itsheresomewhere Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 (edited) Honest question- I received an invite to a surprise baby shower. The invite says- As soon as we know the final count attending, we will email everyone the cost they need to contribute for the food and decor. Is this a new thing asking/telling/assuming invited guest will be contributing for a party? We have an update- I ran into the "hostess" today. Her response to me was that I really could expect a single mom to host over thirty people on her dime. Asking for people to help pay for things is normal and expected now but since my kids are homeschooled, I wouldn't know that. She ended herself with it doesn't matter anyway to what you think as you are not coming anyway. Edited February 25, 2017 by itsheresomewhere 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Uhh...it's been awhile, but I've never heard of such a thing. 23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 :confused1: :svengo: :ack2: no. not normal. 26 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 I haven['t been to a baby shower in over ten years, but this is plainly rude. 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Honest question- I received an invite to a surprise baby shower. The invite says- As soon as we know the final count attending, we will email everyone the cost they need to contribute for the food and decor. Is this a new thing asking/telling/assuming invited guest will be contributing for a party? If it's a new trend, it's one that needs to die a swift and sure death. Hostessing costs should be shared between the hostesses. Some may want to go in together for a large gift, but not for the punch and buttermints. 27 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 That's an invitation I would politely decline. Tacky, tacky, tacky. :glare: 39 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 I've never seen that. If you're part of a group organizing/hosting the shower then contributing to costs is normal. If you're just an invited guest? A gift is all that is expected. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Tacky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Definitely not a thing. I can see where a group of friends might get together to give a shower jointly, but that would be by advance agreement and not by announcing that invited guests have to share the cost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSmomof2 Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Not normal....I've been to two baby showers in the last month, and many over the years. I've never heard of anyone doing this. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted February 23, 2017 Author Share Posted February 23, 2017 (edited) I've never seen that. If you're part of a group organizing/hosting the shower then contributing to costs is normal. If you're just an invited guest? A gift is all that is expected. That is what we have always done. I thought maybe I had missed something. I am just an invited guest. Honestly, I think if the person who they are throwing the shower for would be applaud they did this. But it confirms my thoughts on the person throwing it. Edited February 23, 2017 by itsheresomewhere 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 That's insane. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 So what this means is that the shower is being hosted by every guest? Nope. Not typical here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Ooh. No. I'd even be okay with an invite asking for help with throwing it. There's nothing wrong with a potluck shower, for example. I'm usually very lax about "manners" things but I'm with others that that's tacky. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 So not normal. I'd be busy that day. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 When I clicked on the thread, I thought it was going to be about gender reveals, by the way. This is the weirdest trend in pregnancy traditions. I was invited to one recently (it was out of town, I didn't even consider going). It was a whole thing though. I was sort of darkly fascinated. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UCF612 Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 No I have never heard such a thing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Never heard of it. But should I ever receive such an invitation, I'm pretty sure that I will decline. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wonderchica Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Omg! No, no, no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Rude and tacky. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 It's gonna pretty expensive for the few that go, lol 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Who is throwing it? It is so outside the norm I have to wonder if it's like, a guy. No offense to guys. But someone who is completely unfamiliar with our customs or culture. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 I know many of ya'll hate old fashioned etiquette books. But seriously following those rules would be better than some of the junk that people do now. One rule that I don't think is written down in those old books perhaps because authors didn't contemplate it needed to be said: Plan and host the party you can afford, not the one you covet. That goes for showers, weddings, dinners, anything. I would decline the invite. If I was inclined, I'd buy a nice baby/new mom present and deliver it to the family separate from the party. 31 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpicyPeanut Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Nope. I've been to a lot of baby showers and I have NEVER seen this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted February 23, 2017 Author Share Posted February 23, 2017 (edited) Who is throwing it? It is so outside the norm I have to wonder if it's like, a guy. No offense to guys. But someone who is completely unfamiliar with our customs or culture. A mom who is very familier with culture and customs. Edited February 23, 2017 by itsheresomewhere Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 (edited) Maybe they are going to run it UP the flagpole and see who salutes. If they can't afford to host a baby shower, then they shouldn't host a baby shower. I'd almost be inclined to ask the host if that is the issue and explain that it is not customary and considered rude to ask the guests for help paying for the shower, and proceed from there. I love it that you asked here. Edited February 23, 2017 by Gaillardia 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Wow. No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Library Momma Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 I agree with rude and tacky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SebastianCat Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 I would decline the invite. If I was inclined, I'd buy a nice baby/new mom present and deliver it to the family separate from the party. This is what I would do as well. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 One rule that I don't think is written down in those old books perhaps because authors didn't contemplate it needed to be said: Plan and host the party you can afford, not the one you covet. That goes for showers, weddings, dinners, anything. YES!!! I have a couple of friends who've been knocked around or beat up by the expectations for the party they were "forced" to host. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Here is what I *could* see: "Baby shower! Yay! Come celebrate with us and help New Mom get ready for Little Tyke! Bring some finger-food to share. " THAT I could see. But I'm not signing up for *decor* for crying out loud. And anyone can afford a couple of bottles of pop and some sherbet to make that traditional Shower Punch. Sometimes I think our world has gotten waaaay too complicated. People see Fantastic Baby Shower on some TV show and they thing that is what it is about (same with weddings). They *miss the whole point*--which is to help a friend be ready for the baby (or the new married life) or to end up *married*. It's not Queen for a Day or something. But that is often how it is portrayed in TV shows and in magazine ads and stories...it's depressing. :::gets out cane to wave around::: Back in MY day, we had a wedding or a baby shower and we sat around a room and played a stupid game and opened presents that we needed to set up a household or get ready for a baby and then we had cake (that one of the ladies had made) and punch (7Up and sherbet of the Bride's Colors and gabbed the afternoon away. That was fun. And the presents were NOT expensive...no one spent more than $20...sometimes a few would go together for a gift. And decor? Seriously? Maybe some pink paper napkins and flowered paper plates...that's it. It was much more about being together to celebrate and help someone get ready than spending a lot of money that no one had anyway. ::::stomps off to shout at the kids to git offa my lawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom of 2 boys Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 I'd feel pretty offended by that. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 :ohmy: So very, very tacky. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Plan and host the party you can afford, not the one you covet. This is so good!!! It addresses so many problematic etiquette issues on such a wide range of situations. I've been to fantastic over-the-top-luxury weddings and fantastic church-basement-punch-n-cake weddings . . . and everything in between. Same goes for baby showers. My first baby was greeted by a fancy catered brunch in a nice hotel . . . and my second baby was greeted by a pot-luck-shower at a friend's house. Honestly, the second one was more fun! Both were fabulous. People really need to just do what they can afford and embrace it and enjoy it. But, really, don't invite your guests to pay for YOUR party! That's just gross. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyroo Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 And the presents were NOT expensive...no one spent more than $20...sometimes a few would go together for a gift. To be fair, that was in "back in your day" dollars. Inflation being what it is, I could easily see that being about what most people spend nowadays. Wendy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba12 Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 If I'm paying for the DECOR and food, do I get to help select? Complain when it's not to my taste? Well, I had no decor at my baby shower at all, we considered it totally unnecessary expense, so I don't think that the host here should have any so just take that off my bill. And the cheap bulk snacks from Aldi are just as good as the name brand ones from expensive stores, so buy those instead. I'm not paying for Whole Foods Organic Vegan-Friendly Blah. Yeah, no. Contributing $5 for pizza delivery? Fine. Being told the costs of food and DECOR! will be split between all attending guests once numbers are finalised? Forget it! Suddenly I have a really really important... thing... to do that day. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Not only would I decline, but I'd explain exactly why when I RSVP-ed about my skipping it. If they can't afford it organize a potluck meal among several hostesses or with the guests. But that is unacceptably tacky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Here is what I *could* see: "Baby shower! Yay! Come celebrate with us and help New Mom get ready for Little Tyke! Bring some finger-food to share. " THAT I could see. But I'm not signing up for *decor* for crying out loud. And anyone can afford a couple of bottles of pop and some sherbet to make that traditional Shower Punch. Sometimes I think our world has gotten waaaay too complicated. People see Fantastic Baby Shower on some TV show and they thing that is what it is about (same with weddings). They *miss the whole point*--which is to help a friend be ready for the baby (or the new married life) or to end up *married*. It's not Queen for a Day or something. But that is often how it is portrayed in TV shows and in magazine ads and stories...it's depressing. :::gets out cane to wave around::: Back in MY day, we had a wedding or a baby shower and we sat around a room and played a stupid game and opened presents that we needed to set up a household or get ready for a baby and then we had cake (that one of the ladies had made) and punch (7Up and sherbet of the Bride's Colors and gabbed the afternoon away. That was fun. And the presents were NOT expensive...no one spent more than $20...sometimes a few would go together for a gift. And decor? Seriously? Maybe some pink paper napkins and flowered paper plates...that's it. It was much more about being together to celebrate and help someone get ready than spending a lot of money that no one had anyway. ::::stomps off to shout at the kids to git offa my lawn I'll wave a cane in tandem with yours. Sheeeesh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 That's whack-a-doodle. The hostess pays to host the shower. I think it's okay to politely ask some close friends to bring some food or drink. But to "pay your share" is not cool. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted February 23, 2017 Author Share Posted February 23, 2017 Well I was bad- I highlighted the part about paying for food and decor and emailed through the group invite. My polite email stated that I am assuming that this was really meant to go out those hosting the party not all guests. As I have never heard of guests paying for a baby shower. I also emailed my regrets but I could not attend the party. The more I think about it, I can't believe I am stunned she did this as she is an expert at rude. 46 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted February 23, 2017 Author Share Posted February 23, 2017 I'll wave a cane in tandem with yours. Sheeeesh. We can all join in the cane waving. I am starting to feel really old lately. lol 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 I have never heard of this and I have been invited to a LOT of showers, lol. I have LDS relatives. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Well I was bad- I highlighted the part about paying for food and decor and emailed through the group invite. My polite email stated that I am assuming that this was really meant to go out those hosting the party not all guests. As I have never heard of guests paying for a baby shower. I also emailed my regrets but I could not attend the party. The more I think about it, I can't believe I am stunned she did this as she is an expert at rude. Good for you! It's high time people started calling the emperor naked when it comes to this sort of thing. Cane-Wavers, unite! 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Well I was bad- I highlighted the part about paying for food and decor and emailed through the group invite. My polite email stated that I am assuming that this was really meant to go out those hosting the party not all guests. As I have never heard of guests paying for a baby shower. I also emailed my regrets but I could not attend the party. The more I think about it, I can't believe I am stunned she did this as she is an expert at rude. I think that's perfect. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Seriously? But then I think I am of Patty Joanna's generation... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodGrief Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 I am eager to hear what her response is to your RSVP! Once a woman, the mother of my daughter's friend, asked me if she could throw a surprise party for my daughter's birthday with their friend group. I thought it was kind of weird, but sweet. But then she started giving me assignments...pick up a cake...have messages written on the cake highlighting the recent accomplishments of a couple other girls in the group, including her own daughter's new skating skill...pick up balloons...and a helium tank...it went on and on! Stopped feeling less sweet, lol 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Honest question- I received an invite to a surprise baby shower. The invite says- As soon as we know the final count attending, we will email everyone the cost they need to contribute for the food and decor. Is this a new thing asking/telling/assuming invited guest will be contributing for a party? No, alas, rudeness has been around for a long time. If this is a friend that you love, consider declining to attend the shower and just give her a gift on your own. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Honest question- I received an invite to a surprise baby shower. The invite says- As soon as we know the final count attending, we will email everyone the cost they need to contribute for the food and decor. Is this a new thing asking/telling/assuming invited guest will be contributing for a party? I had a shower just a few days ago, and no, that is not a thing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Not a thing. Very crass!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kesmom Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Well I was bad- I highlighted the part about paying for food and decor and emailed through the group invite. My polite email stated that I am assuming that this was really meant to go out those hosting the party not all guests. As I have never heard of guests paying for a baby shower. I also emailed my regrets but I could not attend the party. The more I think about it, I can't believe I am stunned she did this as she is an expert at rude. You weren't bad. I think it was a pretty classy way to respond. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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