Jump to content

Menu

Gift ideas for tough times--please be kind


Recommended Posts

Please don't quote and please be gentle.

This is NOT a thread for judgement.

 

I have a good friend who has made the heart wrenching, soul crushing decision to undergo a certain medical procedure for which she is profoundly grateful to still have the choice of making. I have been her shoulder to cry on and a listening ear any time she needs, but I feel woefully inadequate as a friend as I have no words to offer. I don't think she wants any, but my heart aches for her and I want to do something for her on the day she has her procedure.

 

Are favorite flowers weird? A small basket with favorite chocolates and other pampering goodies? I don't want to make things worse, only for her to know she is loved.

 

If a small gift is appropriate and would be appreciated, does anyone have suggestions? (I'll drop this off when she isn't home, so there is no pressure to socialize. That is definitely best).

 

I'm kind of muddled and shaken--please be kind.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Flowers or chocolates would be ok. A note that says just what you said above might be really meaningful to her. If you want to add something else how about a gift card to a local takeout place so she can skip cooking dinner?

 

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites

I like the idea of a basket with some pampering type products (lotions, shower gel--in case she can't soak in tub for a period of time, body spray, etc),  some chocolate, a book and/or magazines,  and a gift card for a restaurant.   Another idea would be a throw for her to cuddle in and feel your love and friendship every time she uses it or sees it. 

 

You are a good friend, she is so lucky to have you.  I do hope she does well and feels better soon.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Why would anyone judge you for wanting to do such a kind thing for your friend?

 

The OP doesn't want to hear any negative talk about the medical procedure which sounds like it's a controversial one.

 

OP: I'd think that flowers and chocolates is always a winner.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

One of the best presents I got post-partum with my first was a basket of magazines. Each one was tied with a ribbon and the note said to undo one a day. It gave me something fun to look forward to every day and also was light reading for a time when I was kind of brain-dead. They were all totally guilty pleasure magazines of the kind that I would never buy myself but that were fun to read. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

The OP doesn't want to hear any negative talk about the medical procedure which sounds like it's a controversial one.

 

OP: I'd think that flowers and chocolates is always a winner.

Yes, this. Thank you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

The OP doesn't want to hear any negative talk about the medical procedure which sounds like it's a controversial one.

OP: I'd think that flowers and chocolates is always a winner.

  

Yes, this. Thank you.

Thanks!

 

I didn't think the nature of the procedure would be pertinent to the discussion anyway, because the topic seems simple -- MEmama wants suggestions on how to do something thoughtful for a friend. I don't think the specifics matter at all. :)

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

If the friend is having surgery I'd help with thoughtful gifts for before or after. Depending on the friend: help going to doctor appointments, help around the house, precooked meals, etc.

 

If the procedure is more of an outpatient thing I'd still offer. Some procedures can take a lot out of you, even if they're outpatient. If she's the type of person to refuse help around the house or cooking, I'd get food gift cards, flowers, some type of book or craft or magazine she may like.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

My FIL was always the best at picking up things that were unexpectedly helpful after surgeries. He give me a bag of foods that I'd never buy, but seemed to hit the spot when I didn't want to eat. Old favorite boxed cookies (anyone remember Lemon Coolers?), orange peel candy, salty potato chips. I don't eat that stuff normally but the citrus and salty stuff really hit the spot. He gave me soda, too [blush]. Oh! And some kind of rice pudding cups which were awesome to eat when taking pain meds every 6 hours.

 

Magazines were great. Quick, light reading. I'd never have bought those either. Those were from a neighbor. She brought bowls of cut up fruit. Watermelon was super yummy.

 

Pre-made meals the family could hear and eat. Another neighbor took our crockpot every Fri, filled it, and brought it back with instructions to cook on low all night.

 

My cousin sent a box of books from Amazon with notes about why she liked each one. Light reading and fun.

 

Those were the most helpful practical things people did. Flowers and cards were good, too.

 

I've had many surgeries, one that involved a lot of deep grief. Your post resonated, and brought memories. Wishing your friend an easy recovery, and peace in her decision.

 

ETA: I think anything you do will be just right. You're a good friend.

Edited by Spryte
  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

The OP doesn't want to hear any negative talk about the medical procedure which sounds like it's a controversial one.

 

OP: I'd think that flowers and chocolates is always a winner.

I can't multi quote from my phone..

I took catwomens post to mean...

"Why would anyone judge YOU for being thoughtful and kind"

 

Not about judging the procedure.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

You are a good friend.

 

I always appreciate a text or card from friends letting me know they are thinking of me.

 

Not just any friend can do it, but after a miscarriage a dear friend came by during her lunch break because my husband had to work. She had no idea what I needed but put together a gift bag with tissues, Aleve, visine, and chocolate. She didn't ask if she could come over, she just came and gave me a big hug and then cried with me. I would have told her no if she had asked if she could come over, but I am forever grateful she did.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

I like the idea of a gift basket, with light-hearted and pampering items.  Bubble bath, a fun magazine, chocolate, a light-hearted paperback mystery.  

 

If it's the surgery I'm suspecting it is (and of course I could be totally wrong), she is making a good decision, difficult as it is.

 

I don't think anyone would ever judge you for wanting to be kind to your friend! (??)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Chocolate, maybe some protein bars or granola bars, a gift certificate to somewhere that has delivery, and a heartfelt card would be what I'd think of. Tea or coffee if she drinks it. A pair of pajamas, or a blanket that is super soft might be nice. Maybe a movie rental credit?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Favorite flowers and some chocolates or whatever she likes sounds ideal.

 

If this procedure is something she would not have chosen unless she had to, then she might appreciate you making an effort to drop by with small "thinking of you" goodies and a listening ear in a few weeks, and then a few weeks after that. A lot of time people think that they made their effort when it happened and now it's done - but the person going through these things is still thinking about it months later, after everybody else has forgotten. So you need to still step up and be the active friend then, not just now.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't multi quote from my phone..

I took catwomens post to mean...

"Why would anyone judge YOU for being thoughtful and kind"

Not about judging the procedure.

Yes, that's exactly what I meant. :)

 

Thanks!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I went with a friend for what I think you're talking about.  Afterwards she was sore all over (like her legs ached, which we thought was weird).  The stress?  She didn't want to move, didn't want to eat and just slept, a lot.  I think a chocolate gift basket and restaurant gift card would be great.

Edited by foxbridgeacademy
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for all these kind comments and fantastic suggestions. I deeply appreciate each and every one and have compiled quite the shopping list. :)

 

You all are a generous and thoughtful group of women.

 

Thanks too for understanding the sensitive nature and sharing insight. I have no idea what to expect for her but yes, I am by her side for the long haul.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Saying this gently... Although a blanket/ pajamas sounds like a wonderfully comforting gift for most procedures, she may not want a physical reminder hanging around her house in the weeks/ months to follow. Just a thought.

You sound like such a wonderful friend!

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Please don't quote and please be gentle.

This is NOT a thread for judgement.

 

I have a good friend who has made the heart wrenching, soul crushing decision to undergo a certain medical procedure for which she is profoundly grateful to still have the choice of making. I have been her shoulder to cry on and a listening ear any time she needs, but I feel woefully inadequate as a friend as I have no words to offer. I don't think she wants any, but my heart aches for her and I want to do something for her on the day she has her procedure.

 

Are favorite flowers weird? A small basket with favorite chocolates and other pampering goodies? I don't want to make things worse, only for her to know she is loved.

 

If a small gift is appropriate and would be appreciated, does anyone have suggestions? (I'll drop this off when she isn't home, so there is no pressure to socialize. That is definitely best).

 

I'm kind of muddled and shaken--please be kind.

 

 

None of those are weird.

 

(I will tell you with the medical stuff we have been walking through, a beloved friends of mine got me a locket that has a small pig/spider on it - Charlotte's Web, of course.  I felt so loved/cared for.  It was simply the act of kindness that said that I care for you and I know you so well and you are important to me.)  

 

I just think it is wonderful and I think your idea to drop it off when she isn't home is truly excellent. I am sure her emotions are really high right now and it could overwhelm her.  Gifts are hard for me to accept.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Saying this gently... Although a blanket/ pajamas sounds like a wonderfully comforting gift for most procedures, she may not want a physical reminder hanging around her house in the weeks/ months to follow. Just a thought.

You sound like such a wonderful friend!

I was thinking blanket at first too but yeah, I would not want a physical reminder.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...