Jump to content

Menu

S/O: When you no longer wish to be friends with someone


DawnM
 Share

Recommended Posts

There was a thread a while back about someone not wanting to hang out with her anymore and how she felt about it.

 

I am finding myself on the other end.  I am hurt by some actions a "friend" has taken.  Very hurt.  When I look back at various things that have happened,  I see that much of it has been happening for a while, I just was dismissive of it.

 

She keeps trying to bug me to get together with her, but I don't want to.  I don't even want to tell her things anymore.  She gossips.

 

This is really just a vent.  

 

I can't tell her, when I have mentioned things she dismisses it as "oh, don't take it that way" or "you should just feel this way, not that way."

 

Um, you can't MAKE yourself feel a certain way, but it sure helps you justify your actions.

Edited by DawnM
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have flat out told a friend that I needed to take a break from our friendship and hanging out. With a very, very brief description why. Along the lines of 'This isn't working well for me or my family anymore'. Because if she would have really understood why I needed to essentially end the friendship it would have never gotten to that point. She knew what was wrong, but she didn't want to address the problem as a 2-way friendship.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I found out a friend had been gossiping behind my back and betrayed a pretty big confidence (that she knew was not to be shared). When she called, I told her that I knew she had broken my trust and I wasn't interested in attempting to repair the friendship. And I hung up. I didn't provide more ammunition for gossip, but I didn't want to provide an opening for resolution. It's better than leaving someone dangling or wondering why you disappeared.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think that when someone starts dictating to you how you should feel after being in the wrong and cannot be confronted because of being a gossip, it is time to end the relationship. Simply say, "I am no longer making time for us to hang out." Do not return phone calls or emails after that. Unfriendly from facebook, and do not respond to anyone else about the situation. "I have personal reasons why it was best for me to move on." Nothing more. Other responses cause drama and acquaintances go back and forth. If they cannot elicit information, they usually drop it.

Edited by FaithManor
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Recently I texted "It hurts my heart that things have played out the way they have.  I wish you well and will always want good things for you and your family."

 

It was honest- I truly was hurt and disappointed in the turn things had taken.  I can honestly say I wish good things for her.  But I cannot be friends with her and I felt like that was pretty clear.  

 

I did unfriend the rest of her family on FB but I just unfollowed her.  When I went to hit "unfriend" on her I just thought that might hurt her more and I really wasn't looking for that.  So I unfollowed her but she still follows me.  She will occasionally pop up having "liked" a picture of mine.  I think it is an overture but I have not looked at her page or interacted with her on there at all.  I has been an extremely difficult situation but I felt like I had to be clear and then not have any contact with her at all.  When I see her in public I will say "hi" but keep walking.  The whole thing has hurt but I had to just end it and stop the bleeding.  I do not give up friendships easily and neither does she.  If I hadn't been clear and restrained in any interaction it would have just dragged on.  

 

If there had been any chance at reconciliation I might have initiated dialogue as I have repaired friendships in the past through communication.  

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm pretty cold about it... because otherwise I take offenses too personally. When a "friend" breaks my trust (or their child hurts my child)... When I discover that our values are at odds... I just walk away.

Life is too short for that nonsense, ya know?

Luckily there are lots of friends and potential friends out there! No shortage.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...