DawnM Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Long story short, I have a group of girlfriends who go to the beach every year together. We all went to the same boarding school in Africa together. There are about 35 invited, but usually about 10-14 can actually come. It is our entire graduating class (women only) who are invited. So, some I am close to and others not as close, but I still enjoy their company. I say all that to explain the following. I live in a major city. So, instead of spending the extra to fly to the beach, some ask if they can fly into my city and spend the night and go with me. In the past, this has not been an issue because I wasn't working, the boys weren't in school, and we had plenty of time. But now, I work full time and the boys are in school full time. Two of the women (both of whom I am actually NOT close to) now have asked me if they can fly into my city, have me pick them up, spend the night, and then on Sunday, ride back with me and I take them to the airport. Just for perspective, the beach is 4 hours to the East of me. The airport is almost an hour to the West of me. If they can arrive on Wed. by 3pm, I can pick them up after work without going too far out of my way. But Sunday will be the issue. I will have to drive an additional 2 hours on top of the 4 hour Beach drive just to get them to the airport and back. Never mind that I have no idea if their flights will coordinate times. Would I be a horrible person to explain the above and say that they can come if they are willing to share an Uber to the Airport on Sunday from my house to get back to the airport? I LOVE this weekend and look forward to it every year, but even when I wasn't working, it takes a lot out of me. I am in charge of quite a bit of it, which I also love, but again, it wears me out. I am just thinking the additional 2 hours plus all the entertaining, hosting, etc....will be more than I can deal with. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 I think it would be reasonable to say it no longer works *at all* and everyone just makes their own way to the beach. If they stay at your house having them get their own transport is *definitely* reasonable. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 There is nothing wrong with telling someone you have no way to get them back on Sunday because of prior obligations. The same thing happens to us frequently because the closer airport is expensive flights, and the airport further away has cheaper flights. Usually the savings is only $100 to $200 round trip. So, I am expected to pay for a round trip of gas, tolls, and parking just so visitors can save a little money. No way. I tell them I will pick them up if they fly into the airport nearby. They can rent a car or use a shuttle service if they fly into the far away airport. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joules Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 (edited) You are working now and just can't do it. That is in no way unreasonable. If it won't be too much stress, I would tell them that the extra two hour drive to the airport and back is not possible on either Wednesday or Sunday because of getting home from or ready for the work week. If they can Uber to your house Wednesday and Uber to the airport Sunday, you will drive them to the beach. If thinking about that is stressful, I think it's perfectly reasonable to say "I can't drive anyone this year." In my case, there would just be too many moving parts to pack and get the family ready to leave to have people show up on my doorstep at the agreed upon time. I'd need flexibility to leave an hour later without having people waiting on me. I would be telling them no rides this year. Edited January 6, 2017 by Joules 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Yes. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 It is totally reasonable to tell them they need to arrange their own airport transportation. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Maybe they could rent a car together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Sure, you are being more than reasonable. Just because you have done something in the past doesn't mean you are obligated to do it forever. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Sure. I have had this happen with close relatives; sometimes I just cannot take them to the airport. They are grateful for the times that I can and the savings of flying out of the big airport. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Not horrible at all. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 There is nothing wrong with telling someone you have no way to get them back on Sunday because of prior obligations. The same thing happens to us frequently because the closer airport is expensive flights, and the airport further away has cheaper flights. Usually the savings is only $100 to $200 round trip. So, I am expected to pay for a round trip of gas, tolls, and parking just so visitors can save a little money. No way. I tell them I will pick them up if they fly into the airport nearby. They can rent a car or use a shuttle service if they fly into the far away airport. I wish hubby would tell his relatives this, they used to live in Chicagoland and KNOW the airport they pick (Midway) is far, FAR more inconvenient then O-Hare for us! Yet they still insist on using the airport that forces hubby to navigate through and south of the city (up to two hours each way in traffic, and when is there NOT traffic in and around a big city?) rather than the airport that is a 40 minute at most straight shot down the tollway from us ( we live west of O'Hare). . Grrrrr. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 6, 2017 Author Share Posted January 6, 2017 Well, one person already purchased an airline ticket BEFORE asking. Thankfully, she arrives at a time I can swing by after school to do a pick up and I have already told her she will have to spend the night in the office on a mattress on the floor as we don't have space without displacing a teen who has to go to school in the morning. Honestly, that space really won't hold two mattresses comfortably, but it will have to do if they really want to stay here. I have now sent an email to both of them explaining that I will do pick ups on my way home from work ONLY, so if the 2nd one wants to come, she needs to arrive before 4pm. I have also explained that I cannot provide transportation to the airport once we get back and they will need to share an Uber or something. I can let them stay on the floor in our office (on mattresses) and I can give them a ride to/from the beach. That is more than enough really. Next year I will be VERY clear from the start. I am taking 2 days off of work to go. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 I think you are being extremely reasonable. I hope you have fun on your weekend! It sounds like a blast... :coolgleamA: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Perfectly reasonable. You don't really have to explain anything. Just tell them, you'd love for them to come, but that you won't be able to take them to the airport on Sunday. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 (edited) Well, one person already purchased an airline ticket BEFORE asking. This is a bold, and I believe a rude move if she still expects you to do anything for her. I don't even do this with my own family. I always check first. It's probably easier to be a little rude with a near stranger, actually. Not as worried about putting them out. I wouldn't go out of my way at all with this person. Edited January 6, 2017 by wintermom 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 First, this post sounds like the beginning to a novel! :) I think it's totally cool to say, "my life has changed 180 and I'm totally slammed with full-time work, the kids. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I can barely do the beach." I would much rather know the truth of your situation versus your taking on me as a headache. . . and I figure it out somewhere along the way. I'd be mortified to think that I'd encroached on your busy life! Alley 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Very reasonable to say you can't get off work to drive to the airport and they should hire a cab or similar. I assume you have room in your car for extra people and bags, since you didn't mention that as an issue. But if it is an issue, then it would also be very reasonable to opt out of driving others and tell them to rent a car or something. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 (edited) Is this reunion always in the same location, close to your city? If so, it seems that over the years you've been VERY gracious about helping out all these travelers and past classmates. Maybe it's time to hold this reunion in a different location and share the burden around a little more? Edited January 6, 2017 by wintermom 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 It's okay to say "I'm so sorry, I'd love to if I could, but I can't." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinaPagnato Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 I think you're very kind to help facilitate a weekend that's fun and memorable to all of you. Sounds like you've begun to draw a line around what you can and cannot do. As future years come, you can be even more clear with what works for you. Hope it's a great time! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Sure, it's reasonable. It's going to suck all the fun out of the weekend if you have to bookend it with crazy transport and hosting people overnight also. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 6, 2017 Author Share Posted January 6, 2017 Is this reunion always in the same location, close to your city? If so, it seems that over the years you've been VERY gracious about helping out all these travelers and past classmates. Maybe it's time to hold this reunion in a different location and share the burden around a little more? Not exactly close. It is still 4 hours away. If it gets moved too far away, I won't be able to go anymore, so I take on a bit more hoping we can stay local enough for me to attend. Does that make sense? There ARE some others at another city, also 3-4 hours from the beach. I have suggested she look into flights there too, and ask those folks. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Even not so close friends in that scenario are still like family. At least that is the case for my boarding school friends from 30 some years ago. I don't think that there is anything wrong with explaining the situation. If an Uber is too expensive then hopefully they can change their flight to land somewhere closer to the beach. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 6, 2017 Author Share Posted January 6, 2017 Even not so close friends in that scenario are still like family. At least that is the case for my boarding school friends from 30 some years ago. I don't think that there is anything wrong with explaining the situation. If an Uber is too expensive then hopefully they can change their flight to land somewhere closer to the beach. The problem is that the beach flights are almost double. I get it. I do, but I just can't accommodate this time around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 (edited) Just say no and don't feel guilty. "I'm sorry, but due to my work and family schedule this year I am unable to assume an hostess duties at my home or juggle any trips to the airport." They are adults and will work out their own travel plans. Your home and labor is not a given in this situation. If you want to add "Please feel free to ask in the future because my schedule may change" it may take some of the sting out and leave that door open. However, you might now WANT that door to be open. Four hours of extra driving is a lot to ask of anyone. They'll pay more, but they'll probably have a better time if they fly into the area they are staying. ETA: Can they pool their resources, fly into the cheaper airfare place, then share the rental of a room and car to get to the beach? If that is more expensive, they may as well fly to the beach. Edited January 6, 2017 by KungFuPanda 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 The problem is that the beach flights are almost double. I get it. I do, but I just can't accommodate this time around. What is so special about a beach that is so inconvenient for flights? Sounds like a pain in the butt for most people to get to. I don't get it. Pick somewhere that's easier to get to for an annual gathering. Surely the point is to see each other, not drive blooming 4 hours after a long flight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vickjul Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I wish hubby would tell his relatives this, they used to live in Chicagoland and KNOW the airport they pick (Midway) is far, FAR more inconvenient then O-Hare for us! Yet they still insist on using the airport that forces hubby to navigate through and south of the city (up to two hours each way in traffic, and when is there NOT traffic in and around a big city?) rather than the airport that is a 40 minute at most straight shot down the tollway from us ( we live west of O'Hare). . Grrrrr. Unrelated to the OP, but why on earth don't they take the train from Midway to O'Hare? I used to live by Midway, but routinely took the train to O'Hare to fly the one airline that flew into my parents' hometown. It's not a hard trip by train -- certainly easier than forcing someone to drive across Chicago! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.