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mamashark

Need a neutral opinion (or at least a third opinion)

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Another thought.  If he goes and doesn't do well, you will have that as your reason to never send him again (for a year or so anyway).  Grandma may bring it up and you can say, "that didn't end well last time, remember?"  In all likelihood Grandma will totally back off on that particular difference.  :)

 

And that for the price of maybe a day or two of 4yo crabbiness.  4yo is a pretty good age to let that happen as an experiment.  The consequences are small in the grand scheme of things.  No job to get fired from, no test to fail, no relationships to destroy, no car to crash.  :)

 

Also, I can tell you from experience that if you do have a sleepover fail, it is better to be next door than to be hours away when they call you to come pick up your kid.  :P

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I have very fond memories of staying with grandparents when I was that young, and I know my grandparents did not do everything my parents would have had them do.  I wish my children had that experience.  They now have only one living grandparent (they had two when they were younger) but neither grandparent asked them for special visits, spoiled them with treats, etc.  I think they have missed out on a very special time and relationship.  I would gladly trade some crankiness, tiredness, and other inconveniences for my children to have had that experience.

 

Also, I have a child who has never slept well--I would have been overjoyed to have a good night's sleep because a grandparent had a sleep over.   

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Can you not reach DH at all? If he wanted it, I would be inclined to defer (since you seem to have at least some bit of willingness to consider it) If he objects, I would tell MIL that you don't think it's a good idea while DH is out of town. When he gets back, he can break it to her.

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I would probably go ahead with the sleepover. But I would also find it reasonable of you to stick with boundaries and say no.

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Honestly, when I think of RVs, I think of overcrowding, pooh stench, water leaks, and possibly mold. I think I'd want him sleeping in a house with central AC for comforts sake, but that is me.

I take it you haven't been in an RV lately? Mine, which is about eight years old and bought used, is nicer than my house. We generally live in it during the summer. My kids adore it.

There's no stench or overcrowding, even on the rainy days.

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Didn't read the thread, just going by OP...

 

I'll give you my opinion from two standpoints - kid and adult

 

When I was a kid, we lived with my grandma, my dad's mom.  My mom and my grandmother had two completely different ideas about food and sleep.  So, when my parents went out, my grandmother would let me stay out late and read as long as I wanted.  She also always had chocolate candy for me, while my mom was very much against me having chocolate as a kid.  Now, 4 decades later, I can assure you that those two things did not create ANY  problems in my future adult life or even during my childhood (looking back).  I had no food issues or allergies, though, it would have been different if I did.

 

Now, as an adult, I HATE how my IL's have treated the issue of junk food and electronics with my kids.  My MIL gave my then barely 2 yr old chocolate candy and when I asked her not to, she flat out told me that as a grandmother, she can do that kind of stuff and it's her right.

 

Yes, there were MANY fights between my husband and I and I also had a lot of negative feelings towards my IL's, for this and many other reasons.  But I try super hard to use "10 yr rule"- will this still matter to me in 10 yrs?  Will this candy, this extra TV time, this  whatever matter in 10 yrs. 

 

I would love to say that I am all serene and zen and can handle it....but I haven't mastered that skill.  I try ignore it and hope and pray for the best.  Yes, I pray  A LOT!!

 

So, on one hand, I don't think it's that big of a deal, but I still resent the hell out of my IL's for so blatantly ignoring my wishes.

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