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Always surprised by poor parenting choices


Moxie
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DH and I went to see John Wick 2 this afternoon. It is rated R. Over 100 people are shot. A woman slits her wrists. Lots of language. This is not a movie for kids yet, there was a boy and an older man watching. The boy couldn't have been more than 8. Every time I see a grown-up movie, someone has a kid in the theater. I don't get it.

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That's so strange you mention this movie. I was just talking about John Wick last night. I didn't know they made a second.

 

My 8 yr old can see certain things that other parents wouldn't allow. He handles violence better than me in a lot of ways. I wouldn't take him to see a John Wick movie personally. He did once access a Walking Dead episode I would never have permitted him to see once. It was an episode where I had to leave the room, but he apparently didn't have any nightmares or act fazed. I think most of the violent stuff he's seen in theaters was rated PG-13, though. Like one of the X-Men movies. I didn't realize it was going to be that violent. I was really upset we had taken him. He was fine. I was uncomfortable.

 

 

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DH and I went to see John Wick 2 this afternoon. It is rated R. Over 100 people are shot. A woman slits her wrists. Lots of language. This is not a movie for kids yet, there was a boy and an older man watching. The boy couldn't have been more than 8. Every time I see a grown-up movie, someone has a kid in the theater. I don't get it.

Total aside...

 

My resident John Wick expert (he loves the movies) had told me weeks ago the body count in 2 was like 50% higher than the original.

 

I said I would NOT be watching JW 2...

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I wouldn't take DS to see JW movies. However, the lines that I draw as far as media is concerned are more often about sexuality and how women are treated/portrayed, not violence.  So my parenting may seem very inconsistent/poor to outsiders but is taken on a case-by-case basis.

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I wouldn't take DS to see JW movies. However, the lines that I draw as far as media is concerned are more often about sexuality and how women are treated/portrayed, not violence. So my parenting may seem very inconsistent/poor to outsiders but is taken on a case-by-case basis.

I can't see a situation where a child under 8 seeing 100+ people shot could be considered good or even just ok parenting.

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Riiight... how about we replace 'poor' with 'different'.

 

When I was 8 I saw similar movies. In fact one time around age 8 or 9 I even saw what you'd call an NC-17 movie labelled for violence. It didn't scar me for life. Movies with emotional pain were far more traumatising to me, and sexual content was far more damaging to my behaviour. My parents weren't amazing parents, but watching an R or even NC-17 rated movie at age 8 doesn't even rate on the list of bad parenting choices.

 

I censor the movies my kids watch quite heavily, but obviously not by your standards for being a good parent. I personally wouldn't let an 8 year old watch that particular film, because I wouldn't watch it myself (what's YOUR reason for taking enjoyment from viewing 100 people being killed and a woman slitting her wrists exactly?). However, I would let my kids watch a movie with plenty of violence if it was violence with a purpose and meaning, or within a worthwhile plotline. And I would allow violence earlier than I would allow certain other things, especially certain attitudes, or concepts that a film takes for granted within the plot that I disagree with. 

 

Not right now, but when the time comes (and in my opinion it's not far off) I'm a million times more likely to let them watch an R rated action movie than an R rated comedy, or even possibly drama. And in reverse I'm likely to restrict my kids from doing or seeing things that you'd be fine with. 

 

Just because it's not the decision you would make for your kids doesn't make it poor parenting. 

 

Also, you're guessing the kids age. I knew multiple kids in middle school who still looked about 8

Edited by abba12
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I was one of those kids except it was the 1970s and kids went alone to movies more than they do now.

 

My parents had a cultural disconnect, coming from a country where even kissing in movies was banned at the time, so they had the wrong baseline regarding what was the worst that could be shown on the screen. They would happily drop us  (or let us tag along with older neighborhood kids) to all kinds of inappropriate movies without realizing it: Halloween II (kids' holiday with candy!), On Golden Pond (sounds like a nature film!), Pink Floyd's The Wall (it's animated!).

 

We also read all kinds of inappropriate books because my parents lacked the cultural context to know what they were and again, had the wrong baseline about what children would have access to at a library. We weren't being sneaky about it, we just thought it was fine and so did they.

 

It was really ridiculous when I look back on it, but we turned out completely fine. We still laugh about it now. I'm not saying anyone should take their kids to see John Wick, and it's especially egregious if the adult is actually sitting in the movie and can see it's not for children. I'm just saying chances are the kids will turn out fine.  :)

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Riiight... how about we replace 'poor' with 'different'.

 

When I was 8 I saw similar movies. In fact one time around age 8 or 9 I even saw what you'd call an NC-17 movie labelled for violence. It didn't scar me for life. Movies with emotional pain were far more traumatising to me, and sexual content was far more damaging to my behaviour. My parents weren't amazing parents, but watching an R or even NC-17 rated movie at age 8 doesn't even rate on the list of bad parenting choices.

 

I censor the movies my kids watch quite heavily, but obviously not by your standards for being a good parent. I personally wouldn't let an 8 year old watch that particular film, because I wouldn't watch it myself (what's YOUR reason for taking enjoyment from viewing 100 people being killed and a woman slitting her wrists exactly?). However, I would let my kids watch a movie with plenty of violence if it was violence with a purpose and meaning, or within a worthwhile plotline. And I would allow violence earlier than I would allow certain other things, especially certain attitudes, or concepts that a film takes for granted within the plot that I disagree with. 

 

Not right now, but when the time comes (and in my opinion it's not far off) I'm a million times more likely to let them watch an R rated action movie than an R rated comedy, or even possibly drama. And in reverse I'm likely to restrict my kids from doing or seeing things that you'd be fine with. 

 

Just because it's not the decision you would make for your kids doesn't make it poor parenting. 

 

Also, you're guessing the kids age. I knew multiple kids in middle school who still looked about 8

 

 

Same here.  

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DH and I went to see John Wick 2 this afternoon. It is rated R. Over 100 people are shot. A woman slits her wrists. Lots of language. This is not a movie for kids yet, there was a boy and an older man watching. The boy couldn't have been more than 8. Every time I see a grown-up movie, someone has a kid in the theater. I don't get it.

 

this was my mother.   some of the movies she took me to, I can only wonder what in hades was she thinking!  as an adult, - I am  disgusted at her lack of discretion in what is appropriate for a child. that lack of discrimination, did adversely affect  our relationship the rest of her life.  

 

she occasionally took my kids to movies - I didn't know the dang things were pg-13 (they were young).  oh, it was fine.  there wasn't anything bad in it. . . . I started paying a lot more attention after that - and saying "no, you may not".

 

she said the same thing about silence of the lambs. . . . mom, you'll have to pardon me for not considering you a credible source.

 

later I realized, she fell asleep in the movies and didn't remember much.

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I haven't seen either John Wick movie, but the first one was rated 12 in France according to IMDB, and I've got an almost 10yo who looks and often acts 7 or 8yo, so... I dunno.

 

US movie ratings are often more conservative than other countries'. 

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meh, may not be the same choices I would make but not my kid, not my decision. I have never seen that movie one the first one for that matter but also don't overly worry about movie choices.  Youngest went to dead pool in theatre, and I know many would not have taken their kids to that one. She has also seen the movies my teens enjoy on dvd (they are into movies I would not normally watch that have lots of gore etc).  If if bothers her she can hang out in a different room like I do.  While the parent did not make the same decision I would that does not make it poor parenting or wrong, it just makes it different.  Different families have different values, concerns and censor different things.  That does not make one more right than the other.

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When this topic came up in a local Facebook group when someone saw a small child at a horror movie, one parent boasted that her kid (who was 8 or 9) watched all the Saw movies and other torture horror with her and "could handle it just fine." I'm still shaking my head over that.

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This does remind me that I just got an alert from the National Association of School Counsellors Psychologists about vulnerable teens and tweens watching and being attracted to the suicide in 13 Reasons Why. The Netflix series is TV-MA. Maybe, juuuuuuust maybe, the rating was there for a reason? "13 Reasons Why" Netflix Series: Considerations for Educators

Edited by Sneezyone
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Our local movie theater is going to remodel,and one of the changes is to put in a staffed playcenter for 3-12 yr olds for those parents who can't seem to make the babysitter-at-home-for-the-evening arrangement (Yes, I'm being judgmental) but still want to see an entirely inappropriate movie for child. Hopefully, it will be a win/win for everybody.

I would kill for this.

Babysitters in my rural town are difficult to come by. I don't know if it's because it's a small town or because the usual babysitting crowd(teenagers) are so busy with extracurriculars and jobs.

 

Back to your regularly scheduled topic.

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We had a four year old behind us at Deadpool. He provided us with interesting commentary, and this at a film that I told my 16yo I wasn't taking him to. Mostly because it wasn't appropriate to watch with his mother.

 

There is a lot of "we turned out fine", but as I look back through the decades of last century I see kids having to deal with more and more mature topics at a younger age, and I think it does affect kids. I also think that even the children's movies that are out throw in mature topics and innuendos, so there's not a whole lot of win there, either. We tend to pre screen for the 7yo as much as possible with our own scale of what is okay at his age.

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Our local movie theater is going to remodel,and one of the changes is to put in a staffed playcenter for 3-12 yr olds for those parents who can't seem to make the babysitter-at-home-for-the-evening arrangement (Yes, I'm being judgmental) but still want to see an entirely inappropriate movie for child. Hopefully, it will be a win/win for everybody.

 

 

ETA Sorry for sounding so cranky; I woke up at 2:30 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep! :)

 

I would have LOVED this option when my kids were younger!

 

My kids have seen things that others would consider inappropriate and have been kept from some things that others would use to call me overprotective.  (Not for the above reason, though.)  I really don't care what they think.  At least mine know how to sit down and shut up.  :tongue_smilie:

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Our local movie theater is going to remodel,and one of the changes is to put in a staffed playcenter for 3-12 yr olds for those parents who can't seem to make the babysitter-at-home-for-the-evening arrangement (Yes, I'm being judgmental) but still want to see an entirely inappropriate movie for child. Hopefully, it will be a win/win for everybody.

 

 

ETA Sorry for sounding so cranky; I woke up at 2:30 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep! :)

 

What exactly is your judgement?  Some parents don't have access to a sitter.  Maybe they don't know anyone with a teenager to babysit.  I think a playcenter is a great idea.  Your kid(s) are close in case of an emergency but you can see the movie you want without some other parent trumpeting superiority on the internet about what an awful parent you are because they think you were wrong to bring your child. It is a win for the movie theatre because now you are at the movies instead of streaming something at home.

Different parents make different choices.  We watched some pg movies with our kids from our youth when they were 10 and under.  Realizing after the fact that they would have been pg-13 by todays standards.  We had frank discussions about what we watched and everyone moved on with their lives.

Edited by kewb
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I work for a library. Kids under 13 cannot check out R rated movies without adult permission. (Not getting into whether or not YOU like this policy). I am often amazed at what other parents let their kids watch. But it's between them and their kid. I check out the movie and wish them a good day.

 

For those of you who have no problem with this, can you explain to me the value you see in allowing your young kids to see so much violence? Not "it didn't hurt them". But why it's good?

 

I let my kids read books other parents would cringe at, send watch movies they would be horrified at. Because I see value in these-and am willing to defend that position when it comes up in my parenting circles. But I don't understand this-so please- explain (asked seriously, genuinely- not sarcastically)

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For some kids, very visual kids, seeing violent movies DOES "rate on the list of bad parenting choices." Very bad choice in the sense that it leads to trauma for the kids.

 

Some kids and (some adults) cannot UNSEE what they've seen. They can't block it out or stop thinking about it.

 

At some point, an adult makes a decision to let a kid see something that is rated R. Either the kid handles it well or she doesn't, as the case may be. If she DOES handle it well, it would be handling it on an overt level (no crying during the movie, no hiding her eyes, no running out of the room, no nightmares afterwards).

 

But if she doesn't handle it well, then she can't UNSEE that. And it can be very frightening, and damaging.

 

Edit: S-V agreement :-)

Edited by unsinkable
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Well, I wouldn't take my own self to see that kind of movie, but I find it interesting to discuss what we let our kids watch.

 

I'm not a fan of violence, but sex is more of an issue for me.  It seems you don't need to tell a kid, "just because you saw a guy murder 100 people on the screen today, that doesn't mean you should go do that."  But with sex in movies, it seems to encourage behavior that my kids are far from ready to evaluate.  It's sad that almost every "good" movie made in my lifetime has that in it.  Even some old ones, though it used to be done so it could go over young kids' heads.

 

Besides that, I really want my kids to be able to understand what is going on in a movie.  I hold off on movies that aren't objectionable but require more life experience / knowledge to get the message.  But my kids have seen "grown-up" movies that have a point they are ready to discover.  Sometimes I flub on that.  Also sometimes a movie may have gone over fine when they were younger, but now they understand the implications more and find it horrifying.

 

Probably the biggest mistake I made was watching Shenandoah with my kids when they were 8 or 9.  I had seen it many years ago and didn't remember the really bad stuff.  Note to self:  read the reviews of even old movies I've seen long ago.  :P

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Well, I wouldn't take my own self to see that kind of movie, but I find it interesting to discuss what we let our kids watch.

 

I'm not a fan of violence, but sex is more of an issue for me.  It seems you don't need to tell a kid, "just because you saw a guy murder 100 people on the screen today, that doesn't mean you should go do that."  But with sex in movies, it seems to encourage behavior that my kids are far from ready to evaluate.  It's sad that almost every "good" movie made in my lifetime has that in it.  Even some old ones, though it used to be done so it could go over young kids' heads.

 

Besides that, I really want my kids to be able to understand what is going on in a movie.  I hold off on movies that aren't objectionable but require more life experience / knowledge to get the message.  But my kids have seen "grown-up" movies that have a point they are ready to discover.  Sometimes I flub on that.  Also sometimes a movie may have gone over fine when they were younger, but now they understand the implications more and find it horrifying.

 

Probably the biggest mistake I made was watching Shenandoah with my kids when they were 8 or 9.  I had seen it many years ago and didn't remember the really bad stuff.  Note to self:  read the reviews of even old movies I've seen long ago.  :p

 

Yeah, I'd love to hear the family explain the pe8ging scene in Deadpool to the 4 yo (referenced above).

 

Cue posters who come in and say their 2 year olds know all about pe8ging.

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Yeah, I'd love to hear the family explain the pe8ging scene in Deadpool to the 4 yo (referenced above).

 

Cue posters who come in and say their 2 year olds know all about pe8ging.

 

I have no idea what that even is.  :P  Not sure I want to know....

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Yeah, I'd love to hear the family explain the pe8ging scene in Deadpool to the 4 yo (referenced above).

 

Cue posters who come in and say their 2 year olds know all about pe8ging.

I'm waiting for "Sorry, what is the Deadpool? I've never heard of them".

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Yeah, I'd love to hear the family explain the pe8ging scene in Deadpool to the 4 yo (referenced above).

 

Cue posters who come in and say their 2 year olds know all about pe8ging.

 

 

Had to google it as I haven't seen deadpool.  I wish I still didn't know.  If I recall correctly, the actor who portrayed deadpool was telling people not to bring their kids because it was not a kids movie.

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I'm always a little surprised that people draw the line at sex scenes, but violence and death are ok??? This will never make sense to me. WHY are people more afraid of sex than murder? It seems if you're too young for one you're definitely too young for the other.

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I'm always a little surprised that people draw the line at sex scenes, but violence and death are ok??? This will never make sense to me. WHY are people more afraid of sex than murder? It seems if you're too young for one you're definitely too young for the other.

 

I don't know, I'm def. old enough for sex, I mean, I have three kids, but I don't think I'll ever be old enough for murder.  :laugh:

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I went with a relative to a movie, I think it was Bad Teachers, but not sure. I do remember a bunch of sexual content. And she showed up with her 15 yr old daughter. It was so embarrassing sitting next to this girl when the sex scenes came on. That relative was a bad parent in many ways. And her daughter is 20 yrs old now and acting like how she was raised.

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I'm always a little surprised that people draw the line at sex scenes, but violence and death are ok??? This will never make sense to me. WHY are people more afraid of sex than murder? It seems if you're too young for one you're definitely too young for the other.

 

For me, it varies.  I do not like gruesome violence at all.  But if it's a British spy or detective series where they're trying to catch the bad guy, like Lewis and Hathaway, for example, or a movie where killing is part of the historical content such as some of the World War II movies, I can usually handle it.  I guess it's easier to separate myself from it and understand it for what it is.  Also, in these shows, there is generally a very clear right and wrong.  It's usually a big part of the plot.  Good over evil, or something like that.

 

But sex scenes are different.  First, I consider sex to be very personal and intimate.  But, I also think sex in movies is generally not made out to be right or wrong.  Even cheap pick-up sex is often played out to be very romantic and exciting.  Boundaries are often very blurred.  And when even the cool hero of the movie has one night stands, that is a confusing message.

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I don't know, I'm def. old enough for sex, I mean, I have three kids, but I don't think I'll ever be old enough for murder.  :laugh:

 

For violence. Dh told me not to watch Dead Pool. 

 

For movie ratings, they are just set up very strangely, they just make no sense. If you are able to watch it look for, "Adam Ruins Everything Season 1 Episode 13 Adam Ruins Hollywood" Starting at the 10:52 time mark. 

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Frankly I think no one needs to be seeing some of the violence and sex that is in so many movies. I dont watch R rated movies and I can't believe some of the stuff they put in previews of non R rated movies.

 

So much of the violence and sex is gratuitous......so not necessary to SHOW so much to tell a good story.

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I don't know if a WTM euphemism for this one would be used quite as frequently as Tea or Books, but I am so willing to be proven wrong on that.

 

:lol: We could call it *the deadpooling* (cue posters who say, OMG! My MIL calls it the deadpooling! It's nothing new!)

 

i feel like a cross between the girl who knew e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. in school* and some kind of pervert who corrupts WTM boardies**... 

 

* I was not that girl

** I'm not that pervert

 

If you don't want to know, turn back now. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For those who are wondering...the act (perhaps henceforth referred to as "the deadpooling") in The Deadpool involves a woman with a attachable (and detachable!) male "member" who then uses aforesaid member on her male partner in a penetrative manner. 

Edited by unsinkable
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Frankly I think no one needs to be seeing some of the violence and sex that is in so many movies. I dont watch R rated movies and I can't believe some of the stuff they put in previews of non R rated movies.

 

So much of the violence and sex is gratuitous......so not necessary to SHOW so much to tell a good story.

This.

 

We were extremely happy with Hidden Figures. It is so rare now that we can find a movie to watch together as a family. For a PG film to be something we are all interested in is amazing.

 

Most of the time the violence and sex detracts from the story, or at the very least does nothing to help the plot along. Why should we pay movie theatre prices for a poorly done experience?

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For me, it varies. I do not like gruesome violence at all. But if it's a British spy or detective series where they're trying to catch the bad guy, like Lewis and Hathaway, for example, or a movie where killing is part of the historical content such as some of the World War II movies, I can usually handle it. I guess it's easier to separate myself from it and understand it for what it is. Also, in these shows, there is generally a very clear right and wrong. It's usually a big part of the plot. Good over evil, or something like that.

 

But sex scenes are different. First, I consider sex to be very personal and intimate. But, I also think sex in movies is generally not made out to be right or wrong. Even cheap pick-up sex is often played out to be very romantic and exciting. Boundaries are often very blurred. And when even the cool hero of the movie has one night stands, that is a confusing message.

I agree. My mom gave me good guidance on this when I was just a teen. She said it is not the content of the story...but rather what is being glorified. For instance, the story of David and Bathsheba is actually horrifying....but it was not put forth as an ok thing for King David to have done. He wasn't celebrated for it.

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I'm always a little surprised that people draw the line at sex scenes, but violence and death are ok??? This will never make sense to me. WHY are people more afraid of sex than murder? It seems if you're too young for one you're definitely too young for the other.

 

Sex is something our kids will eventually do.  Murder, hopefully, is not.  Therefore digesting the messages about sex is more complex than the obvious "no" of violence.

 

ETA:  That's not to say I am a fan of gratuitous violence.  But sometimes it is an important part of the story.

 

I don't watch many movies in the first place.

 

Edited by SKL
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:lol: We could call it *the deadpooling* (cue posters who say, OMG! My MIL calls it the deadpooling! It's nothing new!)

 

i feel like a cross between the girl who knew e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. in school* and some kind of pervert who corrupts WTM boardies**... 

 

* I was not that girl

** I'm not that pervert

 

If you don't want to know, turn back now. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For those who are wondering...the act (perhaps henceforth referred to as "the deadpooling") in The Deadpool involves a woman with a attachable (and detachable!) male "member" who then uses aforesaid member on her male partner in a penetrative manner. 

 

I should have turned back.  :/

 

 

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My mother was one of those moms who thought ratings were for sissies.

 

We were exposed to way too much, way too early and all of us resent her for it. I think it was a combination of wanting to be the cool, rebel mom and just being too lazy to parent.

 

What is funny, is that she would probably still defend the practice today. So clueless.

 

I remember when I told my very late teen kids that they could watch Rocky Horror, but be sure the younger kids didn't walk in on it.

 

My oldest said, "Ok, but they have seen Hunger Games, so how is sex worse than that?"

 

"Ummm... Good question, but just do as I say!"

 

I don't have an investment in what other parents choose, but for me, I want my kids to be able to enjoy a period of innocent childhood.

 

I know kids are ready for more mature subjects at differing ages. I just prefer to err on the side of caution.

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Not exactly something you'd take your 4 yo to see in a movie, right? 

 

Both my DS and my DH are huge Marvel fans. Both the comics and the movies often contain violence (good vs. evil and all that) but DH previewed Deadpool, knowing it wasn't likely to pass muster, and said, nope, never gonna happen.

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