If your child wanted to pursue...

[snickerplum]

... a career that you know does not pay well statistically, how do you feel about that? It's their dream, but most of the rewards will be praise from others and self satisfaction, not monetary compensation. Money is not everything in life, but it can be helpful. [emoji6] I would never discourage this career, but it also seems like setting this child up for struggles.

 

 

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[Joyofsixreboot]

This has occurred here. We explained money would be tight and let her follow her ownbpath. Someone has to love and teach inner city 5th graders. It is not my life to live. My ds writes. He works as an EMT a graduate assistant and is in the guard to finance that while he does his masters. It's his dime and his life.

 

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[Lang Syne Boardie]

If my child will be able to support himself (on any scale, doesn't have to be to my standard) AND will make/gain enough to pay back the loans/time/risk he took out in order to train for this career, I will support him 100%.

 

If nobody felt this way, we'd have no schoolteachers, law enforcement officers, military personnel, or clergy...

 

 

[kroe1]

Nope. My kids are allowed to learn passions, but, college (or other career learning means) is for making money so one can pay for passions.

[creekland]

We told our boys the only way they could let us down is if they were to decide to become a pimp or illegal drug dealer (or similar criminal activity).  Later we added terrorist.   :glare:

 

We still feel that way and embrace any direction they want to go.  They are aware of the finances of decisions - and know we'll help with what we can as needed as long as they're actively doing their part, but won't always be around.

[Pawz4me]

DS18 is probably headed down that path. We're okay with it for a couple of reasons. The first is that he's 2e. Intellectually gifted autistic persons typically do best following an interest. So we're encouraging him to do that. Secondly, he's never had many wants. He's pretty much saved all of his allowance, birthday and Christmas gifts, etc. He's already amassed a sizable nest egg. Because he doesn't have lots of wants and is a natural saver we think that earning a high salary won't really need to be huge priority for him.

[bettyandbob]

DS is 2e. No way could I tell him what to anyway.

 

However I think as long as you are on your own why not follow a passion. DS is starting on a path to a PhD in history. He'll figure out what to do with it.

[bolt.]

It would depend if it was low paying because it's charitable (relief work, social work, religious work) or low paying because is a "passion" that's largely for enjoyment (arts, scuba diving, dinosaur hunting, sports).

[J-rap]

We support our kids on any path as long as they seem to be dedicated and have some clear goals they are pursuing.

 

 

[marbel]

We've had that discussion here many times, with both our kids.  Neither of them seem to be headed toward lucrative careers, though one never really knows what can happen.  

 

I think our (US) culture of pushing kids toward STEM careers as they only way to be successful is giving kids a lot of angst.  Mine, anyway.  

 

It basically came down to this for us with our oldest, who had to drop pre-calc, which was required for a degree program he thought he was going to pursue (half-heartedly, it turns out):  if it's important to you to make a lot of money, push through the math and get the technology degree.  If it's not important, study what you really love.  So, a history degree it is. 

 

I could have predicted this when the kid was 5 years old. 

 

ETA: Actual career is as yet undefined, but "working in a museum" is the desire.  I've long said that his ideal career is village blacksmith in a living history museum.

Edited June 1, 2017 by marbel

[SKL]

I would teach her to look at financial realities and talk about what is and isn't realistic.

 

If the person has very modest wants and needs, then a modest income is fine.

 

I would advise the person to still get a well-rounded education just in case.  One should try to be ready for anything.  :)

 

The child I'm thinking of is unlikely to do well in a high-end college or career anyway, but who knows - maybe if she finds a niche she will do well pursuing her passion.  :)  I had a work colleague who was pretty uncomfortable with his son's pursuit of a hair styling career.  Until he discovered that the son's skills were in such demand with rich ladies that he was making great money.

[Crimson Wife]

I would encourage my child to major in something marketable and either minor or double-major in the passion. My brother had dreams of being a rock musician but was smart enough to get a degree in audio engineering. He spent years touring with various bands as an A-V tech but eventually got tired of always having to hustle for the next gig (studio-based jobs are super-competitive) so he did one of those "boot camps" and now works in IT.

 

When oldest DD dreamed of being a fashion designer as a little girl, I made sure to talk up all the business jobs there are in the fashion industry. DH has a business school classmate who makes a VERY good living working for one of the famous luxury fashion conglomerates (LVMH? can't remember off the top of my head).

[Heather in OK]

We would have a straightforward conversation about what kind of lifestyle they want to have and what that may cost to sustain.  If they pursue that career and can afford to live in a modest apartment or inexpensive rental home and live a minimalist lifestyle AND be content..go for it!If they pursue that career but have dreams of a large home and the ability to live on a budget that allows the freedom of extra spending...it's going to be a lot harder to achieve and sustain.   

We would also discuss residual income to supplement what this particular career pays, discuss the importance of saving money for the times when money may be tight, teach this child how to be frugal, learn about investing, etc. 

My career choice doesn't always pay well and the income isn't steady.  However, if I needed to support myself I could.  In addition to my career I have residual income each month to help (and the potential to increase that amount of income).  So yes, it is possible to choose a career...a calling...and support yourself.

[Desert Strawberry]

we live extremely frugally and are teaching our kids to do the same. We want them to live their lives, not just to work their lives. great experiences rarely pay well. being frugal will give them the opportunity to live better with cheaper pay. 

[Hilltopmom]

This has occurred here. We explained money would be tight and let her follow her ownbpath. Someone has to love and teach inner city 5th graders. It is not my life to live. My ds writes. He works as an EMT a graduate assistant and is in the guard to finance that while he does his masters. It's his dime and his life.

 

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Heck, someone also has to be the teacher assistant in that classroom & someone else needs to sweep the floors at night.

We need folks todo all sorts of jobs.

 

If person is able, I'd encourage the to pursue the career,but also understand that the choice might get in the way of other life dreams- buying a house or car, kids being able to do extracurriculars one day,spouse being able to work less hours,etc

 

But in the end,it's up to them. If things are tough,they can switch careers later,but it's harder then.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

 

 

As long as they are clear on the pros and cons, it is their life.

[Arcadia]

I would never discourage this career, but it also seems like setting this child up for struggles.

My ex-classmate wanted be a ballerina but the job opportunities are little. She doesn't have the capital to open a dance school, doesn't want to work for others as a dance instructor so she works as a hospital admin. She does have a college degree and her admin pay could support a small family comfortably in a low housing cost area.

 

My DS11 has originally wanted to be a marine scientist but decided that it was a costly education and low chance of employment. He has since switched to thinking about being an aeronautical engineer. If he had wanted to be a marine scientist, he would have to be prepared to be a math and science tutor while studying to earn some cash and in case he can't find a marine scientist job after graduating. Even for aeronautical engineering, I would still encourage him to get some tutoring jobs just in case.

 

We don't mind our kids staying with us long after they graduate. However we can't support them financially indefinitely since we haven't save for retirement. So our kids know they have to eventually be able to find a job that would pay for their food and provide insurance, and have some savings monthly. My husband was self employed for two years and barely broke even but I was earning a good wage at that time. If our kids want to try to be self employed, we could afford for them to stay with us and eat whatever we buy but we won't be able to bankroll their business.

[poppy]

Yes.  Of course.  I don't want to raise a little automaton whose role is to please me and who worships money and status. 

[Lorelei King]

Well if he/she has a dream that he/she really tries very hard to achieve, definitely encourage them to do so. Or else just guide them the path, study college and worst case scenario they have the degree to make more money.

[Carrie12345]

As long as they are clear on the pros and cons, it is their life.

This.

Edited June 1, 2017 by Carrie12345

[Crimson Wife]

Yes.  Of course.  I don't want to raise a little automaton whose role is to please me and who worships money and status. 

 

I don't want to raise someone who mooches off taxpayers because he/she thinks "passion" is more important than paying his/her own bills. It's one thing to rely on government assistance because the person is not able to "living wage" job (my disabled child may wind up in this situation). It's another thing to have the ability to earn a decent living but make a deliberate choice not to.

[Crimson Wife]

IOW, suck it up cupcake and get a real job until such time as you can figure out how to make your hobby pay your bills...

[Guest]

As long as it's enough to pay the cost of education and a modest budget to live on I wouldn't complain. I might privately be screaming my head off but I won't say it out loud (I hope! Man I hope I can hold my tongue if it comes to that in a few years).

[marbel]

I don't want to raise someone who mooches off taxpayers because he/she thinks "passion" is more important than paying his/her own bills. It's one thing to rely on government assistance because the person is not able to "living wage" job (my disabled child may wind up in this situation). It's another thing to have the ability to earn a decent living but make a deliberate choice not to.

 

I don't see anyone encouraging their child to pursue their passion without regard to any income, nor is anyone advocating for careers as welfare collectors. 

[poppy]

I don't want to raise someone who mooches off taxpayers because he/she thinks "passion" is more important than paying his/her own bills. It's one thing to rely on government assistance because the person is not able to "living wage" job (my disabled child may wind up in this situation). It's another thing to have the ability to earn a decent living but make a deliberate choice not to.

She said they'd pursue a career that doesn't 'pay well statistically' . That means working . Not living off the dole. Not pay 'well' to me does not = poverty.

[marbel]

I would teach her to look at financial realities and talk about what is and isn't realistic.

 

If the person has very modest wants and needs, then a modest income is fine.

 

I would advise the person to still get a well-rounded education just in case.  One should try to be ready for anything.  :)

 

The child I'm thinking of is unlikely to do well in a high-end college or career anyway, but who knows - maybe if she finds a niche she will do well pursuing her passion.  :)  I had a work colleague who was pretty uncomfortable with his son's pursuit of a hair styling career.  Until he discovered that the son's skills were in such demand with rich ladies that he was making great money.

 

My daughter surprised me recently with the idea of going to aesthetician school instead of pursing an an art degree, which is what she'd been planning on for years. The snob in me recoiled at first, but realistically she would probably be better able to support herself in that field.    Funny that I had that initial reaction, because I have no trouble in general with a kid pursuing a trade.   She is starting community college full time in the fall and will continue to ponder, while she saves money and works toward a transferable AA in fine arts. 

[Peaceseeker]

Well I always tell my daughter the term 'starving artist' came about for a reason. I hope she will be able to find a way to make a living in the arts. I always point out all the less glamorous jobs that are still in the field she is interested in to show her there are other ways of making a living in the arts even if you can't reach some pinnacle. I do encourage her to consider a fall back or second major or some way to make money if 'the dream' should not become reality. She is a naturally frugal and practical little thing for an artist though, so I think she will be ok. My biggest issue is that art schools are often private and expensive and I worry about a pile of debt and no job opportunities at the end of it.

 

I don't want to discourage her, but the whole "reach for the stars-you can do anything honey" seems fake to me. In reality a lot of people can't just be anything they want to be. When I was her age, I wanted to be the first woman pope, lol...Some things are just not realistic.

[Plagefille]

My DH went into a career that was his passion but has horrible hours and doesn't pay well. He has changed careers after many years of struggle. He has said many times that he wished his parents would has talked with him about it before went into the career. Not that he would have listened...

[creekland]

I don't want to raise someone who mooches off taxpayers because he/she thinks "passion" is more important than paying his/her own bills.

 

Very few "follow their passion" kids I know are in this category.  Absolutely none come to mind right offhand, but if I think about it longer I might be able to come up with some.

 

I know my likely "follow his passion" youngun has no plans to live off taxpayers.  He might live off the land...

 

There are a few kids who plan to mooch off taxpayers (and will openly tell me that), but they aren't passion driven trying for a niche job.  They're lazy and don't want to do much of anything to earn $$.  Most of those who get assistance that I know are actually trying to do what they can.  Many times they work harder than those with cushy incomes, but they just don't have the (mental or physical) ability to earn more - or the luck to have put them in a good situation.

[Anne in CA]

One of my children teaches preschool which does not pay well and I worry she will never pay off her student loans. She is bad with money anyway, so I don't know that making more money would help her any... and I know she would put paying extra on her student loans off even if she won the lottery and inherited money, so there's that. We have talked to her about money management constantly but she doesn't want to take responsibility for it. She loves the children she works with and she loves not working nights or weekends. So that's what she is going to do. 

 

My other dd was going into theater after she graduates next year but is already not going to do that now. She is looking at a marketing degree. 

[gardenmom5]

Btdt. I've redirected kids.

They need to be able to pay their bills. Housing, food, utilities, etc. Families.

We have friends that do double majors in music, and something that can support them.

[QueenCat]

I think it really depends on so many factors. With one of mine, he is recognizing that you need to "like" what pays the bills and sometimes pursue your passions as a hobby.

[bolt.]

Also I'd examine the difference between work that

doesn't pay well that is "cheap and plentiful" (ie daycare work) vs work that doesn't pay well because very few people can be successfully employed in that field at all (ie synchronized swimming athlete).

 

ETA: these two types could be successfully combined. One type "needs a day job" and the other type make excellent day jobs for people with non-remunerative passions.

Edited June 1, 2017 by bolt.

[Nan in Mass]

We have known quite a few follow-your-passion people over the years, so there has been quite a lot of family discussion about this. They know that they all have to have a way to supply their needs, and that their needs will change when they have children. We have talked about seasons in one's life. We have talked about doing what you love for work even though you have to work long hours at it versus doing something you don't mostly mind that pays well enough that you have enough time and money to pursue a passion as a hobby. We have talked about safe jobs versus risky ones (like working for a small startup) and they have seen clan examples of both. We have talked about working hard at college right away to get going on a career versus playing hard for ten years first. We have talked about a general education versus a professional education. We have talked about the advantages of sticking together as a clan so that everyone has a better chance at doing something they like (because it costs less if you stick together). We have talked about flexibility and creativity and jobs that can only be done by ignoring your morals and jobs that have known hazards (like the tendency towards alcoholism that tends to go with certain jobs). We have talked about how sometimes doing what you love for a living destroys your joy in it. They know we would encourage them to get training in something that they can work as a second job if they try for something either low paying or with few jobs. Other than all the talking and examples and the urging them to stick together and double up on their education, we have left what they do up to them grin.

Nan

[Rosie_0801]

Even on a crummy wage, saving money to invest can be possible.

 

 

 

[solascriptura]

Even a young age, I tell my kids that they don't have to make a million a year. However, they need to be able to support themselves and a possible family in this very uncertain world.

[Arcadia]

I am happy to scare anyone's children off following a career as a poet, novelist, playwright or journalist.. It doesn't even matter if you have talent - talent is the least of it.

I have two friends who are journalist and married. They network like crazy to get decent paying jobs. One works for a high circulation newspaper because she likes traveling and reporting work, the other for magazines because she likes magazine work over newspapers kind of work. Working hours are irregular and lots of socializing for work.

[madteaparty]

I have one of those. I'm trying to prevail upon him to double major and have some sort of bill-paying career while the world catches up to his talent.

Mainly I'm trying to believe in my kid.

[catz]

I have one of those. I'm trying to prevail upon him to double major and have some sort of bill-paying career while the world catches up to his talent.

Mainly I'm trying to believe in my kid.

 

This is me too.  At least one of my kids could go in a performing arts/music direction.  I'd love to see him combine that with business or tech expertise.  Realistically people working in those fields are jack of all trades types.  But the ones that have the ability can be successful, middle class, happy adults.  We are in a strong arts community.

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I am generally very honest about what I think with my kids.  So if they asked me what I thought, I'd tell them what I thought were the pros and cons, but it's their life and I'd still love them and support them and encourage then in any way I could.  Choosing a passion as one's career has some definite pros even if it is doesn't pay so well.  Might mean one has to take on extra odd jobs to make that work, but someone might be highly motivated to do it because they love it so much.  That's not nothing. 

 

 

[lavender's green]

I'd just want them to go into it with their eyes open. They should know what their preferred lifestyle costs (and how to tweak it, say by moving somewhere cheaper or having great spousal support), what the average starting wage is for that career and how far that goes, what are their realistic chances of even getting into that line of work...etc. They should know themselves.

 

I'm a millennial and I've seen some really sad stories. I keep trying to type them out, but I don't want the thread to go off on tangents about what may or may not be really going on in their lives. I'll just say that plenty of my peers, my own friends and relatives, are sitting in their mom's basement and have never been employed, because they don't have what it takes to break into their dream field and are too prideful to change course.

 

I want my kids to know those stories (in a matter-of-fact way, not because I'm trying to dissuade a certain kid from a certain career), but I'm also not going to get preachy about what careers they should pursue (like my grandparents did...ugh), or constantly rail about making lots of money (like my parents...double ugh). Anyway, they'll be young adults and only so much gets through at that age!

 

I think the dangerous thing is having a black and white, all-or-nothing attitude. Sometimes passions work best as hobbies, or alongside a spouse whose income can support the whole family.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

IOW, suck it up cupcake and get a real job until such time as you can figure out how to make your hobby pay your bills...

What qualifies as a "real job" ?

 

Surely if it pays it is a job.

[FaithManor]

If my child will be able to support himself (on any scale, doesn't have to be to my standard) AND will make/gain enough to pay back the loans/time/risk he took out in order to train for this career, I will support him 100%.

 

If nobody felt this way, we'd have no schoolteachers, law enforcement officers, military personnel, or clergy...

This,

 

But I would talk frankly about the necessity of working and taking the long haul through the training/education to avoid loans and especially so if the field is also hard to find jobs readily because there is only a six month grace on most of these loans before repayment must begin, and for some private loans, far less than that.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I wonder two things....does your own choice of career play into this (pro or con) and the COL in your area. I've never cared much about stuff or money so that didn't really matter to me when the kids chose career paths. I am fortunate to live where it is not very expensive. Honestly, we're having a harder time accepting #5 doesn't want college but is choosing to be an electrician . He'll make better money but....no college is my hang up.

 

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[Alicia64]

I haven't read all of the responses, but I think this idea gets short shrift:

 

I know several people w/ fantastic day jobs -- with top pay -- who do their passion activities in the evening. One guy always wanted to be a guitar player in a band. He's 52 today and practices w/ his band every other week or so -- and the band plays in a bar setting about twice a year.

 

Same guy is also really into kayaking -- and he and his wife both have a kayak and go out once a month or so in good weather.

 

Another guy is a well paid IT guy -- and does his passion thing (golf) on the weekend.

 

I try hard to raise my boys on these kind of stories. I tell them, "You don't have to be an NBA player to enjoy basketball as an adult." Or "You don't have to be Wolfgang Puck to really get into cooking.

 

I have another friend who teaches elementary school in the day, but teaches yoga twice a week (on Thurs. nights and Saturday mornings). Plus her vacations are devoted to yoga workshops. She's really into it, but loves working w/ kids too.

 

My boys also know that homeschooling is very expensive -- that is, if one of the parent stays home. That means that one half of the couple needs to make enough money to keep a family of (at least) three in food, clothes, a roof etc.

 

Both of my boys are insistent that their kids will homeschool too and understand that -- to make that happen -- they'll likely need jobs that pay.

 

I just don't think doing a passion hobby in off hours makes it less important.

 

Alley

Edited June 1, 2017 by Alicia64

[SparklyUnicorn]

Everyone eventually gets tired of the odd jobs.

 

The stats on who can make a living from their art form make interesting reading. Statistically, no matter the talent, the vast majorty of young people going into the arts will not make a living wage from it. 

 

At the very least, they must be prepared for a life that is just as much teaching as it is practice. 

 

I am trying to think of non-arts passions. Sport? Actually, I think there is more chance of a living wage in the sports world. Looking after small children? Aged care? Care pays badly AND wears you out. 

 

Sure sure...but there is nothing that says they can't learn a new skill and get a different job with more stability when they are tired of that. 

 

I never had a job I liked.  I always took a job based on the pay.  I'm not sure if it was the best path to take.  As it stands now I am pretty glad I don't have to work because I don't want to do anything related to what I studied.  I don't want to do anything like any of the jobs I've had.  It was all very boring and unfulfilling to me. 

[poppy]

I haven't read all of the responses, but I think this idea gets short shrift:

 

I know several people w/ fantastic day jobs -- with top pay -- who do their passion activities in the evening. One guy always wanted to be a guitar player in a band. He's 52 today and practices w/ his band every other week or so -- and the band plays in a bar setting about twice a year.

 

Same guy is also really into kayaking -- and he and his wife both have a kayak and go out once a month or so in good weather.

 

Another guy is a well paid IT guy -- and does his passion thing (golf) on the weekend.

 

I try hard to raise my boys on these kind of stories. I tell them, "You don't have to be an NBA player to enjoy basketball as an adult." Or "You don't have to be Wolfgang Puck to really get into cooking."I have a fr

 

I have another friend who teaches elementary school in the day, but teaches yoga twice a week (on Thurs. nights and Saturday mornings). Plus her vacations are devoted to yoga workshops. She's really into it, but loves working w/ kids too.

 

My boys also know that homeschooling is very expensive -- that is, if one of the parent stays home. That means that one half of the couple needs to make enough money to keep a family of (at least) three in food, clothes, a roof etc.

 

Both of my boys are insistent that their kids will homeschool too and understand that -- to make that happen -- they'll likely need jobs that pay.

 

I just don't think doing a passion hobby in off hours makes it less important.

 

Alley

 

I don't assume passion = recreational hobby. 

Maybe the person wants to be a nun. Or work in an animal rescue. Or be a social worker.   All jobs that'll earn you under $50,000 a year most of your life.  All passion projects.

 

[bookbard]

You don't know what can happen in life, though. I'm a specialist in a field which you'd think would have heaps of jobs - but a big change occurred due to govt rules and so now it's actually very hard to get a job (went for several interviews last year - now I'm going back to uni). I think the main thing to teach your kids is flexibility.

Want to be a builder? (lucrative career right now) What happens when they put their back out (my friend's husband, hasn't worked now for years). Anything could change. I say follow your passion, but have a few backup ideas. And I mean a few different ones - because anything can change.  

[marbel]

I don't think the idea of well-paying 'day jobs' and time to pursue passions during off-hours gets short shrift.  I think it's great if it can work, but I do think it is unrealistic for many people.  Jobs that people don't enjoy can take a toll and don't always leave enough time for hobbies.  

 

And, as Poppy says, it's not always about a hobby.

[SparklyUnicorn]

yeah my dad hated his job....it's not fun living with someone who hates their job