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My dog died. I'm crushed. support only, please


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she was my mom's dog. my mom died. then my dad died, and i brought her home.

 

she died in an accident. she got tangled in her little doggie run, and we didn't find her in time. 

 

besides just missing her so much, i feel horribly, horribly guilty. this feels like one more loss, one more failure. she was all i had left of my mom. i loved her. i miss her. 

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

You have extended grace and support to so many people on this board over the years. PLEASE try to extend some of the same to yourself.  This was an accident.  That doesn't make it any less real, or any less painful, or any less devastating, but it certainly was not something that you planned or anticipated.  Grieve for as long as you need, without guilt, but please try not to blame yourself.  You have carried so much for so long, let this board support you (virtually!)

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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i'm going to get some thoughts out here. i can't really talk to anyone irl. 

 

i'm so upset because we were, on the day this happened, looking for other solutions. i was worried about her being outside alone. she was just so small. 4 pound chihuahua. she had food, water, a dog house, a 30 foot run, a rug, a chair, grass. everything we could give her. she was barely housetrained, and d could not handle that at all. so we moved her outside for most of the time. 

 

just the day before, he had asked about using piddle pants to give her more inside time. i didn't have a chance to even look them up. maybe that would have helped. 

 

the day after, i saw that the other neighbors had their dogs in pens, which we had decided against, thinking that a run would give her more freedom. the run allowed us to interact with her more. but i was leaning towards getting the pen so that she wouldn't need the tie out. a pen would give her more protection and prevented the possibility of entanglement. we almost certainly would have gotten one within the week. the run was supposed to be tangle-free. it had a safety device, but somehow it didn't work.  i've impressed on the kids over and over to check. on. her. they were home. i wasn't. but they didn't. they could have saved her, but they didn't. i didn't either. i didn't check on her before i left. i should have taken the extra minute on the way out. but i didn't. i failed her. we all failed her. 

 

i only needed a few more days. i feel like we were just on the verge of having this all figured out. we are having a sliding glass door put in as soon as it comes in, and then a fence is next on our list. then she could have gone in and out safely. but now it's too late. 

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i'm missing her so much right now. i held her every morning while i sipped my coffee. she should be tucked up under my arm right now. i will never hold her again. 

 

and i'm a bit resentful of my family. 

 

they didn't love her like i did. she was old and smelly and ugly, and poorly behaved. she wasn't affectionate with anyone but me. she was a nasty little dog, but she was my nasty little dog. 

 

they are sad. and they are sorry. but they aren't suffering like i am. 

Edited by Desert Strawberry
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I miss my nasty little dog, too (a Chi mix). So many  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: and so much sympathy. 

 

Regret and guilt is so hard. I have dealt with that, too, in the loss of pets. It's so hard to not keep thinking "what if," but eventually you have to come to a place of acceptance. The past cannot be changed. You will mourn and time will help. I am so, so, so sorry.

 

She was loved and not all dogs like ours have that. She was blessed to have you.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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:grouphug:  You know, I think this is true for some losses in our lives. A death will hit one or some of us harder than others because we had a special bond with them or special memories the others didn't share. It is natural to feel resentment in those cases that others aren't suffering like you are, but do try to work through your grief. At some point, hopefully, you can forgive yourself and them for the things your brain is currently beating you & them up for. 

 

I wish you healing in your time of sadness.

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

I am so very, very, very sorry. 

 

Try and forgive yourself; this wasn't your fault, it was a horrible accident.  :grouphug:

 

If you'll accept it, I'll be praying for you as you grieve this new loss on top of the others; I cannot imagine the pain of so many losses in a short time.  :grouphug:

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I'm so sorry! She was a lot more than just a dog - that was a chapter of your life and a connection to people you love. Of COURSE you'd be grieving.

 

I know it doesn't help right now, but it's an accident precisely because it was unexpected and tragic. This isn't your fault :(

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:grouphug:  You know, I think this is true for some losses in our lives. A death will hit one or some of us harder than others because we had a special bond with them or special memories the others didn't share. It is natural to feel resentment in those cases that others aren't suffering like you are, but do try to work through your grief. At some point, hopefully, you can forgive yourself and them for the things your brain is currently beating you & them up for. 

 

I wish you healing in your time of sadness.

THIS. This is so very true! When our family of four purposely went out to adopt a dog, I really didn't want a dog. I didn't think we were financially sound enough to add a pet. But dh really wanted on and the pound was offering a really good deal. So we got a dog. It was a struggle for me at first, especially because she was aggressive towards anyone who wasn't her immediate family. But in the year and a half we had her, I grew to love her. Through a variety of circumstances we had to give her up and I felt like I'd given up one of my own kids. And I was resentful towards those who hadn't understood this dog, who was a rescue, and was simply defending her pack. I was devastated and heart-broken over it. And that is why I mention all of this - because I understand how it feels to be so heartbroken and wondering why it feels like you can't breathe and if you'll ever feel whole again. You will, I promise. It may be a slow journey to healing, and that's okay, but the pain does lessen after awhile.

 

:grouphug:

Edited by scrapbookbuzz
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:crying:  I'm so sorry, especially under the circumstances.  :grouphug:  I have felt guilt like this before and it makes it far worse.

 

Someone had given us their pair of love birds. One of them started spewing/spitting seeds (as if it were throwing up :confused1: ). I didn't know what to think so I called the vet. Before the appt later that day, he died. When I got him out, I could see that he was much thinner than I realized. He had been hiding his issue a while under his fluffed feathers. I think he starved to death. I couldn't stand the idea that he suffered under my care. I then found that I had left a roll of wrapping paper leaning against the wall behind the cage. There were  chew marks all in it. I don't know if that blocked something up or what, but I felt even more horrible! 

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