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Teresa in MO

I am so very.very. tired - vent

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I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm rambling, but I have been up since 2:00 after only 3 hours of sleep.  I am tired, so very, very tired.  It's been 7 1/2 months since my dh has passed. I should be past the worst.  But I'm not.  I feel like such a failure.  And I can't be this way.  I have kids still at home that need me.  I will have really good periods, the past two or three weeks have been good.  Saturday I felt the best I've felt in months.  Then, Saturday night I took a nosedive and have been getting very little sleep.  

 

When my dh passed away so suddenly I decided I needed to get as healthy as possible.  I have lost 32 lbs.  I weigh less now than when I got married 38 years ago.  When I saw my doctor in March, she told me she did not want me to lose any more weight, I've lost 2 lbs. since.  I am pre-diabetic and saw a nutritionist in January.  She put me on a 1400 calorie diet that she said would maintain my current weight.  I am following that very strictly.  I don't think its enough calories to maintain or gain a couple of pounds.  Or it could be stress.  Over the past 6 months, I have been convinced I have had various diseases, some very serious.  Had blood work done in March and it was very good.  The doctor said all my symptoms were a direct result of stress.  Was I satisfied with that.  Just very temporarily.  By the time I got home, I was convinced the doctor missed something.  I have been compulsive about monitoring my blood pressure (which surprisingly is very good), my heart rate, my oxygen level.  And yes, when I am stressed my heart rate is elevated, which stress me more and raises it more.  My kids got me a Fitbit Charge 2 for Christmas.  It is great, but it gives me too much information. It now tells me how much sleep and quality of sleep, not sure this is helpful to me. Heart rate up, must be something wrong.  Which raises it more.  I can't even begin to count how many times I check to see what my heart rate is.  Tells me how many hours and minutes my heart rate is in the fat burn zone, which is anything over 80.  If the number is up, must be something wrong.  My oxygen runs on average at 97%.  If its 96, 95, there must be something wrong.  I am constantly checking that too, maybe 50-100 times a day.  Typing this all out, I can see it seems like I'm am losing my mind.  Which I've wondered about too.  I know this is just a bad spell, and I will come out of it.

 

My dd is getting married in a week and a half.  I can not do this to her, so I am trying very hard not to seem stressed around the kids.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.    My dh would tell me to get a grip, that I have to get past this worrying and being stressed all the time.  I know that I need to just let it go, try and relax.  When I do that, I am good.  When I can't, not so much.  

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I'm so sorry for your loss. 💔 Someone with more experience will come along for advice, I just wanted to let you know I read it and am thinking of you.

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Gently -- Have you considered asking your doctor to screen you for anxiety and/or depression? The depletion of brain chemicals related to those can wreak havoc, and until that is addressed you might not be able to "come out of it" on your own. Medication can help. Therapy can help.

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Telling yourself to stop worrying is a lot like telling yourself to go into labor. It doesn't work if you're not ready for it.

 

(((Hugs))). Grief, stress, and anxiety are super hard.

 

Do you practice mindfulness? It doesn't take long each time and may be a way for you to mentally reset and change your focus.

 

I hope others with more helpful insights come along to help you.

 

((More hugs))

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Grief is a hard thing and within it, there is no "I should be." This is not a goldfish that you lost 2 days after winning it at the fair. This was your spouse and life partner. Of COURSE you are still dealing with it and struggling with it.

 

Also, your DD who is getting married will not only understand your feelings, she is likely feeling very similar things.

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Please talk to your dr about anxiety and depression. Grief can cause a spiral that makes you body have issues with serotonin and dopamine. You may struggle with healthy grieving until this is addressed correctly. You will still grieve and ache and cry. But you'll be better able to cope if those issues are corrected. Please do this for your family. It will likely be a short term thing. And a grief counselor would help you also.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Who is the person telling you you should be past the worst? Whoever they are, tell them to shut up.

 

You aren't going to feel past the worst of losing the center of your world for over 30 years in just 7 months. There's no way I'd be past the worst in less than a year. Cut yourself some slack. It's okay to still be in the deepest of grief. Yes, the world continues on, but you are still adjusting and that's okay.

 

I too say this gently... are you seeking counseling? I think your fear of "being next to go" and thus hyperfocused on your health is both normal and yet still an unhealthy focus. And just a thought, it's not a failure to seek medical intervention for anxiety or depression. There's steps you can take to possibly take the edge off so you can relax a bit. And that little bit might make all the difference. It can't hurt to at least talk to your dr about it.

 

(((Hugs)))

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I'm so sorry. How very sad and difficult this must be. Please do consider talking to your doctor about anxiety and depression, and exploring the possibility of grief counseling.

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:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Gently -- Have you considered asking your doctor to screen you for anxiety and/or depression? The depletion of brain chemicals related to those can wreak havoc, and until that is addressed you might not be able to "come out of it" on your own. Medication can help. Therapy can help.

Please look into this. I could not maintain weight when my anxiety was at its worst. Many hugs. Edited by WoolySocks

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Are you getting counseling? You are grieving (and no, after seven months you are not over the worst!), stressed, and anxious. Have you thought about getting professional help for your anxiety? You have a lot to deal with and need support. I am sending lots of good thoughts; I cannot imagine how difficult this must be. Please allow yourself time to grieve and don't push an unrealistic timeline.

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Should be past the worst. Oh no, sweetie. I don't want to give you a timeline, but I've heard countless times that the sharp grieving process lasts well beyond 7 months. But honestly, I don't want to say how long because I'm afraid you'll start to feel despair over how long it is.

 

So, I'll just say that what you're feeling is very, very painful, but it's also normal. Hopefully it's just you who thinks things should be different by now and no one is actually telling you that you should be feeling past the worst by now. Because if anyone is telling you that, they're completely wrong and will heap shame upon you for still feeling what is very normal to feel.

 

You are having some sort of anxiety. That needs to be treated. It won't make the grief go away, but the obsessing with the health issues is a sign of some sort of anxiety and that needs to be stabilized. The anxiety is kicking you while you're down. If you treat the anxiety, you'll still be down, but at least you won't also be kicked.

 

There's nothing shameful in treating it. Please talk to a grief counsellor or a psychologist or your regular doctor to get this treated.

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My doctor did talk to me about medication for anxiety in January.  I do not want to go this route. I seem to be super sensitive to medications, always getting the worst side effects. I am trying some natural supplements, but not on a regular basis.  In March, we agreed I was doing better.  And most of the time I am.  I'm not sure what set off this latest bad spell.  I am looking into counseling after the wedding.  I have been using relaxation techniques from books I got from the library.  Most of the time, they help.  Thanks for all the prayers and hugs.  I am tired, but trying to have a better attitude this morning.  I have found this makes a big difference in my day.

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You are not a failure, so please don't tell yourself that. You have just lost a beloved spouse and are now faced with raising your kids alone - of course you are anxious and stressed! That is not a sign of weakness, it is a normal human reaction. There are ways to alleviate the anxiety, though, so I hope you will get some help.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

 

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My doctor did talk to me about medication for anxiety in January.  I do not want to go this route. I seem to be super sensitive to medications, always getting the worst side effects. I am trying some natural supplements, but not on a regular basis.  In March, we agreed I was doing better.  And most of the time I am.  I'm not sure what set off this latest bad spell.  I am looking into counseling after the wedding.  I have been using relaxation techniques from books I got from the library.  Most of the time, they help.  Thanks for all the prayers and hugs.  I am tired, but trying to have a better attitude this morning.  I have found this makes a big difference in my day.

 

It's probably the wedding.  Weddings are generally happy occasions, but they are also stressful to plan and execute, plus this one will be bittersweet.    My sister's wedding took place a few months after her DH's father passed, it was difficult for her mother in law.  It's a very jumbled mix of emotions. 

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I'm sorry. Weddings are stressful even when you aren't grieving. 7 months is not long, You grieve as long as you need to.

 

Have you had any grief counseling? In my area it is offered free through hospice, even if you didn't use their services before. They also have support groups. You may find it helpful just to talk to someone in person who really understands.

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After my mom passed it took me over a year to join a grief group. I felt silly because everyone there had lost a spouse and I didn't feel my grief was worthy to theirs, mine was a parent who you expect to go first. It helped tremendously.

 

You're in my thoughts (((Hug)))

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My doctor did talk to me about medication for anxiety in January.  I do not want to go this route. I seem to be super sensitive to medications, always getting the worst side effects. I am trying some natural supplements, but not on a regular basis.  In March, we agreed I was doing better.  And most of the time I am.  I'm not sure what set off this latest bad spell.  I am looking into counseling after the wedding.  I have been using relaxation techniques from books I got from the library.  Most of the time, they help.  Thanks for all the prayers and hugs.  I am tired, but trying to have a better attitude this morning.  I have found this makes a big difference in my day.

 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  I'm so sorry for your loss and the hardships you're having to endure. 

 

Since you're interested in a more natural route, have you considered talking with a naturopath or maybe even an acupuncturist? They can guide you (and probably provide a regimen) for natural supplements that might help. I know it may not work for everyone, but I thought I'd mention it in case you hadn't considered it.

 

Many hugs and prayers to you and your family.

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Gently -- Have you considered asking your doctor to screen you for anxiety and/or depression? The depletion of brain chemicals related to those can wreak havoc, and until that is addressed you might not be able to "come out of it" on your own. Medication can help. Therapy can help.

I second this. Much of what you described can be attributed to depression, which would be no surprise considering what youv'e been through! And, keeping in mind, that some of the calories we consume are used for our brain, and yours is a bit taxed right now, I don't think 1400 calories is enough for you. Also, if you're not exercising, please start. Exercise is the most under-utilized anti-depressant. Even if it's just walking 30 minutes a day. Or less to starte, if needed. But please get out and walk and get some sunshine.

 

All that to say, please do see a health professional you trust. Tell them what's going on. Even if you think, "Oh, I don't want to bother them; it's probably nothing." Because what you're describing isn't "nothing" and like you said, you have a family to take care of. You cannot take care of them effectively if you haven't taken care of you first.

 

I'll be praying for you to get the rest and restoration you need!

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What Murphy 101 said.

 

If there is someone actually telling you that you should be over the loss of your DH, they are incredibly cruel and clueless. There is no time table... there is only time and LOTS of it. You have not failed. Please think about finding a counselor who can help you through this heartbreaking and painful journey. I'm sorry for your loss and your struggles.

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I honestly can't add more than what others have already written, but I can second (or third - or more) much of it.  Grief is real and lasts a long time when you've lost someone you love so much.  Chemical imbalances are real and just as "medical" as a broken arm or leg that we wouldn't hesitate to get treated.  Weddings bring on added stress and added grief.  I have to say, I think what you are experiencing is "normal" - and frustrating - both at the same time.

 

I can offer  :grouphug: .  I wish there were more I could offer.

 

Definitely keep feeling free to share on here.  Venting and/or seeing a different perspective can help the mind figure out what is going on and next steps.

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Put the FitBit away for now. Just shove it in a drawer. Or give it to a friend to hold for you. It's adding stress.

 

Do whatever you need to do to get through your DD's wedding. That would be an incredibly stressful even if you weren't mourning. What helps you sleep? Spending time outside? Exercise? Getting a massage? Let go of what you think you SHOULD be doing for just a little while. Eat lots of healthy fats. Handful of macadamia nuts before bed. Avocados. Whatever you enjoy.

 

Find a good therapist/counselor. Medication might not be the answer (especially dealing with side effects this close to the wedding), but don't discount it entirely. Depression and anxiety change how your brain works. It's not always something you can just power through. You would treat a physical illness, right? Depression has physical manifestations.

 

You are amazing. I hope you are able to find a way to enjoy your daughter's wedding. :grouphug:

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I understand that will power has *a* role in some parts of coping with the (perfectly normal) symptoms of grief. I understand that you want to 'do well' for the sake of your children, and for the wedding too.

 

But I'm hearing some hints that you are being hard on yourself. You wouldn't let anyone be hard on someone else (anyone else!) who is carrying your load.

 

Your grief is running a normal course and having average effects. Grief varies... but yours is pretty textbook. (I don't know if you will find that comforting or not.) Take care of yourself, and taking care of others will follow.

 

You can't be a pillar of strength all the time. What you can be (all the time) is a role-model of healthy authentic grief. (Not to say that there isn't a role for some privacy, just that you needn't be ashamed of what you are going through.) Some of the time healthy grief looks like determination, bravery, and a backbone of iron. Some of the time healthy grief looks like deep sorrow in the company of trusted-and-trustworthy loved ones or supportive friends/helpers.

 

(Sometimes it takes courage to be brave enough to be honest about how you are doing. Don't be part of perpetuating the myth that it's normal to be 'over the worst' by now. It's not.)

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Should be over the worst by now is an absolute lie.

 

I'll jump out on a limb here and guess that it's not other people in your life who are telling you this, but you yourself who is telling you this. Please don't believe it. It's a lie.

 

If you are committed to natural remedies for anxiety/depression, please consider the following things that help me (I react very badly to medication): exercise (I know it's not fun, but it becomes fun after a while. Consider reading "Spark" for encouragement of how helpful exercise is for mental health. I reread it at least once a year), eating more, 1400 is really low, and getting outside in the sun for 30 minutes a day or using a light box. My favorite supplements to manage my mental health are a good B complex (I use Thorne because I need the methylization support), a lot of D3, rhodiola, and theanine. Valerian root for sleep.

 

I'm so sorry. Hugs. May you find some joy in the wedding and some rest in the meantime.

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Put the FitBit away for now. Just shove it in a drawer. Or give it to a friend to hold for you. It's adding stress.

 

Do whatever you need to do to get through your DD's wedding. That would be an incredibly stressful even if you weren't mourning. What helps you sleep? Spending time outside? Exercise? Getting a massage? Let go of what you think you SHOULD be doing for just a little while. Eat lots of healthy fats. Handful of macadamia nuts before bed. Avocados. Whatever you enjoy.

 

Find a good therapist/counselor. Medication might not be the answer (especially dealing with side effects this close to the wedding), but don't discount it entirely. Depression and anxiety change how your brain works. It's not always something you can just power through. You would treat a physical illness, right? Depression has physical manifestations.

 

You are amazing. I hope you are able to find a way to enjoy your daughter's wedding. :grouphug:

Agree! And, if you are at your desired weight and still losing, 1400 calories daily is not enough. Bump that up to 1500 or 1600 and see how you feel. Get some potatoes in there, any variety but especially sweet ones. Potatoes have been shown to stimulate seratonin production and have a natural antidepressant effect.

 

(((Theresa)))

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Thanks everyone.  I am feeling somewhat better.  Still very tired, but better.  Walked with a dear friend for an hour.  You all have very good advice.  No one is telling me I should be "over the worst", it is what I do to myself.  Right now, its mainly the sleep issue.  I did not have problems until the end of January, almost 5 months after his death.  Things are alot worse when I have trouble sleeping.  The crushing grief is always there, its just alot harder to handle when I can't sleep.  After the wedding, I do plan on seeing a chiropractor who specializes in natural treatment of anxiety and insomnia.  The dd who is getting married is actually a massage therapist for a chiropractor's office, she is setting me up with one of the chiropractors there who will test by vitamin and hormone levels.  She has been giving me lots of massages, too.  I do plan on seeing a grief counselor also.  I know I am struggling with alot of emotions, especially guilt.  My dh was working out of town when this happened.  I had talked to him 2 hours before on the phone and everything was fine.

 

The wedding is bittersweet for all of us.  My dd is struggling with either walking down the aisle by herself or having one of her brothers walk her down.  She wants to do a tribute to my dh at the reception.  She will dance with her brothers in place of the father'daughter dance.  A slide show will be playing with pictures of her with her dad at the same time.  Someone who lost their mom a few months after my dh passed away told us to listen to "Jealous of the Angels" by Donna Taggert.  The song fit perfect, so that will be played during the dance.  It's hard to get through the song without tears, but it is also a comforting song.

 

Thanks so much for letting me come on here and vent when I need to.  It really does help.

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Who is the person telling you you should be past the worst? Whoever they are, tell them to shut up.

 

You aren't going to feel past the worst of losing the center of your world for over 30 years in just 7 months. There's no way I'd be past the worst in less than a year. Cut yourself some slack. It's okay to still be in the deepest of grief. Yes, the world continues on, but you are still adjusting and that's okay.

 

I too say this gently... are you seeking counseling? I think your fear of "being next to go" and thus hyperfocused on your health is both normal and yet still an unhealthy focus. And just a thought, it's not a failure to seek medical intervention for anxiety or depression. There's steps you can take to possibly take the edge off so you can relax a bit. And that little bit might make all the difference. It can't hurt to at least talk to your dr about it.

 

(((Hugs)))

 

 

This is exactly what I was going to post.  I think it is totally normal to worry about dying when your children only have one parent left.  I do that since my divorce---my son's dad isn't dead---but I sitll worry what will happen to my son if I die!  So I can only imagine how tough it is for you.  Like Murphy says you are not even a year out from the biggest tragedy of your life.  It is perfectly reasonable to need more time AND perfectly reasonable that your grief will ebb and flow.  It won't be a constant for a long time yet. 

 

((((Hugs)))  Please see a doctor if you go too long feeling this way.  And sleep.  Yes, find a way to get some sleep because lack of it only exacerbates your grief.

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Thanks everyone.  I am feeling somewhat better.  Still very tired, but better.  Walked with a dear friend for an hour.  You all have very good advice.  No one is telling me I should be "over the worst", it is what I do to myself.  Right now, its mainly the sleep issue.  I did not have problems until the end of January, almost 5 months after his death.  Things are alot worse when I have trouble sleeping.  The crushing grief is always there, its just alot harder to handle when I can't sleep.  After the wedding, I do plan on seeing a chiropractor who specializes in natural treatment of anxiety and insomnia.  The dd who is getting married is actually a massage therapist for a chiropractor's office, she is setting me up with one of the chiropractors there who will test by vitamin and hormone levels.  She has been giving me lots of massages, too.  I do plan on seeing a grief counselor also.  I know I am struggling with alot of emotions, especially guilt.  My dh was working out of town when this happened.  I had talked to him 2 hours before on the phone and everything was fine.

 

The wedding is bittersweet for all of us.  My dd is struggling with either walking down the aisle by herself or having one of her brothers walk her down.  She wants to do a tribute to my dh at the reception.  She will dance with her brothers in place of the father'daughter dance.  A slide show will be playing with pictures of her with her dad at the same time.  Someone who lost their mom a few months after my dh passed away told us to listen to "Jealous of the Angels" by Donna Taggert.  The song fit perfect, so that will be played during the dance.  It's hard to get through the song without tears, but it is also a comforting song.

 

Thanks so much for letting me come on here and vent when I need to.  It really does help.

 

 

Ah, we were posting over each other, but just as I thought lack of sleep is making it worse.

 

And the wedding is triggering too.  Just recognize these things as normal and it will help you get through them. 

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My mom did some grief counseling many years ago. I remember her saying it takes an average of 2 years for grief to heal. Does that mean its the sharp tearing pain all the time? No....but it comes in waves. You are not even through your year of 'firsts'....the first birthdays without your DH. The first holidays, the first anniversaries, the first time you'll face May 1 (or any other day) without him. Be kind to your self, please. You are still wounded.

 

I broke my arm a few years ago....wore a cast for seven weeks. A few weeks after the cast was taken off, I noticed my watch strap was way too tight. When I asked my doctor why my arm was still swelling, he laughed and said the inner bone wouldn't be done healing for another six months.

 

You are the same....your inner being is still healing. Plus it's learning to live a new life. Both of those are stressors. Be kind to yourself.

 

Up your calories--1400 is too little for your current needs. Yes, to healthy fats, a few potatoes, (I'd probably be reaching for ice cream, but that's just me) and lots of sunshine and exercise. Take up yoga....great stress reliever. There are free yoga routines online. yell if you want help finding them. I use an app on my phone called Yoga Studio. Costs 5 bucks or so...good solid yoga classes you can do anytime.

 

Find some funny youtube videos to watch. Laughter is good for you.

 

I wish we were all there to help with your daughter's wedding and/or to sit with you while you ate a good meal. Or to encourage you to laugh.

 

We are here--and we will always listen. Hang in there!

 

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Huge hugs. For what it's worth with grief for someone so close my experience was it was around two years to feel like my new normal. I also had a lot of trouble sleeping and would read late to avoid being alone with thought. It's normal. However there's no shame in seeing a dr to check if you need something to help you through either.

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Should be past the worst. Oh no, sweetie. I don't want to give you a timeline, but I've heard countless times that the sharp grieving process lasts well beyond 7 months. But honestly, I don't want to say how long because I'm afraid you'll start to feel despair over how long it is.

 

So, I'll just say that what you're feeling is very, very painful, but it's also normal. Hopefully it's just you who thinks things should be different by now and no one is actually telling you that you should be feeling past the worst by now. Because if anyone is telling you that, they're completely wrong and will heap shame upon you for still feeling what is very normal to feel.

 

You are having some sort of anxiety. That needs to be treated. It won't make the grief go away, but the obsessing with the health issues is a sign of some sort of anxiety and that needs to be stabilized. The anxiety is kicking you while you're down. If you treat the anxiety, you'll still be down, but at least you won't also be kicked.

 

There's nothing shameful in treating it. Please talk to a grief counsellor or a psychologist or your regular doctor to get this treated.

 

:iagree:

 

My dad died of cancer when I was 8. My mom soldiered through the immediate aftermath - it was right around 6 months later that all the grief and stress hit. This is so normal. Go see your doctor and see if meds for anxiety and/or sleep will help - not forever, but just to help you through this time, that is so important to your daughter.  Remember, you can't really manage your thoughts and feelings unless you are getting some decent sleep.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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Sometimes after the initial shock the real grief doesn't truly hit until several months later.  In the interim you are in "get things dealt with" mode and can kind of shove it down a bit.  Then the initial stuff is dealt with and the grief pushes back up, along with anxiety and depression.  The wedding and constant reminders of what you lost and who won't be there is exacerbating the situation.

 

I think everyone has already posted great suggestions.  I just wanted to reiterate what others have said.  This process takes time.  There is nothing abnormal about needing that time.  Don't try to rush through or beat yourself up because you aren't over it yet.  You aren't supposed to be.  Hopefully once the wedding is over you can spend more time pursuing ways to help you get more rest and give your body the resources it needs to keep functioning while you go through this process.  

 

Hugs and best wishes.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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I am not going to repeat all the great advice you received about don't beat yourself up, find someone to talk to, stop wearing the fitbit, etc, because it sounds like you heard the advice.

 

I am going to try and give you a bit of hope for the wedding. In my grief, I have sometimes noticed the hardest times come before a big event/anniversary/trip/whatever my husband would have been a part of. However, when the actual big event happens, I am so focused on it, that I don't notice the grief (as much) even though it is obvious that he is missing. I have not had a child get married yet, but I have gone through four graduation ceremonies, if you count preschool. I also talked to a friend/another widow after her son's wedding, and she had the same experience. Your daughter's tribute to your husband sounds lovely. I have often wondered who will walk my daughters down the aisle, and I don't even have an engaged daughter, so more time wouldn't have helped with her decision. (Gentely, do you think she would like you to walk her down the aisle. That is an option that has popped into my mind over the years. I don't think it is right for every family, but it may be for yours.) Remember lots of moms cry at weddings, so it is okay if you cry -- even if it is not for the "normal" reasons.

 

Praying for you as you go through this wedding without your husband. I hope the normal wedding craziness kicks in and distracts you a bit for the next week.

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So sorry for your loss. My therapist told me that after the loss of my child, I should expect the grieving process to take two years. 7.5 months is still very, very early: be gentle with yourself. Have you considered grief counseling? My grief definitely manifested (and still manifests) as that kind of fear a lot, and grief counseling really helped, as did some of the tinctures and supplements my midwife gave me and a grief support group. 

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I'm so very sorry for your suffering. It is natural and normal that you are devastated and suffering after losing your husband less than a year ago. The first entire year after losing each of my parents were blurs. I can't even imagine what it'd be like to lose my husband, let alone so young and with children at home still needing your parenting. Of course you are having a very hard time!!

 

Personally, if I had a magic wand . . . I'd suggest . . .

 

+ stuffing that fitbit far far away, along with the rest of your monitoring equipment (unless your doctor has advised you to monitor something specifically).

 

+ adding at least 200 calories a day to your diet, since you count, and since you've lost a couple pounds in a couple months while on your current diet. Make sure as many calories as possible are healthy fats (Omega 3s, avocado, fish, nuts, coconut oil, etc), healthy proteins, along with lots of nutritious vegetables. If you can stand something like green juicing, I'd try to add a glass of green juice (kale or spinach or other nutrient dense greens plus some yummy stuff like apple and banana) each day for the nutrient boost. Your body needs high quality nutrition to heal all the ugly things that happen from stress, so I'd want to bump up your nutrient quality for at least a year, to help you heal and recover. 

 

+ try to get outside in the fresh air and sunshine for at least an hour or two each day, ideally walking, running, paddling, or biking. I personally find that "moving on the earth" by my own energy output, hearing the outside wind and water and leaves rustling, is the most effective anti-depressant and anti-anxiety treatment I've tried, even compared to medications. 

 

+ be kind to yourself. Do things you enjoy. Say no to things that drain your energy or make you miserable. Accept offers of help. Ask for help. 

 

+ See a therapist if you want to. If you can't take active responsibility for working towards feeling better, then this is critical. If you are able to take active steps (exercise, talking to friends, nutrition, etc), then you may not *need* professional help, but if you feel you are drowning and don't see ways to feel better, then it is past time to go ahead and get help.

 

(((hugs))))

 

 

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 The crushing grief is always there, its just alot harder to handle when I can't sleep.  

 

:grouphug: You've gone through so much in the past year.

 

If you don't want to try medication, can I encourage you to see a therapist? When my parent passed away (it was an expected death), I was shocked at the level of emotional and physical turmoil I experienced. Talking to a counselor helped so much. It was cathartic. She helped focus my thoughts. She let me know my emotions were okay. It didn't eliminate my grief, but it helped me process it and cope with the upheaval.

 

:grouphug:

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