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Vent about my father and medical avoidance


Moxie
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This is a total vent. No advice is necessary because I can't do a darn thing. I'm not supposed to even know there is an issue! Dysfunctional family.

 

My father doesn't go to the doctor very willingly. It has been an issue many times. I know it is fear but, damn, the problems don't get worse just because a doctor knows about them!

 

My mom called my sister this AM (my sister is a doctor) to ask about heartburn medicine. My sister is no dope so she started asking questions. Long story short, dad is waking up in the middle of the night with terrible heartburn and his meds aren't helping. Also, his blood pressure in the middle of the night is so high he won't give my mother the numbers. What?!? That ain't heartburn!! And, will my mother insist he see a doctor?? No because he will get mad. Don't rock the boat is the story of my life.

 

Dad's sister died of a stroke two years ago so I get that he is scared. But, they have blood pressure meds! This is an easy fix! You know what isn't easy?? Being a farmer paralyzed on one side from a stroke. Or dead from a massive heart attack. Not easy!

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I am so sorry. I totally get it. My dad is very stubborn too.

In January he woke up 3 nights with "heartburn" the 4th night his "heartburn" was so bad he couldn't take it, and thats when his throat and arm started to hurt. His wife finally forced him to go to the ER after taking his blood pressure that was off the charts. Long story short, 2 days later he had quadruple bypass surgery. The doctors said that if he had not come in he would have died within 48 hours from a massive heart attack. And even now, he still thinks everyone over reacted and that its not that big of a deal.

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I'm sorry, Moxie. It is so frustrating and hard when you're powerless to do anything. It makes you want to shake them and yell, "What is the matter with you? Be glad you're getting a warning that something is wrong!" I hope your sister or someone can help him see reason. Sending you a virtual hug.

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This is my mother.  She is terrified of the hospital and doctors.  She is 86 and we are ALL shocked she has lived this long.  We firmly believe that the only reason she is still alive is because she is married to a doctor who can get her meds she needs to keep going.  She has all kinds of health issues.  It is a long list, and she takes all kinds of meds.  If she weren't married to a doctor, I am quite sure she would have died a long time ago.

 

DH's father also hated doctors and hospitals.  He never went, until he had to.  And by that point (age 63) he only lived another 6 months due to cancer in late detection.

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Can your sister talk to him directly? I'm thinking he might be more likely to listen to her because she's a doctor.

 

Otherwise, can you talk to him? I know you're not supposed to know, but you do know, and I'm worried that if you don't say anything and something terrible happens, you'll never forgive yourself for not trying to convince him to see a doctor.

 

If nothing else, someone needs to be very blunt about this with your mom. Your dad could die if she doesn't force the issue and make him see a doctor. She should make an emergency appointment with a cardiologist today and tell him he's going or she's not staying in the house with him and watching him kill himself. I know that sounds mean, but it might jolt him into the reality that this is a serious thing and she is incredibly worried about him.

 

This sounds scary. You must be feeling so worried and helpless. :grouphug:

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I'm sorry. I understand the frustration and worry and fear. I live with someone like that. I believe he is slowly going blind in one eye, but he has refused to do any of the follow-up he was told to do. It got to where any prodding attempts by me to get this sorted out were met by fury. My last word on the subject was that I will not be inclined to be helpful to someone who willfully let himself go blind. It is crazy to me.

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