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I am looking for a community/forum/facebook group where I can go with questions about my young gifted learner. I am incredibly overwhelmed with her emotional intensity. Everything is a 10 and I'm not responding well. She is 5 and starting K in the fall (we were always planning on homeschooling, so that will be fine) but her emotional intensity is kicking my butt. We recently started seeing a counselor and we are getting a full behavioral evaluation in the near future to see if there is anything else we are missing but I suspect it is just giftedness. 

 

In case anyone has experience with this here and has tips or encouragement to share I'll share a little about her :-) She's 5 and shes a voracious reader which I think adds to the intensity. She is incredibly focused on justice and very upset when other people do wrong (even though she "does wrong" all the time and is quite selfish). She has to win and have more and get her way (I did not raise her to do this!!), and she is very quick to cheat or lie. She is very smart and can be manipulative. She is so emotionally intense when she doesn't get her way... tonight I had already said goodnight to her and her dad said I was not going to be coming back in and she just cried and yelled for 30 minutes needing him to go back in and handle it... repeating phrases over and over like "If I could only wish for one thing I would wish for my mama" and "I lost the feeling of your kiss and hug and I need it!! I can't get it back, I need it!" It is so overwhelming when she perseverates on something, she seems so irrational but she is so normal at other times and so smart! She is so charming, as well. I'm praying someone can help me or send me to a community that might  be able to help. Thank you! 

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Thank you! I just looked and my library has "Parenting a child who has intense emotions" so I requested it. I'm currently reading "Making children mind without losing yours" and "How to really love your angry child" because she struggles with anger but I think part of it is that we're just not effectively teaching her how to handle all of her emotions. Thanks for the suggestion

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I don't really have advice, but wanted to extend my sympathies. My 7yo daughter's intensity manifests differently, but it's still so very intense. Except that it does seem to be mellowing a bit, either with age or therapy or better understanding of what's going on.

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No advise, just commiserating.  I also have an incredibly intense 5yo.  The dichotomy of him reasoning so well and yet being unable to be reasoned with often throws off my parenting compass.  I get really frustrated, and then I remember that he's five.  Still, I'm trying to figure out strategies to help smooth things out, besides just letting him get older.  Being able to be reasoned with does seem to come all on it's own with time.  Both of the books maize listed are in my reading queue, along with:

 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0910707898/ref=ox_sc_sfl_title_24?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER

 

and

 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553062182/ref=ox_sc_act_title_1?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&psc=1

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I have the same thing going on with my DD. She's in play therapy, and her therapist said that her emotional IQ will probably meet up with her intellectual IQ when she's in her 20s. It gets better every year, but it's still rough.

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I am looking for a community/forum/facebook group where I can go with questions about my young gifted learner. 

 

 She is incredibly focused on justice and very upset when other people do wrong (even though she "does wrong" all the time and is quite selfish).

 

She is so emotionally intense when she doesn't get her way... tonight I had already said goodnight to her and her dad said I was not going to be coming back in and she just cried and yelled for 30 minutes needing him to go back in and handle it... repeating phrases over and over like "If I could only wish for one thing I would wish for my mama" and "I lost the feeling of your kiss and hug and I need it!! I can't get it back, I need it!"

 

Hi, there are a bunch of us on this forum with gifted kids (I hate that term, but don't know any other way to put it).  I'm not an expert, but just so you know where I'm coming from when I post...oldest briefly went to public school and tested into the gifted range.  One of my dds (12) is obviously not "typical", but has never been tested (actually, she's never been inside a school).  She is at a late high school/early college level in one area and we think she might be mildly on the spectrum (we started to get her diagnosed and then chickened out and pulled the plug - long story).  I have 5 total, but those two stand out more than the others on this topic.

 

Anyway....

 

Have you seen the Hoagies' Gifted Education website?  http://www.hoagiesgifted.org .  There are a ton of helpful articles and links on this site.  There's even a blurb at the top that says, "You are not alone."   :tongue_smilie:

 

Here is the Davidson Gifted Forum:  http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ .  I have never posted on there and don't know how helpful they are, but it seems to be pretty active.

 

Yes, some of them are incredibly focused on justice and right/wrong.  WHY is that???  My oldest is like this.  She works with special needs adults and children once a week at an equestrian therapy center.  She also works once a week at a pit bull rescue.  She has some kind of social media thing she runs where she tries to alert rescues of dogs who are on euthanasia lists at local shelters.  They go and pick up the dogs and find fosters for them.  She also does emergency fostering.  I think we are on our 5th foster dog.  She has helped set up and run 5Ks for charity...  She works adoption events every weekend.  She does the photography for the rescue's website.  She's only 15!   :svengo:   When I was a kid, I spent most of my free time watching cartoons.   :o

 

If she only cried for 30 minutes, you're doing GREAT!  LOL.  DD12 had some epic tantrums when she was little.  I'll spare you the details, but I think I spent most of 2008-2010 crying behind closed doors, thinking I must be the worst parent in the world.  Around age 8-9, she calmed down a lot.  At 12, she's so much fun to be around (ha!  who would've thought).  So, there is hope!   :D     

 

Anxiety is a really common problem here, too.  DD12 had a severe hand-washing problem when she was about 4.  She was afraid of Anthrax.  Really, what 4 year-old is afraid of Anthrax??  She also couldn't touch anything with her hands.  She would use a napkin.  When she was 5, oldest dd would sit in the car and try to calculate how much gas we had left in the minivan, then check the price of gas to see if we had enough money to buy a tank of gas.  *sigh*. For years, we didn't watch the news.  It would upset oldest dd.  As teens, they are constantly checking the news and arguing with dh and I about current events and social issues (ds14 in particular).

 

Anyway, it does get better!  If I could go back in time and give myself any advice on how to raise these kids...I would be more careful about sheltering them from adult problems and maintaining a level of positivity in the house.  We have been on a campaign this year.  If an activity or something isn't having a positive effect on our family, it's OUTTA here!!

 

Good luck!  I hope you find some community!   

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Anxiety is a really common problem here, too.  DD12 had a severe hand-washing problem when she was about 4.  She was afraid of Anthrax.  Really, what 4 year-old is afraid of Anthrax??  She also couldn't touch anything with her hands.  She would use a napkin.  When she was 5, oldest dd would sit in the car and try to calculate how much gas we had left in the minivan, then check the price of gas to see if we had enough money to buy a tank of gas.  *sigh*. For years, we didn't watch the news.  It would upset oldest dd.  As teens, they are constantly checking the news and arguing with dh and I about current events and social issues (ds14 in particular).

 

 

Oh my goodness, thank you for the laughs (I'm sorry I'm laughing at the expense of your DD!) That just reminds me so much of my daughter with the gas calculations and anthrax scare. My DD5 brought home a book about germs and bacteria and acted in a similar way for a little bit.

 

It has really helped to hear that other people are struggling with this with their children. It is also helpful to hear that they grow out of it a little bit over time. Thanks for the encouragement!  

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I've been following this board for a while and so appreciate being able to relate to others experiences! While each year brings a little more space between the biggest meltdowns, I'm hoping we're figuring out something to help our 9yr old navigate her emotions. Appreciate the book recommendations.

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Your daughter sounds a lot like my 5 year old son :).  There is a group called "Raising Poppies" on Facebook that is very active and has been a really helpful community/support for me.  There is also a "Homeschooling Poppies" group as well :).  

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I have an anxious gifted kid and I was an anxious gifted kid.  My mom lay down with me to go to sleep until I was 8 or 9, so I have no advice there, except to say that it really alleviated a lot of evening anxiety (that's when my anxiety was the worst).  When she stopped, I was maybe 10, and I was anxious well into the wee hours of every night for years, although I was quiet about it by then.

 

What helps me to deal with my anxious kid is to recognize that a lot of the behavior is anxiety and not maliciousness.  He has a greater than average need to control his environment (and at his age, mental control is impossible, so he resorts to violence sometimes) and thus a greater than average need for me to regulate his environment and reassure him.

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I am looking for a community/forum/facebook group where I can go with questions about my young gifted learner. I am incredibly overwhelmed with her emotional intensity. Everything is a 10 and I'm not responding well. She is 5 and starting K in the fall (we were always planning on homeschooling, so that will be fine) but her emotional intensity is kicking my butt. We recently started seeing a counselor and we are getting a full behavioral evaluation in the near future to see if there is anything else we are missing but I suspect it is just giftedness. 

 

In case anyone has experience with this here and has tips or encouragement to share I'll share a little about her :-) She's 5 and shes a voracious reader which I think adds to the intensity. She is incredibly focused on justice and very upset when other people do wrong (even though she "does wrong" all the time and is quite selfish). She has to win and have more and get her way (I did not raise her to do this!!), and she is very quick to cheat or lie. She is very smart and can be manipulative. She is so emotionally intense when she doesn't get her way... tonight I had already said goodnight to her and her dad said I was not going to be coming back in and she just cried and yelled for 30 minutes needing him to go back in and handle it... repeating phrases over and over like "If I could only wish for one thing I would wish for my mama" and "I lost the feeling of your kiss and hug and I need it!! I can't get it back, I need it!" It is so overwhelming when she perseverates on something, she seems so irrational but she is so normal at other times and so smart! She is so charming, as well. I'm praying someone can help me or send me to a community that might  be able to help. Thank you! 

 

I hate to say it, but this sounds quite normal.   I think she'll grow out of it as she gets older.    You might tell her that you can't play games with her if she won't share winning or if she cheats.  As for extra snuggles, I've heard that more one-on-one time can help with the neediness.  If you can snuggle her to sleep, might be easiest for you.  I sympathize..... My 7 year old is like this.   Frankly, I think good losers and kids who *don't* cheat are abnormal (though pleasantly so!).

 

PS:  More sleep tends to help with the attitude the next day, so even more so, helping her to get to sleep quickly and happily might be the best strategy.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Just echoing the others - hang in there. 

 

I would say that the one parenting thing that I haven't seen mentioned yet is the Nourished Heart Approach. It has helped so, so much with our anxious middle child. It's still not perfect, but it's better. https://childrenssuccessfoundation.com/about-nurtured-heart-approach/

 

:)

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I tried to post earlier but it disappeared. Just commiserating on the sleep issues- my husband reminded me over the phone of when he tried to put my daughter to sleep (five years old).

"Katie, if you don't got to bed, you're going to cry all night."

"Dad, if you make me go to bed, I'm going to cry all night."

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