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Contempt of a court order

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My lawyer is on vacation until Monday, so just looking for some quick information.

 

The good news is, my Temporary Support Order finally came through, and I got everything I asked for. I was thrilled to start getting some influx of cash so I could breathe a little easier on a day-to-day basis.

 

The bad news is the my STBX immediately texted me saying that he sent me a check, but then decided to freeze it because "there is way too much that still needs to be figured out here."

 

I have no idea what that statement means, but I did text back and say that the judge has determined what is to be done so there is nothing left to be figured out and that I would be contacting my lawyer.

 

His whole argument at the hearing is that the house is not sold yet (he was the one who dragged his feet for a year now) and that until it is sold there is not enough money to go around. He is currently paying all the expenses for the house and is living there. The house is finally due to be on the market next week.

 

I know he is just freaking out about the amount he is supposed to be paying me. It is a hefty amount but after a year of him spending money on his latest girlfriend and his expensive biking hobby and going on trips..... I really don't care.

 

So, anyone been through a contempt order with the Family Court before? What can I expect?

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I don't know, but I hope you can bill the extra legal fees for having to drag your lawyer back in for something already decided by the judge. Hopefully the judge changes it to come straight out of his paycheck as a wage garnishment from now on. Then there's no way he can cancel it. Sorry you're having to deal with all of that. :(

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*sigh* Yep. It will probably depend on the laws in your state. In my state, I was able to show that he wasn't paying and the state took care of it. Once he was so many months or dollars behind (I'm sorry, I can't remember which), the state finally processed a wage garnishment. I think it took 4 to 6 months for everything to get straightened out. Hugs to you.

Edited by thessa516
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The process may differ slightly depending on your state so you really need to consult your lawyer. I know it's frustrating to wait until Monday, but prepare to be even more frustrated while waiting for either mediation or a court date to be scheduled (depending on the process in your county/state) before they can even address contempt. Prepare to pay your lawyer even more money to sort this all out.

 

I would suggest looking into whether your state will take the support directly from ex's paycheck. Some jurisdictions will garnish wages automatically, while some require evidence of noncompliance. Be sure to save all documentation of ex's noncompliance in case it is needed in court. That means both the paper trail for the frozen check and saving & taking screen shots of his texts. 

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

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Going forward I do want the money to come directly from his check. He is going to HATE paying me every week for years. He literally thinks he should be able to just walk away not giving me anything.

 

 

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Going forward I do want the money to come directly from his check. He is going to HATE paying me every week for years. He literally thinks he should be able to just walk away not giving me anything.

Well screw him. Seriously. You don't get to make a life with someone, have them working as essentially your employee on your behalf to manage your house and offspring, ruin years of their earning potential, and then cut them off without severance. Support and alimony is essentially severence pay, and I'd fight until I was bloody for it in your position.

 

Unbelievable. And hugs and prayers and copious amounts of chocolate to you, my goodness.

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Are you sure he stopped the payment on the check, or could he be bluffing, assuming you'd believe him and tear up the check?

 

If you have the check in hand, can you bring it to that bank and see if you can cash it?

 

It's a long shot, but you never know.

 

Edited to add -- Whatever you do, don't give the check back to your ex.

Edited by Catwoman
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Going forward I do want the money to come directly from his check. He is going to HATE paying me every week for years. He literally thinks he should be able to just walk away not giving me anything.

He's such a lying jerk.

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Don't do anything until you talk to your attorney. The judge can chuck him in jail for contempt but probably won't.

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Are you sure he stopped the payment on the check, or could he be bluffing, assuming you'd believe him and tear up the check?

 

If you have the check in hand, can you bring it to that bank and see if you can cash it?

 

It's a long shot, but you never know.

 

Edited to add -- Whatever you do, don't give the check back to your ex.

 

This.

 

I'd be at the bank the moment I got my hands on that check.

 

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Well screw him. Seriously. You don't get to make a life with someone, have them working as essentially your employee on your behalf to manage your house and offspring, ruin years of their earning potential, and then cut them off without severance. Support and alimony is essentially severence pay, and I'd fight until I was bloody for it in your position.

 

Unbelievable. And hugs and prayers and copious amounts of chocolate to you, my goodness.

 

Amen.

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:iagree:

 

Take it to the bank it's drawn on and call his bluff.

Yes, because you'll likely need evidence that he stopped the check in order to follow up in court, and his text probably isn't enough evidence.

 

I'm sorry he continues to be difficult, but I'm so excited to hear that you are happy with the settlement!

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In my state all court ordered child support is garnished from wages, to cut down on this sort of nonsense.

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Unfortunately this non paying scenario happens all the time, in my experience.

 

Getting the court to garnish X husbands wages was the only way he would pay.

 

When it hits a large enough amount they first threatened to revoke his drivers license and then put him in jail.

 

Hang in there!

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Yes you need to try and deposit the check. You need to 1. Confirm he really did freeze the check and 2. Develop a legal paper trail of non compliance. Do it today.

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In my state all court ordered child support is garnished from wages, to cut down on this sort of nonsense.

As it should be!! It blows my mind how many men think they don't need to financially support their children.

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Yes, still try to cash the check because that is the PROOF you need to show it was cancelled. You need something from the bank to build your case.

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Yes, still try to cash the check because that is the PROOF you need to show it was cancelled. You need something from the bank to build your case.

What she said. Did it turn out he was bluffing or did he really put a stop payment on it?

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We had a situation where DH went to cash a check and the bank told him there was no money to cover it, but just handed the check back to him.  He had to go back and get the bank to give him something in writing showing that there were no funds.  Otherwise there was no paper trail.

 

(And Arctic Mama re: post #7.. you rock!  Amen!)

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Well screw him. Seriously. You don't get to make a life with someone, have them working as essentially your employee on your behalf to manage your house and offspring, ruin years of their earning potential, and then cut them off without severance. Support and alimony is essentially severence pay, and I'd fight until I was bloody for it in your position.

 

Unbelievable. And hugs and prayers and copious amounts of chocolate to you, my goodness.

I feel exactly the way you do and I am glad the OP got a good outcome in court. But more and more the laws do not favor a SAH parent in a divorce situation. It really chaps my hide.

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We had a situation where DH went to cash a check and the bank told him there was no money to cover it, but just handed the check back to him.  He had to go back and get the bank to give him something in writing showing that there were no funds.  Otherwise there was no paper trail.

 

(And Arctic Mama re: post #7.. you rock!  Amen!)

Wow! What the heck????

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I received the check in Saturday's mail. I called the bank that it would be drawn on and they said there was enough to cover it. Unfortunately the bank was already closed so I deposited it through my phone with my banking app. So far it hasn't cleared yet because it takes a business day or so but I am hoping it clears.

 

I plan on using this to tell the lawyers to have the amount taken from his pay. I am not going through this constantly.

 

I am also taking this as a good sign from the court that when it comes time for the permanent court order they will give me the same amount (35% of the difference in our salaries) because I can't imagine the court will offer less. At that point I am also going to ask for 35% of his bonuses and a portion of the equity in his parent's house which his name is on.

 

During mediation I was only asking for 32.5% of the salary and nothing else. But because he kept insisting this was a child support case only (meaning he would pay child support for about 2 more years and that's it) and dragged us to court I am going for the whole shebang. The best part of the temporary order, other than the hefty amount he has to pay every week, is that the last line the judge wrote was "Neither party will pay the other child support." So like I have been trying to say all along, THIS IS NOT A CHILD SUPPORT CASE!!!

 

He lost on everything he asked for.

 

I am assuming his lawyer does not know he tried to freeze the check because that would only make her look bad in front of the judge. She will have to stand there and try to explain why they are going against his court order. Judges do not like that.

 

I also spent the weekend fretting that he might appeal, but then I realized that in order to appeal there has to be some change in the details of the case. You can't just tell the judge you don't like what he says!

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You have done your best all along to play nice. Your actions now are justified. Hope everything gets squared away soon and you can put this distressing season of life in the rear view mirror.

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Yup, he filed a  motion to vacate the judge's orders. He is still insisting there is not enough money to go around as long as the house is not sold. Ironic, because he is the one who would not put it on the market until now.

 

He also said in the letter to the judge that the expenses I listed out were "imaginary" because I have not actually paid my sister any rent. Hello!? His whole family had to move in with my sister without receiving any support from him. THAT is why I am not paying rent! As soon as he pays me I will start paying rent.

 

I literally do not know this man anymore.

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Yup, he filed a motion to vacate the judge's orders. He is still insisting there is not enough money to go around as long as the house is not sold. Ironic, because he is the one who would not put it on the market until now.

 

He also said in the letter to the judge that the expenses I listed out were "imaginary" because I have not actually paid my sister any rent. Hello!? His whole family had to move in with my sister without receiving any support from him. THAT is why I am not paying rent! As soon as he pays me I will start paying rent.

 

I literally do not know this man anymore.

So the outcome he perhaps desires is to remain in the house and therefore delay indefinitely the amount he has to pay you. Just seems like another delay tactic. Did the check clear yet?

 

I hope your attorney makes it plain to the judge that xh had the choice of dates to put the house on the market, and could have done so much sooner. I'm guessing the judge will be unhappy about the questioning of judgment, and hopefully this will strengthen your position.

 

What a bother.

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I received the check in Saturday's mail. I called the bank that it would be drawn on and they said there was enough to cover it. Unfortunately the bank was already closed so I deposited it through my phone with my banking app. So far it hasn't cleared yet because it takes a business day or so but I am hoping it clears.

 

I plan on using this to tell the lawyers to have the amount taken from his pay. I am not going through this constantly.

 

I am also taking this as a good sign from the court that when it comes time for the permanent court order they will give me the same amount (35% of the difference in our salaries) because I can't imagine the court will offer less. At that point I am also going to ask for 35% of his bonuses and a portion of the equity in his parent's house which his name is on.

 

During mediation I was only asking for 32.5% of the salary and nothing else. But because he kept insisting this was a child support case only (meaning he would pay child support for about 2 more years and that's it) and dragged us to court I am going for the whole shebang. The best part of the temporary order, other than the hefty amount he has to pay every week, is that the last line the judge wrote was "Neither party will pay the other child support." So like I have been trying to say all along, THIS IS NOT A CHILD SUPPORT CASE!!!

 

He lost on everything he asked for.

 

I am assuming his lawyer does not know he tried to freeze the check because that would only make her look bad in front of the judge. She will have to stand there and try to explain why they are going against his court order. Judges do not like that.

 

I also spent the weekend fretting that he might appeal, but then I realized that in order to appeal there has to be some change in the details of the case. You can't just tell the judge you don't like what he says!

For purely financial reasons, it is much better for him if he is paying you alimony rather than child support. I'm a bit surprised to see him take this approach. I'm guessing there are other personality issues at play. I hope you get it worked out soon.

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The house is due to go on the market this week (finally!) I am very excited to get it sold. The next step will be finalizing the divorce and then I can be free!!

 

I think he wants this to be an alimony case because our youngest is 20. Once she graduates college next year he would be done paying child support and would walk away scott free. He literally said I was acting "entitled" by asking for alimony.

 

Oh, and his first check did clear. :hurray:  :laugh:

Edited by Home'scool
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The house is due to go on the market this week (finally!) I am very excited to get it sold. The next step will be finalizing the divorce and then I can be free!!

 

I think he wants this to be an alimony case because our youngest is 20. Once she graduates college next year he would be done paying child support and would walk away scott free. He literally said I was acting "entitled" by asking for alimony.

 

Oh, and his first check did clear. :hurray: :laugh:

Entitled to a fair share of the income from the career you made possible for him to build by giving up your own.

Yep, you are definitely entitled to that.

Ex spouses seriously lose their minds when they find a new flame. It's so sad.

Yay for a cleared check!! Make sure your lawyer knows he played the "I stopped payment" game. (I know you will inform your lawyer, just offering additional support! You are rocking this difficult situation!).

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I know it doesn't feel this way now, but one day your kids will thank you for being the bigger person in this situation. They might have no clue what is going on, but one day they will figure it out. The high road is HARD. (((Hugs))) to you. 

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I received the check in Saturday's mail. I called the bank that it would be drawn on and they said there was enough to cover it. Unfortunately the bank was already closed so I deposited it through my phone with my banking app. So far it hasn't cleared yet because it takes a business day or so but I am hoping it clears.

 

I plan on using this to tell the lawyers to have the amount taken from his pay. I am not going through this constantly.

 

I am also taking this as a good sign from the court that when it comes time for the permanent court order they will give me the same amount (35% of the difference in our salaries) because I can't imagine the court will offer less. At that point I am also going to ask for 35% of his bonuses and a portion of the equity in his parent's house which his name is on.

 

During mediation I was only asking for 32.5% of the salary and nothing else. But because he kept insisting this was a child support case only (meaning he would pay child support for about 2 more years and that's it) and dragged us to court I am going for the whole shebang. The best part of the temporary order, other than the hefty amount he has to pay every week, is that the last line the judge wrote was "Neither party will pay the other child support." So like I have been trying to say all along, THIS IS NOT A CHILD SUPPORT CASE!!!

 

He lost on everything he asked for.

 

I am assuming his lawyer does not know he tried to freeze the check because that would only make her look bad in front of the judge. She will have to stand there and try to explain why they are going against his court order. Judges do not like that.

 

I also spent the weekend fretting that he might appeal, but then I realized that in order to appeal there has to be some change in the details of the case. You can't just tell the judge you don't like what he says!

I agree with everything you are doing except for the bolded. Why do you feel you deserve a portion of the equity in his parents' house?

 

I assume his name is on the deed because they want the house to pass seamlessly to him when they die, and if that's the case, I'm not sure why you feel entitled to it. I don't think you're entitled to any ownership of his parents' house, unless you were the one paying their mortgage all these years.

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I agree with everything you are doing except for the bolded. Why do you feel you deserve a portion of the equity in his parents' house?

 

I assume his name is on the deed because they want the house to pass seamlessly to him when they die, and if that's the case, I'm not sure why you feel entitled to it. I don't think you're entitled to any ownership of his parents' house, unless you were the one paying their mortgage all these years.

If for no other reason, it's a negotiating tactic. You know, ask a higher price than what you really want, so both parties will feel like they got what they wanted when a final price is reached. She may be willing to cede that claim in order to fully collect in every other area.

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If for no other reason, it's a negotiating tactic. You know, ask a higher price than what you really want, so both parties will feel like they got what they wanted when a final price is reached. She may be willing to cede that claim in order to fully collect in every other area.

Honestly, I don't think it's a good negotiating tactic.

 

Her dh's parents' house should not be a part of her divorce negotiations.

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Honestly, I don't think it's a good negotiating tactic.

 

Her dh's parents' house should not be a part of her divorce negotiations.

 

 

 

I am not sure I agree with this, but I am still formulating my reasons.  Hopefully I can come back and expand on it.

 

 

 

 

If it was Grandma's favorite quilt, I'd agree.  Equity in a house is different.

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.

I understand being angry.

 

But it still doesn't make it fair to your in-laws. You weren't married to them, but you would be asking for part ownership of their home because you want revenge against your husband.

 

I'm sorry, but I think that's a rotten thing to do.

 

Why would you want to hurt your in-laws in this way? Why would you want to involve them in your divorce? The thought of losing part ownership of their home will be so stressful for them. Why would you put them through that?

 

I have been completely sympathetic toward you all through this horrible mess you've been going through, but I think your bitterness is blinding you from seeing that what you're doing regarding your in-laws' home is just plain wrong. I understand your anger, but I don't think your in-laws' home should be part of your divorce.

 

 

(Edited to delete quoted post because homes'cool deleted her post for privacy.)

Edited by Catwoman
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I agree with you wholeheartefly, and yes, you DO have the right to ask for a share of the parents' house. If it was acquired during your marriage, then you have a claim to it.

If his parents are still alive and living in the house, it seems so morally wrong to even think of asking for partial ownership of that house.

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My friend inherited quite a bit of money from her mother the year that she and her husband were divorcing.  He had already cheated and they were filing the paperwork. He STILL got part of that money.  So, not sure it's a totally unreasonable request, especially if XDH is being a jack*ss about it.

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No. It is not "punishing" the ex-in-laws. More than likely ex will buy out her portion of the ownership, giving her more $$$ in the divorce settlement. This is a very common occurrence, and not at all out of bitterness or revenge.

She has already said it's out of bitterness.

 

Here's the thing. My dh's name was always on his mom's house and on all of her accounts, but it was her house and her money. His name was on them for convenience, but he didn't touch the money or have anything to do with the house. If dh and I had gotten divorced, technically I could have asked for a quarter stake in my MIL's house and for a quarter of the money in her accounts because technically my dh owned half of her house and his name was on her accounts.

 

But I knew it was her money. I KNEW it. So it would have been 100% wrong for me to have even threatened to try to take any of it from her. And that's the situation here, as far as I can tell. She KNOWS it's his parents' house. And it's not right to threaten to try to take partial ownership of their home. I don't care about the legality. It's just not morally right.

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Home'school- I'm not a lawyer, but since you're still negotiating things and all is fair and love in war, I might delete that post (#37). You never know what he can pull and try to use against you. I think your other posts are fine, but this one might be able to be used as ammo against you. Just my 2 cents. 

Edited by texasmom33
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I deleted that post for privacy.

 

I still plan on using it for a negotiation tactic and perhaps benefit from it. After all these years what's his is mine too.

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She has already said it's out of bitterness.

 

Here's the thing. My dh's name was always on his mom's house and on all of her accounts, but it was her house and her money. His name was on them for convenience, but he didn't touch the money or have anything to do with the house. If dh and I had gotten divorced, technically I could have asked for a quarter stake in my MIL's house and for a quarter of the money in her accounts because technically my dh owned half of her house and his name was on her accounts.

 

But I knew it was her money. I KNEW it. So it would have been 100% wrong for me to have even threatened to try to take any of it from her. And that's the situation here, as far as I can tell. She KNOWS it's his parents' house. And it's not right to threaten to try to take partial ownership of their home. I don't care about the legality. It's just not morally right.

I don't know why you seem to be assuming that OP's situation is similar to yours.

 

Maybe the home was inherited years ago and is just used as a rental property at this point.

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I deleted that post for privacy.

 

I still plan on using it for a negotiation tactic and perhaps benefit from it. After all these years what's his is mine too.

That may or may not be true. What does your attorney say about that? In many cases, his interest in his parent's home would be seperate property and not divisible, but your state law and specific facts would determine this.

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I deleted that post for privacy.

 

I still plan on using it for a negotiation tactic and perhaps benefit from it. After all these years what's his is mine too.

Obviously you can do whatever you like, but how would you feel if the situation was reversed and your husband was demanding partial ownership of your parents' home?

 

If it happened and you posted about it here, I can almost guarantee you that just about everyone would be posting to support you and saying how horrible it was that he was dragging your poor parents into your divorce and trying to steal their home away from them.

 

I don't know how you feel about your in-laws, but please know that you will be both hurting and frightening them if you use this "negotiation tactic."

 

I won't post about this again, but I hope you'll think long and hard before you do this to your in-laws.

 

I do wish you the very best on everything else, though. Your dh is behaving so badly and I do understand why you want to fight as hard as you can for what is rightfully yours. I just don't think any part of his parents' home is part of what's rightfully yours.

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I don't know why you seem to be assuming that OP's situation is similar to yours.

 

Maybe the home was inherited years ago and is just used as a rental property at this point.

I'm assuming his parents are still alive because when I responded to her posts and mentioned her in-laws, she didn't say they were dead.

 

Whatever the case, I have made my point as best I could, and home'scool can ignore it if she'd like.

 

I realize that different people will have different opinions on this type of situation.

 

 

(Edited for clarity -- I hope! :) )

Edited by Catwoman

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