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My dh has been gone six months

Teresa in MO

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I am so sorry. I'm sure you miss his terribly. Thanks for the reminder; there is someone I know coming up on one year since her DH passed and it's a good reminder for me to acknowledge it.

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It has been six months since my dh suddenly passed away.  We married at 18 and would have celebrated our 39th wedding anniversary in June.  I have never experienced a pain so deep.  If anything, it's deeper now than when it happened.  I feel as if half of me is missing.  I have experienced what stress and anxiety can do to you both physically and emotionally.  I have struggled greatly at times.  I am just now thinking I might actually make it through this.  So much has changed.  I still have 2 dc that I am homeschooling.  This has been a rough school year and we are behind.  My dd is getting married in May and it is very bittersweet for all of us.  


There have been times on this board that people ask how they can be of help for families where someone has passed.  The number one thing I would say is to be there for the months that follow.  That is so important.  I know we all get busy, I have been guilty of that in the past, too.  There have been few friends and family that keep in touch with me.  It has been so meaningful to have someone call or message me saying they were thinking about me or how are things going, do you need anything.  I have been surprised though how few those people are.  So, please just keep in touch.




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DH and I married when I was 19.  We just had our 31st anniversary.  Your story reminds me to treasure every moment together.  I hope your memories bring you comfort.  A grand love is rare to find and something to be grateful for.

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Dear Teresa,


I am still so sorry for your loss and the continuing pain.  


My BFF of nearly 30 years lost her dh pretty much ON their 25th anniversary.  He was 54.  Total shock in every way.  I flew to be with her to help and to bring his body home (they were out of state).  We had different flights home, and in God's providence, I had a seatmate who had lost her husband 2 years earlier, at the same age and in the same circumstances.  She told me a LOT of things to remember, which are completely echoed in your original post.  One thing she said is that it was much *worse* at the 6 month mark than it had been earlier...I think it has something to do with the fact that the numbness wears off, the emergency actions are done, and life has resumed a new "normal"--which is NOT NORMAL AT ALL.  And in the meantime, everyone else has moved along.  She told me to pay close attention for a LONG TIME.  So I have.  (It is not a burden, but a privilege to stand with my friend in this time.)


I would have to say that everything this woman said on the plane was true.  It is exactly what happened with my friend.  And all 4 of her close friends have been very careful to remember for the long term.  


We just passed the year mark about 2 weeks ago.  It was a terrifically emotional time for all of us.  I could barely move on the day prior to the anniversary, because my heart breaks for my friend...it was the last completely griefless day she has had.  She had that same experience.  But after the year had passed, there was something "normal" in the "new normal."  I can't explain it, and I am not prescribing a timeline.  Just sharing an experience...and maybe hoping that it might help you to know the 6 months deep grief...is normal.  


I'm glad you came here and posted this.  We all need to be mindful of each other and to keep the grieving and suffering in our hearts and prayers--and actions.

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