WDYD when you are kind of an a-hole?

[KathyBC]

I think I am looking for advice, or a slap or I don't know. Something. I just find myself in this constantly-irritated mood when I'm with my family. I work FT (mostly to alleviate my own depression caused by the incessant and overwhelming feelings of failure that I had when staying home). 

 

I don't think I'm depressed, although I do feel a little hopeless, because I can't get it together for my kids. I try hard to be focused on my kids when I'm with them. But the bickering, Ninjago talk, lost shoes, whining (i.e. normal kid stuff) just drives me crazy. 

 

I guess I feel like I'm just never satisfied and never will be satisfied. When I stayed home, I was miserable. When I'm home from work, I fight off being unhappy and irritated all the time. I still struggle with feelings of failure. I think of all the things I should be doing, and am not. I seem to have lost my faith, on top of this.  To the point that I don't even want to go to church (and I have always loved church, even during a brief stint of atheism in college). 

 

I don't know if part of this is related to the upcoming anniversary of a traumatic event. But I think really, I'm just realizing that I'm not a super nice person. Or a super happy one. 

 

And then I think about the kind of mom I *want* my kids to have and kick myself again for not being that kind of mom. It's too late to not have kids. So.. how do I become a nicer/better/kinder/more patient person? 

Your kids are 8, 6 and 3? You are definitely at the stage when a lot of things will not be perfect. Which will make it harder to be patient and satisfied. I wish I had the answer to fighting off being unhappy and irritated. Self-care with young kids and a FT job can be tough. Letting things slide for happy family moments doesn't always work. I don't think not wanting to go to church equals losing your faith. There are seasons for everything. Cutting back to attending once a month or some other compromise might be all it takes to make it more of a pleasure and less of another chore?

 

Re: exercise - my siblings have found that often tying it in to their coming-home-from-work routine can be a good fit. They take 30 minutes either on the way home or when they first get in, whether it's stopping at the pool, going for a walk/jog/run at the park, walking the dog, getting on the treadmill/exercise bike, to decompress and mentally switch gears.

 

Just went through and skimmed the rest of the thread and am happy to hear you are taking the bull by the horns. Proud of you.

[City Mouse]

I have gone through times like that when I feel grumpy and grouchy with the whole word (maybe a bit of exaggeration but that is what it feels like). Then I find out that I need to up my thyroid meds a tiny bit, and I'm back to normal soon.

[Scarlett]

The thread title made me smile too.

 

I am so proud of you for posting here, getting feedback, taking action.  Listening to your husband.  

 

 

[Jennay]

A few thoughts came to mind while I was reading your post and this thread:

I know that as soon as I start focussing on what I think I "should" or "should not" be feeling it makes things worse. It's OK to feel frustration, fear, anxiety, worry, etc. Feelings do not make you a failure!

I think it's a form of perfectionism. No one in the whole world is completely mentally healthy all the time. It's part of the human condition. Acceptance is key.

And please don't discount suggestions to look into your Vitamin D level (best supplements are D3 with K2). Low Vitamin D (an essential hormone) has been linked to anxiety & depression. Also, Magesium is another thing that most of us are deficient in - every cell in our body needs magnesium to function properly. My doctor recommends magnesium glycinate.

[lauraw4321]

Doc prescribing antidepressant and also testing thyroid. Pointed out some things with my mom I hadn't thought about. I feel like I need years of therapy to get truly better and I don't have the time and feel overwhelmed just thinking about it. Baby steps.