I hate team sports -rant

[Desert Strawberry]

my kids are the lukewarmest of participants. They show up. they meander out onto the field. they half-heartedly swing the bat. one know where the bases are, one doesn't. Sometimes they get ready  on time and we make it there for the first pitch, sometimes no. all the while, i'm dying inside because i am clearly far more invested in this than they are. 

 

Their league doesn't keep score or track wins and losses, which is good, because if they did, they would brag, brag, brag if their team won (from past years in another league). They were talking smack before the season even started, before they knew what team they were on, or that  they don't keep score. 

 

after the game, they enthuisastically dive into their "snacks", which are typically bigger than their dinner. tonight's offering is a lunch bag of candy, chips, and a caprisun. then i get to listen to them bicker over who got what in their bag while my 2 year old freaks out because she doesn't have one. 

 

this is super ridiculous. 

 

yes, most of this is parenting stuff, and character issues that i need to work on with my kids. but this team sports thing just brings out the absolute worst in my kids. and probably me, too. try as i might, i can't just sit back and enjoy the game when they are behaving so poorly. 

 

one more game tomorrow, and then never again. 

Edited June 2, 2017 by Desert Strawberry

[Julie Smith]

I'm so glad we have never done team sports. They sound the worst.

 

I've been lucky with cross country running, even when my boys were younger. 

 

Everyone worked up a sweat. 
No talking about winning or losing. 

No snacks of any kind, even juice. 

Only one weekend 'game' (While meet) once a season. 

 

 

Edited June 2, 2017 by Julie Smith

[Garga]

Before we had kids, my sports adverse dh and my sports adverse self were horrified to think that we might have children who liked sports. Gasp! No!

 

We wracked our brains trying to think of what sport we would be able to stomach. We knew that all outdoor sports were out. My skin burns to a little crisp in the sun and my dh gets heat exhaustion. And I hate cold. I said, "I've got it! Basketball! It's indoors!" My 5'6 dh gave me a disbelieving frown and blurted out "LOOK at me, woman! Do you think any child of mine will play basketball??!"

 

Back to the drawing board. Finally one of us looked up, snapped his/her fingers, and said, "Eureka! I've got it! Karate!" We tucked that little moment of genius away and when we finally got around to having kids, we signed them up for karate.

 

The boys have now completed their 4th year of karate and everyone is happy. I drop them off at the air conditioned/heated studio and head back home for a lovely hour of alone time. Every 5 or so months they do a belt test where we sit in comfortable chairs in the a/c or heat and watch them do their kicks and punches and they get a new color belt. The boys are happy. We are happy. Win-win.

 

Best Sport Ever.

Edited June 2, 2017 by Garga

[happypamama]

I'm with Garga. Karate for the win! Plus, good life skills. And no competition, except with yourself. Okay, so my big two compete with each other, but that's just them.

 

DH absolutely said no to all team sports for all the reasons the OP listed. So sorry!

[Desert Strawberry]

my family is heavily into sports. i'm definitely the odd one for not putting all of my kids in baseball every season. i feel like sucha slacker when they don't play. 

 

i have learned my lesson. 

 

my little ones -who this is about-asked for karate this summer, but i can't do it. i need some recovery time. summer classes start next week. i just can't go back to back like that. my older two have classes scheduled.  i hope it goes better. 

 

 luna still has therapy through the summer. and we are swimming almost every day. and we have outings planned and summer clubs and library reading programs-three, because clearly i don't know my limits. no. i'm cutting it back to 2. i was considering a fourth, but that is stupid. 

 

i really wanted a nice, relaxing summer. i guess i don't know how to relax. 

[Julie Smith]

Best Sport Ever.

I suppose you have running beat. Eldest liked running and that lead to one thing, which lead to another.

 

Since then I have been going to a run club, when ever possible twice a week to run 5km with my boys. Rain, snow, heat wave... at least I now have incentive to run, .... making sure Youngest doesn't get hit by a car when crossing the street.

[Zinnia]

My kids are crazy into sports. I have the 6 year old out there that looks insane, so into it.

 

Like anything you don't like at first, you get used to it if it brings your kids a lot of joy.

Edited June 2, 2017 by Zinnia

[Carrie12345]

Little League has been AMAZING for my oldest 3 kids.   I could go on and on about how much they've loved it, I've loved it, all the good it's done, blah, blah, blah. The girls' coach actually took me aside last night to tell me how much she loves having them on the team. They're not "The Best Players" but, according to her, they're personable, take direction, communicate positively with their team, and work hard.  My 18yo desperately misses LL, but doesn't feel he's good enough to try out for the (community) college team.

 

My youngest 2?  A different story is playing out.  My 6yo isn't all that into it.  I don't think he'll play next year. My 10yo seems to be on the fence, but gets upset if I talk about quitting. This is his 3rd year.  I don't think his new team is a good place for him, but there aren't any other options available for his age + skill (or lack there of.)

 

Team sports are not inherently bad, but they're certainly not ALL good for EVERY kid.  Don't torture yourself or them!

[Carrie12345]

 

The boys have now completed their 4th year of karate and everyone is happy. I drop them off at the air conditioned/heated studio and head back home for a lovely hour of alone time. Every 5 or so months they do a belt test where we sit in comfortable chairs in the a/c or heat and watch them do their kicks and punches and they get a new color belt. The boys are happy. We are happy. Win-win.

 

Best Sport Ever.

 

See, our karate experience hasn't been as positive.  They placed 3 kids in 3 different classes, with an expectation of 3x/wk. The studio's 25 minutes away, so no time to go back home.  The waiting room was jam packed. Belt testing was nearly 4x/yr, expensive, and held in an indoor water park resort that (imo) just sets up a mean, expensive expectation for the kids.  ("Ooh, look at all your little friends going off to celebrate by swimming and sliding for a whole bunch more money!")  It was way worse for me than juggling 3 ball teams.

 

Anyway, I want to say that I don't blame karate for our experience, just the person running the one we joined.

[MEmama]

Honestly it sounds like a bad fit rather than sports in general. Given the myriad benefits sports have had on my son I do hope you don't write them off entirely, but instead keep open to some that your children are more interested in.

 

Not that you're asking but I'd take my kid off any team he doesn't want to play for, if mostly because it really isn't fair to the coaches or the other kids to put up with late and disinterested players. BTDT and it's really frustrating and disruptive to the kids who want to play and learn.

 

(I don't mean to sound harsh, honestly. It takes time to figure it out)

[SKL]

Yeah, I thought I would hate team sports, but we had a great experience with soccer (our first team sport, started at age 7).  Have to say I kinda love having the kids in sports now.  We only do rec though.

 

My oldest just happens to be naturally inclined toward athletics, so I guess that is my motivation.  My other kid would rather read a book or do a science project; she basically just tolerates sports.  If all my kids were like her, I wouldn't bother with the team stuff.

[Garga]

I'm the one who posted about karate--and I actually agree with everyone else that team sports can be a great thing. In my case, the apples didn't fall far from the tree and none of us love sports. But if my kids had been inclined toward them, I'm have had them in team sports. I would say to them every season, "Hey, how about soccer! Your friend, X, is in soccer!" "How about baseball!" "How about...!"

 

They always looked horrified and said, "No!" Karate was the only thing they showed the tiniest glimmer of interest in.

 

I personally don't enjoy sports, and neither to my boys, but I do recognize that it has the potential for amazing benefits. But, as with everything else about parenting, it all depends on the kid. Some kids live for sports. Some kids hate them. As parents, we have to figure this out on the fly.

 

Also, like an OP pointed out with her bad karate experience, sometimes the people running it will make it a good/bad experience, and sometimes a kid will like one sport over another.

 

Parenting is tricky. :)

Edited June 2, 2017 by Garga

[Desert Strawberry]

It really isn't the sport's fault. It's not a good fit for my kids. They would do much better in something else. I'm a finish what you start kind of parent. But I will be glad when the season is over.

 

The team aspect stresses me out. Uniforms, needing a minimum number of kids, all of the other players depending on my kids. I think we'll just stick to individual sports. The older two are doing kickboxing and tumbling, and swimming. Much less stress.

[Farrar]

We made the move away from team to individual sports and I'm never looking back. We do our team "thing" with Destination Imagination. We do our active "thing" with dance, karate, parkour, and diving (depending on the kid and the season). Totally fine with these being separate. And it's much less stress.

[Carrie12345]

That (the bolded) is absolutely mind boggling to me. I have never heard of such a thing. My kids' belt tests are in the same room as their classes.

 

Shihan (admittedly) has major ADHD.  I don't think he knows how to exist without trying to make everything as big and exciting as humanly possible.  My budget, however, doesn't stretch very big and exciting!

[wintermom]

Sounds a little like your children aren't interested in baseball (or whatever variety they're doing), but there are many different physical activities out there. 

 

If you have a homeschool sport that just focuses on drills and skills with some scrimmages and fun games thrown in, that might be a better fit for you and your dc. We do homeschool soccer and hockey like this. I organize the soccer, which means I rent out a field, hire a quality coach, and advertise to our local homeschool population to register to cover the costs. It works great. Another family does the same with hockey. 

 

It's important that children get exposed to a variety of physical activities early in life, to build up coordination and fitness, and to promote life-long health and activity. The actual physical activities don't have to be strictly organized sports, but they can be if it's a good fit.

 

If think something to help survive until the end of the year is to cut out the huge snack bags. Sounds like this is the biggest head-ache for everyone. Just have one thing per person + water. That's all that's needed, and more, for swinging a bat and a quick sprint to a base.  

[Amber in SJ]

I have very little interest in sports.  I enjoy ice hockey, but I couldn't even tell you the rules for football, basketball, baseball, golf, rugby, soccer, bowling or......well, you get the idea.

 

Dh played football, swam & was on the diving team in high school and part of college (hello, football injury)  Picked up ice hockey at 24 and still plays at 47.

 

With our first 2 dds we tried one season each of soccer and t-ball.  Neither of them were interested and we weren't interested in the candy sales & volunteer requirements & crazy sideline parents.

 

We also tried tumbling & dance, again, to no one's interest.  Dd#2 discovered TKD and received her black belt before she left for college.  Dd #1 never found a physical activity she is passionate about.  She exercises to stay healthy, but that is it.

 

Dd #3 fell in love with ballet (and lyrical, and jazz, and contemporary but mostly ballet)  she also does TKD, but is there for the social life :)

 

But Ds is another story.  We tried baseball and while he is good enough to have teams lining up for his participation, he just isn't interested enough to put in the work to be really great.  It frustrates the heck out of coaches.  We as parents are also not interested in pushing him, or letting a sport that he is lukewarm about eat our lives.  We also have other restrictions like not playing on Sunday that limits us.  He participates in an 8 week flag football "season" in the fall and an 8 week basketball "season in the winter.  This seems to give him the chance to become familiar with the sports enough to not be ostracized by other young men.  He also does TKD and received his first black belt last year.  He will probably be the only one to go on to receive other levels of black belt.  

 

I know that parents who love team sports want to tell you about all the things kids learn through team sports and I am not saying kids don't learn things, but beauty pageant moms say the same thing and here on the homeschooling boards we know there is more than one way to learn something.  

 

Amber in SJ

 

 

 

 

[BarbecueMom]

My older two played on the same baseball team for two years. If my middle son hadn't dropped it, I would have split them up and dealt with two schedules. They cannot be on the same team together for any sport. They play together all day, compete at board and card games, but in a team environment it turns into that weird "stay away from me/we have to be next to each other" thing that spills over into the gameplay.

 

And their "sports needs" are different. DS7 (middle son) needs physical assertiveness. He needs to be able to "steal", legally, from an opponent. Baseball didn't suit him because of the turn-based nature of offense and defense. He plays hockey now, where he can get in the middle of things to get the puck and poke it away from opposing players.

 

DS9 isn't much for "swarm sports". Hated soccer and didn't care much for basketball (although it DID teach him general assertiveness, which he needed). He enjoys baseball, and the pace of it matches his personality well. He's actually the more competitive of the two, but likes the logical, cerebral side of baseball (mama's boy, lol).

 

Life would be easier if we weren't melting on a field and freezing in a rink on the same day, but it works for now.

[Mimm]

That sounds miserable. :(

 

My kids have been in all kinds of activities, but rarely team sports. They just weren't any good, or all that interested. Watching my kid lazily trot down the soccer field for an hour or so isn't my idea of a good time. :) I always wished I could find something they were passionate about, something they begged to do more of. I didn't even care what it was. I kept switching activities, letting them explore, hoping to find that THING that they just couldn't get enough of. Dance, gymnastics, tae kwon do, piano, orchestra, robotics team, basketball, volleyball, soccer, swim team, pottery, cooking class, theater arts. Probably forgetting a couple things. Various co-op classes. Nothing ever sparked that undenyable interest. Instead there was complaining or apathy. Or they liked it and had fun, but were ready to move on by the end. I didn't even care if they were any good. I just wanted them to love doing it.

 

My 3 year old has been in dance classes and gymnastics and she already shows more interest/obsession than my older two ever did. Not a week goes by that she isn't asking when she gets to go back. She's only three so who knows, maybe that'll wear off. But when Middle was in dance at her age, she was just... meh... on the whole thing. My husband and I always thought it was important that they find something they're willing to work hard at. We wanted them to learn discipline, to experience working through difficulties, and being rewarded with greater skill at an activity.

[TABmom]

That sounds miserable. :(

 

My kids have been in all kinds of activities, but rarely team sports. They just weren't any good, or all that interested. Watching my kid lazily trot down the soccer field for an hour or so isn't my idea of a good time. :) I always wished I could find something they were passionate about, something they begged to do more of. I didn't even care what it was. I kept switching activities, letting them explore, hoping to find that THING that they just couldn't get enough of. Dance, gymnastics, tae kwon do, piano, orchestra, robotics team, basketball, volleyball, soccer, swim team, pottery, cooking class, theater arts. Probably forgetting a couple things. Various co-op classes. Nothing ever sparked that undenyable interest. Instead there was complaining or apathy. Or they liked it and had fun, but were ready to move on by the end. I didn't even care if they were any good. I just wanted them to love doing it.

 

My 3 year old has been in dance classes and gymnastics and she already shows more interest/obsession than my older two ever did. Not a week goes by that she isn't asking when she gets to go back. She's only three so who knows, maybe that'll wear off. But when Middle was in dance at her age, she was just... meh... on the whole thing. My husband and I always thought it was important that they find something they're willing to work hard at. We wanted them to learn discipline, to experience working through difficulties, and being rewarded with greater skill at an activity.

I wanted that for my kids too. My oldest doesn't like anything. We have also tried a whole bunch of different things. My middle loves everything. *Everything* My youngest is still too young to know what he will like.

[Elizabeth86]

Oh my are you me? I could have posted this very thing. Right down to the last game tomorrow.

[Barb_]

Loved our four year involvement with gymnastics. We did a few years of dance early on and that was nice too.

 

I only have horrible associations with our three forays into soccer. One of my kids would have liked to continue but I just couldn't do it. Too many practices, too many weekends spent traveling, too many snacks, I was bored out of my mind...My husband works out of state and I know my limits so soccer had to go.

[FaithManor]

I have one that maybe might have liked team sports, but he wasn't motivated enough to really go for it so we didn't get all sport parent and get behind it. They did play soccer two seasons at an indoor soccer arena on a private school league. They did okay. But they were elementary/middle school and made it clear they didn't want to play on the more competitive high school teams. We moved; they didn't request we seek out a soccer league. PHEW.

 

They took up swimming though not competitively, hiking, kayaking, skiing, and snowboarding. This we have loved. We go out as a family, sometimes take some friends, head to the woods, the lake, the river, the slopes, and NO competitive pressure but tons of physical activity and fun.

 

We dodged a bullet because we are just not cut out for competitive intensity! At least with sports, now if you want to get a superior rating a solo and ensemble, or take first in a robotics competition, then we are your people! LOL

 

But I do have friends whose kids are seriously into team sports, and since this family is close to us, I show up a couple of times per year to their kids' games, and yell and cheer with the best of them.

 

 

[Wheres Toto]

We tried t-ball and soccer when ds was little.  It became pretty clear that team sports, especially fast moving ones like soccer, were not going to be his thing.   Over the years we've done gymnastics, archery, fencing, bowling, yoga, swimming, and Tai Kwan Do.  Right now they do TKD, summer swimming team/lessons the rest of the year, and yoga.   They like it well enough but neither LOVES any of it.  There first choice would be playing video games, but I require some form of exercise/activity.

 

Oldest was a competitive dancer and that was definitely her passion.  She LOVED it and would give up other activities to do it.  Sometimes I wish my younger two would find something they felt that way about but other times I realize that a 6 day a week commitment each for two kids would be insane.