Jump to content

Menu

s/o who do you keep as friends on FB?


Janeway
 Share

Recommended Posts

Through the years, many people have been added to my FB. In many cases, they were mutual friends with this person or that, but I did not really know them. Now, as I go through my friends list, I can see people whose names barely ring a bell with me, but when I click, I find they are mutual friends with someone I really like. Then I feel bad about de-friending them if they haven't done anything wrong. 

 

What do you all do? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Unfriend.  They probably won't even notice.  If I happen to notice that someone unfriends me I don't take it personally.  Everyone uses their facebook differently and on their own terms.  Sometimes people decide to pare way down to just far flung family, work associates, personal associates, people they see regularly, etc.

  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have selective family members, my current pastor, my college roommate, my long-time best friend, and one local older woman who is a bit of a mentor to me. That's it.

 

Grand total = 25 friends

Edited by Kinsa
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If people have been friended, its's usually because I know them, or because I regard them as a source of information (ie bloggers). Either way, I don't bother to actively curate my list unless something is bothering me. A distant friend who takes up an itryating amount of my feed would be cut or muted -- I don't need to keep them if I don't want to. If they are 'quiet and polite' I don't worry about them either way.

Edited by bolt.
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My policy from the beginning of Facebook was that I only friend people who I know in real life.  This has kept my list manageable and there isn't anyone on there that I wouldn't recognize if I ran into them out in public.

 

 

This is what I do, too.   I currently have 76 friends.  

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would either unfriend, or set them to acquaintance and set posts to friends except acquaintances and see if you feel their not seeing your posts makes any difference.  Likely it won't and you may feel better then about unfriending. 

 

I mainly use facebook to keep an eye out for local events and for links to places I read regularly but don't want/need inbox alongside message functions. For friends, I prioritize those I know now over everyone else so it's the two that live with me, family, people I see regularly, and then a handful of other people. I use the acquaintance feature a lot as well as "see less of" to work out who to drop and I have a couple people due to event organizing I keep on but no longer follow.

 

Because I go to a lot of different events and help organize groups, it can get a bit full but I clear out pretty regularly - every few months or before/after a big new event when I get multiple more requests. I have, in all my deletes, only once had someone take issue -- and that was my sister who never spoke to me on there, but did seem to gossip to everyone what I was posting. I got fed up after about the 5th or 6th time I tried telling someone something to be told she had done so already. I feel good having it around 40ish but without acquaintances/not follows it's down to probably half that. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My general policy is to have FB friends who are friends and relatives that live far away.  There's a few exceptions, but that's my general rule.  Some of these friends I have never met in real life but became friends with them via various online forums (such as this one here).  

 

I have about 180 friends and I think that's a bit too much.   :laugh:   (I'm also an introvert who doesn't think people need to be in my business).  

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would unfriend if it isn't someone I want to follow and who I want knowing my general movements.  They won't care.  For all you know, you are unfollowed on their feed.  :)  Because who has time to look at everyone's posts, friends' posts, likes, shares, etc....

 

Who I keep as friends:  people I care to keep in touch with.  People whose kids I want to watch growing up.  People who want to watch my kids growing up.  People I want to support through something we have in common.

 

I wish more people would set their security so that "friends only" can see their posts.  I am so tired of seeing a hundred posts a day by friends of friends because my friends "liked" their latest photos.  I click on each one and tell facebook I don't want to see anything more from that "friend of a friend" - no offense, but I can't spend all day on facebook.  :p  Still, it doesn't slow down.  It occurred to me today that my daily facebook cleanup helps me to realize just how many people there are in the world.  :p  But to the OP's point, perhaps you'd get fewer friend requests if the whole world couldn't see your posts.

 

ETA: I currently have 49 friends, and only my friends can see my posts; and some posts are restricted as to which friends see them.  I have maybe 10 outstanding friend requests.  I don't know these people, but we have one or two things in common, so I will think about friending them ... maybe ... but haven't decided yet.

Edited by SKL
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have lots of classmates from grade school and high school, as well as many college friends and acquaintances who I may not have seen in many years. I also have family (some who I have unfollowed for my own sanity), friends, and some of DH's coworkers. Even those I wasn't necessarily close to and don't see often in real life often post interesting articles that make keeping up the connection worthwhile. And it's fun to see everyone's babies.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I unfriended everybody on FB and just kept s couple of local informational group pages. My social life has been so much less complicated since then! No one upset that I didn't read their post about their dog dying when I was shocked to hear it from their mouths personally months later at a visit to their house when I ask where the dog is (this person concludes I don't follow her on FB, and friendship is personally tense after I got caught missing big news on FB.) Now, without FB, some people actually call me when tragedies or exciting life events happen instead of just assuming I heard it on FB. No more accountability to keep up with 100+ vague acquaintances' births, moves, marriages, divorces, and job changes. With a FB page, these people used to be shocked when I found out a new baby came along by seeing the baby in the stroller at the store because it was all over their FB page and they knew I was on their friend list. I could go on and on with the benefits of a FB friend-free life. I do miss the pics of babies, vacations, weddings, and such.

 

Aside: My mom had a cow when I deleted all FB friends and thinks something just can't be quite right with me for doing that in this day and age, but I am getting along just fine. She's still shocked I don't know everything she and other relatives post since dh has a page. A common phone conversations b/n us for the past 2 years has been...

(mom) "Didn't you hear _____?" or "Didn't you see____pic?"

(me) "No, I didn't, tell me about it!"

(mom) "Well, I (or relative's name) put it on FB!"

(me) "Remember mom, I don't have my FB page anymore."

(mom) "well....oh....um....I forgot. But ____(my dh's name) has FB. Didn't he tell/show you???" (confused pause follows)

(me) "no mom, if I wanted to know everything everybody I have ever known posts on FB, I would reinstate my account."

(repeat conversation a few weeks later)

 

People who do not know you personally will not give a squat about whether or not you defriend them. I promise! Some people just go through and request to be friends with all their friend's friends on their Facebook pages. IDK why, my guess is for bragging rights to the longest friends list or just having to be in more people's personal business.

 

When I had FB, I managed my friend list like I did our wedding invite list. If it wasn't someone I could pick up the phone and call anytime to catch up with, be it 24 hours or 20 years since we last spoke, it wasn't someone that made it on our wedding invitation list or my FB friend list.

Edited by TX native
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a variety of relatives, friends, and acquaintances. They are extremely diverse in every way.

 

I've rarely encountered drama because I use Facebook mostly for the groups function--to stay in touch with family and interact with my local homeschool and church groups mostly. A few times a year I may scroll through my feed and enjoy catching up on stuff that friends post, and every now and then I will check in on a friend or relative's profile to see what they are up to and leave a comment or two. I almost never post on my own profile.

Edited by maize
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Such an interesting thing to ponder, imo!  I am very selective whom I Friend, mostly due to two "friends" who were very nasty to me last year that I know from an IRL social group. I also changed my name for privacy reasons, because I am now very leery of accepting Friend requests from people in my current life. I have pared down my Friends List 20-30% after that IRL problem too. I do not friend anyone from work (unless I've left that job).

 

That said, I have forged good FB friendships with people that I wouldn't have expected--the classmate who lived behind my fence that I am sure I never talked to growing up.  A neighbor of a bff who passed away. The son of an old grade school teacher. I consider them FB gifts. :)

 

I mostly keep my FB friends to people I truly enjoy AND those I don't have to be concerned about seeing my personal life. I also keep on a handful of family members that I'd prefer to drop, but I am not going to rock that boat.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Such an interesting thing to ponder, imo!  I am very selective whom I Friend, mostly due to two "friends" who were very nasty to me last year that I know from an IRL social group. I also changed my name for privacy reasons, because I am now very leery of accepting Friend requests from people in my current life. I have pared down my Friends List 20-30% after that IRL problem too. I do not friend anyone from work (unless I've left that job).

 

That said, I have forged good FB friendships with people that I wouldn't have expected--the classmate who lived behind my fence that I am sure I never talked to growing up.  A neighbor of a bff who passed away. The son of an old grade school teacher. I consider them FB gifts. :)

 

I mostly keep my FB friends to people I truly enjoy AND those I don't have to be concerned about seeing my personal life. I also keep on a handful of family members that I'd prefer to drop, but I am not going to rock that boat.

 

yup.  me too.  Especially some of the people who live near me.  I kind of regret almost every local person I've friended on FB.  But, that's me.  Everyone does FB differently. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have 115 fb friends. Almost all of my fb friends are friends and acquaintences I know IRL. 

 

The one exception are some mothers in my birth-month-group with whom I have been together for 21 years; we consider ourselves friends, but I have not met most of them IRL. I am fb friends with about a dozen from the group of 50; with the others, I only interact via group.

 

I have lists for close friends and acquaintances and curate my fb experience accordingly.

 

I only accept friend requests from people who I know and with whom I have some sort of relationship IRL. I do not fb friend friends-of-friends I have never met in person.

 

Edited by regentrude
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Most of my facebook friends are from the various social circles I've had in my life, some I've known since elementary school who were also friends or good acquaintances in high school. I have friends from college (so current friends), people I've known from here for years, and a few select friends from other online groups. I have fewer family members because I really don't have an existing relationship with many extended family members.

 

I try not to get into drama on facebook. I will hide posts if necessary and rarely unfriend. I'm generally don't friend anyone who is a friend of a friend unless we have some other interest in common. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I clean out now and then, but I'm currently going through a mid-Facebook-life-crisis.

 

I have my family, real life friends, area acquaintances, long-time internet friends, and some newer, mostly homeschool internet friends... and that's all good.  But the last few years has given me an increase in local homeschool acquaintances, and co-founding a new co-op is bringing in even more friend requests. Plus I've gotten many requests from students this year.  I'm censoring my posts more than ever, and I hate it.

 

I've made a second profile with the intent to keep my original for naughty words and political views and shift other people to the cleaner, more homeschool-related profile, but I haven't figured out how in the world I could make the time to do separate pages!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I clean out now and then, but I'm currently going through a mid-Facebook-life-crisis.

 

I have my family, real life friends, area acquaintances, long-time internet friends, and some newer, mostly homeschool internet friends... and that's all good.  But the last few years has given me an increase in local homeschool acquaintances, and co-founding a new co-op is bringing in even more friend requests. Plus I've gotten many requests from students this year.  I'm censoring my posts more than ever, and I hate it.

 

I've made a second profile with the intent to keep my original for naughty words and political views and shift other people to the cleaner, more homeschool-related profile, but I haven't figured out how in the world I could make the time to do separate pages!

 

You do not need separate pages - you just need to sort your fb friends into different lists and then choose the privacy settings for your posts accordingly.

You can set it so that certain posts are only visible to "close friends", or that other posts are visible to anybody but "students", or to a list but not a certain person. You can completely customize who gets to see what.

Edited by regentrude
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You do not need separate pages - you just need to sort your fb friends into different lists and set the privacy settings accordingly, so that certain posts are only visible to "close friends", or that other posts are visible to anybody but "students".

 

 

But I can't backtrack 10 years of posts.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I unfriended everybody on FB and just kept s couple of local informational group pages. My social life has been so much less complicated since then! No one upset that I didn't read their post about their dog dying when I was shocked to hear it from their mouths personally months later at a visit to their house when I ask where the dog is (this person concludes I don't follow her on FB, and friendship is personally tense after I got caught missing big news on FB.) Now, without FB, some people actually call me when tragedies or exciting life events happen instead of just assuming I heard it on FB. No more accountability to keep up with 100+ vague acquaintances' births, moves, marriages, divorces, and job changes. With a FB page, these people used to be shocked when I found out a new baby came along by seeing the baby in the stroller at the store because it was all over their FB page and they knew I was on their friend list. I could go on and on with the benefits of a FB friend-free life. I do miss the pics of babies, vacations, weddings, and such.

 

<snip>

 

 

I find this attitude (your friend's, not yours, TX) so odd.   I have facebook and I look at it once or twice daily, but there are still things that I miss.  I'll have it set to "most recent" posts and it will change to "top stories" at some point. What I see on my phone is often different from what I see on my desktop.  Etc.  (I don't have a lot of friends, though I do have a lot of pages in my feed.  Recipes;  I'm on facebook for the recipes.   And the baby pics.)  

 

So I never assume that because I posted something on facebook, any of my friends actually saw it unless they commented on it or reacted to it.  And even then... when my dog died, I posted about it.  Many people expressed condolences to our family.  Several months later, a friend who had commented on that post asked me about our dog. She'd forgotten that he'd died.  Well, sure, why not?  The dog was not really important to her, so why should she remember?

 

Just so weird to me, to expect someone sees everything on facebook.  

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't have friends of friends on my list unless we have several things in common. While I don't keep to the rule of only friending people I know in real life, my virtual friends are people I've "known" online for some time, including people here at WTM. 

 

 

Most of my facebook friends are from the various social circles I've had in my life, some I've known since elementary school who were also friends or good acquaintances in high school. I have friends from college (so current friends), people I've known from here for years, and a few select friends from other online groups. I have fewer family members because I really don't have an existing relationship with many extended family members.

 

I try not to get into drama on facebook. I will hide posts if necessary and rarely unfriend. I'm generally don't friend anyone who is a friend of a friend unless we have some other interest in common. 

 

This sounds like me, except for family. There is very little family drama in either my or dh's family, so I have most of them as friends. The only ones I didn't friend are his distant cousins I don't really know (and he didn't friend some of my family for that same reason).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My policy from the beginning of Facebook was that I only friend people who I know in real life. This has kept my list manageable and there isn't anyone on there that I wouldn't recognize if I ran into them out in public.

Ditto. These days I'm on it for the groups, for communication about activities.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...