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DS wants to come home for junior and senior year???


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He's been in private school since 9th grade.  He was homeschooled until then.  He wanted and begged to go to B&M school.  He has been struggling there a good bit.  I must have asked him 4 times last semester if he wanted to come home this year and he said no.  He told me today that he wants to come home.  Here is the clincher ... I was supposed to notify the school by July 1st.  If I pull him out now, I will still be paying  part of his tuition this year  :banghead:   He says he can get a part time job and help pay for it.  

 

My concerns....

 

this is the kid where we always struggled to work together.  He is a serious procrastinator and he responds better to others.  He says he will do better but ....

 

How do I piece together a transcript and counselor letter for this?  I think it will look bad, right?  Junior year is a terrible time to make the switch.  

 

 

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He's been in private school since 9th grade.  He was homeschooled until then.  He wanted and begged to go to B&M school.  He has been struggling there a good bit.  I must have asked him 4 times last semester if he wanted to come home this year and he said no.  He told me today that he wants to come home.  Here is the clincher ... I was supposed to notify the school by July 1st.  If I pull him out now, I will still be paying  part of his tuition this year  :banghead:   He says he can get a part time job and help pay for it.  

 

My concerns....

 

this is the kid where we always struggled to work together.  He is a serious procrastinator and he responds better to others.  He says he will do better but ....

 

How do I piece together a transcript and counselor letter for this?  I think it will look bad, right?  Junior year is a terrible time to make the switch.  

What have his struggles been in school?

 

Your comments that I bolded are red-flags to me.  Unless his mental health would be in jeopardy if he remained at the private school, based on your bolded comments, I would keep him at the private school.

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I wouldn't take him out, either.  He had a deadline to meet with an answer, he chose not to.  And given your red flags, I wouldn't be comfortable with the last few years of school with an attitude of success being iffy.  No.  I'd ask him what I could do to help him adjust better to the private school.

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What have his struggles been in school?

 

Your comments that I bolded are red-flags to me.  Unless his mental health would be in jeopardy if he remained at the private school, based on your bolded comments, I would keep him at the private school.

 

 

He has a chronic illness and he struggles with energy and focus.  Many of his teacher's comments and decisions have lead me to believe that they are hard on him because they assume he is super smart but lazy, when in fact he is smart and sick.  He is not the perfect student and I acknowledge this fully.  He can be a procrastinator.  He can lack attention to details.  But, they play hard ball with him because they view him as a kid who is capable but lazy.  He is the type of kid who will struggle and keep it to himself and not talk to them about it.  He has to work through these issues.  I know.  

Honestly, I have no idea what is best for him.  I hate the idea of trying to teach him again.  He wants to duel enroll for some subjects instead.  

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Go with your mom instincts. Usually you already know in your gut what is best.

 

I wouldn't have a problem with how it looks on a transcript or counselor letter. 

 

I wouldn't believe that he will do better for you just based on what he says. It does sound like he needs outside accountability. However this can be done through many avenues - dual enrollment, online classes, private school, etc.

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He has a chronic illness and he struggles with energy and focus.  Many of his teacher's comments and decisions have lead me to believe that they are hard on him because they assume he is super smart but lazy, when in fact he is smart and sick.  He is not the perfect student and I acknowledge this fully.  He can be a procrastinator.  He can lack attention to details.  But, they play hard ball with him because they view him as a kid who is capable but lazy.  He is the type of kid who will struggle and keep it to himself and not talk to them about it.  He has to work through these issues.  I know.  

Honestly, I have no idea what is best for him.  I hate the idea of trying to teach him again.  He wants to duel enroll for some subjects instead.  

 

If you decide to bring your son home, I would be leery of duel enrolling because those grades will follow him forever.  I would outsource to an online provider if he wanted to be accountable to someone other than you - there are less ramifications going this route if your son begins to struggle.  :grouphug:

 

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I wouldn't have a problem dealing with the applying-to-college part of the decision, but I'd definitely have a discussion on 1) why he's suddenly changed his mind, 2) how home will be different vs. before and 3) what the parents can do to make the private school experience better for him.

 

I'd echo the online provider idea, except you're stuck for part of his tuition so that might not be feasible.

 

If he stays at the private school, I'd definitely make sure the teachers understood his illness so they aren't punishing him for that.

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If I could write a counselor letter about my older son's high school experience, you can too!

 

My son homeschooled for ninth grade and half of tenth (he also homeschooled from second to eighth).  He then went to a private school for the rest of tenth and the first semester of eleventh.  In eleventh, he was in the school's IB Diploma Program (so, rigorous, prestigious, something that looks bad to quit).  He begged me to pull him out halfway through the year to homeschool again.  After much angst, we pulled him at the end of the first semester.  We homeschooled for a few months and then he did dual enrollment at the CC for the rest of high school.

 

If you want to see my counselor letter, I'd be happy to PM it to you.

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Also, regarding dual enrollment for a kid with focus/executive function issues--My son, who has an ADHD diagnosis, did much better with the fewer classes in a shorter time format of college.  His CC was on the quarter system, so he did three classes each quarter as a full time student.  They also seemed to have fewer assignments than high school classes, but the what they did assign really counted.

 

The thing about dual enrollment is that those grades follow you forever (as another poster pointed out upthread).  So he needs to really understand that before going into it.

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If you think bringing him home is better overall , then don't let the college stuff stop you. You can figure that out.

 

Personally, I am not sure late teen boys are the best candidates for homeschooling in general and you mention some specific concerns about your ds. My boys are generally compliant and good students but getting them through homeschool classes in high school was a real drag. For reasons I am still not able to fully identify it was just a real struggle to get school done and done well. Then you throw ACT and college stuff on top of it. It can be unpleasant to nag and negotiate to get it done. It made me pretty unhappy, honestly.

 

There was a pretty easy fix in my house and that was de. They did well with that and I didn't have to nag to get work done. If they had not been up for de, mine would have been better off in school.

 

I know we have wildly successful, compliant, driven homeschool teen boys here who do amazing with their homeschool classes so I realize my sentiments do not apply across the board. However, irl I have seen the vast majority of moms spend those last couple years frustrated and tired of dragging their boys through. Even the ones that became superstar college students.

 

In your case I would think very hard before pulling him out. The structure might be best and then you can be mom and administrative support and not the primary teacher.

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Will he better be able to manage his illness at home?

He can do a 5th year senior year if he can't get his work done for you on time if he will be healthier for it in the end.

 

 

What courses does he need his junior year? 

 

 

 

I am seriously considering making him step back as a sophomore next year and making it a stipulation of him coming home?  If he really wants to come home, he will step back and work his way through.  The other reason this could be good is that with his illness, most people find they struggle a little less after hormones have settled down some.  This would mean his inflammation would possibly be better before going into college.  Also, he's a guy and guys mature later, right?  If he is a sophomore, he could also get three years of DE in before graduation.  We might go really easy on it next year (1 class per semester?) and then increase if he is doing well.  

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I have a daughter with chronic illness that most people don't know she has.  I have her enrolled in a school that you can set their schedule with a mixture of college and high school classes.  it has been good for her.  At home it was so easy to let her rest when tired, extend deadlines because I know how ill she was over the weekend etc.  I wasn't disciplined enough to keep her going.  Her schedule is 4 classes a semester starting at 9 or 10 am and she's done at 2.  Only thing with college classes is professors were not as understanding as the high school instructors.  When she missed exam because she was in ER the professor did not allow her to take later.  Also they did not want to talk to me, just student.  Her grade went from 106% in the class to an 85%.  So frustrating but honestly she wasn't doing well from March to May so to finish all her classes with A's and B's was awesome.  She was determined to finish and not withdraw   I'm thinking I need to meet with CC disability office and set up a plan for her based on her health needs but have not done this yet.  She is happy with this school so it works for us.  She likes instructors and the structure if she wasn't happy though I'd be looking for an alternative because life is hard enough.

 

Good luck with your decision.  

Kimberly

 

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I have a daughter with chronic illness that most people don't know she has.  I have her enrolled in a school that you can set their schedule with a mixture of college and high school classes.  it has been good for her.  At home it was so easy to let her rest when tired, extend deadlines because I know how ill she was over the weekend etc.  I wasn't disciplined enough to keep her going.  Her schedule is 4 classes a semester starting at 9 or 10 am and she's done at 2.  Only thing with college classes is professors were not as understanding as the high school instructors.  When she missed exam because she was in ER the professor did not allow her to take later.  Also they did not want to talk to me, just student.  Her grade went from 106% in the class to an 85%.  So frustrating but honestly she wasn't doing well from March to May so to finish all her classes with A's and B's was awesome.  She was determined to finish and not withdraw   I'm thinking I need to meet with CC disability office and set up a plan for her based on her health needs but have not done this yet.  She is happy with this school so it works for us.  She likes instructors and the structure if she wasn't happy though I'd be looking for an alternative because life is hard enough.

 

Good luck with your decision.  

Kimberly

 

 

I am sorry about your dd.  The chronic illness just throws a monkey wrench in it all, doesn't it?  Because ds looks fine most of the time, teachers can't wrap their head around the fact that he is ill.  They don't see his labs, they don't see his pain (he works super hard to hide this from everyone and he never ever complains), they don't see how low his energy levels are :(  

The school he attends is very rigorous and his peers pull late nights to get the studying in and he just doesn't have the energy for this - at about 9 or 9:30 he goes to bed.  He has nothing else left.  Decisions with these kids aren't cut and dry, right?  

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My oldest daughter attended an extremely high performing school in 9th grade -- the teachers didn't cut anyone slack, they treated them from the outset like college students.  The workload was demanding and unrelenting.  The kids were so stressed and I couldn't imagine any of them being able to perform at that level with a chronic illness -- the ones battling illness usually left to do online school.  But being inside the system you think that is normal, and kids who can't hack it feel like failures -- it is so competitive and no one wants to admit they can't do it.  Your son maybe didn't tell you in time because he was trying to convince himself he could do it, or didn't want to let anyone down? 

 

I would pull him -- junior year is the hardest year with the most pressure put on those kids.  Mine had anxiety attacks the whole year and took a long time to feel in control again. (workload ramping up along with extracurriculars ramping up meant she was pulled in so many different directions. Less sleep, more illness, it was a mess.  She quit band and struggled back and forth on that one a long time because she felt like she was letting people down, but it meant no more anxiety attacks and no more illness. It had taken such a toll on her!)

 

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My oldest daughter attended an extremely high performing school in 9th grade -- the teachers didn't cut anyone slack, they treated them from the outset like college students.  The workload was demanding and unrelenting.  The kids were so stressed and I couldn't imagine any of them being able to perform at that level with a chronic illness -- the ones battling illness usually left to do online school.  But being inside the system you think that is normal, and kids who can't hack it feel like failures -- it is so competitive and no one wants to admit they can't do it.  Your son maybe didn't tell you in time because he was trying to convince himself he could do it, or didn't want to let anyone down? 

 

 

 

It sounds like Ds's school.  He said he didn't want to leave because he thought we wanted him there and he was convinced that sophomore year would be better for him, when in fact it was only worse.  At this school you are either 1) super smart and ambitious (half of the graduating class went to a top 30 school) or you are 2) super wealthy and plugged in with the country club kids.  If neither of those then you feel lost and alone.  He has been lost and alone :(  Public school in our district simply isn't an option.

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If I could write a counselor letter about my older son's high school experience, you can too!

 

My son homeschooled for ninth grade and half of tenth (he also homeschooled from second to eighth).  He then went to a private school for the rest of tenth and the first semester of eleventh.  In eleventh, he was in the school's IB Diploma Program (so, rigorous, prestigious, something that looks bad to quit).  He begged me to pull him out halfway through the year to homeschool again.  After much angst, we pulled him at the end of the first semester.  We homeschooled for a few months and then he did dual enrollment at the CC for the rest of high school.

 

If you want to see my counselor letter, I'd be happy to PM it to you.

 

 

If you really don't mind, yes, I would love to see your letter. I have graduated a student but she was homeschooled straight through.  I have written a letter but never one that will piece together being in and out of homeschooled. I also wonder if you just listed the courses taken at previous schools on your own transcript and that was good or did they want more info from previous schools, etc?

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If you really don't mind, yes, I would love to see your letter. I have graduated a student but she was homeschooled straight through.  I have written a letter but never one that will piece together being in and out of homeschooled. I also wonder if you just listed the courses taken at previous schools on your own transcript and that was good or did they want more info from previous schools, etc?

 

I put all the courses my son took on my transcript with codes for where the course was taken and also sent official transcripts directly from the schools.

 

I'll PM you the letter.

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