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Kinsa

At what point do we intervene?

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Everyone processes things differently.  Now that you know the issue, forgiveness for the way she handled things is easy.  That's a plus.

 

Knowing that she could share the burden of the secret with only you is so good for her, but hard for you.  I hope the weight of it lessens over time.

 

Thank you for sharing the 'conclusion' with us - I love the genuine concern and caring from people here!!

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Very sorry, Kinsa.  I figured that if she was really alright, it had to be something bad from the visit to your folks, but I was hoping that that wasn't it.  Ugh.

 

A couple of things to consider--

--Whatever it is, you probably haven't heard the whole story.  The more emotional something is, the more likely it is that things got left out.  Sometimes those things make the story worse, but a lot of times they make it better.  I could give you some examples, but they are really too private--just something to keep in mind.

--Since this is an ongoing secret, it's going to be important to figure out whether and how it might stop being a secret, and what the ramification are of that in your relationships with others in the family.  Sometimes those kinds of things coming out cause those in the know to be GREATLY resented by those they didn't tell, and it's good to get some runway going on that.  What will you say, for example, to your mom, if she finds out AND finds out that you knew long before she did?

--These are still all the same people.  Really.  They aren't strangers, even if the secret something is very uncharacteristic.

 

Hugs to you, Kinsa.  No fun, I know.

 

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I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of that Kinsa. Glad she is physically okay though, and that  you are at least to the bottom of it now. Hopefully you can at least decompress to your dh while you process. Never a dull moment is there?

 

  :grouphug:

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I'm very glad to hear your sister is safe. I will keep you and your sister in my prayers as you process the upsetting secret. I am glad that she has a sister like you to turn to in what sounds like a very difficult situation.

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I'm so relieved that you aren't in the dark anymore, but I'm really sorry about the reason for the lack of communication.  I hope it gets easier to deal with as time goes on.   :grouphug:

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Glad she is ok. Hugs to you.

Secrets lose their power when brought into the light, but sometimes the consequences are so devastating. I would absolutely get counseling, and in my faith, I would be asking God to walk alongside. I don't know if I'd be brave enough to bring a devastating secret into the light and go thru the consequences. I hope you have both the courage and the support IRL to do whatever you have to do--keep it or divulge it. 

 

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Karen, I have t as a chance to read this thread before now, but I am so glad your sister is okay! Big hugs as you deal with whatever your father told her.

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Very sorry, Kinsa.  I figured that if she was really alright, it had to be something bad from the visit to your folks, but I was hoping that that wasn't it.  Ugh.

 

A couple of things to consider--

--Whatever it is, you probably haven't heard the whole story.  The more emotional something is, the more likely it is that things got left out.  Sometimes those things make the story worse, but a lot of times they make it better.  I could give you some examples, but they are really too private--just something to keep in mind.

--Since this is an ongoing secret, it's going to be important to figure out whether and how it might stop being a secret, and what the ramification are of that in your relationships with others in the family.  Sometimes those kinds of things coming out cause those in the know to be GREATLY resented by those they didn't tell, and it's good to get some runway going on that.  What will you say, for example, to your mom, if she finds out AND finds out that you knew long before she did?

--These are still all the same people.  Really.  They aren't strangers, even if the secret something is very uncharacteristic.

 

Hugs to you, Kinsa.  No fun, I know.

 

This sounds so grace-filled and wise. Praying for both you and your sister as you move forward.

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So relieved to hear she is physically ok, but, secrets suck. Praying for strength to get through the next step. 

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WOW...Continuing to send prayers, well wishes and hugs your way. PRAYING that both of you can get the support you need during this most difficult time. I'm so sorry. Your sister is physically safe so please take time for a hot bath, glass of wine, or whatever soothes your soul before you dive into this next phase. Please be extra gentle with yourself during this most difficult (and emotionally intense) period of time. Hugs and more hugs. 

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Glad to hear the conclusion and I'm praying for your family. I have to ask, though, is your relationship with bil such that you will ever be able to tell him about the time a few thousand women suspected him of deeds most ville? (some of my inlaws I could, others-never.)

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Glad to hear the conclusion and I'm praying for your family. I have to ask, though, is your relationship with bil such that you will ever be able to tell him about the time a few thousand women suspected him of deeds most ville? (some of my inlaws I could, others-never.)

LOL -- No, I shall never tell him!

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Karen, I have t as a chance to read this thread before now, but I am so glad your sister is okay! Big hugs as you deal with whatever your father told her.

Oh hon, you've had your own dealings to contend with. (((Hugs to you)))

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Talked to sis for three hours this morning. She's fine.

 

Apparently when she went to visit our dad, things went badly. Very badly. He dropped a bomb on her and she's needed time to process what to do with the information. She shared with me and cried when she told me; we came up with a plan. It's not fun, or pretty, and is pretty devastating, honestly. Gotta love family secrets.

 

Anyway, I'm still ticked that she didn't at least let everyone know she was okay. I think she assumed that we'd all be content to hear through her husband. Her poor husband was really put between a rock and a hard place though.

 

So, that it, folks. The story is over.

Now see, this makes perfect sense. I am sorry for the situation but you were right that something was wrong. It's wonderful to have a relationship that just "knows" when something's off. You are a good sister.

 

And I know the entire hive is relieved to know that your sis didn't marry an axe murderer! Poor guy, yeah, he was way down in "do these pants make me look fat" sort of territory.

 

Prayers as you and your sis process and navigate the troubling news and circumstances.

 

And thanks for updating us, Karen. We get caught up in worst case scenarios but please know that it stems from genuine concern.

Edited by Seasider

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I hate to say it, but part of the plan is keeping her daughters in the dark about what our dad told my sister. As a matter of fact, we agreed to not even tell our other sisters about it, nor our mother. It begins and ends with the two of us.

 

 

Ah, both wise and difficult. Grown-upping is really just the pits some days. Being the adult child of a parent who makes a very bad decision is worse.

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I'm so glad that your BIL didn't do anything nefarious and that you were able to talk to her.  

 

I'm sorry you have another burden to bear, but I'm so, so relieved that you heard from your sister.

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