I am so MAD!!!

[Home'scool]

So the house went on the market two weeks ago. My STBX picked the realtor. She happens to be someone who used to be a very close, common friend of ours - let's just call her Mary. When everything went to hell sides were definitely picked, and she picked my STBX. Fine. Whatever. As long as the house sells.

 

The first weekend they had an open house. I emailed Mary's assistant (it's just less awkward that way) about feedback and received a pretty detailed account.

 

Then ..... nothing for two weeks. Silence. So I emailed this weekend for an update. Again, nothing.

 

Emailed again. I get a one sentence email that says "as far as I know there has been no activity last week."

 

So I email again and say "Is that normal to have no activity on a house that just went on the market?" to which I get another terse response : "It had activity its first week on the market.  Not much since."

 

Really??? So I sent her this (I've changed some of the names haha):

 

Dear Mary's assistant ~

I know this is an odd situation with the divorce pending between STBX and I. Or perhaps this is a situation that you have run into a lot in your business. For me this is the first time going through a divorce while selling a house.

 

As with any house on the market, the owners are always wanting to sell it as quickly as possible for the best price. In our case, there is extra pressure to sell as it will help finalize the divorce proceedings.

 

What I am requesting from you and Mary is continuous and up-to-date feedback on the status of the house, including any and all offers no matter how low. I would also assume that, as the house is new on the market, there is some type of marketing plan for it so that it does not just sit with no activity.

 

Will it be listed in any newspapers? Will there be another open house scheduled? Is the house being made available for easy showings? What is the plan when interest slows down on the house?

 

I am assuming that STBX is getting more detailed feedback and is in on redeveloping different strategies as time goes on. I am requesting that I am in that loop also. I am assuming STBX is not getting only one sentence updates that he has to request. The house is in both our names and as such we both should be in on all the same  information.

 

If there is no plan to react to the house having no activity then I need to be in on that also. Is it because of the time of the year and no other houses are seeing activity? Is there too much competition? What can we do to drum up some interest?

 

I look to you and Mary to know best how to sell the house, but I am asking that I be consulted with, updated , and have an established part in the partnership that is necessary between an owner and the realtor.

I appreciate your help in this matter.
Thank you ~

 

I am just sick to my stomach over these stupid games. I hate hate hate this. If I have to ramp up the bitch factor I will, but I just want to say to my stupid STBX "ain't you tired?!"
 

[amy g.]

So sorry. That really just stinks.

[displace]

I'd be upset and worried the realtor is not keeping you updated. Even in non divorce sellings, realtors may communicate with only one person and forget to CC emails or texts.

[debinindy]

:grouphug:  What a hassle!  Sorry this is so frustrating.  I hope an offer comes in soon!

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: 

 

Is your name on any document stating that she is your realtor also?  I'm not sure how this works in a divorce situation or in your state with regards to realtors but DH and I had to sign something stating that we agreed to let the realtor represent us.  Both of our signatures were on the document.  They may not be legally obligated to inform you of anything if you didn't sign something agreeing for them to be representing you as well, not just your STBX.  They may be afraid of legal issues if they share information that their client explicitly instructed them not to. also.

 

As for no activity, yes that can happen, especially if the house is overpriced or it is a slow market in general.  Are you sure that the house was priced competitively and has been spruced up for good showings?

[mamashark]

I have no idea how the personal issues may be playing into things, but I have sold a house with a less than stellar realtor before. She gave us feedback after showings, but NOTHING if nothing was happening. Nothing. It was very frustrating. We contacted her when we wouldn't hear for a week and she'd say basically the same thing: "nothing much happening right now, I'll let you know when something changes". By the time we finally did sell I think the realtor was more relieved than we were because it meant I'd stop pestering her. She was just very laid back and didn't pursue anything. No advice except that we learned that we will ensure the next time we sell a house we inform the realtor from the start that we expect regular updates on a predetermined schedule, with detailed plans on how to change the plan if interest wanes. 

[Home'scool]

I co-signed all the paperwork so my name is definitely on there.

 

 

[gardenmom5]

what happens if the house doens't sell?   I would wonder that stbx (what does that mean?) is gaming this process to screw you.

 

 

eta: what is the market like where you are?   I don't think about it here because it is so flaming hot.

Edited April 12, 2017 by gardenmom5

[Home'scool]

The market here is supposed to be very good. And the sooner the house sells the sooner my STBX has no excuse not to start paying me alimony (right now he is in contempt for not paying me)

 

I am just going to stay on them. I wouldn't mind so much that there hasn't been a lot of activity - that can sometimes happen. It's just the absolute lack of communication. And then when I do ask I get very short responses. I don't think so, not when you have the potential to get commission on an 800K+ house.

 

 

[Scarlett]

I think you asked some great questions about the marketing plan.  I think those questions should have been asked before you signed the listing agreement--but nonetheless you are asking them now and she hopefully will answer you quickly.

 

As to her lack of communication I find that to be very very common.

[Tap]

They past two weeks have been spring break across most of the country.  That may have affected peoples normal routines including the realtor. People could have been on vacation with their kids and not looking at houses.

 

I do think that she should be responding in a more professional manner, especially since she has an assistant who can help her.

 

I hope it sells soon and that you can get the divorce settled. :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Riverland]

I do understand your frustration, but in my experience the communication you have received from your realtor/assistant is not that unusual.

[Guest]

The market here is supposed to be very good. And the sooner the house sells the sooner my STBX has no excuse not to start paying me alimony (right now he is in contempt for not paying me)

 

I am just going to stay on them. I wouldn't mind so much that there hasn't been a lot of activity - that can sometimes happen. It's just the absolute lack of communication. And then when I do ask I get very short responses. I don't think so, not when you have the potential to get commission on an 800K+ house.

I think your email was appropriate. Hopefully it encourages response. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was in a similar situation with my ex-husband. I honestly remember feeling beyond trapped and on the verge of losing it. I never wanted something done and over with so badly in my life before or since.

 

I will say there are some extraordinarily incompetent realtors out there. They seem to outnumber the spectacular ones 5:1 around here. So it may be that Mary isn't that wonderful. How long is your contract with her? If you don't have activity soon I'd be shopping for another to have as back up. Don't stick with a crappy agent any longer than you have to.

 

Hugs. Take care of yourself.

[Happy]

As a Realtor, I make a decided and concentrated effort to communicate with both sides of a divorce. It's actually ethically mandated that I do. Last year I had a tricky listing. The person in the house said they had all the power to sell and had a huge document they believed said that. It didn't. I reached out to the other side, got her on board and signed into the agreement. All through the transaction, I sent identical, but separate emails with news, updates, and needs until we got to closing. It was twice the work, but worthwhile.

 

If you are not happy with the agent and she does not up her game on communication, contact her broker.

[emmaluv+2more]

Do you have a lawyer? Legally you have to be informed and a part of all decisions made. Get your lawyer on it if necessary.

[Ravin]

I would be shopping around for an agent who is a total stranger to both of you, so that you can be more sure of fair treatment. What you're getting now sounds very frustrating.

[Home'scool]

I think your email was appropriate. Hopefully it encourages response. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was in a similar situation with my ex-husband. I honestly remember feeling beyond trapped and on the verge of losing it. I never wanted something done and over with so badly in my life before or since

 

.I am sitting here at work seriously trying to hold it together. I feel like I am going to just start screaming and not be able to stop. I too want this over so badly. The real kick is HE wanted the divorce. HE had the affair. I have done everything to expedite this process and he is just making this so much harder than necessary.

[OneStepAtATime]

Personally?  I would go visit comparable houses on the market in your area, and would also look at houses that sold recently that are comparable and compare them to your house and the price.  While you might not be able to influence what the house is currently on the market for it could help you in the future if the price needs to come down.  It would also maybe help you confirm that the house wasn't overpriced to begin with.

 

Now your house hasn't been on the market very long so I expect if the house is properly priced, the market is active, and the house was cleaned up well and has no major flaws there will be more activity soon.  I think your email was well written and hopefully will get them communicating with you more effectively.  You might consider dropping by the office to visit and try to build up a better relationship.  Be calm and pleasant, as much as possible.  Right now they are hearing his side and may be hearing things that just aren't true.

 

I will point out for future reference that in most instances I have seen where a house doesn't sell it either had a serious, obvious flaw (such as bad location) or it was overpriced for the market because the real estate agent/client was wanting some leeway for negotiation.  In your situation I would rather underprice by just a tad so you might get more offers right up front and have hopefully one or two to choose from rather than overprice and risk the house languishing on the market, dragging this whole unfortunate mess out even further.

[OneStepAtATime]

.I am sitting here at work seriously trying to hold it together. I feel like I am going to just start screaming and not be able to stop. I too want this over so badly. The real kick is HE wanted the divorce. HE had the affair. I have done everything to expedite this process and he is just making this so much harder than necessary.

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Seasider]

I co-signed all the paperwork so my name is definitely on there.

You are an equal client with your stbx. IMO if you do not receive an apology and change of ways, report her to the broker she works under. If she *is* the broker, consider reporting her to the licensing board.

 

I don't know what your lawyer budget is, but if your excellently written email produces unsatisfactory results, yozbmay want to let him communicate your desire to terminate the listing agreement and relist with a neutral party as the agent.

[Seasider]

I do understand your frustration, but in my experience the communication you have received from your realtor/assistant is not that unusual.

IME the lack of response and the terseness of it actually is unusual. A beautiful home with a spring listing in move in condition that had nonactivity for the first two weeks? My agents would have already asked me about reconsidering the price.

Edited April 12, 2017 by Seasider

[Seasider]

.I am sitting here at work seriously trying to hold it together. I feel like I am going to just start screaming and not be able to stop. I too want this over so badly. The real kick is HE wanted the divorce. HE had the affair. I have done everything to expedite this process and he is just making this so much harder than necessary.

Well now HE is realizing that he cannot afford both a mistress and alimony payments.

 

I hope the house will sell soon so that you can move on.

[Home'scool]

I personally think the house is overpriced. They said they would re-look at the price in 30 days. Also, it is a LOT of house to take care of . The landscaping, the upkeep, etc., will probably scare a lot of people (husbands haha) away.

 

But, it seems to me that people should at least be going through it.

 

I sent that email about an hour ago. If I don't receive a response by late this afternoon I am going to call them. This is ridiculous.

[Seasider]

I personally think the house is overpriced. They said they would re-look at the price in 30 days. Also, it is a LOT of house to take care of . The landscaping, the upkeep, etc., will probably scare a lot of people (husbands haha) away.

 

But, it seems to me that people should at least be going through it.

 

I sent that email about an hour ago. If I don't receive a response by late this afternoon I am going to call them. This is ridiculous.

At the beginning of this process they should have provided a market analysis with comparable listings. If you didn't get a it, ask for a copy and based on that, you may have good ammunition for pleading your case to lower the price sooner.

[Guest]

.I am sitting here at work seriously trying to hold it together. I feel like I am going to just start screaming and not be able to stop. I too want this over so badly. The real kick is HE wanted the divorce. HE had the affair. I have done everything to expedite this process and he is just making this so much harder than necessary.

Personally, I think it's a control thing for them. He f-ed up and he knows it. It's like a kid who is acting out and pissed they ruined everything, except on an adult playing field. They think by delaying signings and inflicting grief, they're the big man in charge. But in reality I think they're just trying to cover up that they let their emotions run them and ruin a good thing.

 

I'm so sorry. I cannot tell you how much. I think I know pretty well where you are. You will come out of it though. It will be worth it. You will get through this. Chin up, my lady. You are better than him. Just stay on that high road and scream into your pillow or in he car or whatever it takes. But you will be glad you didn't stoop when it's all over.

[Scarlett]

.I am sitting here at work seriously trying to hold it together. I feel like I am going to just start screaming and not be able to stop. I too want this over so badly. The real kick is HE wanted the divorce. HE had the affair. I have done everything to expedite this process and he is just making this so much harder than necessary.

 

 

((((hugs))))  I well remember this.  In my case I was still in the house and he was withholding alimony until it sold.....BUT he wanted to buy it ​steal it from me.  So he refused to cooperate at every step of the way.  Signing the listing agreement.  Responding to offers.  I remember just wanting to SCREAM or worse.  When we got a full price offer he had no choice to pay that price to buy me out.

 

In your case I imagine he wants it sold asap right?  And won't he owe you any alimony he hasn't paid so far?  Try to be calm. 

 

Do you think it is overpriced?  Did you have more than one realtor look at it? 

[Scarlett]

Personally, I think it's a control thing for them. He f-ed up and he knows it. It's like a kid who is acting out and pissed they ruined everything, except on an adult playing field. They think by delaying signings and inflicting grief, they're the big man in charge. But in reality I think they're just trying to cover up that they let their emotions run them and ruin a good thing.

 

I'm so sorry. I cannot tell you how much. I think I know pretty well where you are. You will come out of it though. It will be worth it. You will get through this. Chin up, my lady. You are better than him. Just stay on that high road and scream into your pillow or in he car or whatever it takes. But you will be glad you didn't stoop when it's all over.

 

 

Exactly. 

 

When XH finally had to give me the price of highest offer he was in tears.  Said he had lost everything. 

[maize]

How hard is it to fire a realtor?

 

I would want to work with a neutral party.

[Garga]

what happens if the house doens't sell? I would wonder that stbx (what does that mean?) is gaming this process to screw you.

 

 

eta: what is the market like where you are? I don't think about it here because it is so flaming hot.

 

Stbx = soon to be ex

[OneStepAtATime]

At the beginning of this process they should have provided a market analysis with comparable listings. If you didn't get a it, ask for a copy and based on that, you may have good ammunition for pleading your case to lower the price sooner.

This. Did you see a market analysis with comparable listings?  Look through it again if you did.  If you didn't, ask for a copy.  They should have done one.  Personally, I usually do my own as well.  I visit comps in person when available and drive by those that recently sold.

 

And unless the market is super hot right now I do not get the idea of overpricing a house that needs to be sold quickly.  That, in my opinion, is idiotic.  Slightly underprice to get more traffic right when it goes on the market.  That is when the bulk of eyes are looking.  Get that foot traffic in the door right at the beginning.  It can generate multiple offers if the market isn't too soft.  People like the idea of getting a good deal and if they know lots of others are coming through and may think it is a good deal, too, they may offer more than or right at asking instead of offering below asking price.

[winterbaby]

I hope you can find a neutral party to work with. I know some people are saying it's not unusual communication but I think your intuition about this is probably correct. If she's his friend, and it's in his financial interest to delay or spike the sale, and you're seeing no enthusiasm from her for actually getting it sold.... well. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I really can't imagine taking the side of a cheater/abandoner, but regardless, it's got to be unethical to bring the side-taking into a business relationship where both parties are supposed to be on equal footing.

[Home'scool]

In your case I imagine he wants it sold asap right?  And won't he owe you any alimony he hasn't paid so far?  Try to be calm.

 

Do you think it is overpriced?  Did you have more than one realtor look at it?

 

He is supposed to be paying me temporary support as of the end of March. He hasn't paid a dime. He says he cannot afford to pay anything until the house sells. The house was supposed to go on the market LAST spring but he threw a hissy fit when our daughters found out about his affair and he decided to dig his heels in and not get the house ready. I have filed a contempt order for the payments he has not made so we are waiting on a date for that.

 

Personally, I think it's a control thing for them. He f-ed up and he knows it. It's like a kid who is acting out and pissed they ruined everything, except on an adult playing field. They think by delaying signings and inflicting grief, they're the big man in charge. But in reality I think they're just trying to cover up that they let their emotions run them and ruin a good thing.

 

Yeah, I think he is afraid of finding a place on his own. I think he is unsure what his next step will be. He also hates that his daughters are no longer speaking to him because he messed this whole situation up big time but he does not have the character to try and fix it. He hates being held accountable. Last time I saw him he look awful. The waves of anger coming off of him were palpable.

[RioSamba]

Contact Mary's broker if Mary doesn't respond appropriately or gives you any trouble whatsoever. STBX always makes things fun, doesn't he?

[Guest]

He is supposed to be paying me temporary support as of the end of March. He hasn't paid a dime. He says he cannot afford to pay anything until the house sells. The house was supposed to go on the market LAST spring but he threw a hissy fit when our daughters found out about his affair and he decided to dig his heels in and not get the house ready. I have filed a contempt order for the payments he has not made so we are waiting on a date for that.

 

Yeah, I think he is afraid of finding a place on his own. I think he is unsure what his next step will be. He also hates that his daughters are no longer speaking to him because he messed this whole situation up big time but he does not have the character to try and fix it. He hates being held accountable. Last time I saw him he look awful. The waves of anger coming off of him were palpable.

Ugh. That sucks. I hope you have a friend you can get out with and have a glass (or bottle) of wine and vent. It's so hard.

 

Not sure if this makes you feel any better, but one day I did scream. In front of stbx as he told me he wasn't signing the papers yet until he had a different attorney review them (for the third time). I just snapped. Until that moment I never thought someone could be driven to such a point. But I discovered they can. It just came out from the depth of my soul and I started screaming (which is very unlike me if you know me) and I think it was at that moment that he knew he needed to sign the freaking papers. I wasn't proud, but it was cathartic. I think he saw at that moment there was no winning. It was a winless situation. And he signed the next day. I haven't screamed once since.

 

I wouldn't blame you for screaming either.

[gardenmom5]

I think your email was appropriate. Hopefully it encourages response. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was in a similar situation with my ex-husband. I honestly remember feeling beyond trapped and on the verge of losing it. I never wanted something done and over with so badly in my life before or since.

 

I will say there are some extraordinarily incompetent realtors out there. They seem to outnumber the spectacular ones 5:1 around here. So it may be that Mary isn't that wonderful. How long is your contract with her? If you don't have activity soon I'd be shopping for another to have as back up. Don't stick with a crappy agent any longer than you have to.

 

Hugs. Take care of yourself.

 

THIS THIS THIS!!!.

 

 

 

I personally think the house is overpriced. They said they would re-look at the price in 30 days. Also, it is a LOT of house to take care of . The landscaping, the upkeep, etc., will probably scare a lot of people (husbands haha) away.

 

But, it seems to me that people should at least be going through it.

 

I sent that email about an hour ago. If I don't receive a response by late this afternoon I am going to call them. This is ridiculous.

 

 

if you can fire an agent, price appropriately, etc. I would

 

one of the worst things you can do is overprice a house - even in a hot market.  they'll just sit.  agents wont' bother to take client through.

some (really stupid) agents have a deluded sense of "price it high, because it generates interest when you do a price drop."  uh, actually, it doesn't. it's already been written off by agents.

 

underpriced can attract bidding wars that make it go for even more.

 

I'd do my own price/comps and get a better idea of what a fair price would be.

[DawnM]

Oh my word.  I would be angry too.  

 

Can I ask why you agreed to have her sell your house if she chose your STBX over you in the friendship area?

 

I think a neutral party would have been a better choice, and maybe still a choice going forward?

 

Do you talk to your STBX?  Can you ask him what he knows, has heard?  I understand if this is not possible or you don't want to.

[madteaparty]

How long is the contract you signed with this woman for? Unless she gave you a cut on commission, then I don't see why you went with her but too late for that now.

[Scarlett]

Generally it isn't that hard to get a realtor to release you from a contract. Listing agreement  But with a STBXH involved who knows. 

 

 

Edited April 12, 2017 by Scarlett

[Angie in VA]

:grouphug:  to Home'scool and to Texasmom33. Mean people s%ck! (I hate that word, hence the symbol, but, boy, is it appropriate here!)

 

 

OP, you've gotten some good advice. I just wanted to share that the last house we sold our realtor, someone we knew well, had his first child get married and his last child graduate high school while our house was on the market. He went weeks w/o contacting us, despite seeing us once a week. Never again.

 

I sometimes dream of winning the lottery (which I never play, btw), so I can start buying real estate and NOT use that realtor. Petty? Very, but true. 

 

 

[mom2samlibby]

I think you need to get your lawyer involved (and should have before you listed with that realtor).  I would contact your lawyer and explain that you've not had much activity on the house.  You need to get it re-listed with a non-partial realtor.  

 

ETA:  Make sure he is continuing to make payments on the house, if you still owe money for it.  We had a renter that past two years that was going through a divorce.  Once her divorce was final, she was going to purchase our house.  Her ex let their house go into foreclosure and then did a lot of damage to it.  It did sell, but probably not for what it could have sold for.  Since the foreclosure was attached to her name also, the bank wouldn't lend her money then for to purchase our house.

 

Hopefully, your STBXH won't do all that.

 

Edited April 12, 2017 by mom2samlibby

[Catwoman]

Exactly. 

 

When XH finally had to give me the price of highest offer he was in tears.  Said he had lost everything.

 

Awwww.... too bad, so sad. :D

 

After what he did to you, he had it coming -- and more. :angry:

[AmandaVT]

I personally think the house is overpriced. They said they would re-look at the price in 30 days. Also, it is a LOT of house to take care of . The landscaping, the upkeep, etc., will probably scare a lot of people (husbands haha) away.

 

But, it seems to me that people should at least be going through it.

 

I sent that email about an hour ago. If I don't receive a response by late this afternoon I am going to call them. This is ridiculous.

 

I think you deserve better communication for sure. Also, maybe a new realtor. I'm sorry this is so stressful!

 

I found some comparables on zillow and your house seems to be in the middle of price range from what I can tell. 

 

https://www.zillow.com/homes/for_sale/Town-of-Marshfield-MA/123759176_zpid/397306_rid/2-_beds/500000-_price/1865-_mp/globalrelevanceex_sort/42.178352,-70.658998,42.105036,-70.808687_rect/12_zm/

 

https://www.zillow.com/homes/for_sale/Town-of-Marshfield-MA/56644815_zpid/397306_rid/2-_beds/500000-_price/1865-_mp/globalrelevanceex_sort/42.178352,-70.658998,42.105036,-70.808687_rect/12_zm/

 

https://www.zillow.com/homes/for_sale/Town-of-Marshfield-MA/56653121_zpid/397306_rid/2-_beds/500000-_price/1865-_mp/globalrelevanceex_sort/42.144537,-70.698352,42.10787,-70.773196_rect/13_zm/

 

Not stalking you, but I remembered the pictures you posted last week and am familiar with the area! Are you going to get a percentage of the proceeds too? If so, I'd let it stay at the higher price for a bit to maximize your possible earnings on the sale. 

[snowbeltmom]

I think you need to get your lawyer involved (and should have before you listed with that realtor).  I would contact your lawyer and explain that you've not had much activity on the house.  You need to get it re-listed with a non-partial realtor.  

 

ETA:  Make sure he is continuing to make payments on the house, if you still owe money for it.  We had a renter that past two years that was going through a divorce.  Once her divorce was final, she was going to purchase our house.  Her ex let their house go into foreclosure and then did a lot of damage to it.  It did sell, but probably not for what it could have sold for.  Since the foreclosure was attached to her name also, the bank wouldn't lend her money then for to purchase our house.

 

Hopefully, your STXH won't do all that.

This. My husband is a broker and has dealt with many couples selling their house while going through a divorce.  Most of the time, the lawyers from both sides are involved in selecting the realtor.  

 

Unless a huge population of your local schools have been on spring break, I would be concerned about the low activity for a house new on the market.  Based on what you said about your STXH dragging his feet on getting the house on the market and the realtor taking "his side" in the divorce, I would be concerned that the realtor purposely listed  the house too high in attempt to delay the sale of the house.

 

I would contact your lawyer and have him insist that a neutral realtor be hired to deal with the sale of your house.  

 

Good luck. :grouphug:

[Home'scool]

Not stalking you, but I remembered the pictures you posted last week and am familiar with the area! Are you going to get a percentage of the proceeds too? If so, I'd let it stay at the higher price for a bit to maximize your possible earnings on the sale.

 

We will be using the equity in the house to pay off our parent loans for the girls' college, then splitting anything left. It would be nice to get a chunk of money out of the sale of the house, and we have a good amount of equity, but at this point I would just rather the damn thing sell. I need to be done with him.