Jump to content

Menu

Sigh, this made me sad. Help me feel better.


DawnM
 Share

Recommended Posts

Middle son is a senior next year.  We are trying everything in our power to let him graduate from high school in NC before we move to the West Coast.  He actually says he wants to go to the West Coast and is excited about college out there as they have the field he is interested in, but yesterday he said, "Mom, when I finish college, can I come back to NC?  Nick and Ben and I want to get an apartment together and get jobs and live together."

 

Now, I know in my head that:

 

A. Nick is going away to college and most likely won't return to this area anyway.

B. Ben has some challenges that will most likely have him living with his parents for a very long time working a min. wage job.

C. Even if they all 3 stayed here, there is a HUGE chance this wouldn't work out anyway as people make plans when they are young that change over time.

 

 

But it made me feel bad anyway.  I assured him that once he finished college and got a job, he could go wherever he wanted to go.  And I explained that even if we stayed here, he would have to go away to college as the local school doesn't have his major.  

 

Things change after high school.  They just do.  The plans we make, the friends we had, the dreams, etc.....we grow and change and they grow and change, but right now I can tell he is struggling a bit.

Edited by DawnM
  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Transitions are often a bit bumpy - even transitions to good things.

At that age, the drive for independence and the fear of the unknown battle each other. It's perfectly normal to want things to stay the way we are used to. There is comfort in that. I think we have all been at that junction in life.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I felt the same way when Dd told us she intends to move to Chicago after graduation.

 

We moved to another state four years ago, and the move was rough on her. It's hard to transition during your junior year in high school. She has claimed her image as a city girl and just wants to go back to HER city. And I really don't blame her, but I don't want her to live seven hours away.

 

And like you, I know that her plan may or may not happen. She may get married. She may get a job elsewhere. But I still wish she wanted to be here, where we are.

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't fret too much over these comments (my older kid makes them all the time).  He's said anything from he wants to move back to the state he was born in to he wants to move to Germany.  I don't enjoy hearing any one of those things.  But really, I know it's not that simple and he could change his mind 100 times from now until then so there is no point being upset.

 

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

When he finishes college...is a long way away. I would encourage him to think along those lines because it has more definition than not knowing what the outcome will be otherwise. It is a plan of sorts, even if, a) you don't like it; b) we all know it most likely will not happen, and c) it probably is not a very good plan. I've done things like tried to discourage my kids and I don't like the way it feels to do that so I usually just encourage them to follow the path they want to follow.

 

With him, look at the areas in the country where the best job prospects are for the field he is going into. It very well may be Charlotte, NC; Fayetteville, NC or California or Dallas. Who knows where he will be able to get a job. 

 

Girls eventually become more important than hanging with the friends. Wink wink.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This reminds me of my two oldest who said the same thing. Fast forward post college both of my oldest sons and their two best high school friends all live together in a house :) I kid you not...they actually did come back together and all move in. They all have great jobs and like some disposable income from splitting the bills. My husband and I just shake our heads and laugh to ourselves because I remember saying "you will all move on and leave your high school friends behind" :) Now these friends are practically family. They all show up at holidays and I am pretty sure my 3 youngest don't even realize they aren't related to them. So you never know ;)

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...