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Kinsa

At what point do we intervene?

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Call for a welfare check. I've had the university police do this on my son. They are glad to do it.

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Call for a welfare check. I've had the university police do this on my son. They are glad to do it.

Sometimes I read your posts and think we might be the same person. The campus police practically knew me by name when our oldest was in a rough period.They were very helpful.

 

Kinsa, it's not as traumatic as it sounds to call them - it's something they do routinely, and they'll be helpful.

Edited by Spryte
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Kinsa, the more I read this thread, the more anxious I feel.

 

 

 

Ditto.

I wanted to be gentle, because I counted on dozens of posters saying the same thing.  But that's being met with possibly waiting several more days.  Living for several more days with the fear that something tragic may have happened... I don't understand why anyone would want that.

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For Kinsa, yes I'd be worried and I think it's reasonable to call for a welfare check. I hope your sis is ok. :grouphug:

 

 

For others--please help me understand why having a pizza delivered is better than calling the police. If there is a bad situation why put someone else in the middle of it vs the police who would have training for such?

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Agreeing to call the police right now, this minute. They know how to do this without making things worse. If its nothing, and her phone just died or whatever, they will be laughing with her and it will be fine. If it isn't nothing, well, you need to call. 

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For Kinsa, yes I'd be worried and I think it's reasonable to call for a welfare check. I hope your sis is ok. :grouphug:

 

 

For others--please help me understand why having a pizza delivered is better than calling the police. If there is a bad situation why put someone else in the middle of it vs the police who would have training for such?

Agree 100%.

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Since this is so out of character yes I would ask for a welfare check. My concern for her would trump her potential irritation should all turn out to be well.

 

If the relationship is so fragile for some reason that she would not get over the offense of you showing concern then it is too far gone to worry about preserving (I don't get this sense from your post though).

I would have her daughters do this instead.  She won't get angry at them for interfering if it (hopefully) turns out to be nothing.

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At this point I would call the police too.  I would hate to send a neighbor over just in case something terrible has happened.

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For Kinsa, yes I'd be worried and I think it's reasonable to call for a welfare check. I hope your sis is ok. :grouphug:

 

 

For others--please help me understand why having a pizza delivered is better than calling the police. If there is a bad situation why put someone else in the middle of it vs the police who would have training for such?

 

They will let you know no one answered/is home so they couldn't deliver the pizza.  It gives more information to decide what to do next.  Particularly if someone will get mad if you call the police to do a welfare check if everything is fine, it gives a chance to know they are fine (and now eating pizza) or if a welfare check really needs to happen.  It's doubtful the pizza people would get involved if there is a bad situation.  If they knock and no one answers, that's really where it ends for them.

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Hoping you hear good news - like her hubby surprised them with a family vacation for her birthday or something - but like the others, I'd be calling.  There are too many red flags waving including things like carbon monoxide issues.

 

I wouldn't put a pizza guy on the hook.  If no one answers the door, he can't do anything.

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Is this the sister in the custody battle? If so, I would consider how calling the police might impact that if there's a report. If this is same sister, can you get a hold of her lawyer first and let him/her know the story ? I would be worried but I wouldn't want to endanger her custody case either if she's needing a moment or something else. I am obviously the minority's voice here but I would try hard to find another way before involving the police immediately. The report will be public and ex-dh can use it against her if turns out all is fine and she just was depressed and wanted time alone. Not saying not to call, but I would exhaust all other options first.

 

If I'm confused and she's not the one in a custody battle I would just call the police.

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Kinsa, I hope you are calling the police right now! Forget pizza delivery, the neighbors, someone from church, or conferring with the rest of the family. Who cares if she gets angry with you! Seriously, she hasn't been heard from all week and it is out of character for her. Hopefully, everything is OK and they just aren't answering for some reason, but if there is a problem it needs to be found now.

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Is this the sister in the custody battle? If so, I would consider how calling the police might impact that if there's a report. If this is same sister, can you get a hold of her lawyer first and let him/her know the story ? I would be worried but I wouldn't want to endanger her custody case either if she's needing a moment or something else. I am obviously the minority's voice here but I would try hard to find another way before involving the police immediately. The report will be public and ex-dh can use it against her if turns out all is fine and she just was depressed and wanted time alone. Not saying not to call, but I would exhaust all other options first.

 

If I'm confused and she's not the one in a custody battle I would just call the police.

 

This sounds like a different sister--adult children, living with current husband for the past ten years.

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She asked you to call on her birthday and you haven't been able to get a hold of her? She doesn't have a history of being flaky? Call the cops. Today. 

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A little love from all of us while you have her checked on.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: Something is wrong or you would have heard from her. who lives the closest?

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They will let you know no one answered/is home so they couldn't deliver the pizza.  It gives more information to decide what to do next.  Particularly if someone will get mad if you call the police to do a welfare check if everything is fine, it gives a chance to know they are fine (and now eating pizza) or if a welfare check really needs to happen.  It's doubtful the pizza people would get involved if there is a bad situation.  If they knock and no one answers, that's really where it ends for them.

 

Thanks for responding. I guess in my mind, if I'm worried enough to do something I'm going to call the police. It probably wouldn't occur to me to try something else because the person might get mad at me.

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Thanks for responding. I guess in my mind, if I'm worried enough to do something I'm going to call the police. It probably wouldn't occur to me to try something else because the person might get mad at me.

 

Plus, if she's not home she could be at the grocery store, versus hurt. Or if husband answers the door and gets the pizza, you know nothing. 

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I'd be very concerned as well. I hope you've called the police already. *hugs*

 

 

Re: pizza--I think that would be a better option in a situation where there's been a falling out between you and the person so you have reason to believe they're truly ignoring your attempts to communicate; the pizza delivery confirms for you that they really are alive and well, just shutting you out. It doesn't sound like that's the case here, so calling the police makes more sense.

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I am screaming from my keyboard ----call for a welfare check NOW. I know you said she doesn't text but if she did and you sent her a text saying, hey answer me or I am call the police to check on you, her husband, if he has done her harm could easily have just responded to the text.

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I would send a warning message unless there's a specific reason not to (like a history of her husband being controlling or abusive), but then I'd call. You talk to her several times a week usually? I feel worried just reading all this. :(

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I would send a warning message unless there's a specific reason not to (like a history of her husband being controlling or abusive), but then I'd call. You talk to her several times a week usually? I feel worried just reading all this. :(

I thought she said she talks to her every day.

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I thought she said she talks to her every day.

 

Even worse. This would be making me crazy.

 

ETA: You're right. She said their mom talks to her several times a week. I can't even imagine. Like, I can't imagine what would change for someone so dramatically after a trip that they wouldn't be in contact just to say, I'm sick post trip or I'm fine but need some space because. It seems really worrisome.

Edited by Farrar
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If the last time you talked to her was before Christmas, do you even know for sure if she actually went on the trip? 

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:grouphug:

It would freak me out, my side of the family is chatty. My phone was down for two weeks so my cousin couldn't reach me through whatsapp. It freak her out enough for her to message me on Facebook and Skype and WeChat knowing that at least one messaging app would work on my iPad so I could respond to her. We are on different continents and she would have probably Skype call if I didn't respond.

 

For others--please help me understand why having a pizza delivered is better than calling the police. If there is a bad situation why put someone else in the middle of it vs the police who would have training for such?

Anyone can sign for pizza delivery so I don't get the usefulness either other than saying someone is home to sign for it.
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If the last time you talked to her was before Christmas, do you even know for sure if she actually went on the trip?

This is what I was wondering too. If she talked to her sister before Christmas, and sister said call me on Monday....well the Monday after Christmas would have been dec 26. So that is confusing and I can't quite figure out exactly how long it has been since anyone talked to her. Regardless it is long enough and out of character enough I find it alarming.

 

Hope you check in soon Kinsa.

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Another vote for calling the police, now.  

I wouldn't do the pizza delivery thing.  The one that made the news was a completely different situation, where a grandson was trying to get in touch with his Grandma after a hurricane.

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For Kinsa, yes I'd be worried and I think it's reasonable to call for a welfare check. I hope your sis is ok. :grouphug:

 

 

For others--please help me understand why having a pizza delivered is better than calling the police. If there is a bad situation why put someone else in the middle of it vs the police who would have training for such?

 

The news story was about a family who couldn't get in touch with their grandmother after a hurricane went through and phone lines were down. Local police were too busy to do a welfare check. The family called a pizza place and had them deliver a pizza and asked the delivery guy if he could call them once it was delivered. He did and it was a happy ending. 

 

I absolutely would not do that in this case. I would have called days ago. Kinsa, please call now. Don't wait for Monday! 

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Her daughter came up with that idea, but we nixed it because it would royally piss her off if we did that. Although, we might end up doing it if no one hears from her soon...

So she gets P.O.ed. I'd tell her to suck it up. She is acting strangely and you are WORRIED.

The time to intervene is NOW.

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Agreeing with those who say you need to call the police immediately. This situation is highly strange.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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I just want to add that I am praying for your sister and all of you. This situation sounds very scary; I hope and pray we are all wrong about this. Praying you hear something positive, soon. :hugs:

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To clarify:

1. Your sister was supposed to go on a trip over Christmas (with her husband?). Her husband of one year (but lived together 10) posted a photo on Facebook you recognized as being in their kitchen on Dec. 31 but your sister was not in the photo. In fact, no person was in the photo? It was just a picture of food for New Year's Eve on a table in their kitchen?

 

2. Neither her adult children, her mother, or you have actually spoken to her since before Christmas and yet normally you talk with her every day, your mother talks with her multiple times a week, and I assume her children speak with her often. She had specifically stated that after her trip she wanted you to call her to visit. She was unreachable.

 

3. Her birthday was January 2. NO ONE, not her children, her mother, nor you could reach her and she hasn't returned a single call. Her husband answered ONE long distance phone call from her adult child that day, Jan. 2, but said he was in a Wal-Mart and could not talk. He has not answered a single phone call since. ETA: Also, there has been no activity from her on Facebook nor any response to any of you through email.

 

4. It is now January 6th. You, your mother and her children have not spoken to her directly in over 2 weeks. Again, you say you normally speak with her DAILY, your mother speaks with her multiple times a week and I presume her adult children speak with her often as well.

 

I hope I have all the facts straight. I apologize if I messed up the facts.

 

Based on what I am understanding above, the idea that calling for a wellness check might piss her off seems ludicrous, TBH. Why would she NOT understand after being out of communication for this long? And even if she is fine and does actually get pissed off, goodness I would rather be wrong and tick her off than wait one more minute in case she really is in trouble.

 

I hope with all my heart that you or the kids have gotten her a wellness check and that things are fine. Right now I would be so stressed out I couldn't think about anything else.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

ETA: Additional clarification: This appears to be a different sister from the sister with minor children that is in a custody fight with an abusive ex-husband.

Edited by OneStepAtATime
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I agree with not sending a warning text because if something is wrong, it is on the husband. And he would see anything that comes to the phone. Did you call the phone to see if it is turned on? Definitely, call the police ASAP and give no heads up that you are calling.

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I keep checking back.  Hoping it was something easily explainable.(Can not think of what it might be...)

 

Praying for her and all of you.

 

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Like everybody else, I really hope this is all nothing and your sister is just being a flake - but you need to call the police. No conferring with family, definitely no waiting for Monday. What if something is wrong, and it gets worse between now and Monday?

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Just another voice chiming in, hoping you or one of her children has contacted the police for a welfare check. If it were just one family member that hadn't heard from her then I wouldn't worry as much, but multiple? Red flags. At least if you call now then there's the weekend for somebody to get there in case of emergency.

 

:grouphug:  I hope everything is OK.

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I am really worried about this.  Definitely call the police.  Do not wait until Monday.  If something awful has happened, not saying it has, you would want authorities looking for her or securing evidence as close to the time she disappeared.  The ten year relationship and one year of marriage doesn't necessarily mean the individual is truly safe.  Not all bad guys have a history of violence.  Some just decide to do violence for other reasons such as money, freedom, some other girlfriend, etc. So yes, husbands and boyfriends do kill at times while not being abusive in the least.

 

I will pray but please do call the police.

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I keep coming back to check on updates. :grouphug:

Hope you have an answer soon and peace of mind.

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