How to handle? Child's mom wants to vet me

[Valley Girl]

I haven't had time to go through all the posts yet. Honestly, though, I wouldn't classify what the mom said as not nice. I would not be eager to let a young child play alone at the home of someone I barely knew either--no matter how friendly the parent seemed based on a brief meeting. (And there may be a bad experience in the family history and not just a sense of caution at work.) If my kid really seemed to hit it off with the other child and was in need of friends, I'd try to do something to put the mom at ease. I'd look on it as an investment in my kid's happiness.

[abacus2]

I am reluctant to send my kids over to someone I don't know's home. My childhood experience with such things was not great. One home was ok most of the time, but was playing a scary movie that gave me nightmares for years. Another situation also involved a scary movie, which I knew I didn't want to watch and skipped out on, and a trip 15 minutes down the hwy with 10 or so 10 year olds in the back of a pickup truck (late '80s). The supervising adults smoke and drank in the other room ignoring us.

[katilac]

I don't think what she said is weird or rude, and I would also consider that kids 'translate' things very oddly sometimes. Or the girls were being persistent about it happening right away, and she finally explained a bit more fully why they had to wait. You met her once several months ago and chatted a bit, I don't think it's odd that she wants a bit more than that. 

 

Guys. Those of you who disagree. How much time do you want to spend with someone before your defenses go down? What do you feel like you are learning when you check someone out?

 

At 8, I needed to know people fairly well before I would let my kids hang out at their house, particularly not in walking distance. This was partially because my kids were definitely not comfortable confronting someone in authority at that age, or requesting to use the phone to call me and say they wanted to come home. Knowing the parent better made it more likely they would speak up about things. Whereas in the neighborhood, they could just leave and walk home.  

 

We did lots of meeting up at the park, and then lots of play dates that were mom and kid simply because we all homeschooled and no one lived very close, so it was just as easy to stay and have some adult conversation. Sometimes we progressed to solo playdates and sometimes we did not. There were a couple of instances where I would let a certain kid come to my house solo if their parents approved, but I didn't let my kids go to their house solo. Of course I didn't say that it was about them in particular (although it was), if they pushed, I simply said that there were very few houses where I allowed that, and I'm sorry but not happening. They still dropped their kids off with me  :laugh:

 

I don't think it's weird at all for a parent to want to know the other parent better before dropping their kid off for hours, or particularly before having them climb in the car. 

 

What do I feel like I'm learning? Honestly, I've been pretty surprised at some of the things I have learned over the years, lol.

 

Like others have noted, people who seem perfectly nice when you first meet them wind up being the type to scream at their kids like absolute lunatics, or even casually smack them in front of others. That would be a no-go for me. Others talk about hunting or owning a handgun, and that's not a deal breaker but definitely a concern, and I would want to know them better and feel that they were responsible people (and I do not oppose gun ownership, we own more than one). Some very "nice" people are not responsible.

 

Some have very alternative lifestyles, which doesn't mean our kids can't be friends, but might mean I don't want them to be at your house for hours without me. Some don't think twice about letting child guests cross busy streets to get to the dubious convenience store. Some feel it's appropriate to talk to the kids like they were adults. Really, there are lots of things one might found out five or six conversations in, that aren't apparent in the first meeting or two. It's very hard to protect your kids from people with malicious intentions, but filtering out the loony and irresponsible is much easier. And they often make a very good first impression. 

 

Oh, and you might also get the chance to see them drive, whether they make their kids buckle up, and so on. 

 

regentrude and others have mentioned kids arranging their own playdates. I'm old, I was a kid in the 1970s, and even then my parents had to know the other parent(s) and I had to tell them where I was going. It's just that, with neighborhood playdates, families are much more likely to know each other. My parents would not have let me climb in the car of a parent they barely knew, in order to go to their house for a playdate. I don't think that's weird. 

 

OP, I'd just ask the mom for neutral ground playdates to start: the park after school, a visit to Tutti Frutti, whatever. And you can let her know that you are open to drop-off playdates at either house. I wouldn't let this be a deal breaker, particularly when your dd is struggling a bit as it is. Sometimes the friendships that require the most investment turn out to be the most worthwhile. 

 

Edited for dropped sentence. 

Edited February 10, 2017 by katilac

[FaithManor]

I never let my kids play at strangers houses. But I also did not say anything off putting to the child. Usually it started with meeting in the park in the afternoon, play dates at McDonald's, then a play date we with both of us at one of our houses so the mom and I were getting to know each...it progressed through a set of steps before the other mom and I were comfortable with each other supervising play when the other wasn't there. At no time did rudeness come up unless the other person was making it pretty clear they were uninterested in our children playing together.

 

If she said this to your child and then sent a note home with no contact info, I would not make an overture again. That is a fairly plain, not interested and especially when it would be possible to arrange for the girls to play together with both parents supervising and getting to know one another. You did after all ask to arrange a play date, not a sleep over or a drop off. I think she is waving you off.

[SKL]

Only one time I went to the home of my kids' friend.  This was a girl my kid met at scout camp, a couple hours drive away from home, out in the country, so I had no choice but to hang out at their house while the kids played.  The downstairs was fine, the people acted normal.  Back in the car on the way home, my kids told me the upstairs was horrifically messy.  Well, so much for getting to know the people.  I was certainly not going to demand a tour of the upstairs before letting my kids go play.  :P

 

My feelings after that were:  they must have had to clean a lot to let us in the downstairs, and I felt kinda sorry for inconveniencing them.  :P

[Guest]

The ability to have a good sense of what a kid's family is like before doing play dates or spend-the-nights is, to me, a major perk of homeschooling. It's also why I have been happy to live on secluded acreage, rather than in a community full of other kids.

[DawnM]

I had something similar happen this year, my 7th grader's first year in school.   It was fine, the mom and I talked on t he phone for quite some time and once I explained who we were, that we had homeschooled, and that I was a teacher, she seemed more willing.  She also really likes my son now that she has spent time with him.

 

[GoodGrief]

As you said, I would probably chalk this one up to a parenting cultural mismatch. I don't think any person is right or wrong here, and I wouldn't be offended by the parent questioning the invitation. But I probably wouldn't go out of my way to appease her either, unless I had a very compelling reason to have this playdate.

 

Several years ago one of my daughters was going to have her 13th birthday party sleepover at a local hotel that has a pool. It's a pretty common party type/location here. We were renting a suite with two bedrooms and a living area, I was going to be the supervising adult, no males, a total of six girls that my daughter knew well and with whom she had spent lots of time. In the end, two of the mothers were super nervous about the concept of the hotel party. One in particular wanted to lay down a number of rules that I just didn't find necessary. I wasn't unpleasant about it, but told her things were not going to be handled in the way she liked, and asked if she could let me know by a particular date if her daughter would be attending (the number of guests was limited by the hotel rules, and my daughter wished to include other friends if possible.) Darn, if she didn't want to keep discussing it up until the date of the party, lol....I seriously think she just wanted the attention. The other nervous mom was ultimately fine with it, and her daughter attended.

 

All that said, I wish I had actually done more investigation of playdate situations when my kiddos were younger. I was really sensitive about being labeled as an overprotective homeschooler. I probably would have done well to be a little more uptight, honestly.

 

 

[Ravin]

It is so different than how I grew up.  Moms would write notes giving permission to go home on the bus with other kids and kids would go to houses their parents had never seen before and wouldn't until they showed up to retrieve the kid after dinner.  It was common.  My mom didn't even have a car so if I wanted to go home early I couldn't call her and get picked up.  I had to wait until Dad got home from work. I do remember my mom getting offended and annoyed that an overprotective mom wanted to talk on the phone before sending her kid over.  It was just not common.

 

I'm in the next stage of this with teens.  My near 17 yo wants to take a girl for an ice cream but I need to meet the parents.  What?!?!?!?!  I understand the parents meeting my ds but me? It's ice cream.  I do not enjoy the vetting by parents of girls my ds has an initial interest in.  It isn't like we are taking her on vacation or something.  

 

For a teenager, I just do. not. get. it. 

 

I no longer feel obligated to meet parents before sleepovers even. I trust my DD to let me know if something is off or she doesn't feel safe.

 

She is totally allowed to blame me in order to get out of things she doesn't feel comfortable doing, though. I would back her up and agree if she tells a friend she's not allowed to do XYZ.

[Ravin]

No, I do not believe this. The families I know well I have seen act in a trustworthy fashion in many different situations over several years. There is a lot less chance of them suddenly acting out of character than a stranger I just met.

 

You really need to educate yourself.

from : https://www.nsopw.gov/en-US/Education/FactsStatistics?AspxAutoDetectCookieSupport=1#sexualabuse:

 

 

 

• An estimated 60% of perpetrators of sexual abuse are known to the child but are not family members, e.g., family friends, babysitters, child care providers, neighbors.
• About 30% of perpetrators of child sexual abuse are family members.

[QueenCat]

 

 

I'm in the next stage of this with teens.  My near 17 yo wants to take a girl for an ice cream but I need to meet the parents.  What?!?!?!?!  I understand the parents meeting my ds but me? It's ice cream.  I do not enjoy the vetting by parents of girls my ds has an initial interest in.  It isn't like we are taking her on vacation or something.  

 

That is insane and super helicoptering at that age.

[JessReplanted]

I would invite the mom and daughter over for a play date.

Mom's sit and chat while kids play. I have done this often and found that I usually gain a new friend too.

[wintermom]

You really need to educate yourself.

from : https://www.nsopw.gov/en-US/Education/FactsStatistics?AspxAutoDetectCookieSupport=1#sexualabuse:

 

So you are saying what exactly? That it's better not to know a family and just send your child over to a stranger's house?  Of course there is still a chance that something might happen, but what are you suggesting as an alternative? I don't see your point.

[Barb_]

Random stranger inviting kid over ? Nope.

 

Mom you've already met, talked to, your kids hit it off, they're in school together....how much vetting do you need ? In the US I might ask the gun question, but honestly, why not just suggest a play date at the park ? Or invite child over to YOUR house.

 

Barb...I do wonder whether this is a 'we're not sure you meet our values yet' kind of put-off. That's the context I've come across this behaviour. "Not sure if you allow your kids to read Harry Potter', kwim ?

I don't know why that didn't occur to me. It could be that. There is actually a better than even chance that's what it is.

[foxbridgeacademy]

Yeah, no.  No way I'd let my 7-8 year old.... strike that my under 12 year old go to someones house I'd only met briefly a couple months ago.  What I would agree to is park, coffee, kid themed activity place, even going over and hanging out at their house/having them at mine.  In fact going to their house would be the quickest way to get me to agree to let them go in future.  

[HSmomof2]

Yeah, I also don't see anything wrong with her wanting to know you before she sends her daughter to your house. Maybe she phrased it inelegantly, but, still, it's valid to want to know people a little before sending an 8-year-old alone to their house.

 

I'd invite the mom and kid over sometime for coffee and playdate.

ITA ^^

When dc were younger, I usually invited mom and siblings over the first time kids got together. I'm glad I did both for safety reasons, and I actually did become good friends with two of the moms.

 

Now that they're older and making more of their own social get togethers, I still at least meet the parent. I've also been more upfront with some.....if their child is coming to our house, I say we don't have dangerous pets, we aren't criminals, dc will be supervised, weapons aren't available or an issue, media rules, and give them both mine and dh's phone #'s, etc. Everyone I've done this with has really appreciated it and said they were so glad to not have to ask awkward questions. 🙂

 

In the situation with your dd, a phone call to the mom would likely put her more at ease.

 

 

ETA: Agree that needing to meet the parents of the 17 yo ice cream date is definitely over the top.

Edited February 10, 2017 by Bethany Grace

[Catwoman]

I don't know why that didn't occur to me. It could be that. There is actually a better than even chance that's what it is.

I know it's hard to feel like you're being judged by the other mom, but I seriously doubt she intended this as a personal affront. You've gotten about 100 replies to your OP and the vast majority of people have said that what this woman is doing seems perfectly normal to them -- and I doubt any of them are questioning your values.

 

I know you think what she said was "not nice," but I hope that after reading all of the replies, you'll see that she really wasn't trying to be mean or judgmental. I think she was just doing what the majority of people here (myself included) would do in the same situation. We call it common sense and watching out for our children's safety. You may call it overprotective and paranoid, and that's fine, too -- but please don't assume a personal insult where none was intended. I'm sure that mom would behave in the same way if anyone else were to extend the same situation.

 

Basically, I guess I'm just sending you some hugs and hoping you didn't take it personally. I'm sure the mom had no negative impressions of you and that this I said just her standard operating procedure when arranging playdates for her dd. Please try not to read too much into it, because I don't think there is anything there to be offended about. :grouphug:

 

One other thing -- were you going to be picking up the girls at school and driving them to your house? The other mom might have a problem with that because she has no idea if you're a safe driver.

[poppy]

Thing is, it's on the invitees shoulders to offer the alternative that suits her.

 

If the mum had said 'Oh yes, little Gertie would love to play with you! Let me talk to your mom, and we'll see what we can come up with.' and then phoned Barb and suggested Barb drop her dd off to play with little Gertie, or a meet-up at the playground after school or whatever...that's polite.

 

Saying 'I need to vet your mom' (in different words) isn't polite. If she means 'no way in hell Gertie will be coming to your house' you say something anodyne like 'Gertie is super busy after school but I'm sure you girls can have fun at school, right ?'

 

How much vetting do people do ?? Most moms and their small children are just, ya know, moms and their small children. Most potential issues can be dealt with with a quick heads up. 'Thanks for having Gertie over. She's a bit scared of dogs, just so you know. Do you guys have one ?' or 'Thanks for having Gertie over. Do you have time for a quick cuppa when I drop her off ?' or 'Hey, just an FYI, Gertie is still in a car seat, so she's not allowed to ride in a car without one.'

 

I honestly don't get it. I can be somewhat helicoptery, and I wouldn't be dropping a 4 year off anywhere without me...but an 8 year old...of a parent I have already met....?

I don't agree and invitation obligates the invited to come up with an alternative . 'Not today' is perfectly acceptable . I also think 'after our families know each other better ' is just as fine.

 

And like others have said , a home visit is not just the mom and the kid. It's the moms other kids and husband.

 

I don't assume every guy is a perv. But it's like camping. Kids make lots of friends at the campground, and it's awesome and fun... but still everyone knows you never go into someone else's camper (without your parents around ). It's just common sense.

Edited February 11, 2017 by poppy

[Jean in Newcastle]

Thing is, it's on the invitees shoulders to offer the alternative that suits her.

 

If the mum had said 'Oh yes, little Gertie would love to play with you! Let me talk to your mom, and we'll see what we can come up with.' and then phoned Barb and suggested Barb drop her dd off to play with little Gertie, or a meet-up at the playground after school or whatever...that's polite. 

 

Saying 'I need to vet your mom' (in different words) isn't polite. If she means 'no way in hell Gertie will be coming to your house' you say something anodyne like 'Gertie is super busy after school but I'm sure you girls can have fun at school, right ?' 

 

How much vetting do people do ?? Most moms and their small children are just, ya know, moms and their small children. Most potential issues can be dealt with with a quick heads up. 'Thanks for having Gertie over. She's a bit scared of dogs, just so you know. Do you guys have one ?' or 'Thanks for having Gertie over. Do you have time for a quick cuppa when I drop her off ?' or 'Hey, just an FYI, Gertie is still in a car seat, so she's not allowed to ride in a car without one.'

 

I honestly don't get it. I can be somewhat helicoptery, and I wouldn't be dropping a 4 year off anywhere without me...but an 8 year old...of a parent I have already met....?

But she didn't say "I want to vet the mom".  She said "I want to get to know the mom a bit more".  This does not mean subjecting the OP to a background check, questionnaire on Harry Potter or any other subjects, a home check for gun safety or any other extreme measure.  It means that she wants to get to know the mom more before having a playdate at someone's house.  For an 8 year old.  Not a teen - like some other posters seem to be jumping to. 

[teachermom2834]

I told the story about my teen which I shouldn't have because it isn't applicable- just my vent for the day about being vetted.  I got distracted like happens on these threads sometimes.  

 

 

[Anne in CA]

This thread reminded me of when my family began attending a mega church in the Portland area and I was accidentally "vetting" the senior pastor's wife before letting my kids go over there. Good thing she had a sense of humor, lol. I was very nervous because I didn't know anyone in this church. Later her husband became the president of a huge Bible college, and yeah, I was scared to let my kid hang out at her house... The conversation between us was hilarious and I bet she will work it into a talk someday, lol.

[Guest]

Guys. Those of you who disagree. How much time do you want to spend with someone before your defenses go down? What do you feel like you are learning when you check someone out?

Hmm, maybe two or three play dates or one play date and a couple of shared activities like a field trip or other group thing?

 

Things were different when I was a kid. I'm also shocked and horrified by how many of my friends have admitted to getting introduced to substances or even being touched inappropriately at the home of a friend. I'm just more careful these days even when the family seems just fine, because I'd rather be thought of as a nazi parent than live with regret over my kid getting hurt.

 

I'm not really a helicopter parent either, but someone else's home without me knowing hem extremely well or being there is too much risk for *me*.

[Jyhwkmama]

This thread reminded me of when my family began attending a mega church in the Portland area and I was accidentally "vetting" the senior pastor's wife before letting my kids go over there. Good thing she had a sense of humor, lol. I was very nervous because I didn't know anyone in this church. Later her husband became the president of a huge Bible college, and yeah, I was scared to let my kid hang out at her house... The conversation between us was hilarious and I bet she will work it into a talk someday, lol.

I don't see why a pastor's wife would be any different than anyone else. She is human. I would vet any caregiver the same way. (Which for me is minimal)

 

I also will not be dealing with this for teens. My parents did not know any of my friends' parents in high school. They trusted my (good) judgment. Mobile teens are way past the vetting years IMHO.

[bolt.]

But she's met and talked to the mom! What does she 'need to know' that she can't directly ask or state ? What's the concern ?

 

What does it even mean 'get to know the mom more' ?

 

And if this is the new normal - mom must put herself up for social time for an undetermined period of time before child can have a playdate - is that even reasonable ?

 

I think it's mostly unreasonable for neurotypical kids in primary school without any other special needs (like allergies etc).

 

What do people think might happen on a playdate if they don't 'check out the mom' ?

 

In any case, I think the other mom was rude. A better way to handle it would have been to say to Barb's child 'Oh, that's nice! (because it is nice when someone wants to be your child's friend) Let me chat with your mom about it'.

Yes, I think it's quite reasonable for adults who want to supervise other people's children alone (or not alone) at their home to 'put herself up for social time' for whatever duration makes that child's parent comfortable.

 

I can't think of anything more reasonable than that really: my perspective is, "If you (general you) don't want to be minimally and casually "vetted", don't offer to supervise other people's kids."

[EmseB]

At that age I'd maybe expect to be invited over with my kid for the first play date. I would expect that the other mom would maybe have a cup of coffee with me and chat a bit, but not take up more than an hour. I don't expect to meet the whole family, just get a vibe, and if the other mom had stuff to do while I was there I wouldn't expect her to not, say, prep dinner or do whatever. It wouldn't be formal in any sense. I'd just like to get a vibe.

[Catwoman]

Barb has already been 'casually and minimally vetted' by meeting and talking with this mom over a couple of hours at school.

 

Maybe we have very different ideas about what 'casual' and 'minimal' means.

 

I hope Barb's dd finds a friend whose need for vetting is a better fit with Barb's own.

 

I think it's unbearably classist, besides anything else, to expect families to have and devote leisure time to this vetting process for an undetermined period of time for unspecified reasons.

 

But as Barb is done with this thread, so am I.

Unbearably classist?

 

I don't understand that idea at all. All different kinds of people have posted here, probably from a very wide variety of socio-economic levels, and what almost all of us have in common is that we think the other mom behaved absolutely normally.

 

It's fine if you disagree and no one is criticizing you if you do things differently, but let's not make this some sort of rich people problem, because that's ridiculous.

 

Wealthy or poor, we all want our children to be safe. It's not a class thing. I really think you are over-reacting to the other mom's simple interest in getting to know Barb a little better before she entrusts her child to Barb's supervision.

[Scarlett]

Unbearably classist?

 

I don't understand that idea at all. All different kinds of people have posted here, probably from a very wide variety of socio-economic levels, and what almost all of us have in common is that we think the other mom behaved absolutely normally.

 

It's fine if you disagree and no one is criticizing you if you do things differently, but let's not make this some sort of rich people problem, because that's ridiculous.

 

Wealthy or poor, we all want our children to be safe. It's not a class thing. I really think you are over-reacting to the other mom's simple interest in getting to know Barb a little better before she entrusts her child to Barb's supervision.

Definitely not rich here and I would never ever allow my kid to go to someone's house in that situation. My son is 17 and I think I have let go of him nicely....but I made dang sure I protected him when he was younger.

[shawthorne44]

This thread reminded me of when my family began attending a mega church in the Portland area and I was accidentally "vetting" the senior pastor's wife before letting my kids go over there. Good thing she had a sense of humor, lol. I was very nervous because I didn't know anyone in this church. Later her husband became the president of a huge Bible college, and yeah, I was scared to let my kid hang out at her house... The conversation between us was hilarious and I bet she will work it into a talk someday, lol.

 

If you were planning on vetting, the senior pastor's family shouldn't have gotten off.  

[LucyStoner]

I have to get to know people before my younger son can go someplace unaccompanied. It's not a values or creepometer vetting. It's a "is this person someone who can handle my anxious son with ASD?" vetting. Are they going to lose their temper with his oddities? Are they up for the challenge? Does he know them well enough that there's a chance it will go well? Is their rapport good enough that I can be reasonably comfortable my son won't be a massive inconvenience for this family?

 

I'd love to not have to worry about these considerations but this is what I deal with.

 

With my 13 year old, he's reached a point I don't have to worry and if there's an issue, he can call or text me. But my 8 year old might spiral out of control. Honestly, the only families we do play dates with are also families with special needs kiddos. There are exactly two families who don't have a child with their own set of sensory and ASD matters who I can trust him with and in one of those families, I've been close friends with the dad since we were young teens and the other we have known for 13 years and vacationed with annually for 7-8 years now.

Edited February 11, 2017 by LucyStoner

[lulalu]

It could very well be you have older children. I don't allow my ds to be around older children when I don't know the families real well. If I don't know a person well enough to ask how they approach phones, and internet issues I am not comfortable with older kids. We had an issue already which is why that is our thing now.

 

However inappropriate internet use isn't my only reason to want to know a family. Even molesting isn't. I want to know if my ds will hear swear words, have people try to convert his faith (happens a lot in my area) or if he will be hurt physically etc..... there is a lot to consider. And more so at young ages because wisdom and the ability to stand up for oneself aren't there yet.

 

I think the mom was just honest with your dd. Not rude. But maybe more direct than you would be.

 

And being at a person's house does mean interaction with the whole family. I have to see the family interactions. It is not background noise- it is family life. Siblings will talk or play too. Parents will be talking to other children. And with older siblings there can be a lot more people in and out of the house and activity (friends, gf, bf etc)

[BlsdMama]

My 8yo is in school for the year and it's been a rocky transition at times friend wise. Dd doesn't really understand the flaky best friends one day, don't play with me the next behavior that 7 and 8yos are famous for. She spends a couple of recesses a week sitting on a bench with no one to play with.

 

This week she seems to have befriended A sweet, quiet girl in her class. This family is also a family of former homeschoolers. I met her mom back in November at a classroom park day and we spoke on and off for a couple of hours. She seems nice. The girl in Keira's class is this mom's oldest of 3 or 4 kids.

 

I told Keira to to try and get this mom's contact information and I would set up a play date after school Monday for a couple of hours. I said that I could bring her friend home with us to play. Luckily the mom is usually around during lunchtime each day, so Keira and her friend asked the friends mom if they could get together after school one day. The mom told my daughter that sounds nice, but she needs to get to know me better before she'll let her daughter come to my house alone.

 

Do people not understand that this isn't a nice thing to say? How do I respond? I have no desire to sit at the park for two hours with this child's entire family to make her mom feel more comfortable with me. I'm not thrilled with the idea of being vetted. I'm also unsure what she thinks she will learn by spending more park time with me.

 

I don't want to alienate this family for my daughter' sake, but I'm also not interested in trying to sell myself to this child's mother. Is there a way to politely volley this ball back in her court?

 

 

I'm that mom.  The little girl is at the most 8.  Isn't a chance in the world my 8yo is going to someone's house without me knowing them.  Why not a mommy/daughter date?

[NotSoObvious]

I think a homeschooler's perspective might be a little different than a school parent's perspective and maybe that's what is coming through in a lot of these responses (or not)... I just remember being the school mom (and also a teacher at the school) and even if you had never met the other parent, you usually knew enough about the kid or the family, saw them around the school, etc. Different schools have different cultures, so maybe this isn't the case at yours. I feel like I'm super protective, but I didn't have a problem letting my twins go play at someone's house after school even if I didn't know the family well, UNLESS there was a reason for me to be concerned.

 

I think the fact that she sent her name, but not her number, home with your daughter is totally weird and says a lot more about her than it does about you. Maybe she has concerns about you, sure, but those are her issues to work out and it's too bad she can't make more of an effort, like giving you her phone number or calling to chat, to make herself feel better so that the girls can play. Maybe you are the wrong religion or said something when you were chatting that makes her uneasy (again, totally her issues, not yours). Or perhaps she has a lot going on at home and maybe doesn't feel like she can return the play date, so she doesn't want to start something. Or she could just be a flake. That's always a possibility. ;)

 

I just agree with you that she is making it more difficult that it needs to be and if she has concerns, it would be nice if she'd reach out to get to know you.

 

It's also possible it was lost in 8 year old translation and maybe she'll call soon. :)

 

ETA: sorry, I just noticed Barb is done here. Oh well!

Edited February 11, 2017 by NotSoObvious