My mother and cell phones

[DawnM]

UGH.

 

My mother can't use a cell phone to save her life.  I have bought her two different cell phones.  Both phones were that year's "best for seniors" model.  

 

But she claims "They don't work!" 

 

A couple of nights ago she called me from her landline to tell me that she wants a phone she can text from (both of her phones had texting and she cannot figure out a smart phone, so that isn't even a consideration.

 

She was very agitated and told me she wants a cell phone that works and one that texts.  She can't even make a CALL, much less TEXT anyone.  

 

She has never texted anyone in her life and when I tried to show her how once she got mad at me because she couldn't figure it out.

 

Then she yelled at me because my dad's cell phone is garbage (I bought that one too) and he can't hear it.  I talked to my dad then and after 10 min. of asking a bunch of questions, I finally figured out the volume was at ONE.....and he didn't know there was a volume button.  My dad is insanely smart, but not with modern technology.  They are in their mid-80s.

 

Sigh.

 

Just commiserate with me.  I live in NC and she lives in AZ so I can't take her shopping.....and she is pretty much housebound now anyway, so why she needs a new cell phone is beyond me.

 

 

[TranquilMind]

UGH.

 

My mother can't use a cell phone to save her life.  I have bought her two different cell phones.  Both phones were that year's "best for seniors" model.  

 

But she claims "They don't work!" 

 

A couple of nights ago she called me from her landline to tell me that she wants a phone she can text from (both of her phones had texting and she cannot figure out a smart phone, so that isn't even a consideration.

 

She was very agitated and told me she wants a cell phone that works and one that texts.  She can't even make a CALL, much less TEXT anyone.  

 

She has never texted anyone in her life and when I tried to show her how once she got mad at me because she couldn't figure it out.

 

Then she yelled at me because my dad's cell phone is garbage (I bought that one too) and he can't hear it.  I talked to my dad then and after 10 min. of asking a bunch of questions, I finally figured out the volume was at ONE.....and he didn't know there was a volume button.  My dad is insanely smart, but not with modern technology.  They are in their mid-80s.

 

Sigh.

 

Just commiserate with me.  I live in NC and she lives in AZ so I can't take her shopping.....and she is pretty much housebound now anyway, so why she needs a new cell phone is beyond me.

 

That's funny.  I have ONE email from my mother that she managed to send, with only a greeting. "Hello (my name). 

Can you type out a list of instructions to follow, so she can do it step by step.  Not being particularly tech savvy myself, that helped me a lot when I was learning how to do computer related stuff and we did the same for my mom. 

 

[Night Elf]

With my mom and stepdad, it's computers they can't handle. My mom pays AT&T $20 a month for 24/7 technical support. She's on the phone with them once or twice a week with stuff wrong with their computers. These phone calls last 2-3 hours. I can't understand how they keep messing them up! I'm just happy mom doesn't call me for support anymore.

 

They just bought smart phones because they wanted them but neither use the phone for anything except calling and texting. Well, mom texts, not stepdad.

 

My 94 year old grandma insisted on having a smart phone too although she never uses it. She's always been one to keep up with the Jones and her 84 year old cousin has a smart phone and actually uses it to talk to her family, so grandma had to have one too.

[Robin M]

When my dad (now 85) first got a cell phone, we had one of the grandchildren sit down with him and show him how to use it. We made sure all the extraneous apps where put out of sight in a misc folder since he never used them.   My best suggestion would have them find a teenager to show them how it works. They are all tech savvy these days. 

[Lanny]

I have seen an "Extra" several times, about these free AARP courses. We see "Extras" when viewers in the USA are watching commercials. Possibly this will help your mother.   https://aarptek.aarp.org/tablets-phones/

 

ETA: If she has a Samsung Android, those are a little harder to use than a phone with a  rather pure version of Android, such as a Motorola or a Lenovo. Lenovo owns Motorola Mobility.  I am using a Samsung, and it seems "normal" to me now, but before I had a Motorola and those are  more straightforward.

Edited February 4, 2017 by Lanny

[DawnM]

That's funny.  I have ONE email from my mother that she managed to send, with only a greeting. "Hello (my name). 

Can you type out a list of instructions to follow, so she can do it step by step.  Not being particularly tech savvy myself, that helped me a lot when I was learning how to do computer related stuff and we did the same for my mom. 

 

 

 

Yes.

 

Pick up the phone

Push the large "On" button

Dial the number you wish to call

Put the dang phone up to your ear

 

When you are finished, push the "END" button

 

I wish I were kidding.

[DawnM]

This is the phone they have:

 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005CWSF3U/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1

[Mabelen]

You have my sympathy.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Oh damn...I might be like your mother. 

 

:lol:

[SparklyUnicorn]

This is the phone they have:

 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005CWSF3U/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1

 

That's like the one I have minus the senior citizen features.  I hate it. 

[DawnM]

That's like the one I have minus the senior citizen features.  I hate it. 

 

 

Now I have this overwhelming desire to smack your little dancing bacons.

[Annie Elle]

You have my sympathies. Parents and technology are a difficult mix. We got my Mom an iPhone and my teens showed her how to use it. She just does the very basics but seems content.

[bettyandbob]

Our local community center has classes for seniors on technology. There is one specifically for cell phones.

The community center also has events where teens are paired with seniors to teach technology.

 

Is something like that in your area.

[ktgrok]

Our local community center has classes for seniors on technology. There is one specifically for cell phones.

The community center also has events where teens are paired with seniors to teach technology.

 

Is something like that in your area.

 

Yes, here they are at the library. 

[DawnM]

Our local community center has classes for seniors on technology. There is one specifically for cell phones.

The community center also has events where teens are paired with seniors to teach technology.

 

Is something like that in your area.

 

Not unless they come to the house.

 

They have a guy who lives near there who comes to help them, but as soon as he leaves, they forget.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Now I have this overwhelming desire to smack your little dancing bacons.

 

Sorry

 

I'm sure the problem is me and not the phone.  But yeah ...blah...I don't like it.  It looks like the perfect size to shave legs with.  As a phone it blows though.

 

:leaving:

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think the problem for me (and possibly your mother?) is the size.  My Kindle I can manage because it's not too small.  Anything smaller and I just can't freaking use it.  It's terrible.  It's like my fingers are too inept.

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I miss the old fashioned big honking phones with the huge receivers. 

 

I managed to get on board with most other technology.  Something went wrong with phones though. 

 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: 

 

 

DH has been back and forth to his mom's house about 50 times since December 25th trying to help her out with her new cell phone AND her new digital thermostat.  And she uses a computer daily and has had a cell phone in one form or another for over a decade.  She still can't figure out her new tech and it is driving them both nuts.  His being nearby hasn't actually fixed the issues.

 

 

I agree the size might possibly be a part of the problem (although certainly not the whole issue in all likelihood).  Frankly it is tough for  a senior that has not used a ton of tech over the years to suddenly try to adapt to it.  Things that would seem intuitive to those who use tech daily just don't make sense to a person who hasn't.  It isn't just about learning something new, either.  It is having to unlearn previous knowledge that tells you do to something a different way.  Not easy in your 80's.

 

No good suggestions except what has already been posted.  Just sympathy.

[The Girls' Mom]

I can sympathize.  My husband's uncle just got a smart phone.  In the past two weeks, he's called dh multiple times a day to figure out how to do something.  He got mad at it because he'd managed to turn on Do Not Disturb.  He lives next door, and has been here in person several nights getting tutorials..lol.  Then he got a Facebook, so there's been a whole new learning curve.  

[DawnM]

I think the problem for me (and possibly your mother?) is the size.  My Kindle I can manage because it's not too small.  Anything smaller and I just can't freaking use it.  It's terrible.  It's like my fingers are too inept.

 

That phone had the biggest buttons I could find!

[DawnM]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

 

DH has been back and forth to his mom's house about 50 times since December 25th trying to help her out with her new cell phone AND her new digital thermostat.  And she uses a computer daily and has had a cell phone in one form or another for over a decade.  She still can't figure out her new tech and it is driving them both nuts.  His being nearby hasn't actually fixed the issues.

 

 

I agree the size might possibly be a part of the problem (although certainly not the whole issue in all likelihood).  Frankly it is tough for  a senior that has not used a ton of tech over the years to suddenly try to adapt to it.  Things that would seem intuitive to those who use tech daily just don't make sense to a person who hasn't.  It isn't just about learning something new, either.  It is having to unlearn previous knowledge that tells you do to something a different way.  Not easy in your 80's.

 

No good suggestions except what has already been posted.  Just sympathy.

 

 

My mother has NEVER used a computer.  In fact, she tells me she is writing a book.  By hand.  And by hand, she usually means she gets some inspiration, jots it down and throws it in various places, so it won't even be in a notebook.  Sigh.

 

No computer

No call waiting

No caller ID

No cordless phone  

No tablets

No smart anything

No electric typewriter

No cell phones

No driving

 

She struggles with the TV remote and they have had that TV and remote for 30 years.....huge tube thing.'

 

It is 1972 for my mom.

 

My dad is at least pushing the late 1990s or so.

Edited February 5, 2017 by DawnM

[matrips]

I'll commiserate with you :)

 

My 83 yo mom asked for an iPhone a few months ago. Her reason: all the other seniors at the rehab she was in had one, and she wanted one too! Peer pressure lives on! She had an old flip phone jut she wanted a 'cool' one.

 

So i got her one. And every week I readjust all the settings she manages to change. I worry about who she is texting because she doesn't even realize she's doing it. Once I got a picture of her knee. She couldn't have done it if she tried, but she can do all kinds of thing without trying! Another time she kept calling every five minutes while I was making dinner. I ignored it for a king time and then finally picked up. She asked me why I kept calling her!!! She thought when she saw my number on her phone that it meant I was calling her, and not that she was calling me. She was rather insistent about it too.

 

So I commiserate with you. :)

[Legomom]

My mom is in her eighties, very sharp mentally and uses her computer and can now text me. However, for several years she believed that when I called her landline using my cell phone, it would ruin her phone. So I was only allowed to call landline-to-landline or cell phone to cell phone! To be fair, she did have trouble with her landline phones malfunctioning (they were cheap, used etc) but it cracks me up that she felt that it was quite dicey for me to call her with the wrong phone!

[Jenny in Florida]

Yes, here they are at the library. 

 

Thanks for saving me the trouble of saying that.

 

At our library, we offer classes in everything from how to use a computer mouse to how to set up an e-mail account and send your first e-mail. We also have "device advice" sessions available, when patrons are invited to bring in a phone, tablet, laptop, whatever and let the technology trainers help them with whatever issues they are having.

[J-rap]

My MIL has a Jitterbug phone and that seems to be easier for her to use.

 

My mother is 88 and uses her iPhone constantly (texting, calling Ubers, etc.), but she keeps a running list of questions about it to ask her grandchildren, anytime they are over.

[J-rap]

Once I got a picture of her knee. 

 

I have several knee pics myself! (I mean, of my OWN knee!)  Although I haven't sent them to anyone, thankfully.  :)

[Corraleno]

So i got her one. And every week I readjust all the settings she manages to change. I worry about who she is texting because she doesn't even realize she's doing it. Once I got a picture of her knee. She couldn't have done it if she tried, but she can do all kinds of thing without trying! Another time she kept calling every five minutes while I was making dinner. I ignored it for a king time and then finally picked up. She asked me why I kept calling her!!! She thought when she saw my number on her phone that it meant I was calling her, and not that she was calling me. She was rather insistent about it too.

 

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:

 

 

My 85 yr old uncle wanted a cell phone in the worst way. One week he kept bugging me nonstop to take him to Radio Shack. Turned out he'd bought an ancient cell phone for $1 at a garage sale and wanted me to take him to Radio Shack to "get a phone number."

 

The message on his answering machine is almost always the sounds of him breathing heavily and pushing buttons. I've reset it multiple times, but he invariably manages to undo it within a couple of days.

 

He begged me for a laptop for Christmas for several years until I finally gave him a Kindle Fire as a compromise. It was set up to be as kid-proof as possible. He called every. single. day. for weeks saying he'd messed something up and couldn't fix it. I used to just drop DD off on my way to run errands, and pick her up on my way back. I ended up having to do a total reset three times before I finally gave up. I stuck it in a drawer and told him I sent it back to Amazon to be repaired and they hadn't found the problem yet.  :tongue_smilie:

[Melissa in Australia]

My DH is only in his 50s and cannot work out a mobile phone. All the kids know to ring him at least 2 times because it takes him that long to work out to answer it. He can use it to call, and can open and read a text but doesn't know how to send a text back. one of my sons once sent him a urgent message (text) and asked him to text back so they knew he had received it. He just pushed a bunch of random buttons and sent that. Dh is one of the most intelligent people I know ( IQ  140)

[Serenade]

I've been trying to get my mom to learn how to use an iPhone for over a year.  It is my old phone, and it's soooo intuitive.  Well, at least to me. :-) She would disagree!  She complains about it all the time, but she doesn't want to give it up, either.  We just keep giving her little lessons every time we see her. Eventually it has to sink in, right?  My mom is 79 BTW.

[Liz CA]

I second the step-by-step written instructions. This works for my Mother who will be 77 this year.

[Lanny]

@DawnM     I just read the OP again. Actually, I believe that if you do purchase another phone for her, that IT SHOULD BE a SmartPhone.  They can do things that "dumb" phones cannot do. Including some Apps that might possibly save someones life. 

[DawnM]

My DH is only in his 50s and cannot work out a mobile phone. All the kids know to ring him at least 2 times because it takes him that long to work out to answer it. He can use it to call, and can open and read a text but doesn't know how to send a text back. one of my sons once sent him a urgent message (text) and asked him to text back so they knew he had received it. He just pushed a bunch of random buttons and sent that. Dh is one of the most intelligent people I know ( IQ  140)

 

:lol:

 

Yup, that is my dad too.  He is very smart (don't know his actual IQ, but he skipped 2 grades in school and one grade in college, because back then, if you got an A in Advanced Applied Physics you could go on to Med school and count your first year of med school as your Sr. year of college and your first year of Med school, so he did.)

 

He can even perform laparoscopic surgery without a problem, but put him in front of a computer that doesn't work and he is stumped.

 

Sigh.

[Lanny]

@DawnM    I think I read somewhere in this thread that your mother is in AZ?   If so, possibly she is near to where the AARP holds classes for Seniors about how to use their Smart Phones?  If not, between the AARP online courses and YouTube.com she should be able to come up to speed. She needs to take it one step at a time: How to make a phone call, how to send an SMS message, how to take a photo, etc.  One stop at a time...  She can do it!  Smart Phones rock.  

 

I would suggest looking at Motorola and Lenovo Smart Phones. Lots of bang for the buck. And, they have an Android OS that is very pure, compared to my Samsung Android. I would avoid Samsungs for her, because Samsung does a lot of modifications to Android and they are more difficult to use. Lenovo owns Motorola Mobility.  We have 2 Motorola phones in the house and one Lenovo phone. My Stepson says his Lenovo phone is exactly like my wife's Motorola phone, but it was a little less money.

 

I bought the Dummies book for Android phones and I read it, twice...  On just about every page, it says, "but if you have a Samsung phone, do it this way" or something like that.

[DawnM]

Lanny, she doesn't know how to use a computer!  She can't pull up any Youtube videos or do anything online!

 

And, she is homebound, so attending an AARP meeting isn't going to cut it.

 

Honestly, she is an "old dog" who refuses to learn new tricks anyway, and when she gets frustrated she gets angry at whoever is trying to show her anything, I am not wishing that on anyone.

 

She is 86, and can't even work a VCR.  Yup, you read that right, a VCR, which she still has and still has to ask my dad how to work it.  She has had it since probably 1990.

 

For years, she would see something on TV she thought my kids might like, and by the time she started recording it, it was 30 min. in to a 2 hour movie.  But she would send me the VHS anyway, thinking we would want it.   We didn't.  But I didn't tell her that until one day I finally did tell her that we no longer had a VCR.  She had called very upset that my dad said he couldn't find any blank VHS tapes to buy for her to tape us things.

 

Sigh.

Edited February 5, 2017 by DawnM

[hellen]

You're describing my mom. It took weeks of practice to kind of learn to make a call on the cell phone. Over a year later and she's still can't reliably make or receive calls. Texting, email, pictures are way beyond her capabilities. She doesn't have much experience with technology in general.

[VaKim]

My mom is 71 and just like that. She never did learn to use the vcr ( but, to be honest, I used it so seldom that I had to look at the instructions every time myself), never used a computer, has no interest in learning to use anything (which she admits). She does have a flip phone that she can make calls on, but only by dialing the old fashioned way. She just cannot understand how to go into the menu to get numbers or see who called, etc. She does have an old Kindle of mine (not a touch screen), but she has to call me nearly every time she is ready to go to another book. I have explained it all to her a million times and even gave her a paper with detailed instructions. She still can't (won't) do it. 

 

I actually only have an old flip phone (tracfone) myself. I only use it for calls. I have never texted and have no interest in doing so. DH has a smart phone and I hate it. I am always touching the wrong thing on it and changing settings. Or else I try to touch on something and it ignores my touch (I have that problem with my Kindle too for some reason). I can't see the darned dinky thing either, so that doesn't help. So I can commiserate with both you and your mom, lol.

Edited February 5, 2017 by VaKim

[Lanny]

I have a cousin about the age of your mother. He is an eminent M.D. in his specialty. I forget which words he used to describe himself, with regard to computers.  He buys an Apple computer every 2 or 3 years and their most expensive hand holding Support contract and they talk him through any issues he might have.

 

With your mother, it could be that buying a phone designed for "Seniors" is actually harder for her to learn how to use that, than a regular Dumb phone or a Smart phone. When DD was 6, she wasnted a cell phone instead of a birthday party. We thought about that, a lot, and that it might at times come in handy, if she were in a bad situation. We bought her a "Firefly" phone designed for children.  Let me tell you, that Firefly phone is FAR harder to learn how to use than a regular Dumb phone.  My wife (the queen of remote controls) took the time to learn how to program it, but I suspect she was one of the few people outside the Firefly company who knew how to do that.  We ended up replacing it with a regular "Dumb" phone made by Nokia, which was much easier for DD to use...  

[Lanny]

On Amazon it has 3.8 out of 5 stars, in 1080 Reviews. That's not bad.

 

If you can go to the web site of the company that makes that phone, and download the .PDF manual for it, I think that might help you, when you try to help your mother with the operation of the phone.

 

I think this is the URL for the Home Page of the company: https://www.snapfon.com/big-button-cell-phone/

 

This is the main page for Support:  https://www.snapfon.com/support/

 

On this URL, you can Download the manual: https://www.snapfon.com/support/eztwo3g/index.php

 

Note: IF you purchased before October 2016 (?)   you need to start from the Support page, because it looks like they changed models and the Manual may be somewhat different.

 

This is a YouTube video about the phone she has..

 

NOTE: I watched the video. You may or may not want to  disable the SOS feature as he did.  You may want to set it so that it sends you a Text message, when the battery needs to be charged.

[MysteryJen]

My mom (76) and my mil (80) both have iphones. The best thing about getting the iphones was the classes offered by the Apple store. Dmil's class was outstanding in that it was run by a man who was blind! So he had all the seniors using Siri and feeling like, well, if a blind man can use this phone, I can too. Also, the people at the Apple store are patient, especially compared with exasperated adult children.

 

The only problem that we have is that they fail to USE the phone. Or bring it with them. Though that is getting better.

[DawnM]

Again,

 

She does NOT USE THE COMPUTER!  She would have a harder time watching these videos than she would using the phone.

 

Seriously.

 

 

 

On Amazon it has 3.8 out of 5 stars, in 1080 Reviews. That's not bad.

 

If you can go to the web site of the company that makes that phone, and download the .PDF manual for it, I think that might help you, when you try to help your mother with the operation of the phone.

 

I think this is the URL for the Home Page of the company: https://www.snapfon.com/big-button-cell-phone/

 

This is the main page for Support:  https://www.snapfon.com/support/

 

On this URL, you can Download the manual: https://www.snapfon.com/support/eztwo3g/index.php

 

Note: IF you purchased before October 2016 (?)   you need to start from the Support page, because it looks like they changed models and the Manual may be somewhat different.

 

This is a YouTube video about the phone she has..

 

NOTE: I watched the video. You may or may not want to  disable the SOS feature as he did.  You may want to set it so that it sends you a Text message, when the battery needs to be charged.

 

 

[justasque]

My MIL keeps her cell phone off when she travels, so that it still has battery power when she wants to call someone. Which makes it difficult to meet up with her since she won't get our calls.  It just doesn't occur to her that someone might want to call her.

OP - Because of the anger and agitation you described, I wondered if your MIL may have a bit more cognitive loss than usual for someone of her age.  Just something to take into consideration as you navigate the cell phone issue with her.    

[DawnM]

My MIL keeps her cell phone off when she travels, so that it still has battery power when she wants to call someone. Which makes it difficult to meet up with her since she won't get our calls.  It just doesn't occur to her that someone might want to call her.

 

OP - Because of the anger and agitation you described, I wondered if your MIL may have a bit more cognitive loss than usual for someone of her age.  Just something to take into consideration as you navigate the cell phone issue with her.    

 

Oh, this isn't new.  She has some mental illness.  That is a WHOLE 'NOTHER POST.

[Lanny]

Again,

 

She does NOT USE THE COMPUTER!  She would have a harder time watching these videos than she would using the phone.

 

Seriously.

 

In that case, if you can Download the .PDF manual, from the links I found, possibly when she has issues you will be better equipped to try to help her, if you have the manual and some knowledge about how the phone works.   If she will not watch instructive videos, I think the manual is the only hope for her getting familiar with that particular phone. GL

[SparklyUnicorn]

That phone had the biggest buttons I could find!

 

It isn't even just the buttons.  The screen is small.  Also, I'm confused by the fact that I talk into something that is nowhere near my mouth when I hold it up to my ear. 

[Night Elf]

It isn't even just the buttons.  The screen is small.  Also, I'm confused by the fact that I talk into something that is nowhere near my mouth when I hold it up to my ear. 

 

I felt the same way about my first cell phone. I have a hard time texting on my iphone because the letters are so small. My daughters text with both hands so they are fast. I use one finger still. :)

[DawnM]

It isn't even just the buttons.  The screen is small.  Also, I'm confused by the fact that I talk into something that is nowhere near my mouth when I hold it up to my ear. 

 

 

Gotcha.

 

What do you suggest?

[SparklyUnicorn]

Gotcha.

 

What do you suggest?

 

a rotary phone

 

:lol:

[Murphy101]

That's like the one I have minus the senior citizen features. I hate it.

Me too. My brother got that for our dad and dad couldn't use it worth a dang and brought it to me to show him how to. I hated it. We got him an iPhone 6plus, I set it up for him by

Biggest font possible, hide all useless to him apps in a folder, set all the notifications to either not at all, or very loud for the things he uses.

 

He now has no problems using it. He doesn't text but he LOVES getting texts, esp pictures. He can use the google maps. He can get and receive calls and voice mail. He does not have a computer bc he never could figure those out.

[Lanny]

Me too. My brother got that for our dad and dad couldn't use it worth a dang and brought it to me to show him how to. I hated it. We got him an iPhone 6plus, I set it up for him by

Biggest font possible, hide all useless to him apps in a folder, set all the notifications to either not at all, or very loud for the things he uses.

 

He now has no problems using it. He doesn't text but he LOVES getting texts, esp pictures. He can use the google maps. He can get and receive calls and voice mail. He does not have a computer bc he never could figure those out.

Congrats to your Dad!    His Smart Phone is a computer that can talk...  If he can use Google Maps, etc., those are things one cannot do on a "Dumb" phone.