frustrated for that to happen.  In the past 10 years I'm more mushy - it changed when I became a mom, and it gets worse with hormones.  :/

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I used to be a cryer until I had kids now I dont and Im not sure why. Oh except when they were born.

Edited by Elizabeth86

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I am a crier and although I have gotten much better at controlling it over time, I envy people who don't immediately have to concentrate on fighting back tears every time they're confronted with a difficult situation!

The grass is always greener, eh? :D

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I don't think either is better or worse. It upsets dh deeply that he can't cry and I've known other people in that boat. But I've also known people who hate that they tear up over every little thing. I do think it can be a very healthy, stress-relieving response and I dislike that it's culturally seen as a weakness. But seriously, no judgment to the crier or the non-criers.

 

The note thing probably would have made me cry if I was having a really crappy day and was generally overwhelmed. It very well could have tipped me over the edge. But on an average day, it just would have been an annoyance. I have trouble predicting when I'll cry though. I tear up at some sappy movies and not others. I cry about some big events and not others. I cried very little when my father died, for example. But I cried a bunch when my grandmother died ages ago. And it wasn't that I loved one more or less. I think it was just situational and the moment and people I was with.

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I'm not a crier either.  Nasty notes, name-calling...nada...water off a duck's back. I was too bullied as a kid and young adult; it made me hard and gave me anger issues.  However, once I became a Christian in my mid-30's, I instantly became a little more laid back (which was great for the anger issues). I'll tear up more easily over the weirdest things.  I'm pretty much in control during a crisis, but sentimental things will make me tear up immediately.  I sometimes get choked up during worship at church. Movies will make me tear up.  In fact, I choke up during the strangest times, but it's rare for me to cry outright.

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I'm a crier. I cried hard at fair this past week because of a nasty woman. I cried when I watched a young man's face when he won Market Goat but couldn't show because of an injury. I sobbed at the riderless horse, honoring 4 members of the community who passed away--at BOTH rodeos! I cried when telling the story of the riderless horse in the parade (Boulder Queen murdered by her boyfriend, and I'm crying now whilst I type). I cried when the firefighters, State Patrol, police, and my Scouts marched out with the big flag at Saturday's rodeo. I cried when dd and her dh left this morning. I'm hopeless!

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I rarely cry.  I get painful headaches after crying, so I generally try to avoid it.  My boyfriend is the complete opposite ... I've never known someone that cries so much ... it use to really annoy me, but  now I see it as endearing.  

 

From my viewpoint, crying is a physical response to an emotion; just because I'm not crying does not mean I'm not feeling emotion.  (Sorry for the triple negative, don't know how else to say it.  Ha!)

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Hmmm....just thinking about this some more. If you knew me in real life, you would never, ever, ever, ever see me cry. Even if we had been friends for a long time. So you would think ,"Gee, I have a friend who never cries, no matter what." But it's not true. I don't cry in front of others, even if I feel it. When I get home, I fall apart. So, don't know if this counts or not.  (Maybe some of the people who you think never cry, really do, in private???) . Sometimes, being an introvert, I actually worry if others see me NOT crying when others are. I wonder if they think I'm an emotionless hole or something, when just the opposite is true. But it just won't come out in public.

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I'm a crier. I cried hard at fair this past week because of a nasty woman. I cried when I watched a young man's face when he won Market Goat but couldn't show because of an injury. I sobbed at the riderless horse, honoring 4 members of the community who passed away--at BOTH rodeos! I cried when telling the story of the riderless horse in the parade (Boulder Queen murdered by her boyfriend, and I'm crying now whilst I type). I cried when the firefighters, State Patrol, police, and my Scouts marched out with the big flag at Saturday's rodeo. I cried when dd and her dh left this morning. I'm hopeless!

We could be twins. I cry at all if that stuff. Missionary stories are church, commercials, my books, things on FB, etc. I do not tend to cry in a crisis though.

 

I really wish I did not cry so easily as I tear up almost every Sunday at church.

Edited by Ottakee
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I wouldn't cry because of a jerky note.  People don't really get to me like that.

But, I'm totally a crier.  The things that really, really get me are stuff about "life is short."  So give me a good facebook tribute to a child on their 18th birthday or someone missing their grandma or the like, and I'm a puddle.  When my 90 year old grandfather was hospitalized earlier this summer, I cried for days.  

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I've never cried from sadness. I used to cry from anger/frustration but that's improved with age. 

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My response would be the same as yours Moxie but I have a low tolerance bar for jerks.

 

I will tear up occasionally over a moving movie or song but not full on cry. Sometimes, if it is around my hormonal time of the month, I will tear up from joy in my kids. Watching them interact, play, be witty...I get so much joy out of my kids. Otherwise no, not a cryer.

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I am not sentimental, so I don't understand crying about things like a new baby.  I don't cry when I am sad, frustrated or overwhelmed.  I haven't cried at a funeral yet.  I have lost close grandparents.  I think I would cry if my husband or children died, but not if my parents or brother died.  That is purely speculative.

 

I do cry when my heart gets broken.  Teen break-ups made me cry for months.  I don't know why, I wasn't even sad.  I still cry if I think too much about "the love of my life".  Uggg.

 

I cried when my week-old baby and I ended up incarcerated in the NICU, when he got a fever.  Now mind you, I didn't cry when they were testing him for meningitis and everything else under the sun.  When had been stuck in the NICU for several days and he had gotten all better but they wouldn't let us leave, because they couldn't figure out why he had been sick.  They wanted him to finish an entire course of antibiotics & anti-virals.  I cried.  I felt guilty, because everyone else had a preemie or a sick baby fighting for its life, and I had a perfectly well baby.   So shouldn't I be happy?

 

I also cry when I am angry.  This makes me feel like an irrational silly little girl, which makes me angrier.  I have tried saying, "Please ignore my tears and listen to my words."  People don't.  I wish I could suppress it, I try so hard.  

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Given my experience of life with female hormones vs. life with male hormones, I 100% think that how easily many women cry and how little most men cry is largely a function of hormone levels.

 

I used to cry a lot. Sad cry, angry cry, happy tears, etc. Worse when pregnant. 

 

Now, with male hormone levels? I almost never cry. I do occasionally feel like I want to punch something, which I never used to. I'll sweat out stress hormones rather than cry them out now.

 

It's got nothing to do with depth or rationality of emotion and everything to do with how hormones mediate physical responses.

Edited by Ravin
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I very rarely cry and when I do it's usually from stress or anger, and I can almost always link it to hormones.  As in, at certain times of month I'll cry relatively easy.

 

I very very rarely cry in front of anybody.  I am definitely one to go off on my own and hide in a corner if I start to cry.  I think I heard "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" a little too often as a child.   I never say that to my kids.  I actually tell them (especially as we are hitting the hormonal years) that sometimes you just feel like crying, even without a good reason and that's okay.   Dd does like to do the manipulative crocodile tears but I just discuss whatever she's trying for and tell her to go cry in her room.

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I cry less as I've aged. Partly I just prefer not to expend the emotional energy.

 

I've cried a bit lately, due to unusual life circumstances, but that's not usual for me.

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I rarely cry. I've become a little more emotional with age and there have been some kid-related issues that have brought me to tears but it's been in private. When ds was born almost 16 yrs ago with a significant birth defect I cried a lot but only when alone (in the shower, car, etc.) I remember thinking that if a person could cry himself to death, I'd have been dead. Very few tears since then.

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I am a crier and although I have gotten much better at controlling it over time, I envy people who don't immediately have to concentrate on fighting back tears every time they're confronted with a difficult situation!

 

 

Same here. I just read one line in a comment in an article and had tears in my eyes. I cry in movies and in books. And I find it so hard not to cry in arguments that I tend to laugh instead (which makes things worse; but then crying is 'women's manipulation' don't you know?) I remember crying in the car on the way home from work day after day (I remind myself of that when I think about returning!)

 

I actually find anger harder to understand than tears and so it's interesting to read about how people say they feel like punching something etc. I get irritated at the kids but it is rare I get truly angry, and I do find it hard to understand how my husband can get so angry about something that is nothing at all to me. 

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I am not a crier. I prefer to keep the kind of distresses that would cause me to cry to myself. So if I get overwhelmed by life, I might cry in private, but not around others.

 

Sometimes I think it would be better to be able to let it all out.

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