Have you moved far away with teens and young adults?

[DawnM]

I am not going to go into specifics right now but we are considering a move, cross country, within the next year or two.  Part of it is job situation for DH and there are more factors.

 

I am worried about my kids.  To be honest, I highly doubt either of the older two will end up staying near where we live right now anyway, the fields of study they wish to pursue just aren't in this area.  So, it really would be a benefit to them as well, but they (or I should say my 17 year old) isn't really seeing it right now, and says he hopes we can stay at least through the 2017-2018 school year, but we aren't sure that will be possible.

 

Just curious if you have done it and how it went.

 

Dawn

[Tess in the Burbs]

we moved cross country  with kids ages 11(turned that on the trip here) and 12(was almost 13).  I pushed it as an adventure.  They knew dad had been looking for a job awhile, and we had run out of local options.  Been 2.5 years now, and I think at some point we will end back east.  I don't know about college yet...but one of mine just hasn't meshed well here.  It could just be HIM.  My other is doing great and I could see her staying if we stay.  But she wants to travel and expect her to land elsewhere at some point.  We will be here as long as dh has a job and work.  With no other family here it can be lonely.  With aging parents I expect at some point to push DH to find something back east b/c it would be a nightmare otherwise to handle things.  

as for my kids...they have learned so much with this move.  More so than just moving around our state previously.  It is different here culturally in many ways.  We like so much about it.  We miss some things back southeast.  I can't say I regret doing this.  There is no guarantee those older friendships would last through the teens years anyway.  If anything I worry about the family being split up in the future.  Will one go to college back east?  Will we want to go and a child choose to stay out here?  
 

There are so many variables to life and the future, you can't decide or think through them all.  We went for it.  I'm glad we have.  There have been many positives.  Some negatives.  All adventures.  All learning opportunities.  It brought us closer as a family as we go looking for new things to explore all the time.  Which is something we enjoy doing.  We aren't vacationing in the same spot year after year anymore.  Although this summer we will go back to a beach spot we all fell in love with last year...but overall we are still exploring and enjoying it.  The larger city has brought about some opportunities and I see more for their future as they get older.  

For us, we focused on our family and whether staying or going would be the most positive for US.  I had to eliminate all the other factors and just focus on our core selves.  I like adventure though.  

 

good luck working through the process about deciding.  I would think the 17 year old should be part of the discussion.  If they want to stay is there a way to make it happen?  Are they mature enough to work and do school and live with roommates?  Or another family they had a room to rent?  Are they open to new adventures?  Is there greater opportunities in the new location that could in the long run be better for them...trying to ignore the loss of friends/familiar stuff right now.  

 

If anything I hope we taught our kids to take a chance.  Do something others would frown about.  Take the risk, it might be worth it.  I don't want mine to be the person who lives in the same place their entire life, never traveling/experiencing the world, and feel safe.  I want my kids to get out there and experience different cultures(even in our own country), try new foods, travel to new places, and be wiling to take a chance on opportunity when it arises.  Of course it means they may not live near me when older...I realize that now.  However, I want them to embrace adventure like I have.  Not get stuck in life.  Our move definitely showed our kids how to take that risk in a calculated way and benefit from it.  Even if plans change shortly after you do it.  

[City Mouse]

We moved long distance with a 9yr old and a 16 yr old. I think the move was easier on the 16 yr old. To her, the move was temporary. Houston is still "home" for her. Two years later and she was off to a college of her choice where she was back with likeminded people. She is liveing at home and working now, but none of us think she will stay where we live now. It is just a matter of time before she finds where she wants to go.

 

For the younger one, Texas isn't home any more (I know. How can that possibly be?) it is just the place where we go to visit people on vacation.

[amy g.]

We moved from Texas to Northern California last summer.

 

My then 17 year old was not amused at the time.

 

My 20 year old stayed in Houston because he has a house and a good job there. I doubt he will ever move here because he isn't willing to pay this high of a cost of living.

 

My 22 year old is at school in Austin. I think I may be able to get her here for graduate school.

 

My now 18 year old is super happy here-happier than she has been in years. I got her right into community college here as soon as we moved. She has made good friends. She is going to school in Southern Oregon in the fall. I think she will stay tied to the area and never want to go back to Texas.

 

My younger kids made an easy adjustment. It all has been easier than expected.

[DawnM]

Thanks.  

 

We are going out to visit this summer, to look around, so I am hoping they like it.  

[FriedClams]

Yes. We're a few months in. My kids knew it was coming for years and it's still been hard. We've done all we could to ease it - Xbox time with buddies, trips, visits, lots of communication, space, rest, hugs, jumping in at the new area... I think in a year we'll be good, but it's still too raw to offer any help.