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I lost my mind today (Rant; don't preach; JAWM; nobody was harmed)


Quill
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Okay here's the background: I'm sick to death of homeschooling. I have been considering in the back of my mind whether I will even continue to hs my current 6th grader for next school year, let alone up to the start of 9th grade, which I did with my others. So I'm just sort of low-level dissatisfied a lot of the time.

 

I work two days a week at my DH's office, which is at my MIL's house. It is not far from our house, but it's always been at least a little bit hard to combine the work I do with homeschooling. So now, on Tue and Thur, I try to accomplish whatever direct instruction stuff I can at home, then DS brings his backpack to the office and finishes the rest while I work. After that, he plays on the computer; my MIL's house has FIoS, which we don't have at home, so it is much better for doing anything on the computer.

 

Anyway, DS gets SOOOO jazzed about what he's going to download or do at the office, he puts his damn schoolwork on the back burner of his brain. Last week, he forgot his backpack and I was annoyed, but I figured - not the end of the world. I still had him work on some things once we were back home, but I didn't make him complete everything. Today, as we're packing up, I swear I must have had a premonition, because I told him about five times, "Don't forget your backpack...be sure to bring your backpack..." Once I get to the office and settle at my desk, WHAT do you think he says? "I forgot my backpack." And then I lost my mind.

 

I was so exceedingly PO that he forgot it, I tossed my stuff in the car and went back home for him to get it. He has now finished his work, but I am still so mad about it...it's disproportionate, I know, but mixed in there is also a lot of mental debate about putting him in school. So when he acts like his head is on backwards and he can't bother to remember his pesky schoolwork (notice he did not forget the computer) I really just wish somebody else was busting his or her ass to teach him tings, NOT ME!

 

I do not think I can last through the whole next schoolyear. I deserve a freakin trophy if I finish this year.

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I gotta say I'm disappointed.  If that is what counts as losing your mind you must be an exceptionally calm, sane person most of the time. :)

 

My 11 year old cannot remember a single thing.  She is very intelligent and very responsible and very caring, but for the last year it's just all air in there.  Nothing sticks.

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This is the age for that sort of thing.  It's harder for me to be patient with a sixth grader than a toddler. I probably lost it more than once big time with each of my kids at that age. If you need to be done home schooling, you need to be done. If he really wants to stay home he can do online school. Truly. It would not make you a bad mom. I miss being a home school mom A LOT. But sixth and seventh grades are the worst for adolescent brains and those are the years I nearly quit with each of my three kids. For me its just the dumb stuff they do that you THINK they should know better than by now... but they don't.

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I would have reacted the same way.

 

You can stop whenever you want. For real. We'll even let you stay here on the boards. :o

Thank you. :) I go through this crazy-making mental loop about what to do instead. I love the private school my other two kids attend/ed, but it's expensive and tuition goes up every year, plus one in college and one more heading to college before long. There is another private school with potential, and it is less expensive, but also smaller and with fewer opportunities (i.e., AP classes, etc.) That church is also a lot more fundamentalist and I'm afraid there will be nutjobs in the midst. (Not a small consideration, as I went to a nut-job Christian school in my childhood.) So okay, public school, maybe. But...ugh. No, I don't like these things about PS, although it is a "good" school in the national-rankings sense. I think the high school is a Blue Ribbon school. But still, philosophically, I have things against the PS. SO! That's how my brain goes around and around and around and then I feel like I'm going to blast off from fury when it seems like DS doesn't have his head in the game.

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I think you're holding someone to too high of standards, but it's you, not your kid.

 

Getting mad and going back to get the backpack was a perfectly appropriate response and not at all indicative of "losing it."

Well, I didn't post my verbal tidal wave here. It wasn't pretty. DS cried softly to himself the whole way.

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We also put the kids in school for 9th grade, and I'm having a great 8th grade year with dd. But 6th and 7th were miserable and I wondered many times if I should just put her in school early (but I don't really like our middle school options here). She has matured nicely this year, but it was rough for awhile!

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Wait - that's it? You yelled at him (or not), then went back and fetched his bag?

 

Quill, that's not an overreaction. Even if you're still a little mad. That's just a... reaction. It is completely proportionate.

 

I can't speak to whether or not you need a break from homeschooling. You definitely know that better than I do! But honestly - if all I did was feel cranky, snap at the kids, and then fetch their bag I'd be patting myself on the back for showing exemplary self-control. Maybe I have low personal standards or something, but you know what? If this happened to any family on my block, I'd know about it, because they'd yell about it! Right in the street! And half of them would spank.

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Well, I didn't post my verbal tidal wave here. It wasn't pretty. DS cried softly to himself the whole way.

 

Meh. So you were subpar. But I'm sure that objectively speaking it wasn't that awful, especially since I bet you don't do it all the time.

 

But you know this better than I do - gosh, these years are just awful, aren't they? All those adolescent hormones. If you went through it and never snapped even once you'd have to be superhuman.

 

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I am beginning to think I was too harsh to judge middle schools for not really teaching very much for those 2-3 years.  If we went through 6th and 7th the way we went through 3rd and 4th, she'd be in calculus by 9th.  At the rate we're going, it's looking like I'm going to be pleased as punch to get her through Algebra by 9th.

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Thank you. :) I go through this crazy-making mental loop about what to do instead. I love the private school my other two kids attend/ed, but it's expensive and tuition goes up every year, plus one in college and one more heading to college before long. There is another private school with potential, and it is less expensive, but also smaller and with fewer opportunities (i.e., AP classes, etc.) That church is also a lot more fundamentalist and I'm afraid there will be nutjobs in the midst. (Not a small consideration, as I went to a nut-job Christian school in my childhood.) So okay, public school, maybe. But...ugh. No, I don't like these things about PS, although it is a "good" school in the national-rankings sense. I think the high school is a Blue Ribbon school. But still, philosophically, I have things against the PS. SO! That's how my brain goes around and around and around and then I feel like I'm going to blast off from fury when it seems like DS doesn't have his head in the game.

 

The conversation you just had in your brain resembles my entire last year of homeschooling DS (and frankly, several occasions since he returned to private school).  We went so many rounds trying to make a decision.  Honestly, what you describe is a big reason that he went back in 6th grade... I needed him to be accountable to a different teacher because he just wasn't doing it for mom anymore.  Does that mean it's time for you to stop?  Not necessarily, only you know that.  But totally, I think any of us would have responded the same way after giving 183 reminders to remember the backpack.  I think it's super common at that age, even though it drives us bonkers.

 

 

I would have reacted the same way.

 

You can stop whenever you want. For real. We'll even let you stay here on the boards.  :o

 

This.  I even snuck back in today, and it doesn't look like anyone is going to kick me out...  :leaving:

Edited by SunnyDays
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Well, I didn't post my verbal tidal wave here. It wasn't pretty. DS cried softly to himself the whole way.

 

 

I'm sorry, it's terrible, but this made me laugh out loud. I would have reacted exactly the same way you did, and the same exact thing would have happened here. And I'm just so tired of tiptoeing around all the tiny issues we have going on here, I don't know that I would have felt very bad about it. I would have been EXCEEDINGLY pi$$ed off at the forgotten backpack, and I would have probably also forbidden anything but schoolwork to be done at the office for awhile. You're bored? BRING A BOOK!!!

 

Does that make you feel any better about your own reaction? :D

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Ah, Quill. That was a reasonable reaction. The middle school years are enough to wear a mom out.

 

I think, for the second time forgetting his book bag yet being prepared for the delightful computer time, I'd have to require my son to completely forgo the computer next time. Let him finish his school work and present him with a nice fat book for some quiet independent reading time.

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:grouphug:

 

It's February. Can you afford to take a couple of light/fun/break weeks? Maybe with a few extra doses of time to yourself? Get back to school with the boy in March, give it a month, and see if your feelings are the same or different.

Thanks for pointing out it's February. I truly think there is nothing good about February; even the probability of a nice dinner out for Valentine's Day doesn't redeem February for me. (That's probably why they stuck that holiday about love in the middle of the worst month.) I need chocolate. A six-pack of Mike's Hard Mango Punch would also not be remiss.

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I can relate in that constantly *thinking* about putting your kids in school, and then changing your mind...is a real mental somersault happening over and over all day long. I get it.

 

I have a few threads out there right now about my current situation-which is that I'm putting my oldest 2 in public school next year. I went round and round, felt guilty, the whole shebang..until I made the decision. Guess what? It's SO liberating! I KNOW I can get through this year (although still kind of hard I admit) because knowing that next year they'll be in school takes so much of the stress off.

 

I guess what I'm saying, is that it's okay to do what you have to do.I was getting to the point where I was freaking out about every little thing, and then saw my kids' faces fall with defeat. That killed me. I hated what I had become. I know it's the right decision. I hope the right decision will come to you too. Remember-mom's sanity is every bit as important as the education your kids get. If you can provide a a stellar education but they remember you as mad and grumpy (speaking of myself here)...which is better...that or if they get a pretty darn good education but come home to a happy, healthy mom? I know the answer for me.

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Ah, Quill. That was a reasonable reaction. The middle school years are enough to wear a mom out.

 

I think, for the second time forgetting his book bag yet being prepared for the delightful computer time, I'd have to require my son to completely forgo the computer next time. Let him finish his school work and present him with a nice fat book for some quiet independent reading time.

There was definitely a threat of that order amongst my spewed tirade. I almost threw a colorful adjective in there to refer to the computer, but I settled for a barely-corrected "frikken" computer. Once calmer, I did say in a quieter but still dangerously warning tone, "Do not forget your backpack in the future, or we will have to elimiate the distraction of getting computer time. Understand?"

 

He understands. I'm pretty sure about that.

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BTDT. :grouphug: No judgement here. Kids have the ability to push buttons we didn't know we even had, especially when we're with them all the time and trying to guide them in making good decisions re: their education. It's akin to herding cats.

 

My kids are currently IN school. The fight over school vs. "life" (doing what they want, when they want) is overwhelming when "the light at the end of the tunnel" is so far away, through a very winding tunnel, rendering it mostly invisible.

 

They are thriving, I am thriving, life is good. Everyone is much better off - and the kids even sometimes miss me. I get hugs and snuggles and more quality time with them than when they were with me 24/7. I'm not "the bad guy" anymore if they fail to complete their work (very rare because they work well for others). I have the mental space to let go of 100% of the responsibility for education and producing functional adults and can more easily handle just my share of the responsibility of providing project materials, food, support, money, kudos, encouragement, food, food, money, food, money, etc. They are engaged in at school and after school activities that I don't have to plan or participate in beyond providing some materials and rides. Art club, book club, choir, drama, sports - many things they would turn their nose up at if *I* suggested they might like to try it. I almost fell over when my DD joined choir and my DS joined art club. You could have knocked me over with a feather! But, in an environment where they are surrounded by peers who have these interests then they at least become willing to try them and expand their world bit by bit.

 

I'm getting way off topic now so I'll stop here. I just wanted to say that school is not the end of the world if that is what you decide to do. And remember, it's not forever. You can give it a whirl and see how it goes - you can always bring him home again if it doesn't work out.

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A month ago one of my daughters was going to her first guitar lesson. We got 5 minutes down the road.

 

ME: Did you get the guitar?

 

Her: I was supposed to bring a guitar?

 

It wasn't that she was expecting me to get the instrument. it was "Really? A guitar? At guitar lessons?"

 

 

:lol: 

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I just had to drag vomiting and feverish DD4 and just woken up from nap DS1 out in the rain to pick up DS6 after his school called suggesting that since he was refusing to do any schoolwork maybe he just needed to come home. And he broke a desk after no one was following his IEP.

It wasn't pretty.

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I just had to drag vomiting and feverish DD4 and just woken up from nap DS1 out in the rain to pick up DS6 after his school called suggesting that since he was refusing to do any schoolwork maybe he just needed to come home. And he broke a desk after no one was following his IEP.

It wasn't pretty.

:grouphug:

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Just sending some hugs, booze and chocolate your way.  

 

 

I have lost it so many times in the last month.  I am there with you on the roller coaster of being done and wanting to send the kids to school.  I think I need to take Jan-Feb off and be some place sunny.  That did so much for me when I got to see the sun in FL for a week this year. 

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I get you.  Truly.  I homeschooled my 4 for over 7 years, but it began to shrivel up my soul.  Sounds melodramatic, right?  I decided that I just wanted to be their mom and not their mom/teacher anymore.  When I began to worry that homeschooling was damaging my relationship with two of my kids, public school was the best option.  My kids went to school this year and they are doing so, so well.  Very thankful.  Hang in there mama!

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My kids get that from time to time when I'm stressed about too many things - and I'm not even a homeschooler.  :P

 

When I go overboard by all standards, I do acknowledge it later to my kids and explain the stress level that puts me on such a short fuse.  I think they understand more or less.  I am not perfect, nobody is.  If my kids expect me to be perfect, I've lost before I've even started.

 

Whether you should keep homeschooling is a separate issue.  Even if you send your son to school, you will probably have times when you "lose it" over small things like this.  So many things for kids to forget to bring to / from school!  Then they expect others to adjust!  Or they get a stupid grade because of carelessness!  Or they embarrass you in front of the school staff!  Aargh!

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My kids forgetting things when I've reminded them repeatedly drives me up the wall. It's even worse when my brain says 'they're old enough I shouldn't *have* to remind them'.

 

Solidarity, sister.

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A month ago one of my daughters was going to her first guitar lesson. We got 5 minutes down the road.

 

ME: Did you get the guitar?

 

Her: I was supposed to bring a guitar?

 

It wasn't that she was expecting me to get the instrument. it was "Really? A guitar? At guitar lessons?"

 

I'm sorry, but this made me  :lol:  :lol:  :lol: .

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There was definitely a threat of that order amongst my spewed tirade. I almost threw a colorful adjective in there to refer to the computer, but I settled for a barely-corrected "frikken" computer. Once calmer, I did say in a quieter but still dangerously warning tone, "Do not forget your backpack in the future, or we will have to elimiate the distraction of getting computer time. Understand?"

 

He understands. I'm pretty sure about that.

 

 

All's well that ends well, right?

 

And you auto-corrected frikken!

 

And he only cried softly!

 

So many wins :D.  

 

(seriously,  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: .)

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Not an overreaction. My son is like that with his nintendo and I have lost my mind more spectacularly than you :)

 

There was definitely a threat of that order amongst my spewed tirade. I almost threw a colorful adjective in there to refer to the computer, but I settled for a barely-corrected "frikken" computer. Once calmer, I did say in a quieter but still dangerously warning tone, "Do not forget your backpack in the future, or we will have to elimiate the distraction of getting computer time. Understand?"

He understands. I'm pretty sure about that.

 

Make it a standing rule that you will not let him substitute computer time for school time if he forgot his book bag. He instead needs to do chores for you (or MIL or any other person working there) and then, use his freetime when you get home to finish his work!

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So here is how my morning went if it makes you feel better...

 

I was sitting beside my daughter on the couch ready with the dry erase board, her math books, etc to do our pre-algebra lesson.

 

A comment was made about not having enough space which resulted in huffing and puffing, picking up dry erase boards, books, etc in an impatient and angry manner and rearranging the space in a general hissy fit like manner with a snarky comment at the end about whether there was now enough space.

 

The person having a mini meltdown was me, not my daughter. She looked at me like I was a crazy person. To be fair I somehow managed to skip my morning cup of tea and combined with PMS that is not a good situation. But honestly I was just dreading teaching math this morning and then I snapped over the smallest thing. I did immediately apologize, but that was really a totally ridiculous overreaction on my part for a request for a little more space, lol..

 

I think about school all the time but they are terrible here and she really needs a lot of direct instruction. So I would be spending the same amount of time helping her with homework daily. At least that is what I tell myself. I enjoyed homeschoing in the younger years but I am not enjoying middle school as much. And high school just looks scary.

Edited by CaliforniaDreaming
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You have my sympathies. BTDT just last week with the child who absolutely refused to even consider going outside the house for high school. She knew how I felt about further homeschooling. DONE. But because of other upheavals and her insistence, I agreed to continue through high school. Now, I'm looking at outsourcing as much as possible and having a heart attack over how much that will cost.

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Okay, am I the only one who is wondering if he actually forgot his backpack, or if maybe he... "forgot".... because the last time he didn't bring his backpack, he got out of doing his schoolwork?

This is precisely why I drove back home to get it. I don't think he consciously did that or plotted it that way, but there was no way I was going to allow for that possibility, either.

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I gotta ask, because, in my particular situation, this is a HUGE issue, is this kid NT or are we looking at executive function issues and/or working memory stuff and/or ADHD?

 

Because you warned him a bazillion times I assume this is his MO.  And my guess is that he is a little exhausting to homeschool, especially if he is also a screen guy and that stuff is kind of indicative of ADHD kids.

 

And frankly, my ADHD (zero hyperactivity) guy made me want to quit too and is generally the fella that makes me lose my top.  Our relationship was in tatters.  He spent a good deal of time wondering why he always forgot crap, skipped things, couldn't pull it together.  We're still in this struggle but meds has made him not think he's stupid for fogetting things and it's lowered my frustration because he can pull together some of those executive skills and not aggravate me from one end of the globe to the other.  I fought the ADD/ADHD diagnosis (and meds) for 2.5 years. Looking back, I sure wish I hadn't.  It was life and relationship changing because he beat himself up in his head worse than I ever have done verbally.

 

AND if this DOESN'T apply then ignore me totally and just realize that sometimes I totally "see" my life/relationships in others when it's not there. ;)  Just felt I'd be doing you a dis-favor if you were in my boat and I said nothing.

 

(((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))  This parenting stuff is really hard sometimes and at the end of the day we're all just human.

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Am I the only one who is thinking they'd make the kid walk home to get his backpack himself? I mean, she said it wasn't far away...

:D Nor far by car, but not walkable. "Not far" means something very different where I live than it probably does where you live. :) It's about seven miles by highway.

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I totally understand how you feel. By the time my youngest was in 8th grade I had been homeschooling for 15+ years and I was DONE.  Gosh I prayed that he'd want to attend the local high school. No such luck. 

When he finally graduated my friends all thought I'd be so sad that my years homeschooling were behind me.  I felt pretty bad that I was actually jumping for joy. 

 

February is the absolute worst. Hang in there- summer will be here soon!

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I gotta ask, because, in my particular situation, this is a HUGE issue, is this kid NT or are we looking at executive function issues and/or working memory stuff and/or ADHD?

 

Because you warned him a bazillion times I assume this is his MO. And my guess is that he is a little exhausting to homeschool, especially if he is also a screen guy and that stuff is kind of indicative of ADHD kids.

 

And frankly, my ADHD (zero hyperactivity) guy made me want to quit too and is generally the fella that makes me lose my top. Our relationship was in tatters. He spent a good deal of time wondering why he always forgot crap, skipped things, couldn't pull it together. We're still in this struggle but meds has made him not think he's stupid for fogetting things and it's lowered my frustration because he can pull together some of those executive skills and not aggravate me from one end of the globe to the other. I fought the ADD/ADHD diagnosis (and meds) for 2.5 years. Looking back, I sure wish I hadn't. It was life and relationship changing because he beat himself up in his head worse than I ever have done verbally.

 

AND if this DOESN'T apply then ignore me totally and just realize that sometimes I totally "see" my life/relationships in others when it's not there. ;) Just felt I'd be doing you a dis-favor if you were in my boat and I said nothing.

 

(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) This parenting stuff is really hard sometimes and at the end of the day we're all just human.

I'm not at all bothered by your inquiry. I have been through that particular wringer with my older son; DH is also surely ADHD, probably with Dyslexia as well.

 

This son does have some features of ADHD and was also slow to build reading fluency. (I do not think he is Dyslexic, though; maybe in that direction, but I think I have corrected some of his tendencies through the types of curriculum we've used.) His reading is still not perfectly fluent, but he does a fair job of slowing down and breaking down the word. I truly took your recent post about your older son and how you stressed reading to heart; I think this has been good for him as well.

 

Anyway, this son has not been evaluated, but I wouldn't be against it, especially whenever he does go to B&M school. Part of my motivation that keeps me hsing him is because I want to shore up his weak points well; better than I had done with my older son. I have many regrets about how I handled middle school for DS17, mostly due to conflicting advice on whether to tighten up on him or relax and accept he wasn't an academic. I really don't want to make the same mistakes again with DS12 and that has been the largest motivation for me to keep hsing him for now.

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Can I just say how relieved I am not to be the only one wishing my kids wanted to go back? It won't happen, for a million reasons, but whew...I am so burnt out.

 

DD14 is weepy today and just went upstairs crying because we had a frustrating session where I refused to just accept solutions along the lines of "like 28 bucks" as completed problems and had the nerve to ask her to finish them.

 

On the other hand, the other one woke up with a sore throat, and only a sore throat, and has managed an Oscar-worthy performance in an attempt to convince us all that she's dying.

 

*bangs head on table*

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I'm not at all bothered by your inquiry. I have been through that particular wringer with my older son; DH is also surely ADHD, probably with Dyslexia as well.

 

This son does have some features of ADHD and was also slow to build reading fluency. (I do not think he is Dyslexic, though; maybe in that direction, but I think I have corrected some of his tendencies through the types of curriculum we've used.) His reading is still not perfectly fluent, but he does a fair job of slowing down and breaking down the word. I truly took your recent post about your older son and how you stressed reading to heart; I think this has been good for him as well.

 

Anyway, this son has not been evaluated, but I wouldn't be against it, especially whenever he does go to B&M school. Part of my motivation that keeps me hsing him is because I want to shore up his weak points well; better than I had done with my older son. I have many regrets about how I handled middle school for DS17, mostly due to conflicting advice on whether to tighten up on him or relax and accept he wasn't an academic. I really don't want to make the same mistakes again with DS12 and that has been the largest motivation for me to keep hsing him for now.

 

 

So, just an FYI, the meds that came after that 2.5 year fight with myself?  Worth their weight in gold.  He has executive function abilities now (like grabbing his stuff and planning) and we drive each other nuts less. AND he doesn't kick himself nearly as much.  So if you suspect that potential is there I have gone from the world's most ANTI ADHD med mama to potentially a peddler.  :P

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Can I just say how relieved I am not to be the only one wishing my kids wanted to go back? It won't happen, for a million reasons, but whew...I am so burnt out.

 

DD14 is weepy today and just went upstairs crying because we had a frustrating session where I refused to just accept solutions along the lines of "like 28 bucks" as completed problems and had the nerve to ask her to finish them.

 

On the other hand, the other one woke up with a sore throat, and only a sore throat, and has managed an Oscar-worthy performance in an attempt to convince us all that she's dying.

 

*bangs head on table*

Lol, "like 28 bucks." Yeah, I have experienced imprecise answers too many times.

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I remember being that age and forgetting stuff that my mom told me repeatedly, but even with remembering how scatterbrained you are at that age, I would have assumed he tried to forget so he could skip school for the day.  I don't think you over-reacted at all.  I probably would have gone straight to the consequence of NO computer time that day, even after apologizing for my rant...

 

I find that with exited/distracted kids, having them repeat your instruction after you tell them not just once but three times can help...  sometimes...

 

Is there any way you can take a break?  Go on vacation without DS?  Get some sun?  Early Spring Break?

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