Miss Peregrine Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 BIL and SIL got divorced last year. We kept in contact with her. DH's other brother and his wife no longer talk to her. Not sure what all went on there but I think other BIL sides with cheating BIL. I would text her and ask how she she was doing, we visited, she came to ds's graduation party in June. I texted her in November to make sure she had plans for Thanksgiving. No response. Texted her at Christmas. No response. She posts on FB yesterday about how she is glad to be rid of him and how sad she is about "family" that disappeared. This hit me in the gut. I hope she isn't talking about me but it sure feels like it. It makes me angry because I have tried to maintain a relationship with her. Maybe I am just thinking it's all about me. LOL This stinks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luuknam Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Probably just taking it too personally, but, since you are, why not just pick up the phone and call her now? 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Is it possible she changed her number and didn't get your texts? 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I'd call her. Or if you'd rather not, I'd send her a note (snail mail). Anne 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 Is it possible she changed her number and didn't get your texts? Yes, I thought of that. I am going to use messenger tomorrow when I text her on their anniversary, which I have done very year since they separated, just to say I'm thinking of her. Then I will know that she sees it. I am thinking of asking if she changed her number. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Well she did lose a family. Ex SIL who's still a good friend =\= a whole family ykwim? Hugs to you. It's hard to have relationships change under the best circumstances, much more so like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 Well she did lose a family. Ex SIL who's still a good friend =\= a whole family ykwim? Hugs to you. It's hard to have relationships change under the best circumstances, much more so like that. I know. I am probably taking it too personally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I know. I am probably taking it too personally. Maybe. It's hard to navigate, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: She has lost a family. Even if you make attempts to stay in contact, the family dynamic is gone. That can be really, really painful. In fact, it may make it hard for her to stay in contact with you, even if she cares deeply. Talking with you might remind her of what she lost and why. I think you are making the right decision to try contacting her one more time. Don't jump to conclusions based on a FB post. Also, be honest with her. Ask her if she wants to remain in contact, and explain that you still think of her as a friend/family (whatever you genuinely feel). :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 My guess she changed her number. I would find out for sure though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I think it could be that the whole thing was very painful for her and distancing herself in this way is what she needs to move on. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I'd take it as: She needed to move on. Even though you were nice and not at fault, you remind her of something that caused/still causes a lot of pain. The post is part of her effort to move forward it was not targeted at you directly. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCB Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) The whole situation is very difficult to navigate, in my opinion. She may just be going through a phase of feeling angry at everyone. I think it is fantastic that you have stayed in touch with her. I went through something similar, although we did get back together, and I was so thankful for the SIL that kept in touch and supported me. I had been part of the family for 18 years by that time, but she was the only one who had any kind of contact with me while my husband was gone from our house. That was really hurtful to me and I find it almost impossible to enter back into any kind of relationship with them now. Thank goodness most live far away and so it doesn't come up much. Edited January 30, 2017 by tcb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 The whole situation if very difficult to navigate, in my opinion. She may just be going through a phase of feeling angry at everyone. I think it is fantastic that you have stayed in touch with her. I went through something similar, although we did get back together, and I was so thankful for the SIL that kept in touch and supported me. I had been part of the family for 18 years by that time, but she was the only one who had any kind of contact with me while my husband was gone from our house. That was really hurtful to me and I find it almost impossible to enter back into any kind of relationship with them now. Thank goodness most live far away and so it doesn't come up much. I'm glad you had her support. :grouphug: Tomorrow would have been their 30 year anniversary. Even FIL dropped contact. :( 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCB Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I'm glad you had her support. :grouphug: Tomorrow would have been their 30 year anniversary. Even FIL dropped contact. :( When I'm trying to be gracious about it, I think that they just didn't know what to say and felt they had to support their family member, no matter the circumstances. I know that if my SIL was in the position I was in, I would contact her and support her as much as possible, even if my brother was at fault, especially if my brother was at fault. I really think your SIL really appreciates/appreciated your contact, even if she can't say so now. Good for you!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 When I'm trying to be gracious about it, I think that they just didn't know what to say and felt they had to support their family member, no matter the circumstances. I know that if my SIL was in the position I was in, I would contact her and support her as much as possible, even if my brother was at fault, especially if my brother was at fault. I really think your SIL really appreciates/appreciated your contact, even if she can't say so now. Good for you!! Thank you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 (edited) Ok, so I messaged her to let her know I was thinking of her today. She wrote back that she was surprised to hear from me as no one has contacted her in almost a year. She said some other stuff that BIL had been saying. And I was said, "I texted you x, y, and z dates andcwhoa, the other stuff I don't know what you're talking about. Can I call you?" So, I had been texting her old home number :/ and BIL's lies are still dividing the family. FIL, DH and other brother are choosing to believe BIL. I know there are two sides but his has been pretty heinous. So, always double check the number you're texting if you don't hear back from someone. :( ETA: We had a really good conversation. She is devastated at the loss of this side of the family. Edited January 31, 2017 by Miss Peregrine 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Ok, so I messaged her to let her know I was thinking of her today. She wrote back that she was surprised to hear from me as no one has contacted her in almost a year. She said some other stuff that BIL had been saying. And I was said, "I texted you x, y, and z dates andcwhoa, the other stuff I don't know what you're talking about. Can I call you?" So, I had been texting her old home number :/ and BIL's lies are still dividing the family. FIL, DH and other brother are choosing to believe BIL. I know there are two sides but his has been pretty heinous. So, always double check the number you're texting if you don't hear back from someone. :( ETA: We had a really good conversation. She is devastated at the loss of this side of the family. I'm glad you connected today. It must be nice for her to know not everyone believes the stories. :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I'm glad you connected! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Thirty years is so long. It must be very difficult to re navigate your life. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Ok, so I messaged her to let her know I was thinking of her today. She wrote back that she was surprised to hear from me as no one has contacted her in almost a year. She said some other stuff that BIL had been saying. And I was said, "I texted you x, y, and z dates andcwhoa, the other stuff I don't know what you're talking about. Can I call you?" So, I had been texting her old home number :/ and BIL's lies are still dividing the family. FIL, DH and other brother are choosing to believe BIL. I know there are two sides but his has been pretty heinous. So, always double check the number you're texting if you don't hear back from someone. :( ETA: We had a really good conversation. She is devastated at the loss of this side of the family. I'm glad you figured out why she didn't get back to you. I'm sorry about the fracturing of your extended family. I don't always believe there's two sides to every story. Sometimes people are just mean. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I'm glad you connected and it was just a misunderstanding! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I'm glad you were able to speak to her. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 have you contacted her? did you ask her if she changed her contact info? (possible) if you still get no response - you can reply to her fb post that you've been trying to contact her since before thanksgiving. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted February 1, 2017 Author Share Posted February 1, 2017 have you contacted her? did you ask her if she changed her contact info? (possible) if you still get no response - you can reply to her fb post that you've been trying to contact her since before thanksgiving. I updated. I'm on my phone and couldn't find a way to edit my title. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted February 1, 2017 Author Share Posted February 1, 2017 (edited) Whats more is she tried to schedule a date with my oldest who is living on campus at school near SIL a couple of times and dd never could do it. She thought she was just trying to ignore her. Edited February 1, 2017 by Miss Peregrine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Sooooo glad you talked! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 So glad you were able to talk to her. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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