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So. Hypothetical question


Scarlett
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OP. can you ban everyone else from using the washer on Wednesday (or the day of your choice). That way it will be free when you need it to do the take-home laundry. 

 

 

Yes.  That is what I was trying to accomplish by getting the laundry finished Tuesday night.  Because I knew I would be bringing laundry home the next day.  I have already explained to the boys this situation....so the kid who was doing his laundry Tuesday and dropped the ball....that was a problem.  But he was apologetic and told me he would stay up and finish it.  Which he did.

 

The kid who put damp clothes in the basket and then threw clean jeans in the floor the next morning was very much NOT apologetic and in fact told me 'I'm not sorry I did it!'  Meaning, he thought it was no big deal.  That is what caused the biggest problem.  His total attitude and lack of respect and not being even a wee bit apologetic for throwing someone else's clothes in the floor. 

 

But hey, life happens, he is sorry now and I apologized for overreacting.

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One thing that puzzles me about the debate is the emphasis on clean jeans on the floor.

I mean, how dirty can your laundry room floor possibly be???

My kids sit on floors, porches, park benches, rocks, seats in public locations - all places where their pants encounter more dirt than on any floor in my house. A pair of clean pants on the floor inside the house is still clean. (They both put clothes on the floor in their rooms on a regular basis. Still clean.)

Edited by regentrude
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One thing that puzzles me about the debate is the emphasis on clean jeans on the floor.

I mean, how dirty can your laundry room floor possibly be???

My kids sit on floors, porches, park benches, rocks, seats in public locations - all places where their pants encounter more dirt than on any floor in my house. A pair of clean pants on the floor inside the house is still clean.

 

 

Well, I guess if I had found them when it first happened, instead of late in the day after they had been walked on several times I might have just folded them.  

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I still don't know whose jeans they were. They all three wear different sizes so that is the reason he knew they weren't his. If they had fit him I am sure he would have worn them. Because he just wouldn't have noticed they weren't his,

 

 

There was a brief moment when my then ~13 yo son was the same basic height and weight as his model-thin fashion-conscious then ~17 yo sister.  I once accidentally put one of her pairs of pencil-skinny low-slung Abercromby or some such jeans in his drawer.

 

He got up, put 'em on, went to school for the WHOLE DAY.  After he got home my daughter squealed in outrage when she recognized her favorite pants on his (cootie infested???) body.  He looked down at them vaguely and said something like, yeah, they were a little uncomfortable but I figured I just put on a little weight...

 

:lol: 

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There was a brief moment when my then ~13 yo son was the same basic height and weight as his model-thin fashion-conscious then ~17 yo sister.  I once accidentally put one of her pairs of pencil-skinny low-slung Abercromby or some such jeans in his drawer.

 

He got up, put 'em on, went to school for the WHOLE DAY.  After he got home my daughter squealed in outrage when she recognized her favorite pants on his (cootie infested???) body.  He looked down at them vaguely and said something like, yeah, they were a little uncomfortable but I figured I just put on a little weight...

 

:lol: 

 

LMAO

 

My kid once put his brother's pants on.  They came just past his knees.  I was like you didn't notice they were so short?!  Nope....didn't notice. 

 

 

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There was a brief moment when my then ~13 yo son was the same basic height and weight as his model-thin fashion-conscious then ~17 yo sister.  I once accidentally put one of her pairs of pencil-skinny low-slung Abercromby or some such jeans in his drawer.

 

He got up, put 'em on, went to school for the WHOLE DAY.  After he got home my daughter squealed in outrage when she recognized her favorite pants on his (cootie infested???) body.  He looked down at them vaguely and said something like, yeah, they were a little uncomfortable but I figured I just put on a little weight...

 

:lol: 

 

 

That is hilarious.

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One thing that puzzles me about the debate is the emphasis on clean jeans on the floor.

I mean, how dirty can your laundry room floor possibly be???

My kids sit on floors, porches, park benches, rocks, seats in public locations - all places where their pants encounter more dirt than on any floor in my house. A pair of clean pants on the floor inside the house is still clean. (They both put clothes on the floor in their rooms on a regular basis. Still clean.)

 

We have cat litter boxes in our laundry room, so I definitely don't want clean clothes on the floor in there. In the rest of the house, it wouldn't be filthy, but it's still rude. You don't throw other people's belongings on the floor. It's an intentionally disrespectful act. Now if they were attempting to toss it onto the person's bed and it missed and hit the floor, that would be different than throwing it onto the floor in the middle of a room.

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Well, I guess if I had found them when it first happened, instead of late in the day after they had been walked on several times I might have just folded them.  

Ok, maybe you over reacted when the jeans were tossed on the floor but you're saying that people walked on them throughout the day?  THAT would put me over the edge.  Who did that? The boy who tossed them on the floor? The kid whose jeans they were? Dh?  None of those possibilities are acceptable. 

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I may as well laugh as cry.

 

Ds was suppose to bring the trash cans back from the curb.  As I left the house around noon I reminded him via text.  When I got back at 2:15 they were still out at the curb.  He leaves for work at 2:30.  So I reminded him again and he did it that time.

 

Today is his laundry day.  (one of two)  I reminded him.  He said he didn't have much.  I suggested he wash at least a load so as to not have too much before the next time....He was all agreeable....When I left a small load was washing.  We have the loudest washer buzzer ever...and it lasts for 10 seconds.  I reminded him to listen for the buzzer.  Do you think he heard it?  Remembered before he left for work?  No.  

 

So I transferred it for him.  And talked to dh about the fact that both boys during this first week failed to get their laundry out of washer/dryer.  I suggested letting this week go and fining them beginning next week.  He agreed.  

 

Any suggestions on how much?  For ds it will have to sting or he still won't remember.  Or care.  I am not sure which.  I can hear him now saying, 'oh just a dollar a load?  I can afford that, you just reboot for me mom.'

 

 

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Ok, maybe you over reacted when the jeans were tossed on the floor but you're saying that people walked on them throughout the day?  THAT would put me over the edge.  Who did that? The boy who tossed them on the floor? The kid whose jeans they were? Dh?  None of those possibilities are acceptable. 

 

 

I don't know.  I was gone all day at work.  When I noticed them, my bosses laundry bags had been set on top of the clean jeans. 

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I do get how something seemingly small can set you off.  Happens.  Many times I feel like I'm the only one who gives a damn about stuff.  I guess over the years I've just stared letting a lot of stuff go.

 

Although to be honest, I'm kind of a slob myself.  I would have tossed my own clean jeans on the floor and walked on them.  :lol:

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Thanks everyone. Really. I was crying so hard last night while I was posting. Dss even asked me if I was ok. Dh petted me.

 

And one of the reasons it was important that dss not have clothes in washer dryer is because I knew I would be bringing home my bosses laundry Wednesday evening. So when I took 4 loads of bosses laundry into my laundry room the last thing I wanted to see is a pair of jeans on the floor. And yes sunday evening I talked to both boys about my schedule getting really tight and how they needed to have their laundry done so I could do bosses.

 

There is just a lot going on and I need cooperation. But yes I do agree the relationship is more important than the irritants.

 

You know, I think it's encouraging (or at least to me) to know that we all have meltdowns.  Truly.  And, after we walk away we see two things.

 

1. People we love do thoughtless or stupid things.

2. Sometimes we lose it over the little stuff.

 

I think both of those things are pretty normal and obviously we should try to minimize freaking out over both.  But both do happen.  So I think the next question becomes: What do we do so that we do them less?

I think you did a great job of problem solving the second question.  You directly addressed with the offender.  Family was comforting, even if it was stiff.  Everyone recognized that it didn't go awesome without bumps, but that everyone worked on it for the sake of the relationship.

 

Frankly?  Frankly, I think you should buy ice cream and for handling things well after handling things not so well.  'Cuz families do dumb things and good families recover.  You recovered.  Good job mama.

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I may as well laugh as cry.

 

Ds was suppose to bring the trash cans back from the curb.  As I left the house around noon I reminded him via text.  When I got back at 2:15 they were still out at the curb.  He leaves for work at 2:30.  So I reminded him again and he did it that time.

 

Today is his laundry day.  (one of two)  I reminded him.  He said he didn't have much.  I suggested he wash at least a load so as to not have too much before the next time....He was all agreeable....When I left a small load was washing.  We have the loudest washer buzzer ever...and it lasts for 10 seconds.  I reminded him to listen for the buzzer.  Do you think he heard it?  Remembered before he left for work?  No.  

 

So I transferred it for him.  And talked to dh about the fact that both boys during this first week failed to get their laundry out of washer/dryer.  I suggested letting this week go and fining them beginning next week.  He agreed.  

 

Any suggestions on how much?  For ds it will have to sting or he still won't remember.  Or care.  I am not sure which.  I can hear him now saying, 'oh just a dollar a load?  I can afford that, you just reboot for me mom.'

 

Do you have a laundromat in your town? 

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So I transferred it for him.  And talked to dh about the fact that both boys during this first week failed to get their laundry out of washer/dryer.  I suggested letting this week go and fining them beginning next week.  He agreed.  

 

Any suggestions on how much?  For ds it will have to sting or he still won't remember.  Or care.  I am not sure which.  I can hear him now saying, 'oh just a dollar a load?  I can afford that, you just reboot for me mom.'

Is there some reason why you transferred the laundry rather than just letting it sit there?  Unless I needed to use the washing machine, I would leave the clothes there and let my child learn that the clothes don't get dry and can sour if they aren't moved.  If I needed to use the washing machine, I would take the wet clothes out of the washer and place them in clothes basket for the owner to take care of when they were ready to take care of them.  

 

Personally, I would approach the problem by letting clothes left in the washer remain wet and letting clothes in the dryer wrinkle rather than fining.  I am traveling right now and staying in a building with a community laundry room.  Just last night I put a load of clothes in the washer and went back to my room.  I had set the timer to be back when the washer finished--must have been a couple of minutes off, because by the time I got there someone else had taken my clothes out of the washer, laid them on the table and was starting to use the washer.  I would prefer consequences to be natural consequences as much as possible rather than using fines.

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Yes. Yes they are. Just this week I went to work more....and sat my two teens down and told them I need help now...and gave them a laundry schedule to do their own clothes. Yesterday my dss had two,loads unfinished at bedtime......I had specifically said I dont want laundry left undone. My ds was home ahead of us so I asked him to reboot and he is the one who pulled damp clothes out and left them shoved in a basket. I woke my ds up and showed him the wet clothes. He went back to bed and I stayed in the laundry room waiting for the clothes to dry.....my dss came in and told me he would wait up for it and for me to go to bed. I GREATLY appreciated him doing that and told him so.

 

Then at 7 this morning my ds is throwing clean clothes in the laundry room floor. So it isnt about me doing his laundry.....it is about me not wanting clothes, especially CLEAN Clothes left on the laundry room floor.

Maybe it would help to give the teens more control. Instead of giving them a laundry schedule, tell them the days and/or times the laundry facilities are off limits (because you will be doing laundry or the noise would disturb others) and let them do their own laundry on their own schedules. If they've been taught how to do it correctly, then any resulting issues with wrinkled or moldy clothes would be natural consequences.

 

You could also consider giving them choices about how they want to help more due to your new work schedule. When my son was 12, I started working more and we talked about him contributing more if he was going to stay homeschooling and involved in all of his activities. He volunteered to clean the kitchen and bathroom each week in addition to his regular chores. A couple of years later he also voluntarily started doing his own laundry.

 

And I would save waking a teen, especially at night, for something very serious or very amazing. A sleep deprived hormonal teen is not likely to be cooperative.

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Today is his laundry day.  (one of two)  I reminded him.  He said he didn't have much.  I suggested he wash at least a load so as to not have too much before the next time....He was all agreeable....When I left a small load was washing.  We have the loudest washer buzzer ever...and it lasts for 10 seconds.  I reminded him to listen for the buzzer.  Do you think he heard it?  Remembered before he left for work?  No.  

 

So I transferred it for him.  And talked to dh about the fact that both boys during this first week failed to get their laundry out of washer/dryer.  I suggested letting this week go and fining them beginning next week.  He agreed.  

 

Any suggestions on how much?  For ds it will have to sting or he still won't remember.  Or care.  I am not sure which.  I can hear him now saying, 'oh just a dollar a load?  I can afford that, you just reboot for me mom.'

 

Why do you feel the need to micromanage when and how they do laundry?

If you don't want to do their laundry anymore, just don't. Tell them when YOU are going to use the washer and leave it at that.

They can figure out when to wash their clothes, how and when to take them out - as long as they are not in anybody's way, why do you even bother? 

 

Sure, you can start fines and make it a battle. If that is worth your emotional energy. It wouldn't be for me - to me, something as mundane as laundry is not worth battling over, especially considering that it takes 2 minutes to throw a lad of laundry in the washer, another 2 to switch, and another 2 to take out of the dryer. So.not.worth.it.

Edited by regentrude
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Why do you feel the need to micromanage when and how they do laundry?

If you don't want to do their laundry anymore, just don't. Tell them when YOU are going to use the washer and leave it at that.

They can figure out when to wash their clothes, how and when to take them out - as long as they are not in anybody's way, why do you even bother? 

 

Sure, you can start fines and make it a battle. If that is worth your emotional energy. It wouldn't be for me - to me, something as mundane as laundry is not worth battling over, especially considering that it takes 2 minutes to throw a lad of laundry in the washer, another 2 to switch, and another 2 to take out of the dryer. So.not.worth.it.

 

 

Laundry is a big deal to me.  Tomorrow I am off and I want to be able to do the master sheets and dh and my laundry.  I don't want to go find laundry, soured or not, wrinkly or not in my washer or dryer.  I am just not going to have it.  So if it is not a big deal to you ok, but it is to me.

 

Letting them do their laundry whenever they want won't change the basic problem that they can't get it out of the washer and dryer and put away.  THAT is the problem.  

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Maybe it would help to give the teens more control. Instead of giving them a laundry schedule, tell them the days and/or times the laundry facilities are off limits (because you will be doing laundry or the noise would disturb others) and let them do their own laundry on their own schedules. If they've been taught how to do it correctly, then any resulting issues with wrinkled or moldy clothes would be natural consequences.

 

You could also consider giving them choices about how they want to help more due to your new work schedule. When my son was 12, I started working more and we talked about him contributing more if he was going to stay homeschooling and involved in all of his activities. He volunteered to clean the kitchen and bathroom each week in addition to his regular chores. A couple of years later he also voluntarily started doing his own laundry.

 

And I would save waking a teen, especially at night, for something very serious or very amazing. A sleep deprived hormonal teen is not likely to be cooperative.

 

 

I have already explained to them...quite nicely I must say...that I need the washer and dryer to be free on these days and I am working more now.  Twice so far in the first week they have failed to get their laundry out of the washer or dryer.  So them knowing my needs hasn't motivated them to get their stuff done.  

 

I would honestly much prefer to go back to me not having to work and being the support system at home taking care of everyone's laundry myself, cooking the meals, etc.  But that is not going to happen and I have to have some consideration.

 

My son has a very very full schedule and he is doing a great job in almost every area of his life.  Chores?  Not so much.  And dss is amazingly helpful with meals.  So should I just go back to doing their laundry?  Seriously it might just be easier.  I just thought that if they could do their own I wouldn't be spending my two days off (ha) doing laundry all day.  

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 I just thought that if they could do their own I wouldn't be spending my two days off (ha) doing laundry all day.  

 

I don't get it. You obviously have a washer and dryer, so doing a complete load of laundry takes six minutes of your time - the rest is done by machines. You don't actually "spend your two days off doing laundry all day".

Not saying you should go back to doing their laundry, but I would evaluate carefully whether you're not spending a lot more time and mental energy policing the use of the laundry facilities compared to just doing it.

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I don't get it. You obviously have a washer and dryer, so doing a complete load of laundry takes six minutes of your time - the rest is done by machines. You don't actually "spend your two days off doing laundry all day".

Not saying you should go back to doing their laundry, but I would evaluate carefully whether you're not spending a lot more time and mental energy policing the use of the laundry facilities compared to just doing it.

 

 

Yes, it is true, that the transferring of laundry is a few minutes per load.  But if you aren't home, rebooting every 45 minutes to an hour it doesn't get done.

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Laundry is a big deal to me.  Tomorrow I am off and I want to be able to do the master sheets and dh and my laundry.  I don't want to go find laundry, soured or not, wrinkly or not in my washer or dryer.  I am just not going to have it.  So if it is not a big deal to you ok, but it is to me.

 

Letting them do their laundry whenever they want won't change the basic problem that they can't get it out of the washer and dryer and put away.  THAT is the problem.  

 

Sadly, this is a part of growing up.  They have to be able to learn from their mistakes. 

 

I would not transfer my kid's load if the agreed upon scenario was that he would take care of it.  The most transferring I would do is putting it in a laundry basket and putting it back in his room, wet. It seems mean, but my job is to prepare him for the next step.  You know what happens when you don't take care of your laundry in college/military dorms?  It gets taken out and put on a table.  You get to deal with it.  Teaching that at home to teens, who are preparing for the next phase of their lives means they learn it in a safe place.  They make mistakes.  I might mention setting a timer on their phone if it happened repeatedly, but I wouldn't nag.  I don't remind or cajole teens.  I teach them life marches on - they can be part of it or not, but not the center of it.

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Sadly, this is a part of growing up.  They have to be able to learn from their mistakes. 

 

I would not transfer my kid's load if the agreed upon scenario was that he would take care of it.  The most transferring I would do is putting it in a laundry basket and putting it back in his room, wet. It seems mean, but my job is to prepare him for the next step.  You know what happens when you don't take care of your laundry in college/military dorms?  It gets taken out and put on a table.  You get to deal with it.  Teaching that at home to teens, who are preparing for the next phase of their lives means they learn it in a safe place.  They make mistakes.  I might mention setting a timer on their phone if it happened repeatedly, but I wouldn't nag.  I don't remind or cajole teens.  I teach them life marches on - they can be part of it or not, but not the center of it.

 

 

AT this point though I am less about teaching them life skills than I am about minimizing my own stress.  Seriously, I don't care if their laundry gets done or is soured or wrinkled.  I just don't want to find it in my washer or dryer.  I could try putting it in his room wet.  I might have to buy another laundry basket just for that.

 

I did just discover that dss thought that on his laundry day he was suppose to do everyone's laundry.  ;/  No wonder he didn't have it all done by supper.  So we cleared that up and he won't be a problem I don't think.

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I wouldn't dole out punishments yet. I'd give them 3 solid weeks with no-nonsense reminders. No drama, just, "The timer went off. Reboot your stuff."

 

After three weeks, then I'd worry about consequences for doing the job wrong. They're still experiencing a learning curve at this point.

 

And warn them, "Guys you get three weeks of my reminders and after that, it's the laundromat for you." Or whatever your consequence is.

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Oh, and very quietly...your ds is probably more affected by a new member in the household than he's letting on. And just like little kids who throw tantrums when they're hungry because they can't articulate why they feel so bad, he will probably keep doing these little pesky annoying things without understanding that the root of it is that his world has been disrupted and he's still trying to deal with it.

 

I remember a hiver posting about her mother moving in with the family. Even though everyone got along and it was a positive thing, they were still having issues a good year after Mom had moved in. It's disruptive and takes a long time for everyone to feel settled.

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Here is the thing. I did make a check list. There were not many things on this list.

Boy A do your laundry on these two days

Boy B do your laundry on these two days.

Here is the list of how to do laundry. Wash dry, fold put away. Don't leave clothes in washer or dryer.

So Monday was boy As first day of laundry. We had all,been gone all weekend and there was a lot of laundry....so I reminded him of the schedule and helped him finish up because of the extra laundry and it being the first day of new schedule.

Tuesday it was boy Bs laundry day.....after Bible study at 10 p.m I learn there is laundry in the washer and dryer. I say calmly and kindly, ' well that is exactly what I don't want to happen...I need the laundry finished during the day before we all get home. ' so before we get home I call Boy A and ask him to reboot. He takes very damp clothes out of the dryer and shoves in basket and puts towels in dryer.

 

Boy B has the decency to come in and tell me he would finish up ( it was his laundry)

 

All I can figure is that I can expect nothing of anyone.

I don't have time to read all of the thread, just want to respond here.  

 

It gets tiring being the mom and being responsible for all the things, and frustrating when nobody else cares nearly as much as we do.  I get that, and I feel that some days, for sure!

 

In regard to your laundry, I would say that a) it will probably take some time to get them following the schedule/doing their laundry the way you would like.  Because they're kids.  It's okay.  Give it some time, instruction, work with them.  If they're not getting it or not caring enough to get it after you've spent several weeks instructing, then apply some consequences.  Make it more your problem/responsibility than yours.

 

Also, just generally, the fact that they don't care as much as you do doesn't mean they don't care at all.  I just assume that no one else in the house is going to care as much about home management stuff as I do.  So I try to narrow down what I feel really strongly about, and try to get the most cooperation on those things.  The things I can let go, I try to do that.  And the things that are less important to me, I try to accept "less than I'd like to see" and let that be okay.  Approaching it in this way helps me stay a little calmer in the midst of the daily crazy.

 

:grouphug:  to you tonight.  Raising teen boys can be a lot of fun and a LOT of frustration (I have three.  Save. me. please.).  Hang in there...you probably won't see a lot of "results" from your efforts right now, but you're doing a good job, mom!

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Yeah....I don't know why this is an issue. I'm sorry, Scarlet, I just don't get it. My son does his laundry and it almost never impinges on anything I need WRT the laundry. Once in a blue moon, I need to put stuff in and there's laundry already there, in the washer, wet, or in the dryer. Most times, I just finish that bit for him, unless he's home and nearby, in which case, I'll just tell him to manage his bit because I need the machines.

 

Personally, I would not fine the kids, but I know some here have suggested it, so of course, YMMV. I just don't want to be all anguished over what is happening with the laundry. My DS does his laundry usually about twice a week, but it's not carved in stone when this has to be and we communicate about it if a potential issue is bound to arise. Here lately, everyone in my household is or has recently been ill (poor DS12 is the walking dead at present), so I've been washing a lot more blankets and towels than typical. So DS17 has had to ask if the laundry is free. A few days ago, I was putting in barfed-on blankets and he already had wet clothes in. I just switched them for him. NBD.

 

It just sounds like you're making this into a dying-on hill and I'm wondering why you want to do that.

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Random bunny trail: I've never heard the word "reboot" used in reference to laundry before this thread. Is this a common usage?

I thought this was Scarlett's own special Scarlett-ism. :)

 

At first, I thought she meant "reboot" as in telling the kid to adjust his attitude.

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Ok, we talked to the boys and yes we are giving them at least this weeks grace.  And ds and dss worked it out that ds will always do the trash to curb and dss will do the bathroom.  That is their deal.  

 

Quill, I can't handle finding laundry in my washer or dryer.  I just can't .  I want it out of my washer dryer.  

 

 

 

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I thought this was Scarlett's own special Scarlett-ism. :)

 

At first, I thought she meant "reboot" as in telling the kid to adjust his attitude.

 

 

I don't know when I first started using it.  It means, in my family, remove clothes from dryer,  put clothes in washer in dryer.  

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If it helps you I can tell you how laundry gets done here?

 

 

I do my laundry at will.  I do the laundry of all humans below the age of about 10.

They have laundry hampers in their rooms.  They do NOT put their laundry in my laundry room at any time unless I've asked for it.  (Example: I only have a half load of whites, can you bring me yours?)

 

So, whenever they decide, willy nilly like, that they have the time to do laundry it looks like this:

 

Kid: "Hey mom, I'm home this morning so I'm going to throw in my load next, 'kay?"

Mom - makes mental note to self not to switch laundry the second the buzzer sounds.

Kid throws the load that is family/mine into the dryer.  Throws his/her load into washer. 

Kid might remember to switch on their own or I might remind if I notice first.

Then kid is expected to refill the washer - his/hers if they have another load or towels if they don't.

Kid must NEVER do just his/her own laundry and not throw in the next load as I don't make them do their own towels and there is ALWAYS a load of towels to be done.

 

If their load is in the dryer, because I discovered it first or because they ran to class or work, I toss it in their (now clean) laundry hamper and shove it in their room, out of sight and out of mind.

 

 

And, actually, part of the problem that brought this about was them bringing up clean laundry or just a massive pile all at once.  I despise looking at a laundry pile that looks like Mt. Everest and it is inevitable that a kid will bring up their laundry and go to work or go to class or..... whatever.  Then I am forced to either look at the laundry or do the laundry - neither of which is acceptable to me.  

 

And, if they must go nekkid, it is never my fault.  It has built in consequences of, "Ugh?  You forgot to wash your jeans?  Man, that stinks."  And I can be GENUINELY sorry for their lack of remembering instead of saying, "Dude, not my jeans, not my problem," and seeming heartless.  The same goes true for  - oh look,  you threw clean laundry in your laundry hamper?  Guess YOU are re-washing, re-drying, and re-folding your laundry.  Sad, but not my problem.

 

Happy, happy, happy.

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I don't know when I first started using it. It means, in my family, remove clothes from dryer, put clothes in washer in dryer.

Fascinating. I usually say "swap" or "switch." I've heard Flip and Transfer, too. But I like your use of "Reboot." Cute.

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AT this point though I am less about teaching them life skills than I am about minimizing my own stress.  

 

 

There are times in our lives when it comes down to this. Seriously.  And at that point it's fine to say to family members, "Look, you need to step up and see what needs to be done with your eyeballs because I am absolutely maxed."  

 

This isn't Scarlett on a day to day basis.  This is a stressed Scarlett saying there is a line here and this is the line I choose and a little respect needs to be forthcoming.  

 

Some people it's the toilet paper put on correctly.

Some people it's not leaving time on the microwave.

This is hers.  I get it.  And for heavens sake NO ONE should leave the lint trap full of lint at MY house!

 

;)

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I'm thinking the laundry is either a symptom of a MUCH bigger problem or your life is super easy and your making the laundry problem much bigger than it should be.

 

My life is sad, and stressful, and depressing right now. People around me dying, multiple cancer diagnosis on the daily, miscarriages are rampant, lots of people I love are hurting so I just can't imagine caring this much about the location of laundry.

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I'm thinking the laundry is either a symptom of a MUCH bigger problem or your life is super easy and your making the laundry problem much bigger than it should be.

 

My life is sad, and stressful, and depressing right now. People around me dying, multiple cancer diagnosis on the daily, miscarriages are rampant, lots of people I love are hurting so I just can't imagine caring this much about the location of laundry.

 

Wow. I'm sorry you are going through a rough patch, but there's no reason to be rude to Scarlett. Sometimes it's the straw that breaks the camel's back.

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This situation happens at my home often. My dh shares a bathroom with my three boys. DH often leaves a clean pair of pants (folded) on the floor for days. If I ask my DS(s) to bring down dirty laundry, everything on the bathroom floor comes down, including, the clean folded pants. And in case your thinking, why are things on the floor??? It's because dh nor DS(s) seem to get clothes into the basket regularly.

 

For a long time this really irked me. I would bring it up to them and ask them to be more mindful. It's been years and years and it still happens.

 

The consequence I put in place was if you put clean clothes in with dirty, your doing the laundry that day. For me, I decided it wasn't worth much more than that natural consequence.

 

My preference is that they wouldn't do this and they know it. DS(s) have a much lower threshold for cleanliness than I do so we muddle our way through.

 

If this situation you mention is a one time thing, I'd just point it out to DS and move on. It sounds though like there's bigger frustrations compiling. I'd encourage you to spend some time thinking of your family and the way your home runs. What are your non-negotiables? What rules are you willing to be flexible on? Once your really clear what issues need to be addressed just have a conversation with DS. Share what's important to you, get his input, and ask if he can work with you.

 

These things really do take a rinse and repeat mindset. Our DC aren't doing things on purpose to make our life hard. If you find yourself getting resentful then you may need to let some things go. There comes a point when the relationship is more important then petty disagreements. Only you know when you've got that point.

 

Good luck. Raising children is no easy task.

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I didn't intend to be rude. Sorry if it sounds that way.

 

 

No, no.  It is ok.  I have a lot going on in my life and my friend's lives.  I have a friend in late stage ALS.  So yeah, I get that laundry is like not important.  

 

Except....I am still living and laundry is a big deal to me.  Everyone has their thing.  

 

I mean....I came here and complained about my teens in the bathroom....everyone said let it go.  I have.  I mean, I notice, i grumble internally, sometimes after 45 minutes I knock and say hurry it up...but mainly I have let it go.  Laundry?  No.  I just can't see ever being ok with finding wet laundry in the dryer....or soured clothes in the washer....just not gonna happen.

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Oh, and very quietly...your ds is probably more affected by a new member in the household than he's letting on. And just like little kids who throw tantrums when they're hungry because they can't articulate why they feel so bad, he will probably keep doing these little pesky annoying things without understanding that the root of it is that his world has been disrupted and he's still trying to deal with it.

 

I remember a hiver posting about her mother moving in with the family. Even though everyone got along and it was a positive thing, they were still having issues a good year after Mom had moved in. It's disruptive and takes a long time for everyone to feel settled.

 

 

I might be affected by dss moving in more than I realize....but I don't think ds is.  Seriously, they have no conflict.  Right now they are happily washing dishes and chatting about stuff.  The ONLY conflict we have is that ds doesn't ever want to include dss in his fun stuff with friends.  We are coping with that.  Otherwise there is zero conflict.

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