"Dear parent of a not-so-stellar student"

[flyingaway]

https://www.mylifetree.com/soulfeed/dear-parent-of-a-not-so-stellar-student-you-are-not-alone/

 

This really resonated with me today and I thought it might with others, too. My kids are younger, but I definitely have one who is going to take paths I don't understand, and I sometimes find it hard to breathe thinking about it.

[Lilaclady]

Good article. I'm glad for their outcome.

[Guest]

That's a great article! Really resonated with me in my personal struggles as a young adult, though my path was very different than his. And as a parent now I'm seeing the other side of it. Ah!

[freesia]

I like it, too.  I never thought that I was a really helicopter type parent until ds hit high school. . . .

 

It's been so interesting seeing my older two begin to become their own independent people, but oh, so much harder than I thought it would be, for sure.

 

Letting go can be a huge, gut wrenching experience even for those of us who thought we wouldn't have trouble--maybe more so because it catches us off guard.

 

I love how she echos the "teach the child on the couch" phrase we bandy about here.  Her version is "love who your child is now, not who you hope they will become". So true. So wise.

[6packofun]

I like it, too, but at the end I wanted to yell from the rooftops that it would have been TOTALLY OK if her son had NOT become a senior financial analyst making a really great salary! Will anyone ever write an encouraging piece where it doesn't turn out way better than expected and yet the person learns that he/she is still not a failure?  I know that the piece was mostly about the waiting and hoping and despairing that the son getting it together would never happen, learning how to be OK with the sometimes slow process.  But not all of us are going to have our big WHEW!! moment that makes all the stress worth it.  We may have continued stress and that's OK, too, and we learn from it as we struggle.  I DID like the article, not trying to totally pan it!

[Garga]

I like it, too, but at the end I wanted to yell from the rooftops that it would have been TOTALLY OK if her son had NOT become a senior financial analyst making a really great salary! Will anyone ever write an encouraging piece where it doesn't turn out way better than expected and yet the person learns that he/she is still not a failure?  I know that the piece was mostly about the waiting and hoping and despairing that the son getting it together would never happen, learning how to be OK with the sometimes slow process.  But not all of us are going to have our big WHEW!! moment that makes all the stress worth it.  We may have continued stress and that's OK, too, and we learn from it as we struggle.  I DID like the article, not trying to totally pan it!

 

 

This is a good point!

 

I keep hearing stories about women (it's always women!) who say they wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother and it never seemed to happen and they'd pray and pray and pray and get to a point where'd they say, "Well, God, if it isn't meant to be, I'm at peace with it."  And then, God sent them a man.

 

But...I want to hear about someone who prays and prays and is at peace with it and there is no man.  She does something else with her life and it's worthwhile and she doesn't pine away for a man.  Because there are women like that out there and I think they should be the ones telling the stories instead of the ones who were at peace with it, but then got what they had wanted anyway.

 

....Sorry that was off point.  Didn't mean to do that.  

Edited April 25, 2017 by Garga

[Arcadia]

The 2009 financial crisis/property bust has made my sensitive kids think hard about financial security. They see neighbors homes having foreclosure notices stuck on the doors. They see our condo clubhouse door having a list of condo units who are behind in paying the HOA dues. They know neighbors who lost their homes to short sale or foreclosure. My kids were early readers and they could read all the notices themselves. We also have good friends who were layoff during that recession and my kids knew what unemployed meant.

 

Will anyone ever write an encouraging piece where it doesn't turn out way better than expected and yet the person learns that he/she is still not a failure?

The writer is an author and feel good endings tend to sell better.

 

"She’s the author of a new book that chronicles her imperfect journey of parenting in this season with a refreshing sense honesty, humor, and practical insights"

[wintermom]

 

The writer is an author and feel good endings tend to sell better.

 

 

Exactly. This kind of stuff sells a lot more than the millions of similar stories where the young adult is doing ok but nothing spectacular, or the young adult is doing very poorly. No one really wants to buy those kind of stories. Most of us are living them, in some way or other - maybe ours was the teen who did great in high school and college, but bombed out later in life and are back home living in the parent's basement. 

[DawnM]

This is a good point!

 

I keep hearing stories about women (it's always women!) who say they wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother and it never seemed to happen and they'd pray and pray and pray and get to a point where'd they say, "Well, God, if it isn't meant to be, I'm at peace with it."  And then, God sent them a man.

 

Sometimes I am not sure that God sends them a man at that point, but that they are putting on a persona of not being so needy or desperate anymore and men find that more attractive.  You know?  I just no longer believe that God is withholding something from us to "teach us a lesson" thing.  God isn't playing chess with our lives.  He wants good things for us.  And often we attribute things to God that are really just our own feelings or thoughts or shortcomings.

 

But...I want to hear about someone who prays and prays and is at peace with it and there is no man.  She does something else with her life and it's worthwhile and she doesn't pine away for a man.  Because there are women like that out there and I think they should be the ones telling the stories instead of the ones who were at peace with it, but then got what they had wanted anyway.

 

And I saw this.....A LOT, from the missionaries I grew up with, who were so dedicated to their work and to the Lord that they were content.  Now, I haven't met any who said they still wou'dnt have wanted to be married, but I have met many who are happy in what they do and find their lives fulfilling.  I think we were made for community and marriage is one of the deepest ways we can find it.

 

....Sorry that was off point.  Didn't mean to do that.  

 

 

Sorry, I realize this has nothing to do with the not-so-stellar student thing but wanted to address it.

[marbel]

I like it, too, but at the end I wanted to yell from the rooftops that it would have been TOTALLY OK if her son had NOT become a senior financial analyst making a really great salary! Will anyone ever write an encouraging piece where it doesn't turn out way better than expected and yet the person learns that he/she is still not a failure?  I know that the piece was mostly about the waiting and hoping and despairing that the son getting it together would never happen, learning how to be OK with the sometimes slow process.  But not all of us are going to have our big WHEW!! moment that makes all the stress worth it.  We may have continued stress and that's OK, too, and we learn from it as we struggle.  I DID like the article, not trying to totally pan it!

 

I was thinking this too but couldn't think of how to say it. You did a fine job speaking for me.  :-)    I admit to being a bit disappointed at the end - because I thought it was going to be different.  I kept thinking of my mom and brother - she worried and was patient and waited for him to get it together... it never happened.  

 

That piece would never have been written if the young man hadn't ended up with the great job and salary.  

 

 

Edited April 25, 2017 by marbel

[Guest]

I like it, too, but at the end I wanted to yell from the rooftops that it would have been TOTALLY OK if her son had NOT become a senior financial analyst making a really great salary! Will anyone ever write an encouraging piece where it doesn't turn out way better than expected and yet the person learns that he/she is still not a failure? I know that the piece was mostly about the waiting and hoping and despairing that the son getting it together would never happen, learning how to be OK with the sometimes slow process. But not all of us are going to have our big WHEW!! moment that makes all the stress worth it. We may have continued stress and that's OK, too, and we learn from it as we struggle. I DID like the article, not trying to totally pan it!

This thought crossed my mind, too.

[Scarlett]

Another who was annoyed by the ending...how does that bring peace to the mom with a child who will never have a great job like that.

 

I always think of the song lyric, 'happiness on earth isn't just for high achievers.'

 

I want my son to be happy.  Part of being happy is being able to provide for oneself and family.  I tell him not to fret about how much money he CAN make but rather how much money he NEEDS to make to have a life of dignity.  I encourage him to keep his debt low or nothing....to save and pay as he goes rather than fall into the trap of charging and paying later.

[KrissiK]

I am the parent of a couple of "not so stellar students". One who's sort of similar to the author's son. He really struggles academically, doesn't like school, probably won't be "successful" as the world expects, but I think he's going to make it one his own and do ok. The other... well, we have bigger worries about him. But... I think endings like hers are meant to encourage and tell parents there is hope. No, not every story turns out well. Some kids remain just barely getting by, and some kids just tank. But as parents...we have to have hope in our kids. Always. We can't give up on them. And stories like that do give me hope. Hope that kids can turn it around and end up all right.

Edited April 25, 2017 by KrissiK

[iamonlyone]

Thank you for sharing! The article brought a lump to my throat and was very encouraging. We are kind of at the "loving but cutting off support" stage and, although ours does have learning disabilities, I appreciated reading how the tough times in life helped shape and direct the author's son. I'm not hoping or holding my breath for a CFO job (dyscalculia, after all!) but it helped me to hear of another parent's similar journey and gives me renewed stamina to continue praying for a passion and a direction in life.