I lost my mind today (Rant; don't preach; JAWM; nobody was harmed)

[Ann.without.an.e]

Man, I know exactly what you are talking about with this.  I went back to work last January.  My younger DD (middle school) would stay home and work while I was at work (2 days a week).  She is the last kid I thought would struggle - super smart, super motivated, likes to get things done, etc. but she totally floundered.  I have no real answers, just  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Peaceseeker]

Last year when I was at my top burn out point I decided to take a long summer break, a full 3 months off, which we never do. I am not sure I would have survived homeschooling this year if I hadn't done that. I think I found that advice somewhere on one of these forum threads.

 

The down side of that decision was we lost some ground in math and had to spend time on review. I knew that would happen. But I couldn't just 'do a little math and reading, etc..' I truly needed a full stop. I was just so exhausted with it all and decided if this was really a marathon, and if I was really going to continue to home school, I needed a LONG break. My kids honestly didn't need one as bad as I did, although of course they gleefully enjoyed it. But between work, housekeeping, kids, general life AND homeschooling, I was burnt, overcooked...DONE.

 

So even though I felt a bit guilty about 'getting behind' or 'wasting time relearning math' it was still a good decision. I still sometimes glance longingly at a school bus,but I don't feel like I am about to come unglued anymore. We will go back to our regular schedule of light school during the summer for a few years, but I am considering another long summer break before high school starts.

 

Just though I would mention it in case it helps someone else. I started dreaming about my long summer last February and it got me through the last few months. We had an amazing carefree summer full of down time, friend time, and lots of swimming :)

Edited February 8, 2017 by CaliforniaDreaming

[Alice]

My oldest is a swimmer. Four times he has forgotten his SWIM SUIT when going to swim meets or practices. And the thing is he typically changes into it before leaving. So it's not like he forgot to pack it...he just forgot that when I said "Get ready for swimming." that he needed to actually put on a SWIM SUIT. The last time it happened was in the summer for a practice so I refused to go home and told him he could just swim in his shorts. He did and it was the hardest practice ever. Baggy gym shorts and boxers give a lot of drag in the pool. :) 

 

 

[Murphy101]

Uhhh. That's not losing your mind. I'd have been really ticked too. I'd even be wondering if maybe he did it on purpose. And I'd be rethinking allowing computer at all until school work is completed and graded. Forgot it? Oh well, guess no computer time until work is done later. I totally would have pitched a fit and gone back to the house for the backpack too.

[cave canem]

Okay here's the background: I'm sick to death of homeschooling.

I LOVE the hive.  Thank you for sharing!

[HS Mom in NC]

Tweens drive me crazy.  Sometimes I think, ya know what kid?  I'm tired of your crap.  You're going to a school full time, an terrible inner city school if that's what's available, and I'm going to meet my friends for lunch every day. But then I don't actually do it.  

[cave canem]

 "Really? A guitar? At guitar lessons?"

More love!

[Amber in SJ]

BTDT, several times a year over the last 15 years.  

 

The most exhausting part is if you share something like this with non-homeschoolers they look at you like you are crazy & say something helpful like, "Why don't you just stop homeschooling if you hate it so much?"  That is why I love the hive.  I can complain here about my lazy, bratty, forgetful, non-compliant, non-genius, children who hate kale and whole grain bread and no one asks me why I continue to homeschool them.  

 

(((hugs))) from me to you.

 

Amber in SJ

 

 

[Lizzie in Ma]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

[Supertechmom]

I will say that this is the hardest time to homeschool..... Feb and teen years......... Dear God......       My public schools are absolute toast and I have thought I'm dropping them off tomorrow.     

 

And honestly,  I don't think expressing yourself and making the kid cry is necessarily bad once in a blue moon.  Sometimes I cry when someone is disappointed and I have created extra work for another through my own stupidity.      

 

But going off, turning around and going back, making him get it, banning the computer......would have done it all!  And then next time, remind him "remember last time....don't push it buddy!"  :lol:

 

I just remind myself that just like we had to teach toddlers not to pull their pants down and piss in the middle of Wal mart clothing section, we have to train teens that yea, people actually except them to figure out to bring their stuff with them as crazy as that sounds to them!

 

They are just big toddlers!

[Scarlett]

Uhhh. That's not losing your mind. I'd have been really ticked too. I'd even be wondering if maybe he did it on purpose. And I'd be rethinking allowing computer at all until school work is completed and graded. Forgot it? Oh well, guess no computer time until work is done later. I totally would have pitched a fit and gone back to the house for the backpack too.

 

 

My kid does things like this.  I honestly don't think he does it on purpose.  But what I have decided is that he forgets because it isn't important enough to him to remember.  And that is something that he could control if he tried. 

 

An example---he is super helpful for all sorts of things needed in our congregation.  Everyone just raves about him.  Every Wednesday evening on his way home from work he stops and puts out the trash for Thursday pick up.  He has never forgotten. We also have Thursday pick up at our house and that is the one job he has that he is suppose to remember on his own.  Do you think he remembers?  Probably forgets 90%s of the time.  It is nuts. 

[Murphy101]

My kid does things like this. I honestly don't think he does it on purpose. But what I have decided is that he forgets because it isn't important enough to him to remember. And that is something that he could control if he tried.

Yes. This. Making priorities requires purposeful intention. That's why I said I would rethink computer time until all work was done. Didn't bring work to do? Well too bad bc no computer until it's done. Wouldn't surprise me if he starts remembering his backpack more often and with less nagging. 😉

 

I don't think it makes them bad kids. Learning to self motivate via setting up our own rewards and over compensating for our lack of innate desire/ability is not something they are usually born doing. That's why they have parents to help. Doesn't mean it doesn't still drive us batty sometimes. Because we're human too. Lol

Edited February 8, 2017 by Murphy101

[Melissa in Australia]

Hugs

 

I seem to be loosing my mind multiple times a day at the moment. Last night I completely overreacted and blasted a child who was slipping the vegetables off his plate into his water bottle. He was hoping I wouldn't notice then he could ditch them later when nobody was in the kitchen.

[Mimm]

Okay, am I the only one who is wondering if he actually forgot his backpack, or if maybe he... "forgot".... because the last time he didn't bring his backpack, he got out of doing his schoolwork?

 

This. We cut our kids some slack when they are careless or lazy or forgetful, and then inadvertently incentivize being careless, lazy, or forgetful. You don't want to be all strict and unbending every time they make a mistake but then it feels like your good nature is being taken advantage of, so then you freak out because you aren't freaking out over THIS time, you're also making up for all the other times you didn't freak out. :)

[Miss Tick]

I read this with some pity when you posted it, but then last night I lived it, so today I'm back with empathy rather than sympathy!

[Scarlett]

Tweens drive me crazy.  Sometimes I think, ya know what kid?  I'm tired of your crap.  You're going to a school full time, an terrible inner city school if that's what's available, and I'm going to meet my friends for lunch every day. But then I don't actually do it.  

 

 

:lol:   :laugh: 

 

I haven't threatened public school in a long time but I well remember the days. 

[Mbelle]

Oh, have been there and it's Feb.

 

My older 2 clearly have executive function issues.  So do I, but I learned how to deal with over time.  However, I could not deal with all of us and the growing amount of school work and activities.  I felt like my brain was coming apart.

 

We decided last December to sign up for 2 day hybrid classical school.  It's challenging, but my older 2 are thriving there.  They really love it.  

Our public schools are actually good, but very large and overcrowded.  Private school was too much money and so this is working great for our family. 

 

 

 

[scrapbookbuzz]

My kid does things like this.  I honestly don't think he does it on purpose.  But what I have decided is that he forgets because it isn't important enough to him to remember.  And that is something that he could control if he tried. 

 

 

Some boys don't ever grow out of this. Over the 22 years we've been married, there are certain things I've had to remind dh to do repeatedly. How does a grown adult not understand that when you're done fishing around in the cabinets for something, you then shut the door?? Or the closet? So it may not just be the middle grades/high schoolers with this issue.

[SKL]

Just a thought for the future.  Maybe keep at work a couple of workbooks that your son really dislikes.  If he forgets his stuff, he has to sit there and do those horrible workbooks.  :)

[PrincessMommy]

Thank you. :) I go through this crazy-making mental loop about what to do instead. I love the private school my other two kids attend/ed, but it's expensive and tuition goes up every year, plus one in college and one more heading to college before long. There is another private school with potential, and it is less expensive, but also smaller and with fewer opportunities (i.e., AP classes, etc.) That church is also a lot more fundamentalist and I'm afraid there will be nutjobs in the midst. (Not a small consideration, as I went to a nut-job Christian school in my childhood.) So okay, public school, maybe. But...ugh. No, I don't like these things about PS, although it is a "good" school in the national-rankings sense. I think the high school is a Blue Ribbon school. But still, philosophically, I have things against the PS. SO! That's how my brain goes around and around and around and then I feel like I'm going to blast off from fury when it seems like DS doesn't have his head in the game.

 

 

I know you started this thread 2 days ago or more, so hopefully you're not so mad now  :laugh:   But, I do get it.  It is partly his age.  My boys especially we really bad at being responsible about school stuff when they were in Middle School.

 

I also understand your dilemma about schools.  Sometimes too many choices can be a bad thing too.  

 

Personally, I'd be a bit more worried about the fundamentalist school too, but that's just me.  Are there any good Catholic or Lutheran schools?  What about alternative schools?

 

Have you looked through this list:

 

http://www.privateschoolreview.com/maryland

 

:grouphug:

[SKL]

Some boys don't ever grow out of this. Over the 22 years we've been married, there are certain things I've had to remind dh to do repeatedly. How does a grown adult not understand that when you're done fishing around in the cabinets for something, you then shut the door?? Or the closet? So it may not just be the middle grades/high schoolers with this issue.

 

My mom used to complain about this with my dad.  He would close a door / drawer most of the way, but not all the way.  Why???  One day my dad explained that this was because that would make it easier to open the next time.  :P

 

No, I do not get it.  :P

 

[Anne in CA]

Some boys don't ever grow out of this. Over the 22 years we've been married, there are certain things I've had to remind dh to do repeatedly. How does a grown adult not understand that when you're done fishing around in the cabinets for something, you then shut the door?? Or the closet? So it may not just be the middle grades/high schoolers with this issue.

I have never known my dh to shut the microwave door in almost 26 years of matrimony. It has become problematic lately because the microwave has been moved to a dark corner, so seeing the light unexpectedly drives me nuts. But it is too late to change.

[Guest]

I know you started this thread 2 days ago or more, so hopefully you're not so mad now :laugh: But, I do get it. It is partly his age. My boys especially we really bad at being responsible about school stuff when they were in Middle School.

 

I also understand your dilemma about schools. Sometimes too many choices can be a bad thing too.

 

Personally, I'd be a bit more worried about the fundamentalist school too, but that's just me. Are there any good Catholic or Lutheran schools? What about alternative schools?

 

Have you looked through this list:

 

http://www.privateschoolreview.com/maryland

 

:grouphug:

Thank you for that link. It's interesting to look through, but doesn't change my dillema much. It still pretty much comes to a toss-up between the school my older two attend/ed, which I'm happy with except for the ever-increasing tuition, and the other Christian school I am considering, which is less expensive but has a few drawbacks. I do know that church is more strictly fundamentalist than I enjoy, though, to be fair, I am not sure how much of that is projected onto the school. I did hear a remark from a friend whose DD attended that someone there (staff or teacher) had criticized her daughter's makeup and clothing (modesty), so that makes me VERY leery. OTOH, I know the soccer coach there very well; he was my son's rec soccer coach for several years and is a wonderful man. So the thought that DS could play on that soccer team is tempting.

 

The other private schools located nearby enough are very, very expensive. Comparable to sending my oldest to college, including room and board. There is the slight possibility that I could be employed at one of those expensive schools; I have a friend who is a department head there and she has mentioned it (though I would have to finish my bachelor's). So, I guess that is one wild possibility for high school, if I would finish my own degree now through the time DS goes into 9th grade. It's a little bit pipe-dream-like, though.

[Carol in Cal.]

Correction:  It's not 'just February' nor is it simply 'Feb'.  No, no, no.

 

It is:

 

FEBRUARY, NATIONAL HOMESCHOOLING BURNOUT MONTH!

[DawnM]

Don't ask me, I already have stopped homeschooling!

 

And you didn't lose your mind.  You were within reason.

Edited February 9, 2017 by DawnM

[Janeway]

You are right to be angry. And since that computer time is his currency, I would take it away for one day as a consequence. I bet he will never forget again.

[StephanieZ]

You get a trophy from me for not locking him in a closet for the rest of the day. (just kidding . . . of course . . . )

 

But, really, that's bad behavior, and I'd be MAD MAD MAD in your shoes. BTDT, that kiddo is working the system.

 

 

Since you feel bad for having a fit, then go ahead and let THIS one go . . . 

 

 

Once you're feeling calm about the whole thing, make it clear whatever your expectations are (bring your dang backpack, etc, etc) AND what the consequences are if he doesn't fulfill them (read the book that I've put in my glove box  . . . which is very academic and utterly extra school work . . . AND no FIOS, etc, AND do the rest of your regular work later that day/week before you're allowed to do whatever fun stuff you like to do) . . . (or whatever variation works for you). 

 

 

You're in the right. Kiddo was being naughty, to get out of work, which is completely normal but also completely not acceptable. 

 

 

My sympathies lie 100% with you. And I *totally* get being sick and tired of the whole dang thing by the third time around. I'm just worn OUT!