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Gut punch of the day


Home'scool
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Disclaimer: In reading this story you may find me lame and think to yourself "move on, lady" but for me, typing these things out here does get it out and make me feel less sorry for myself, so bear with me.

 

Today is Valentines day. For those following my saga, today sucks. Especially since we had to go to court yesterday and my STBX wouldn't even look at me except to shoot daggers with his eyes. But I got through it, and was doing ok with today, too.

 

Then I looked on Facebook. Big mistake. Stupid Facebook, stupid me.

 

There is a guy I went to high school with. He was super popular, super cute, and super nice. We were friendly, but no matter how much I drooled over him he was not interested in me. He was waaaaay out of my league.

 

He graduates high school, goes to college, joins the Navy, goes through Top Gun school and becomes a Navy fighter pilot. A frickin......

 

             Top Gun ......

                             NAVY FIGHTER PILOT!!!

 

Could he be any more awesome? Or sexy? Or accomplished? No! Nope. No, he could not.

 

He also got married (bastard). So today, on Valentines Day, he posts a "throwback" picture on Facebook. He had just finished a 6 month tour and was disembarking from the ship. The newspapers were there. His girlfriend (soon to be wife) was there. As they embraced for the most romantic kiss ever, with his uniform shining (is there anything sexier than the Navy officer uniform?) and her hair flowing back, the newspaper snaps a photo.

 

Hollywood would weep at not being able to create such a moment.

 

And I'm like .... boy do I feel extra shlumpy and rotten about myself. I have no moments like that in my life. Not now, not ever. I will never be kissed by a super nice super sexy Navy fighter pilot.

 

I think I may disable my facebook account for a bit.

Edited by Home'scool
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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

So sorry this is such a lousy day today.  Hang in there.  FB can be horrible.  It is snapshots that do not reflect real life.  I have a friend that posts all these amazing photos of her family.  IRL her eldest has severe OCD, debilitatingly so, and the other kids are all suffering from various forms of mental illness.  Her days are filled with stress and tears and depression.  She posts the photos to try and boost her spirits and remind herself of the rare good days but to outsiders it may look like her life is near perfect.  It is far from being so.

 

I hope life improves soon.   :grouphug:

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I love my DH and he's what I consider to be romantic and a wonderful kisser, but I don't think I've ever in my life had the kind of kiss they write about in romance novels. Knees weak, sun shining full on our hair, light breeze blowing our hair away from our faces, and gasping for breath.

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Well, yes, the Marine dress uniform is better, imo.

 

And, a man for whom I spawned children in the military would be just no, because for the 6 months he was gone I would be like, "get your backside back here and change some diapers and do some nighttime duty once in a while!!" But, that's me. :)

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Getting rid of Facebook was the best thing I did last year. I'm never going back.

 

 Looking on Facebook on Valentine's Day is pain shopping, period. Don't do it

 

What you need is strength training. What can you do TODAY so that you feel better and stronger?  Exercise in nature. Get a pedicure. Call someone you love and focus on them. Do something silly with your kiddoes to make a memory. Invest in improving the quality of your life and your thinking. 

 

To h*** with your STBX, and to h*** with comparing your life to others. That's just self-torture. Don't do it.

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Eh, my dad was a fighter pilot, it's not actually as glamorous as they want you to think ;)

 

Cheer up, have some chocolate & try to salvage the day

:iagree: 

 

My friend's dad was a fighter jock.  even one who back in the 50s was invited to hear about the opportunity to sit on top of a rocket launched into space.

 

he thinks of himself as just a down home guy from a po-dunk little town who gardens for fun. flying planes was just a job.

 

I have a friend who "pined after the love her of life fighter-jock" during her first marriage . . so, why didn't you marry him?  she also ended up divorced.  and has been married and divorced again.  she's now on her third husband.

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:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:     That was one glimpse of one of the best moments in their lives.  It doesn't show all of the awful things that automatically come from that life, just the triumph of finally being together after months apart.

 

It didn't show the fights they had when he came home and didn't understand the new systems that make the family function.

 

It didn't show the baby that didn't recognize him.

 

It didn't show the nights she was on her knees in prayer, afraid for his life and for her ability to raise her kids alone - and whether he lives or dies, when he's away, she's alone.

 

It didn't show the funerals for his co-workers that she went to, or the terror that happens every time you hear of a crash whenever he is deployed, or the terror that you feel every time someone knocks at your door because you think it might be bad news.

 

It didn't show the constant high stress for the whole family that constant moves bring.

 

It didn't show the constant discord from co-workers whose wives left or cheated while they were deployed, and how that colors the whole group's relationships with fear and suspicion.

 

It didn't show that the same aspects that make him good at his job - perfectionism and exact attention to detail - make him almost impossible to live with because neither he nor any of you will ever be good enough for him.

 

It didn't show the rampant substance abuse that is pervasive in the military.

 

That life isn't easier than yours, even if your STBX is a jerk.  It was just a photo of a single moment. Get off facebook.  Count your blessings.  Including being out of a relationship that is toxic and able to live in peace.

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Today is Valentines day. For those following my saga, today sucks. Especially since we had to go to court yesterday and my STBX wouldn't even look at me except to shoot daggers with his eyes. But I got through it, and was doing ok with today, too.

 

Dude is finally showing his ugly, true colors.

That stinks, but at least he knows that you know what a jerk he is now.  

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Aww, Homes'cool, you are perfect just the way you are. :) Look what he missed out on, that's what I say!

 

I don't think this is a great day to be on FB. I unfriended a couple people this morning because I am sick to freakin death of their political memes.

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Yes and those FB posts....I mean good grief, all of us post our best right?  My friend is a photographer and she took an absolutely beautiful pic of dh and me on our wedding day.  I enlarged it and it hangs in our bedroom.  I see it first thing....right before I see the current/actual/real me in the bathroom mirror.  LOL....

 

I hope the divorce is final now for you.  Real healing begins at that point IMO.

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:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:     That was one glimpse of one of the best moments in their lives.  It doesn't show all of the awful things that automatically come from that life, just the triumph of finally being together after months apart.

 

It didn't show the fights they had when he came home and didn't understand the new systems that make the family function.

 

It didn't show the baby that didn't recognize him.

 

It didn't show the nights she was on her knees in prayer, afraid for his life and for her ability to raise her kids alone - and whether he lives or dies, when he's away, she's alone.

 

It didn't show the funerals for his co-workers that she went to, or the terror that happens every time you hear of a crash whenever he is deployed, or the terror that you feel every time someone knocks at your door because you think it might be bad news.

 

It didn't show the constant high stress for the whole family that constant moves bring.

 

It didn't show the constant discord from co-workers whose wives left or cheated while they were deployed, and how that colors the whole group's relationships with fear and suspicion.

 

It didn't show that the same aspects that make him good at his job - perfectionism and exact attention to detail - make him almost impossible to live with because neither he nor any of you will ever be good enough for him.

 

It didn't show the rampant substance abuse that is pervasive in the military.

 

That life isn't easier than yours, even if your STBX is a jerk.  It was just a photo of a single moment. Get off facebook.  Count your blessings.  Including being out of a relationship that is toxic and able to live in peace.

 

The bolded are true for my friend who married...that guy.  He's a fantastic guy and they have a great marriage but it's not a life I could have lived...not with all the danger.  

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Hugs.

Facebook is ridiculous. I know a woman who was still posting happy family pictures that included her husband the week before she announced the finalization of her (not amicable) divorce. Anyone, including me, using Facebook to gauge her life would have thought she was happily married.

 

I'm sorry you are having such a hard day. You deserve to find your happiness again. If I may second the advice to start lifting eights. There's something so transformative about getting physically stronger when you feel so beaten down.

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Just remember they have their bad moments too. They just don't air them on Facebook. I was crying right before bed last night because once again his work is going to come first and big changes are coming that I doubt I'll be able to handle well. It'll be weeks of barely seeing him, bottling a lot up so he can get through the busy time, and resenting his career choice.

 

Of course I didn't post a picture of my tears or mention it on a Facebook post. I did post a picture of the goofy chalkboard picture he left me on our chalkboard though.

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Getting rid of Facebook was the best thing I did last year. I'm never going back.

 

 Looking on Facebook on Valentine's Day is pain shopping, period. Don't do it

 

What you need is strength training. What can you do TODAY so that you feel better and stronger?  Exercise in nature. Get a pedicure. Call someone you love and focus on them. Do something silly with your kiddoes to make a memory. Invest in improving the quality of your life and your thinking. 

 

To h*** with your STBX, and to h*** with comparing your life to others. That's just self-torture. Don't do it.

 

I love this! 

 

What you need is strength training.

 

 

(hugs)

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My first husband was a soldier. That initial homecomings were always romantic, even dramatized (if only in our minds, so I can imagine how they'd have played out on film).  Sometimes the honeymoon was over before the garage door shut behind us, pulling in; sometimes we got a whole week or two of it before $hit got real again.

 

Transitions are hard. Divorce is hard. Moving on and forward is hard. Grieving the end of a relationship, even an imperfect one, is hard.

 

Your situation and feelings are raw. If ever there was a time for a pity party it would be on a day like today, in a situation like the one you're facing. I know because I've BTDT, got the tee-shirt, bought the bumper sticker. Tomorrow you'll wake up to the same feelings, hopefully a bit less raw, and take one more step forward toward the next chapter in your life. And it's okay to linger on the last page of this chapter. Maybe it does make you lame. Probably it just makes you human.

 

Either way, I'm sorry you're hurting today. I've never been on Facebook, but everyone I know IRL who is on it has to fast from it from time to time. Not a bad plan. Hugs, Sister.

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:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

While I agree with momacacia that the USMC uniform is waaaay sexier, my Marine is halfway across the world today - not that we really celebrate Hallmark holidays anyway, but today is just another day around here. Post deployment re-integration is not always a bed of roses either. After that welcome home kiss and hug is the "learn to live with another adult human" thing again. Routines change, people change. Months of military separation is not romantic no matter how the papers portray the homecoming.

Edited by fraidycat
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Remember: chocolate is 75% off tomorrow. Stock up! And eat the chocolate while setting FB on fire.

What she said. 100%.

 

You are in the middle of personal crisis. They look gorgeous and happy. Even though your life isn't always awful and their life isn't always roses it's totally unsurprising such a contrast would feel painful right now.

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I am sorry. Facebook is often a lie. It just doesn't show the real lives of a lot of people. He didn't want any of the other girls in high school enough to marry them either. Were ALL of them not good enough? No! He wasn't ready for a great woman in high school. But to think that someone great is out of your league is not okay. Not today, not ever. You feel hurt and used right now, but you are a HOME SCHOOL MOM! We are tough, baby. You are going to reinvent yourself and have anyone. you. want. Thinking you needed to settle for second best is what got you into this mess. You are good enough for anyone. You are good enough to make an amazing connection with someone who right now you would think is out of your league, but is going to feel soooo lucky to have you. 

 

Your ex wants you to devalue yourself so you don't feel entitled to what you are owed from your divorce. Not a big deal, almost all men are this way when they divorce. They don't want their wives to walk away with anything. They get competitive. You don't have to accept or reflect on his feelings of entitlement. Let him own his own feelings and begin to find your true self. The person you had to hide to be with him and accept the life you had. That person is desirable. I swear. You don't know your own power.

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

So sorry this is such a lousy day today.  Hang in there.  FB can be horrible.  It is snapshots that do not reflect real life.  I have a friend that posts all these amazing photos of her family.  IRL her eldest has severe OCD, debilitatingly so, and the other kids are all suffering from various forms of mental illness.  Her days are filled with stress and tears and depression.  She posts the photos to try and boost her spirits and remind herself of the rare good days but to outsiders it may look like her life is near perfect.  It is far from being so.

 

I hope life improves soon.   :grouphug:

 

Sorry OP.  I hope your day gets better. :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

As far as FB goes, I can't say enough how posts don't reflect real life.  My chronically ill dd would post adorable pictures of herself with a new port in her heart, on a trip to NYC to see her doctor, of herself in the ER over and over again with a thumbs up.  I, however, have the photos of the next few minutes, where she is asleep on the train due to debilitating fatigue, or her face crumpled in pain before the meds kicked in, or fighting back the nausea of the new meds.  She always tried to post positive things, but it was never the reality.

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I am sorry. Facebook is often a lie. It just doesn't show the real lives of a lot of people. He didn't want any of the other girls in high school enough to marry them either. Were ALL of them not good enough? No! He wasn't ready for a great woman in high school. But to think that someone great is out of your league is not okay. Not today, not ever. You feel hurt and used right now, but you are a HOME SCHOOL MOM! We are tough, baby. You are going to reinvent yourself and have anyone. you. want. Thinking you needed to settle for second best is what got you into this mess. You are good enough for anyone. You are good enough to make an amazing connection with someone who right now you would think is out of your league, but is going to feel soooo lucky to have you.

 

Your ex wants you to devalue yourself so you don't feel entitled to what you are owed from your divorce. Not a big deal, almost all men are this way when they divorce. They don't want their wives to walk away with anything. They get competitive. You don't have to accept or reflect on his feelings of entitlement. Let him own his own feelings and begin to find your true self. The person you had to hide to be with him and accept the life you had. That person is desirable. I swear. You don't know your own power.

 

Wow, a lot of truth in this post! I did have to hide who I was to be with my STBX. I have been trying to find my true self. It has been hard but I have never been happier.

 

But thank you for putting it all into perspective. I spent over 30 years being brainwashed. Time for me to grow up and take control

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I had to look up STBX. I thought it meant stupid b@stard ex.

 

I married a stud USN man, and he has kissed me that way multiple times. Funny thing though, he will occasionally miss the potty seat when he wakes up in the morniing. I guess I'm trying to say that no man or woman or relationship is perfect.

Edited by Heathermomster
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