Veteran Moms - how do you maintain an atmosphere of spiritual formation and discipleship?

[Porridge]

There have been so many wonderful threads lately about really big ideas - how to really implement a classical education, best advice from mothers of large families, a "teaching" commonplace... I've bookmarked them all. I've been wrestling with another big question for a long time. I hope I'm able to clearly articulate my question.  

 

 In the daily grind of homeschooling life (or life in general), how do you, as a homeschooling mother, promote and maintain a spirit of discipleship and spiritual formation in your home?

 

I think many of us share the sentiment that just as we wouldn't fully outsource our children's academic formation to a brick and mortar school, we likewise wouldn't fully outsource our children's spiritual formation to church. Please understand, I am not denigrating the role of the church in my child's (or my) spiritual development - I'm simply verbalizing a sense of responsibility as a parent to proactively consider how to disciple my children during their time under our roof. 

 

I had (still have? sort of?) this ideal that part of the appeal of homeschooling was that we, as a FAMILY, could pursue spiritual formation together as a family. I had (have?) this vague ideal about learning the word together, serving together, growing together.

 

The learning part is, in some ways, the most straightforward. We read the Bible and discuss it daily. In the past, we memorized large chunks of the Bible (we fell off the bandwagon this year, hoping to hop back on next year...). The serving part has been more challenging. Perhaps because my children are still young (though growing up quickly!), it is difficult to serve TOGETHER.  We've served meals at shelters, helped in sunday school, cooked meals for sick friends, provide breakfast for the college group at church --- the kids can be involved in small ways for all of those things. None of those things feel very cohesive. It feels very scatter shot, and I wonder whether my children really have a sense that one of our primary callings is to love our neighbors?  I guess sometimes, because homeschooling takes so much bandwidth, it feels like we don't have a lot of time or energy to really serve in a sustained and "coherent" way.  But perhaps what we are doing (helping within our small circle when help is needed) is totally fine (especially for our stage of life) and I'm letting my vision of the "ideal" cripple the reality of the good.

 

I'm also thinking through, in the long run, for the marathon, because homeschooling is a marathon - how do I promote spiritual growth within our home?  How do I keep our home from being "culturally" christian - just going through the motions and doing what we're "supposed" to?  I know that a huge part of the answer is that I need to be abiding in Him and in His word..... But I'm also looking for broader perspective - been there and done that advice - either philosophical, theological or super-practical.  What kept you from spiritual burnout as you homeschooled your children? What perspectives helped you along the way? What resources helped your children grow in their faith? What kids of resources / expectations are appropriate for various age groups? Are there any must-do's? Any mistakes to avoid?

 

Obviously, whether my children ultimately choose to follow God is not up to me, but I'd like to do my part to lay a foundation. I guess another way to phrase my question might be, what is my part and how to I do it over the long run?

[SamanthaCarter]

Wow. Awesome question.

 

 

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[retiredHSmom]

That is a great question and one that I know that I struggle with too.  As far as fostering spiritual growth, our family has pursued religious education at home as part of our curriculam we have also tried to impress the concept that religion is for everyday not just once a week.  In my family and my religion that has meant attending church 3 week days each week and taking advantage of special speakers who come to church.  We also have worked on praying together by saying night prayer together each night.

 

On the service front we sound a lot like you.  We try to serve at the soup kitchen once a month and pray at the abortion facility once a month but like you I felt like it was sporadic and never enough and then it occurred to me that I was trying to make it too big.  Our neighbors everyone including our own family and people at the grocery store etc. we set a goal that each day each one of us should do something to make someone else's life a little easier.  Sometimes that is working at the soup kitchen sometimes that is letting the lady at the store with just a few items or crying children go ahead of us.  Sometimes it is folding your sisters laundry when you know that she has a had a busy day.

 

 

[SoCal_Bear]

I think you recognized the most important thing which is you absolutely can not outsource spiritual formation to the church. That is and always will be found in the family and under the leadership of parents. Your church is there to support that...but ultimately it is you.

This is coming from me as a former youth director...your faith must be lived out authentically. They have to see that you love God and how that infuses the rest of your life and the choices you make as a family in how you invest your time. So, I would not discount what you are doing even though it doesn't feel cohesive. It isn't a script.

 

That being said...I just heard Kara Powell speak. This is a book she has written called Sticky Faith. It was really powerful what she had to share:

 

https://www.amazon.com/Sticky-Faith-Everyday-Ideas-Lasting/dp/0310329329/ref=pd_sim_14_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0310329329&pd_rd_r=ECTFJFHPH8BC6HWCP81C&pd_rd_w=fikik&pd_rd_wg=rsSLi&psc=1&refRID=ECTFJFHPH8BC6HWCP81C

 

https://www.amazon.com/Sticky-Faith-Guide-Your-Family/dp/0310338972/ref=pd_bxgy_14_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0310338972&pd_rd_r=2ENZMDH37Z4KACDRTCEC&pd_rd_w=mfUOB&pd_rd_wg=3AhI4&psc=1&refRID=2ENZMDH37Z4KACDRTCEC

 

She also has a couple of guides out for teens called Can I Ask That? These are the books that tackle those super hard questions that young people really want to know about.

I also quite liked George Barna's Revolutionary Parenting which based on the research that he writes about in his book Raising Spiritual Champions. 

https://www.amazon.com/Revolutionary-Parenting-Research-Shows-Really/dp/1414339372/ref=pd_sim_14_1?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1414339372&pd_rd_r=ECTFJFHPH8BC6HWCP81C&pd_rd_w=fikik&pd_rd_wg=rsSLi&psc=1&refRID=ECTFJFHPH8BC6HWCP81C

 

https://www.amazon.com/Transforming-Children-into-Spiritual-Champions/dp/080101879X/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_3?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=080101879X&pd_rd_r=68JXQRCNDX65JCZQXNVV&pd_rd_w=Eljwi&pd_rd_wg=CqakZ&psc=1&refRID=68JXQRCNDX65JCZQXNVV

 

Edited June 18, 2017 by calbear

[8filltheheart]

Life in our family is one of constant conversation filled with lots of questions. Really thinking about our daily life vs simply going through our days is part of how we function.

 

We are Catholic, so the book may have no appeal, but back when my 28 yos was about 6, I bought this thin book that has really impacted my parenting. It's called My Path to Heaven. https://www.amazon.com/My-Path-Heaven-Young-Persons/dp/0918477484 It became a central influence in how we talk about things. We always discuss things in terms of asking yourself how even small decisions lead you down a different path in life. How do the different choices impact who you are and who you want to be?

 

We cannot control who our children become as adults. They have free will and they will ultimately do what they want. The best we can do is provide them with the tools to live a thoughtful life, one where they know they are responsible for their choices and how those choices are their deliberate decisions in forming who they are.

 

We also talk about daily life as our vocations. My vocation is wife, mother, teacher, friend, sister, but at the heart of all I do is servant of God. Same for our children. In terms of education, their daily vocation is student. How are they serving God with the intellectual gifts He has bestowed on them? Does their attitude reflect serving Him? Are their choices leading them down the path they truly want to take?

 

Our kids also write AMDG (abbreviation for ad majorem Dei gloriam "For the greater glory of God.") at the top of every assignment to remind themselves that it is through our mundane daily life that we serve Him. Serving isn't just in the big things. Truthfully, our life is more reflected in all the little, boring, ordinary things in between. How do our actions and attitudes reflect on that precious gift of life He has given us? They have to understand that only they can answer for themselves. I want them thinking through these thoughts all day every day bc I want a formed conscience guiding their footsteps.

Edited June 18, 2017 by 8FillTheHeart

[Hunter]

A planet can only orbit around one sun. A homeschool can only CENTER on one worldview. When a homeschool mom feels the gravitational pull of two competing sets of goals, she has to KNOW what is HER center and yield and cling to it.

 

You are the planet. You choose your sun. Your children are your moons. You take them for a ride around a sun, even though you are their center. If you lose your center, they lose theirs.

[Hunter]

What do YOUR beliefs say about education. YOURS. I don't give a poop what anyone else's beliefs are. Block out everyone. Block out modern ideas. Listen to your small voice. What IS education in general? What is an education within your most BASIC beliefs?

 

HOMEschools are based on the beliefs of the HOME. Are you a HOMEschool or a homeSCHOOL. It is not wrong to be a homeSCHOOL!! But if you are a HOMEschooler, your "school" might look very different from a homeSCHOOL. HOMEschoolers tend to be a bit more on the end of the spectrum of unschoolers. Not always in the amount of child-centered! But in daily LIFE being the CENTER of the education. Some oldschool Christian families were very MOM and church centered, and not child-centered at all, but they had more in common with unschooling than homeSCHOOLING.

[nixpix5]

We use daily bible readings in the morning along with age appropriate devotionals to have discussions over breakfast. As we go through our day I look for opportunities to tie it back to our Christian walk. We pray together every day and sing worship music throughout the week. We work through the What We Believe curriculum with DH a couple evenings per week. We make sure to have time with our Christian homeschool peers as often as we can. The kids do Prims and Royal Rangers and Dh and I try to be heavily involved so we can continue that work. We volunteer in our church and contribute to events to show our kids this is part of a Christian life. We focus on doing things for our neighbors and my daughter often arranges those things as she has a servant's heart for sure. When issues arise at home that is always the best time to being it to God and to model that. I think that is the number one for me; modeling a Christian walk for my kids. I try to be humble with them, ask forgiveness, pray in front of them when I need wisdom and guidance, let them see me reading my bible separate from homeschool. After reading Honey for a Child's Heart we have tried to implement and after dinner discussion but we either do a short family devotional or we allow them to get an issue off their chest that we help them solve biblically. Of course this doesn't happen every day and I certainly have times that I fail at all of this but we try to be faithful to the best of our fallable ability. Neither DH or I grew up in a Christian home and didn't become Christians until graduate school so we have that stacked against us. We don't know what a Christian home is suppose to look like so we find strong families we respect and seek a good deal of wisdom and instruction from them.

[Hunter]

Some curriculum that might inspire you and give you some ideas.

 

FREE: Teaching with God's Heart for the World. A one-year family-style unit study centered on world missions.

http://harvestministry.org/twghw

 

Student of the Word curriculum. It is being rewritten by the author and...there is some confusion around what is currently available and how to buy it, and even e-mailing the author has left me very confused. But this is an expanded example of Ruth Beechick's literature based "natural method" using the Bible as the literature. I'm linking as an EXAMPLE, not a recommendation to buy it.

 

http://www.sowcurriculum.com/sow/newpage1.htm

 

http://www.sowcurriculum.com/sow/newpage3.htm

 

Ruth Beechick's The Three R's is useful far beyond the recommended K-3 target audience, especially the spelling.

https://www.christianbook.com/the-three-rs-one-volume-edition/ruth-beechick/9780880620741/pd/620749

 

Bedell Curriculum

Some people might find this curriculum offensively patriarchal, but this guy knows how to write INTERESTING things and make the KJV Bible come alive and relevant to students. I have found these lessons very useful for remedial work with certain older students.

http://www.bedellcurriculum.com/curriculum.html

 

Learning English with the Bible. This text moves fast and is best combined with Beechick's natural method. https://www.christianbook.com/learning-english-with-the-bible-textbook/louise-ebner/9780899575650/pd/75654

 

Diagramming the Scriptures. 

https://www.amazon.com/Diagramming-Scriptures-Shirley-M-Forsen/dp/1609572653

 

If you are using a Bible version with non-standard punctuation and/or British spelling, like the KJV, and are trying to use it with Beechick's natural method, I have found for ME that deemphasizing punctuation and increasing attention on other areas of grammar is helpful. Once the structure of English is understood, discussion about temporal and conflicting STYLES of punctuation can be discussed more easily. Long Bible-based grammar lessons are not a waste of time, if comprehension and memorization of the portion of scripture is a goal.

 

FREE Grace Fernald's Teacher's Manual of Spelling is a helpful supplement to Beechick's spelling method. It offers an alternative to phonogram memorization, but is Ayers based. Just use list A for each year, and make up your own B/C list(s) from the daily Bible reading. Reading this manual left me saying, "Duhhhh! Why didn't I think of that on my own?"

https://archive.org/details/teachersmanualof00fernrich

[....]

I think you recognized the most important thing which is you absolutely can not outsource spiritual formation to the church. That is and always will be found in the family and under the leadership of parents. Your church is there to support that...but ultimately it is you.

 

I agree with you, but isn't that the most difficult thing ever!  I was an atheist for years, so that is not easy. 

 

The best I can do is give my kids a strong foundation of Scriptural knowledge and encourage them to help others.  They take two years of confirmation classes with a pastor.  My teens read through the entire Bible.  I'm going to have them read some Christian authors later in high school - CS Lewis, for one.  My teens also have volunteer jobs and do service projects through their youth group.  Last year, we realized that they need to spend more time with other kids who are Christian.  So, we have made a point in finding activities and classes that aren't secular.  The activities were a change we made in the last year and it had a really positive impact on the kids.   

[Hobbes]

I love this question. It articulates very well some of the things that have been rolling around in my brain as I plan for next year.

 

I'm no veteran, but I was raised by a veteran. 😉 I grew up in a family that did spiritual formation well and I've benefited so much from that. We read and discussed the Bible daily (twice), memorised, and consistently attended and served at church together. A lot of what you mentioned.

 

About serving, one thing that I think greatly impacted all of us was my parents' hospitality. They had so many people over and it required us to serve in many ways - helping with food, amusing kids, showing interest in others, cleaning up, sacrificing our bedrooms, etc. It was so good for us and as my husband and I do this with our kids, I already see an impact on our children. Just a thought related to the serving opportunities question.

[MerryAtHope]

The best thing you can do by far is to pray and pursue a close relationship with God yourself. Let your children see you reading scripture--not just your time with them in the word, but your time. Pray in all kinds of circumstances. Pray with your children over things they struggle with. Pray for your neighbors, your church, your city, ministries you are involved in. Rely on God in all things, and more and more as you are able. Ask God to open your eyes to God's love for you and the hope we share in Christ--pray Paul's prayers from Ephesians 1 and 3 and Philippians 1 over your family. Serving is good and important--but it's not always what you do but just continuing to seek the Lord as a family. If your faith is sincere, your children will see that. And God is faithful and is walking with you as you seek to pass your faith on to your children. 

[nixpix5]

I agree with you, but isn't that the most difficult thing ever! I was an atheist for years, so that is not easy.

 

The best I can do is give my kids a strong foundation of Scriptural knowledge and encourage them to help others. They take two years of confirmation classes with a pastor. My teens read through the entire Bible. I'm going to have them read some Christian authors later in high school - CS Lewis, for one. My teens also have volunteer jobs and do service projects through their youth group. Last year, we realized that they need to spend more time with other kids who are Christian. So, we have made a point in finding activities and classes that aren't secular. The activities were a change we made in the last year and it had a really positive impact on the kids.

I can really relate to this. Growing up atheist and bring atheist a huge chunk of our adult lives made becoming a Christian family so confusing for us. We knew the families we wanted to be like but had no idea how to implement it. One of my favorite books was "Building the Christian Family You Never Had" because I was like "ok, someone gets it". Not to mention it was becoming research scientists that drove us to faith (go figure lol) which made it even more challenging to balance within our community. Luckily we have found a balance all these years later. Still, it isn't second nature to us like it is to some of our friends who grew up in Christian families and who have always been Christian. I definitely love hearing from other families who can do this successfully.

[KeriJ]

The best thing you can do by far is to pray and pursue a close relationship with God yourself. Let your children see you reading scripture--not just your time with them in the word, but your time. Pray in all kinds of circumstances. Pray with your children over things they struggle with. Pray for your neighbors, your church, your city, ministries you are involved in. Rely on God in all things, and more and more as you are able. Ask God to open your eyes to God's love for you and the hope we share in Christ--pray Paul's prayers from Ephesians 1 and 3 and Philippians 1 over your family. Serving is good and important--but it's not always what you do but just continuing to seek the Lord as a family. If your faith is sincere, your children will see that. And God is faithful and is walking with you as you seek to pass your faith on to your children.

â¤â¤â¤

[BlsdMama]

There have been so many wonderful threads lately about really big ideas - how to really implement a classical education, best advice from mothers of large families, a "teaching" commonplace... I've bookmarked them all. I've been wrestling with another big question for a long time. I hope I'm able to clearly articulate my question.  

 

 In the daily grind of homeschooling life (or life in general), how do you, as a homeschooling mother, promote and maintain a spirit of discipleship and spiritual formation in your home?

 

I think many of us share the sentiment that just as we wouldn't fully outsource our children's academic formation to a brick and mortar school, we likewise wouldn't fully outsource our children's spiritual formation to church. Please understand, I am not denigrating the role of the church in my child's (or my) spiritual development - I'm simply verbalizing a sense of responsibility as a parent to proactively consider how to disciple my children during their time under our roof. 

 

I had (still have? sort of?) this ideal that part of the appeal of homeschooling was that we, as a FAMILY, could pursue spiritual formation together as a family. I had (have?) this vague ideal about learning the word together, serving together, growing together.

 

The learning part is, in some ways, the most straightforward. We read the Bible and discuss it daily. In the past, we memorized large chunks of the Bible (we fell off the bandwagon this year, hoping to hop back on next year...). The serving part has been more challenging. Perhaps because my children are still young (though growing up quickly!), it is difficult to serve TOGETHER.  We've served meals at shelters, helped in sunday school, cooked meals for sick friends, provide breakfast for the college group at church --- the kids can be involved in small ways for all of those things. None of those things feel very cohesive. It feels very scatter shot, and I wonder whether my children really have a sense that one of our primary callings is to love our neighbors?  I guess sometimes, because homeschooling takes so much bandwidth, it feels like we don't have a lot of time or energy to really serve in a sustained and "coherent" way.  But perhaps what we are doing (helping within our small circle when help is needed) is totally fine (especially for our stage of life) and I'm letting my vision of the "ideal" cripple the reality of the good.

 

I'm also thinking through, in the long run, for the marathon, because homeschooling is a marathon - how do I promote spiritual growth within our home?  How do I keep our home from being "culturally" christian - just going through the motions and doing what we're "supposed" to?  I know that a huge part of the answer is that I need to be abiding in Him and in His word..... But I'm also looking for broader perspective - been there and done that advice - either philosophical, theological or super-practical.  What kept you from spiritual burnout as you homeschooled your children? What perspectives helped you along the way? What resources helped your children grow in their faith? What kids of resources / expectations are appropriate for various age groups? Are there any must-do's? Any mistakes to avoid?

 

Obviously, whether my children ultimately choose to follow God is not up to me, but I'd like to do my part to lay a foundation. I guess another way to phrase my question might be, what is my part and how to I do it over the long run?

 

 

I think it is very like asking that same question on an academic level  - how do you make sure your child is well educated?  You focus on the foundation.  Truth is you don't have to cover every eventuality, 'cuz you cannot.  But you can focus on putting first things first and laying a strong foundation.  Use a catechism.  Hit truth over and over, each time going deeper for their age.  Discuss.  Read good books and discuss those from a biblical perspective.  Have those perspective discussions.  It's a little "weak" to say, "Well, WWJD?"  But it really comes down to that, adding, "Can you tell me why you believe that, scripturally?"

 

ETA: Two other things:

 

 

First things first - let them see you put God first, reading scripture first thing in the AM, covering the Bible first before school.  It sends a message of importance.

 

Second, what you see as "hit or miss" or just sporadic adds up to a full childhood of remembering servitude as a platform for family.

Edited June 19, 2017 by BlsdMama

[Julie of KY]

The best thing you can do by far is to pray and pursue a close relationship with God yourself. Let your children see you reading scripture--not just your time with them in the word, but your time. Pray in all kinds of circumstances. Pray with your children over things they struggle with. Pray for your neighbors, your church, your city, ministries you are involved in. Rely on God in all things, and more and more as you are able. Ask God to open your eyes to God's love for you and the hope we share in Christ--pray Paul's prayers from Ephesians 1 and 3 and Philippians 1 over your family. Serving is good and important--but it's not always what you do but just continuing to seek the Lord as a family. If your faith is sincere, your children will see that. And God is faithful and is walking with you as you seek to pass your faith on to your children. 

 

Agreeing with Merry. Pray and pursue your own relationship with God. If you have an authentic relationship, I think that is the best model your kids can follow. You can "require" Bible reading, prayer, service or anything else but it can be done in an effective way OR just going through the motions.

 

I am blessed to have kids forming their own relationships with God. I think homeschooling has been a big part of it both by modeling parent faith as well as the kids having time to get up in the morning (or evening) to do their own Bible reading. I've never told them they have to do so, but they all carve out time in their days to do it on their own. Sometimes it's annoying when I feel behind and I'm trying to get school done and they are busy reading their Bible - I have to step back and remember what is important. We do Bible reading as a family as well and discuss that, but it is completely optional to discuss what you are doing on your own. 

[Mrs Twain]

I like the ideas others have already shared.

 

Personally I don't do Bible study or devotionals as part of school because I don't want my kids to think of these in the same way that they think of school. There are certain aspects and subjects of school that my kids dislike, and I don't want God and His Word to be lumped into those negative feelings. Therefore our time in the Word and prayer have always been separate from our school time.

 

One aspect that I don't think has been mentioned is helping your kids develop a heart for the lost. Teaching them how to share the good news with others is an important part of discipleship. Various ways to accomplish this exist, but you should include basic instruction on how to share the gospel as well as opportunities to have real life conversations with individuals who don't know God.

[lllll]

nm 

 

Edited July 11, 2017 by tentwelve

[IvyInFlorida]

I finally gave up on finding a decent church when I realized I was spending half my Mondays UNdoing lousy, shallow teaching from these churches on Sundays.  Time I should have been spending hs'ing my kids.  I just did the math and realized that all that time lost in hs'ing was a LOT.  It was an easy decision to make, giving up the church search.

 

 

 

Yeah, we are kind of floundering around in this area right now.  This is along the same lines I'm thinking, but having been raised to be at church every time the doors were open...well, it's a hard decision to make.  Can I ask how you get your kids in touch with other Christian kids?  One of my sons is very extroverted and I'm worried about this.

 

On the original question, this is something we take pretty seriously.  We use catechism (Training Hearts, Teaching Minds), the very excellent Child's Story Bible by Voss, hymn singing, and prayer (traditional ones and our own) every morning.  I don't keep behavior/discipline issues in the secular realm--we discuss the spiritual part too.  My husband openly talks about spiritual discussions he's having with coworkers/friends so the boys can see him living it out.  Read Scripture, discuss, behave in a Godly way, wash rinse repeat every day.  Hopefully it will all bear fruit!

 

I love the AMDG thing a previous poster mentioned.  Our version is to constantly remind the boys of catechism Q1: what is man's primary purpose?  To glorify God and enjoy Him forever...and then discuss how that applies to what we might be doing at the moment.

 

Great question, OP!

 

[Hunter]

I love the AMDG thing a previous poster mentioned. Our version is to constantly remind the boys of catechism Q1: what is man's primary purpose? To glorify God and enjoy Him forever...and then discuss how that applies to what we might be doing at the moment.

 

I love the first question of the Westminster.

 

What is man's primary purpose?

 

It reminds me of the third article in the declaration of human rights which is sometimes emphasized as the first in some resources I have used.

http://www.youthforhumanrights.org/what-are-human-rights/universal-declaration-of-human-rights/articles-1-15.html

 

We all have the right to life.

 

To many Christians, the reason they believe they have the right to life is that they believe their primary purpose is to interact with their God. What other men think about their right to survive and take up space is always secondary.

 

This belief can make some people more resilient to suicide.

 

An outcome based education, where worth is earned by accomplishment is very different than an education based on question one of the Westminster.

[lllll]

Yeah, we are kind of floundering around in this area right now.  This is along the same lines I'm thinking, but having been raised to be at church every time the doors were open...well, it's a hard decision to make.  Can I ask how you get your kids in touch with other Christian kids?  One of my sons is very extroverted and I'm worried about this.

 

...

 

I didn't think of it as finding other Christian kids for my kids.  I just looked at the company my kids kept and made each decision case by case.  For example, we lived in a neighborhood with a few kids my kids played with.  None were Christian and all played together well, for a while.  After a few years, one kid began pressuring my sons to come to his religion's gatherings.  Another child lied constantly.  After trying to deal with the kids directly without success, I began limiting my kids' time with the first group.  The child who lied, I cut off completely after several warnings.

 

I think I thought of it more as 'how can you even tell whether a child that young is a Christian?'  I can't even tell whether some adult, church-going people are Christians, much less a child.  So I looked at the kid's behavior and made a judgement call as to what kind of influence I wanted, or didn't want, my kids exposed to.  Thus, cutting off the lying child because no way was I opening that can of worms with my own kids.  Not a battle I wanted to fight ...

 

My kids are grown now and 4 still in college, 1 graduated.  They attended a large, state university with kids from all over the world because that was all we could afford.  After a couple of years, they told me they were glad they were not in a Christian college because in a college like they were in, it was easy to see the true believers.  And all of them have friends who are and aren't believers.  They take it one person/situation at a time ... 

[Porridge]

Thank you, thank you, thank you all, for these amazing and mature perspectives. 

 

I've been reflecting on this issue and on your comments a lot over the past few days. I think much of my confusion (and periodic angst) stem from not feeling like I can see spiritual development in my children. My husband feels differently - he feels they are growing and that I just can't see it because a) they are young, and b) I'm with them all the time so I get the brunt of all the bickering and childishness. I would add c) I've always been too critical and overly introspective.  Perhaps I'm expecting too much from a 7 and 9 year old? I don't even know what I should be expecting. Don't get me wrong, my children are wonderful...I guess I want them to be....more wonderful??? Or perhaps, if I'm honest, I want to know the future. I want to know it will all turn out well in the end.

 

The first stanza of "A Prayer in Spring" by Robert Frost says, 

Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers to-day; 

And give us not to think so far away 
As the uncertain harvest; keep us here 
All simply in the springing of the year.

 

This is often my prayer. I worry about the "harvest" often -- "harvest" meaning how everything will turn out in the end.  How will my kids turn out? Will they choose to follow God? Will they be academically well prepared? Will their spiritual development be stunted by my personal vices? When I fall into this kind of worry, it sucks the joy out of being their mom - out of enjoying them for who they are at this precious age - the spring of their life!  I wish I could stay "here, all simply in the springing of the year" -- faithful to plant and tend the garden (do my part for their spiritual, academic, physical, etc. development) but also able to enjoy the process and not stress about the harvest / outcome. 

 

Sincere thanks for all the practical suggestions as well.

 

I wasn't raised in a liturgical tradition, but have found myself very drawn to liturgy and catechism. We tried Starr Meade's other catechism devotional - the one for the Heidelberg catechism. We got through the first 20 questions or so, but found it got pretty theologically heavy and I've decided to table it for a year or two. It's not that I don't believe children can handle heavy theology, it was more that the form of the presentation / discussion required too much tweaking to hold the interest of my antsy DS.

 

8Fill, we aren't catholic but have a great appreciation for the way the Catholic church approaches spiritual formation. I ordered My Path to Heaven and it is an incredible book. I know my children will love it and I'm looking forward to poring over it together and to the discussions we'll have. 

 

For those interested in other resources, I've also ordered a book called TheOlogy by Marty Machowski. It looks like a wonderful way to keep going over the basics of the faith.

 

I also appreciate the reminders and encouragement to pursue my own relationship with God. For myself, I'm recommitting to morning prayer time and looking at Hinds Feet on High Places. The protagonist is named Much Afraid. Ha! I don't think of myself as afraid, but isn't worry another name for fear?

 

 

 

 

[IvyInFlorida]

TheOlogy is great!  We used it before going on to Training Hearts and will revisit it for sure.  We also did this version of Pilgrim's Progress

when my oldest son was about 5 and is was huge for him.  Will be revisiting it as well now that he's older and I have another pair of ears listening.  Our other great resource is that Voss story Bible I mentioned.  We're on our 4th read through, and it's not a short book!

 

My husband and I have made a point of drawing each other's attention to any spiritual maturity we see happening in our kids, because we're so often blind to it.  There are so many day to day struggles that sap our (especially my) energy.  It's like in the OT when the Israelites set up those memorial stones.  Something good happened and they knew they needed a reminder to God's presence and promises.  My older son is very very difficult.  Two weeks ago he hurt his leg badly and has had to rest it, which has been so tough for all of us because if he doesn't get to run wild in the woods a good part of the day, he ACTS like a wild thing!  But the other day he actually said that this injury is teaching him patience.  6 months ago he NEVER would have made that connection.  I felt like jumping up and down.  He went right back to driving us crazy, of course, but there was glimmer in there of something happening.

 

And half the time, during morning devotions, I feel like words are just bouncing right off everybody, including myself.  But devotions are now a habit.  And even the almost 3 year old is beginning to ask questions and engage.  Little by little the efforts pay off. 

 

All this to say, don't lose heart!  All we have to do is pray and keep up our duty of leading and training them.  God will use our vices and failures as well as our strengths for His own glory and their spiritual life too. (I'm telling this mostly to myself because I need to hear it often, ha!)

[BlsdMama]

Yeah, we are kind of floundering around in this area right now.  This is along the same lines I'm thinking, but having been raised to be at church every time the doors were open...well, it's a hard decision to make.  Can I ask how you get your kids in touch with other Christian kids?  One of my sons is very extroverted and I'm worried about this.

 

On the original question, this is something we take pretty seriously.  We use catechism (Training Hearts, Teaching Minds), the very excellent Child's Story Bible by Voss, hymn singing, and prayer (traditional ones and our own) every morning.  I don't keep behavior/discipline issues in the secular realm--we discuss the spiritual part too.  My husband openly talks about spiritual discussions he's having with coworkers/friends so the boys can see him living it out.  Read Scripture, discuss, behave in a Godly way, wash rinse repeat every day.  Hopefully it will all bear fruit!

 

I love the AMDG thing a previous poster mentioned.  Our version is to constantly remind the boys of catechism Q1: what is man's primary purpose?  To glorify God and enjoy Him forever...and then discuss how that applies to what we might be doing at the moment.

 

Great question, OP!

 

 

 

One of my favorite resources has been using this:

https://www.amazon.com/Training-Hearts-Teaching-Minds-Devotions/dp/0875523927