matrips Posted May 22, 2021 Share Posted May 22, 2021 Not a parent to large age gaps, but a child of them. I was 10 and my brother 13.5 when my sister was born. We loved her and it was awesome having a little one. Christmas was more fun again too 🙂. And now we are both married, live in different pets of the world, but still chat regularly and try to meet up as often as travel permits. I’m glad to have her. Downsides- my parents were older and more exhausted to handle an active child with a will of her own. There were some difficult times but she stayed very close with both parents. Brother was off to college by the time she was 5, but he was still in the area and came back home for a bit. I was off to college when she was 8 and out of the house after that. But nearby. However, that meant she mainly lived as an only child. My folks often brought neighbor kids or friends on vacation with them so she’d have someone. So she has different vacation memories and experiences with my parents than my brother and I do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Condessa Posted May 22, 2021 Share Posted May 22, 2021 (edited) This has very much been on my mind. I have four with less than two years between each, only 5 years 2 months spread. My youngest is seven. And now I am pregnant with a high-risk surprise baby. I desperately longed for another and had vivid dreams that our family was not complete after my youngest was born. I am very happy about this baby. But I am also very worried. Worried that I will be put on bed rest and not able to be there for my seven-year-old when he needs me (he has cancer). Worried the baby will be premature and I will be trying to juggle the needs of two medically fragile kids at once, in addition to parenting five. Feeling sad that, while my other kids got to spend their early childhoods in a natural wonderland, this child will spend the early years mostly in doctors' waiting rooms. (Until they won't let me bring the little one with. I never left my kids when they were very small, but the hospitals have such strict policies now. I don't know how long I'll be able to get away with bringing baby along.) And worried that this baby will be lonely for most of his/her childhood. This baby will enter Kindergarten when my oldest starts college. My youngest will be in eighth grade. I have thought, many times, about trying to give this one a sibling close in age. I love my kids' close sibling relationships. But between the health risks and the prospect of juggling two more littles while managing cancer, I just don't think I'm up to it. Edited May 22, 2021 by Condessa 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartString Posted May 22, 2021 Share Posted May 22, 2021 8 minutes ago, Condessa said: This has very much been on my mind. I have four with less than two years between each, only 5 years 2 months spread. My youngest is seven. And now I am pregnant with a high-risk surprise baby. I desperately longed for another and had vivid dreams that our family was not complete after my youngest was born. I am very happy about this baby. But I am also very worried. Worried that I will be put on bed rest and not able to be there for my seven-year-old when he needs me (he has cancer). Worried the baby will be premature and I will be trying to juggle the needs of two medically fragile kids at once, in addition to parenting five. Feeling sad that, while my other kids got to spend their early childhoods in a natural wonderland, this child will spend the early years mostly in doctors' waiting rooms. (Until they won't let me on bring the little one with. I never left my kids when they were very small, but the hospitals have such strict policies now. I don't know how long I'll be able to get away with bringing baby along.) And worried that this baby will be lonely for most of his/her childhood. This baby will enter Kindergarten when my oldest starts college. My youngest will be in eighth grade. I have thought, many times, about trying to give this one a sibling close in age. I love my kids' close sibling relationships. But between the health risks and the prospect of juggling two more littles while managing cancer, I just don't think I'm up to it. I don't have nearly as many different factors as you do, but my oldest was 13 when my youngest was born and they are best buddies. He dotes on her like she's a princess and she thinks he is the best thing ever. I'm sure she'll be heart broken when he eventually moves out, but I'm counting on her being a lure to make sure he comes back to visit frequently. 🙂 At least, so far I don't think she feels lonely. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted May 22, 2021 Share Posted May 22, 2021 5 hours ago, Condessa said: \ But I am also very worried. . I am sorry you have all these worries. Sending hugs and best wishes that everything will work out for you and your family. 5 hours ago, HeartString said: I don't have nearly as many different factors as you do, but my oldest was 13 when my youngest was born and they are best buddies. He dotes on her like she's a princess and she thinks he is the best thing ever. I'm sure she'll be heart broken when he eventually moves out, but I'm counting on her being a lure to make sure he comes back to visit frequently. 🙂 At least, so far I don't think she feels lonely. We have the same situation in our family. My three sons are quite a bit older than my dd and they have always doted on her. We have no support from our immediate family, but she has always gotten so much love and support from her brothers. She was never lonely when they were home and technology helps so much in keeping them close now that they are apart. They are great role models for her and she goes to them often for advice. I'm very grateful that they have such special sibling relationships - I didn't know what to expect with the age gap. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted May 22, 2021 Share Posted May 22, 2021 My oldest is 23 and my youngest is 3. Do I win? PS: And it is awesome for all of us! 5 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted May 22, 2021 Share Posted May 22, 2021 What I found difficult when my youngest was little and my boys were all teens was finding stuff we could all do. Movies and games were especially hard, but even vacations and day trips - the age gap made those things frustrating. And my youngest was dragged to everything - all of her brothers' sports, activities, college visits, college orientations, move-ins, etc. Sometimes the logistics of it all was hard, but that's hard in other situations as well. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted May 22, 2021 Share Posted May 22, 2021 Our first four were within 7 years of each other. Then 7 year gap. Ds is 14 years younger than oldest. Now when he was 6, we adopted another ds who is 2.5 years younger, so he didn't grow up as an only. Actually, though, with his personality, of all six, he would have been the best suited to be an only; strong introvert, mature thinking early on, etc. We are glad we adopted youngest ds. But the dynamic would have been okay as far as one much younger than the others. The youngest two have had a different upbringing in some ways, and it sometimes makes me sad that they haven't had some of the experiences the oldest ones did. But that could go the opposite way as well. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kokotg Posted May 22, 2021 Share Posted May 22, 2021 I had my first 3 in 4 1/2 years and then my last 7 years later. It's definitely challenging in a lot of the ways other people have mentioned. My first three are a tight little pack with a lot of common interests (my middle two especially are total BFFs and always together). I thought maybe trailing so far behind would make for a kid who was good at entertaining himself, but the opposite has been true. Which is taxing for all of us. So he always wants a parent or older brother to be interacting with him, and he also can have trouble relating to kids his own age; he'll yammer on and on to adults he's just met, but is very shy with other kids. BUT he's also a great kid; can't imagine the family without him, I'm so glad there'll be a kid at home when his brothers are all gone in a few years (although the dynamic of having just one kid will undoubtably be weird), and his brothers are usually great with him. I get a lot of joy out of watching them together. I worry that he's getting such a different experience growing up than his brothers have, but it's not really better or worse--just different. He doesn't have a built in set of friends, but he does have more patient, less overwhelmed parents. For example. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eos Posted May 23, 2021 Share Posted May 23, 2021 16 years between oldest and youngest. The middle two are besties, the oldest and youngest are both a bit less familiar with each other. Oldest went to college when youngest was a toddler. I liked starting young and having my last at 40 - I had more energy when I was young, more patience when I was older. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted May 23, 2021 Share Posted May 23, 2021 My thoughts 4 years after the original post... Everyone’s still fine, lol. But the oldest has moved very far away and the second oldest has moved about 40 minutes away, and I can’t stop wondering what that must feel like for my 10yo. I was the oldest kid in my family, so I have absolutely no experience there. It’s also weird to me to have grown up kids (#3 is about to turn 18, though she plans to hang around for a while) and still have “littles”. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted May 23, 2021 Share Posted May 23, 2021 37 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said: I can’t stop wondering what that must feel like for my 10yo. I was the oldest kid in my family, so I have absolutely no experience there. I'm an only child and never really thought about sibling relationships until I had my own kids. When my oldest would come home from college, my youngest would be hanging all over him to the point where she'd be sitting on his lap if he sat down. Everyone missed him, but the other older kids were busier with school and activities and I think that helped. When my youngest was the only one left at home, she missed her brothers but also loved not having to share the bathroom with them. 😛 But she LOVES being with them and totally lights up when they are together. Technology helps so much with keeping them close, but she's just a whole different person when they are home compared to when it's just me and DH. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted May 23, 2021 Share Posted May 23, 2021 On 5/22/2021 at 5:48 AM, DawnM said: My oldest is 23 and my youngest is 3. Do I win? PS: And it is awesome for all of us! Same here. We have a 29, a 17, and a 9. Everyone is pretty close. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted May 23, 2021 Share Posted May 23, 2021 On 5/22/2021 at 7:24 AM, Kassia said: What I found difficult when my youngest was little and my boys were all teens was finding stuff we could all do. Movies and games were especially hard, but even vacations and day trips - the age gap made those things frustrating. And my youngest was dragged to everything - all of her brothers' sports, activities, college visits, college orientations, move-ins, etc. Sometimes the logistics of it all was hard, but that's hard in other situations as well. Yes, that can be hard sometimes. Both of our olders were into improv and acting as teens, and I have fond memories of the older kids (teens) watching The Upside Down Show with whichever toddler, learning improv techniques and using them in class. The toddlers got something totally different out of it. Ha! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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