Can I ask for a little support from NPD empathizers? I'm taking a stand.

[gardenmom5]

What's weird is that with all I have posted, I cannot feel that I can claim "emotional abuse." I think that having a NPD parent so divorces you from believing your experiences/needs are valid that it becomes almost impossible to call a spade a spade. I always have a voice inside of me telling me to suck it up and stop whining. 

 

I don't know what's up with the multi-quote function - if it's the board or my computer . . .

 

it is possible to overcome that "voice".  she was the voice in my head, always making snide and negative comments.   stopping me from doing things that would have been good for me.  (even when they had nothing to do with her.)  and stopping me from celebrating "triumphs" because she would *always* point out the weaknesses.  (re: *nothing* is ever good enough.)  I had to learn to 'cut myself slack'.  if I did my best - that was good enough.  it's ok to be human.

 

I haven't heard her voice in my head for many years. (25?)  the very last time I heard one *similar*  to something she would say - I burst out laughing, and in what some might describe as mocking said "that sounds like something grandmother would say!"  and laughed some more. I was laughing because  I held her opinions in such little regard, her words/voice couldn't be used to control me anymore.  I didn't care about "pleasing her" because I knew it couldn't be done. nothing was ever good enough for her.

 

depending upon the situation - I would do things to help her, but they had nothing to do with *her*.  I am answerable to God, and He didn't require me to lay down  on an alter and hand her the knife so she could sacrifice me to her ego.  so - if she got mad 'cause I wouldn't do that . . wasn't my problem.

 

[Alicia64]

You're doing a wonderful job. (I highly recommend no-contact. It's been a healthy, awesome experience for my kids, husband and me to never have to again deal w/ the insanity.)

 

Stay strong,

 

Alley

[LMD]

Yeah, the longer I stay no contact, the clearer I see and the stronger I get.

I just spent so long so confused! I would try and try but always get everything wrong. Then she hated dh (because he's un-manipulateable lol) and ran him down and played sweet and innocent in his presence. It took 10 years of marriage for dh to actually see what she was capable of and he was speechless.

We went no contact (well actually, she cut me off with a nasty letter - sent via email AND paper, just to twist the knife) and finally I could heal. I realised that my life and marriage weren't perfect but they were pretty good and I was happy.

 

Okay, sorry, that turned into a vent!

[FO4UR]

I cut all ties with my mother.

 

Aside from leaving an abusive spouse, it was the best decision I have ever made.

 

Best. Ever.

 

She still tries to cut through 3rd parties, but whatever.

[snowbeltmom]

I really think unless someone has a parent/parent-role-filler  who is npd/simliar, and RECOGNIZES that . .it's very unusual that they are capable of "getting it".

This!  

 

I think this type of abuse is very difficult to detect because the abuse is "normal" to us and invisible to everyone else.

 

Without knowing the backstories, most of what NPDs do can look "innocent" and those of us on the receiving end can be made out to be "too sensitive" or "dramatic", or whatever other negative word you can think of.

 

:grouphug:  to everyone who has the misfortune of having an NPD for a mother.

 

Edited March 7, 2017 by snowbeltmom