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Oh woe is me, it's half past three

My daughter has a hangnail, what can it be?

I like attention and it's half past four

yum yum yum, can I have some more?

Now it's five

She's still alive

Gonna hit the sack now

Thank you, Hive!

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What is the obstacle to discussing with her GYN? Is there one? Will they not consider it because of her age?

 

I don't know much else about it, having not ever had one nor investigated it. I only know some hospitals would not do it at the time of a c-section birth because of the religious affiliation of the hospital and/or the age and childbearing status of the young woman. One woman I knew was very young and wanted one at the birth of her one child. They would not do it because of her age and childbearing status. But that's all I know.

 

Good luck to you both.

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A gynaecologist

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please note there are side effects

 

These are the side effects that I experienced. Apparently they are rare

 

Fell pregnant twice one miscarriage and the other is ds13

 

Discomfort when engaging in tEA

 

Clip ripped through tube and became imbedded in overy. The most painful thing I have ever experienced. I thought I was dying. Had to have surgery to have half of overy removed.

 

Heavy periods that result in me being anemic ever since

 

I regretted having the original operation

Edited by Melissa in Australia
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You must have had something else.  What is with a clipped ring thing?  I didn't have any rings.  There would be nothing to remove. 

 

 

A gynaecologist






Please note there are side effects

These are the side effects that I experienced. Apparently they are rare

Fell pregnant twice one miscarriage and the other is ds13

Discomfort when engaging in tEA

Clip ripped through tube and became imbedded in overy. The most painful thing I have ever experienced. I thought I was dying. Had to have surgery to have half of overy removed.

Heavy periods that result in me being anemic ever since

I regretted having the original operation

 

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Oh woe is me, it's half past three

My daughter has a hangnail, what can it be?

I like attention and it's half past four

yum yum yum, can I have some more?

Now it's five

She's still alive

Gonna hit the sack now

Thank you, Hive!

Edited by Guest
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whu?!  Like I said..a family member had one at 23.  There was an extenuating factor, but it didn't involve anything other than saying she wanted one and why. 

 

 

   

She says they won't do it. She could die if she doesn't get it and I need to be her research monkey right now. She says she only knows one person who was able to get it done at the age of 30, but that person already had kids and a whole lot of other things my daughter doesn't have that the doctors want.

I've never had one. Right now I need advice on how to research the laws myself and what doctors might be sympathetic. I literally just found out about this last night and am quite distraught and wanting to post as little personal information about her as possible.

But while I've got you, if I do luck out what is the difference between laparoscopically or through an open incision?

We have crappy insurance and would be lucky to get the cheapest option at this point, but if they can do it without touching her lady bits that would be a godsend.

She's going to be fine afterwards because it's a relief to her emotionally but the doctors don't seem to understand the severity of her "extenuating circumstances" and she literally may not be able to communicate them effectively herself.

Once a mom, always a mom; little kids have little problems and big kids have big problems.

Thank you so much for your answer and information! That is going to be helpful to both of us.

 

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Oh woe is me, it's half past three

My daughter has a hangnail, what can it be?

I like attention and it's half past four

yum yum yum, can I have some more?

Now it's five

She's still alive

Gonna hit the sack now

Thank you, Hive!

Edited by Guest
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I think many (most?) gynecologist will refuse or at least be very hesitant to do a tubal ligation on someone that young who is childless. My best guess for how you'd go about it is to have another doctor who is familiar with her advocate for it.

 

FWIW, I had a tubal following second DS's birth via c-section. I couldn't tell any difference between my recovery from his birth and from first DS's birth (well, the second recovery was much easier, but I think it was because I knew what I was in for and it wasn't done as an emergency procedure). I never had any trouble at all due to the tubal. I did have very heavy periods many years later but they were due to a fibroid.

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Oh woe is me, it's half past three

My daughter has a hangnail, what can it be?

I like attention and it's half past four

yum yum yum, can I have some more?

Now it's five

She's still alive

Gonna hit the sack now

Thank you, Hive!

Edited by Guest
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Thank you, Melissa. That must have hurt to write and is exactly what I need to hear right now even though I don't want to.

 

dd isn't a huge fan of doctors but she will die if she gets pregnant again. She doesn't have any children. She isn't in a relationship and probably never will be. She might get raped again, though.

 

What sort of permanent birth control would you recommend? What do you wish you had done instead of the ligation? What is the most permanent kind of permanent birth control that us po' fo'kes can access (I don't think she's on medicaid but she might be)or even if you don't think we can, mothers have lifted cars off of toddlers before so I still want to know if you have time and if it isn't too upsetting to you to tell me.

 

Thank you so much.

 

This sounds like a horrific situation! 

 

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Oh woe is me, it's half past three

My daughter has a hangnail, what can it be?

I like attention and it's half past four

yum yum yum, can I have some more?

Now it's five

She's still alive

Gonna hit the sack now

Thank you, Hive!

Edited by Guest
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Oh woe is me, it's half past three

My daughter has a hangnail, what can it be?

I like attention and it's half past four

yum yum yum, can I have some more?

Now it's five

She's still alive

Gonna hit the sack now

Thank you, Hive!

Edited by Guest
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Oh woe is me, it's half past three

My daughter has a hangnail, what can it be?

I like attention and it's half past four

yum yum yum, can I have some more?

Now it's five

She's still alive

Gonna hit the sack now

Thank you, Hive!

Edited by Guest
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There is Nexplanon which is in under the skin in your upper arm implant which last for years. Doctors very readily agree to this. It is reversible by removing it. In our state medicaid covers it 100% .

 

Does your dd have a relationship with a good primary care doctor that can advocate for her?

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Oh woe is me, it's half past three

My daughter has a hangnail, what can it be?

I like attention and it's half past four

yum yum yum, can I have some more?

Now it's five

She's still alive

Gonna hit the sack now

Thank you, Hive!

Edited by Guest
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Oh woe is me, it's half past three

My daughter has a hangnail, what can it be?

I like attention and it's half past four

yum yum yum, can I have some more?

Now it's five

She's still alive

Gonna hit the sack now

Thank you, Hive!

Edited by Guest
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Without more details, it's hard to think it all through with you.  A few things:

 

 

Based on the little you've written, the danger is to her life if she becomes pregnant.  Obviously, abstinence is a real option here, as we're talking life-or-death.  The day after pill is available for something like rape.  

 

I think what you need to do is accompany your dd to her doctor's appointments form now on until this is resolved.  EVERYONE benefits from having an advocate with them.  It is a second set of ears and another person to think of pertinent questions in the moment.  You need more information on what the life-threatening situation is, whether or not it is treatable, and if not, why there is any hesitation form the medical staff about the sterilization.  You also need to be willing to get a second opinion, or even a third, to get to the bottom of this.  It sounds like all of this is brand new to both you and your dd, so I think taking the time to really think through the choices (while remaining abstinent for safety) is the way to go.  

 

If she is married, it makes a lot more sense for her partner to be sterilized than her.  The day after pill remains an option if she is assaulted.  

 

 

 

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Oh woe is me, it's half past three

My daughter has a hangnail, what can it be?

I like attention and it's half past four

yum yum yum, can I have some more?

Now it's five

She's still alive

Gonna hit the sack now

Thank you, Hive!Oh woe is me, it's half past three

My daughter has a hangnail, what can it be?

I like attention and it's half past four

yum yum yum, can I have some more?

Now it's five

She's still alive

Gonna hit the sack now

Thank you, Hive!

Edited by Guest
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I really don't know what other permanent measures I would have done instead. In my case tubal ligation was not a successful permanent solution. I think the only 100% permament solution is a hysterectomy.

 

 

 

I know my gynaecologist is now a big fan of the mirena instead of tubal ligation. He wanted me to have one for the heavy periods but I don't want hormones.

 

 

My step brother got the snip when he was 20. He had no problem with getting this permanent measure done. He did not want to parent because of his very troubled traumatic childhood. I have heard of others that have got sterilised in their very early 20s for very strong convictions about a range of things and not had any regrets 20+ years later

 

My heart goes out to your daughter.

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She doesn't like doctors. I'm not exactly crazy about them either, but this is a bit beyond essential oils and vitamin C so you're darned tootin' she's got a mommy who can advocate for her and educate herself to say, "Thank you for your time, Dr. X, but I don't think you would be a good fit for us. Will there be a charge for our consultation today?" or whatever it is you're supposed to say to doctors instead of "Thanks no thanks gotta go bye", lol.

 

I hear ya

 

morning after pill might be an option in an emergency in the meantime 

 

I can't take hormonal anything, but a few sucky days would probably be doable

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I really don't know what other permanent measures I would have done instead. In my case tubal ligation was not a successful permanent solution. I think the only 100% permament solution is a hysterectomy.

 

 

 

I know my gynaecologist is now a big fan of the mirena instead of tubal ligation. He wanted me to have one for the heavy periods but I don't want hormones.

 

 

My step brother got the snip when he was 20. He had no problem with getting this permanent measure done. He did not want to parent because of his very troubled traumatic childhood. I have heard of others that have got sterilised in their very early 20s for very strong convictions about a range of things and not had any regrets 20+ years later

 

My heart goes out to your daughter.

 

I don't know.  I think what happened to you is not typical.  I did read though that the method you got is more reversible than cut and burn.  So I'm surprised someone would tell you it is more effective than cut and burn.  Most of the women in my family have gone that route.  None ever got pregnant nor had any complications from it.  Not that that is some sort of definitive "study", but yeah I never heard of such bad results.  In terms of heavy periods, a lot of times that is because someone no longer is taking any kind of hormonal birth control or they just get heavy periods which can happen to anyone for various reasons (or no known reason). 

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I agree to look some more for a doctor who will consider more than just her age and family status.

 

Meanwhile, make sure your dd knows what to do to prevent pregnancy after rape.  (We all need to do this actually, but especially if pregnancy is dangerous.)  I also agree with long term birth control, but I'm not sure it's 100% effective.

 

I am not clear on why she may be unable to explain to a doctor ... your siggy indicates she is a grad student, but if I'm misunderstanding and she is in a situation where she can be victimized and unable to report, then that should be taken into account by the doctor who is deciding whether or not to do a tubal ligation on her.

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I'm guessing this can be resolved with a second or third opinion.  If she truly has a life-threatening condition during pregnancy, I don't see this being a big issue... she probably just stumbled across a bad doctor.  

 

Absolutely.  So long as it isn't against state law, it would then be a matter of personal opinion. 

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I think if you are not even sure if she has medicaid it's going to be hard to help her.  I think going to somewhere like planned parenthood and offering to take her to talk to someone there would be a good start.  I would offer to go with her.  Is she still doing grad work?  Does her University have a clinic where she could talk to someone about her circumstances.  An implant or an IUD would be other long lasting good options. 

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: to you both.

 

Honestly, I think I would just start calling all the ob/gyn offices in your/her area and saying, "I have a 28-year-old daughter who needs a tubal ligation because pregnancy would be life-threatening for her. Would one of your doctors be willing and able to help us with this?"

Edited by MercyA
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Oh woe is me, it's half past three

My daughter has a hangnail, what can it be?

I like attention and it's half past four

yum yum yum, can I have some more?

Now it's five

She's still alive

Gonna hit the sack now

Thank you, Hive!

Edited by Guest
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Thanks, Sparkly

 

 

Oh woe is me, it's half past three

My daughter has a hangnail, what can it be?

I like attention and it's half past four

yum yum yum, can I have some more?

Now it's five

She's still alive

Gonna hit the sack now

Thank you, Hive!

Edited by Guest
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I knew someone who had trouble with their OBGYN so they called the local planned parenthood who could refer them to someone who would do a tubal with no issues.  In the case of that person it was because most of the doctors in the area where affiliated with a Catholic Hospital - they were afraid of doing a tubal on a younger woman.

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Oh woe is me, it's half past three

My daughter has a hangnail, what can it be?

I like attention and it's half past four

yum yum yum, can I have some more?

Now it's five

She's still alive

Gonna hit the sack now

Thank you, Hive!

Edited by Guest
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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: It is an obvious decision to make but it doesn't change the heartbreak involved for your dd (or you).  Much love, prayers and positive thoughts on finding a doctor who is kind to your dd and will listen/understand. 

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If suicide is a risk she needs mental health care; I would not rely on avoiding a triggering situation as sole prevention.

 

Forgive me if I am misunderstanding your hints and nudges, but if I have understood correctly then this is not in any way a problem to pussy-foot around and avoid speaking about or addressing head on.

 

It is also a familiar issue in many of our families.

 

The only other way I can figure to interpret your hints regarding the non clotting disorder risk is that getting pregnant would put her at risk of murder by someone else.

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Are those 5 year implant birth control devices a possibility?

   

Thank you, Melissa. That must have hurt to write and is exactly what I need to hear right now even though I don't want to.

dd isn't a huge fan of doctors but she will die if she gets pregnant again. She doesn't have any children. She isn't in a relationship and probably never will be. She might get raped again, though.

What sort of permanent birth control would you recommend? What do you wish you had done instead of the ligation? What is the most permanent kind of permanent birth control that us po' fo'kes can access (I don't think she's on medicaid but she might be)or even if you don't think we can, mothers have lifted cars off of toddlers before so I still want to know if you have time and if it isn't too upsetting to you to tell me.

Thank you so much.

 

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I'm sorry, Maize, but I thought I had made myself clear that I was upset and not in the mood for a debate thread.

 

Oh woe is me, it's half past three

My daughter has a hangnail, what can it be?

I like attention and it's half past four

yum yum yum, can I have some more?

Now it's five

She's still alive

Gonna hit the sack now

Thank you, Hive!

Edited by Guest
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If the bleeding episode was after a miscarriage, I want to clarify that women without any bleeding disorder have had complications that include hemorrhage. That alone wouldn't be enough for me to say that she would always have that risk. I would say that if you think the bleeding disorder may still not be properly diagnosed perhaps an IUD or the implant (more hormonal side effects with implant) would be a better choice while figuring things out. The Mirena is actually MORE effective than a tubal ligation. With the benefit of no surgery. And it gives you 5 years to figure everything else out. 

Edited by ktgrok
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There's a lot going on here that is impossible to unpack on a message board.

However, if you haven't already, you should investigate why the doctor doesn't want to do a tubal. If she has a bleeding disorder so bad that pregnancy would kill her, they may be very concerned about performing surgery. I've had a tubal, and no bleeding disorder, and I wound up back in the ER needing blood products from all the bleeding. There may be a legitimate medical reason why they are concerned about surgery.

 

It may also be that the doctor is concerned about her mental health and doesn't feel she is in a place to be making permanent decisions. Doctors are hesitant to perform sterilizations on women who don't have children and young women. I was 33, had three children and a uterine rupture--and he was still hesitant to do a tubal during a c-section. So hesitant I'm honestly not sure it was actually done as there's no documentation and he "couldn't remember." His whole concern was that after an incredibly difficult pregnancy that I was not in any mental state to be making those kind of decisions, and honestly he was probably right. My body however had already made that decision for me.

 

The whole situation sounds rough, but I agree with the others--an IUD may be the way to go until things are better figured out. Placement is invasive, but so is the tubal.

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: to you both.

 

Honestly, I think I would just start calling all the ob/gyn offices in your/her area and saying, "I have a 28-year-old daughter who needs a tubal ligation because pregnancy would be life-threatening for her. Would one of your doctors be willing and able to help us with this?"

 

This is probably the best place to start.

 

I've worked with docs before that didn't like to do tubals.  They did them, of course, but they didn't like to.  One in particular had a practice very heavy on young women on Medicaid (he was one of the few docs in town that took it).  He saw a lot of women who had 2 babies in their very young twenties and were done.  He'd do their tubal.  About 10% of the time, they came back 10 years later, in a new marriage, financial status much easier, and want another baby.  It happened so often that he became a little gun-shy about tubals.  What it looked like in his case was questioning over and over and over the woman if she was sure.

 

I share all that to say that all doctors have baggage.  It might not show up, and they might not be able to put words to it.  But there are other docs with different baggage, and it's not universal.  You can find someone to do it out there. 

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