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G5052

Sad news this evening

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Oh, it sounds awful. It must be especially frustrating when dh is 'fine' when hospital personnel are observing, and the it all changes.

 

(((Hugs)))

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:grouphug: Sometimes dh struggles with mental health issues, but I can't even imagine. I hope you're able to do some self-care in the midst of this turmoil.

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Thanks for the updates (more or less updates anyway).  Sending more  :grouphug: and continuing to keep you in prayers.  It seriously has to be super draining, so I'm hoping you have an escape or two.

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It was a small community hospital. DH was so charming that they kept questioning if it was really a crisis or not. An hour before he completely different.

 

I had to demand that they do the CT scan, and they finally agreed.

 

By that time they gave us the CT results, he said he was fine and wanted to go home. They said OK.

 

Then it went downhill again in the car and at home.

I've been known to record some of dh's worse incidents with my phone. I've never yet used those recordings but I feel a need to have them in case I ever have to prove the severity of his irrational behavior to someone else. Edited by maize
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It was a small community hospital. DH was so charming that they kept questioning if it was really a crisis or not. An hour before he completely different.

 

I had to demand that they do the CT scan, and they finally agreed.

 

By that time they gave us the CT results, he said he was fine and wanted to go home. They said OK.

 

Then it went downhill again in the car and at home.

This sounds just like my dad. Mental state never the best (PTSD from childhood trauma and war service) slowly deteriorated over the course of several severe medical crises. Came to a head last summer involving police, forced hospital stay, but ultimately charmed his way back home. No kids in the house,but that also means mom's been dealing with this alone with some telephone support from my sister (psychiatric RN) and requiring me to drop everything and rush 2 hours to help during crises. She finally let him move out. They sold their house. She is moving across the country to be with my sister. Now he is serious about getting help, keeps apologizing to everyone, calls me crying. What a mess.

 

He has not fully moved into his apartment yet, and his interference with mom's stuff and continued presence is emotionally draining for her. I think there is some early dementia on both sides, but he doesn't remember what they agreed is his/hers, has been giving/throwing her stuff away, etc. She'll be gone end of next month, and I think we're all looking forward to peace.

 

I hope you are able to find that peace, and that this separation is a wake-up for your husband to truly seek the help he needs.

Edited by Amy in NH

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It was a small community hospital. DH was so charming that they kept questioning if it was really a crisis or not. An hour before he completely different.

 

I had to demand that they do the CT scan, and they finally agreed.

 

By that time they gave us the CT results, he said he was fine and wanted to go home. They said OK.

 

Then it went downhill again in the car and at home. 

 

 

This reminded me so much of my step sister dealing with my step brother who has dementia type symptoms....She had him in the ER and when the nurse was out of the room he would start moaning that he was in so much pain.  My sister would say, 'give me a number.'  He would say 9 or some high number.  She would call for the nurse and nurse would ask him (like 30 seconds later) for a number and he would say, 'oh, about a 2.'  He did it over and over and over.  Maybe even though they can't remember stuff they feel 'safe' with some people and that is when the worst comes out?  I don't know but I know it is exhausting.

 

So so sorry.

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Thanks all. I feel much better today.

 

He emailed that he called the medical clinic that dropped him for psychiatric issues and apologized. They were going to meet today and decide whether to take him back because he has an urgent issue that only they can address. He claims that he will go to the dementia eval later today. He is lonely and sad.

 

Our therapist says to reply to these emails in a brief manner that encourages, but not to commit to anything.

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I'm glad that he is taking some initiative.

 

And that you have a therapist to help you navigate stuff from your end.

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can you record his behavior so that there is a history established that is not "he said she said"

Edited by HollyDay
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I'm so sorry.  I hope get all the support you need. I also hope he sticks with the psychiatric dementia clinic and they are able to help him.

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:grouphug:  

 

On the charming to the hospital personnel thing:  my DH has mental health issues, too, and this used to make me feel like I was the crazy one.  When other people were in the room at the hospital, or over at our house trying to help, he was so much better.  I felt like they didn't really believe me because he was so different when they were there.

 

I came to realize that it has a lot to do with mental illness seeking isolation, and connection being an antidote.  He really was better when other people were there, because he was getting connection.  It was still hard that I didn't seem to count as that needed connection, but I think he needed to know that someone who hadn't committed to love him cared what happened to him, too.

 

I was eventually able to use that as a tool, and I'd call or text one of his friends just to come be with him when his thinking was stuck.

 

OP, you need that connection, too, for your mental well-being.  I'm glad you are talking to the therapist, too.  I hope you have a friend or two of the sort who can lean in and be there for you without judging either you or your DH.

 

:grouphug:

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