Jump to content

Menu

Is anyone more "straight laced" than their parents are/ were ?


pinkmint
 Share

Recommended Posts

(Edited to replace political type words)

 

I'm just wondering. Because I've seen many people post over time about living/ believing differently, namely less strict than their parents.

I almost never meet anyone who is similar to me in that I ended up more "straight laced"/ stricter than my previous generations.

Granted I am a former drug addict who did lots of "premarital" stuff. But that's kind of how I was raised.

I'm a Christian now, which I take seriously. And by the way my family members think I'm weird because of it (reading the bible is extreme etc)

Edited by pinkmint
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

No.  I don't think you can get more conservative than my parents.  Well, I guess the Duggars are.  And I guess the FLDS is.  And the Amish.

 

HAHAHA!

 

But the taboo list was long.  No secular music, no dancing, no pop culture movies, etc.....

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am more conservative than my parents and dh is slightly more conservative than his dad and a good deal more conservative than his mom. 

 

ETA:  This is religious and political...seeing your new post later my parents and in-laws weren't into drugs, illegal activity etc so we are the same, not more or less conservative in that definition.

Edited by Mama Geek
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am more conservative in some ways than the way I was raised but yet hopefully less legalistic.

 

Dh became a Christian in his late teens and is way more conservative than he was raised. By 8 he was driving his drunk mother home on rural roads. By 12 he was allowed to buy alcohol excessively..Some for her, and then some for he and his friends.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think what I mean to say is not necessarily liberal in the sense of politics. I mean more parents who have drug, criminal, behavior in general issues. Not like hippie parents and you're Alex P.Keaton. But I guess that to would interest me.

 

Also I think people with parents who brought then up exposed to drug, neglect, poor adult choices etc are out there. But for some reason they end up the kind of person you don't find on a homeschool message board. Or in church usually.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm politically a little more conservative than my mother. I'm still on the Left but don't have her distaste for business. Socially we are equally Left, I would say. Neither of us is religious but nor are we lawbreaking druggies. I was raised to be a decent member of a compassionate society.

Edited by Laura Corin
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think what I mean to say is not necessarily liberal in the sense of politics. I mean more parents who have drug, criminal, behavior in general issues. Not like hippie parents and you're Alex P.Keaton. But I guess that to would interest me.

 

Also I think people with parents who brought then up exposed to drug, neglect, poor adult choices etc are out there. But for some reason they end up the kind of person you don't find on a homeschool message board. Or in church usually.

If they are around they may not be comfortable saying so in a homeschooling crowd but there certainly are some homeschoolers who have come from a background as you describe. Unfortunately I think many who do may end up repeating patterns and not be able to pull out of that lifestyle. The fact that you have is a testament to your fortitude. I know you have had some really tough days in the life you are leading but your kids have a Fighting chance at a healthier life and of not repeating the pattern you experienced as a child as they get older. That is wonderful and I commend you.

 

ETA: I have had friends and cousins live similar lives and many only made it out if a grandparent or aunt/uncle got them away from the parent exposing them to that life. Of those that didn't, one in particular overdosed in his early 20's. I say this to reemphasize stay strong for you and your kids. And to once again say I commend you.

Edited by OneStepAtATime
  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Also I think people with parents who brought then up exposed to drug, neglect, poor adult choices etc are out there. But for some reason they end up the kind of person you don't find on a homeschool message board. Or in church usually.

 

I wouldn't assume as such.  People don't generally advertise their dirt and that kind of dirt doesn't just happen with the idiotic or non religious...or any other type for that matter.

  • Like 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, I'd say I'm more conservative.  My family of origin is a train wreck on both sides.  My parents were pretty the typical "wild child" type from the late 60s/70s.  I was allowed to do things my kids were never allowed to do.  I married a young man from a pretty tame, Christian family, moved over 4 hours away, and never lived any closer than that again.  Now, I'm probably the most liberal (politically) member of HIS family, but still far different from my own family.  

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Also I think people with parents who brought then up exposed to drug, neglect, poor adult choices etc are out there. But for some reason they end up the kind of person you don't find on a homeschool message board. Or in church usually.

 

Heh.  Well, here's your exception. 

 

ETA:  Drug abuse is rampant in my family.  My mother was mentally ill and abusive.  I was around drug use, criminals, and exposed to sexual activity at a young age, simply from the people that were around me.  My parents divorced when I was very young, and my dad had a whole different set of yahoos that I was around when I visited him.  My step-dad and his family was probably the only glimpse of normalcy that I ever saw growing up, and even through his family I went through abuse of a different sort.  They were also pretty much responsible for driving me away from the church for a very long time.  

 

My own brother is an addict and is currently homeless.  

 

We are out there.  But we've worked hard to right the ship, so to speak, and to people that don't know our past we look like we came from entirely different background than we did.  In fact, after my small group at church really got to know me, they were shocked to find out the things I've been through.  This mostly came through my correction of their wrong assumptions about troubled people in general.  

Edited by The Girls' Mom
  • Like 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not me. My parents are uber-conservative in all senses of the word. I am way more politically progressive, religiously liberal and more accepting of things my parents find taboo. They are teetotalers; I have never even seen them eat a slice of rum cake or Tiramisu. None of their children are teetotalers, though none are heavy alcohol users AFAIK.

 

My parents would not even let any of us have our ears pierced and my mother's ears are not pierced. (Sidebar hilarious note: my maternal grandmother got her ears pierced when she was something like 74 years old, after my grandfather died! I admire the spunk that must have motivated that decision.)

 

None of my parents' five children became/are as conservative as they are and have been.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Politically? No, not at all. About on the same page, I think. I'm a bit more socialist leaning but not by much. 

 

Religiously? Yes. neither of my parents is very religious, whereas I attend services most Sundays, holy days, teach my kids to pray, include religion in our curriculum, etc. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think what I mean to say is not necessarily liberal in the sense of politics. I mean more parents who have drug, criminal, behavior in general issues. Not like hippie parents and you're Alex P.Keaton. But I guess that to would interest me.

 

Also I think people with parents who brought then up exposed to drug, neglect, poor adult choices etc are out there. But for some reason they end up the kind of person you don't find on a homeschool message board. Or in church usually.

I think the correlation you're making here is a little insulting. Because the title to your thread says "Who here is more conservative than their parents?" and that's generally the way your OP and many of the first posts in the thread assumed. As the thread has gone on, though, being more "liberal" is assumed to be one who is just hunky dory with drug addiction, neglect, drunk people, and poor adult choices.

 

There are conservatives out there who have drug problems. There are Christians who are drunk drivers and there are conservatives and homeschoolers who neglect their kids. And there are very conservative people I know whose connection to ethical behavior is tenuous at best when it comes to everyone else but themself. Poor adult choices surround people of all ideological backgrounds.

 

Liberal and conservative have generally accepted meanings. If this post here is what you're asking, I'm going to assume the best and hope it's just poor word choice.

  • Like 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's a good question; it got me thinking.  Dh and I may be slightly less conservative than our parents, but only slightly.  A difference that I see is that if we don't allow something, we try to make sure we have a good reason for it and we communicate that to our kids. My parents set rules, but didn't explain. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Also I think people with parents who brought then up exposed to drug, neglect, poor adult choices etc are out there. But for some reason they end up the kind of person you don't find on a homeschool message board. Or in church usually.

 

OTOH, some of the most devout Christians I have ever known had those types of beginnings.

 

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think the correlation you're making here is a little insulting. Because the title to your thread says "Who here is more conservative than their parents?" and that's generally the way your OP and many of the first posts in the thread assumed. As the thread has gone on, though, being more "liberal" is assumed to be one who is just hunky dory with drug addiction, neglect, drunk people, and poor adult choices.

 

There are conservatives out there who have drug problems. There are Christians who are drunk drivers and there are conservatives and homeschoolers who neglect their kids. And there are very conservative people I know whose connection to ethical behavior is tenuous at best when it comes to everyone else but themself. Poor adult choices surround people of all ideological backgrounds.

 

Liberal and conservative have generally accepted meanings. If this post here is what you're asking, I'm going to assume the best and hope it's just poor word choice.

I agree with your clarification.  I, too, was hoping it was just poor word choice.  I don't think she meant it as an insult to anyone.  I think she is seeking community and discussion (although I could be wrong). Definitely, there are a whole lot of people out there that I would not consider liberal that I know have had issues with drugs/alcohol/poor adult choices in general.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My parents are apolitical. So I'm both more liberal and more conservative than they are :-)

 

I am more conservative than both of them in life, for sure.

 

If the question is: are there people out there making wiser decisions than their parents? I think you will find the answer is HAIL YES.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Pinkmint, you might alter your title/OP to clarify that you aren't really talking about political bent but life style choices.  In other words, you seem to be seeking to talk about people who were raised by parents that made poor lifestyle choices for themselves and their children then growing up to take a very different path.  You might get more discussion in the area you are seeking if you alter the title.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ignoring the drug/alcohol/child neglect bit and answering the question it appears was being asked in the OP, I am more liberal/progressive than my parents were at points in their life and than I was at points in my life. I was raised not super conservative as far as religious/political beliefs were concerned. Personally, I became very conservative/evangelical for my teen years and young adulthood and then became more liberal/progressive after becoming a parent.

 

Likewise, my parents have been both more conservative and more liberal as they have gone through their adult life. So am I more liberal than my parents? That depends on which part of my life or their life we're talking about. If I am just talking about my childhood then I'd say somewhat more liberal, but not drastically so.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think the correlation you're making here is a little insulting. Because the title to your thread says "Who here is more conservative than their parents?" and that's generally the way your OP and many of the first posts in the thread assumed. As the thread has gone on, though, being more "liberal" is assumed to be one who is just hunky dory with drug addiction, neglect, drunk people, and poor adult choices.

 

There are conservatives out there who have drug problems. There are Christians who are drunk drivers and there are conservatives and homeschoolers who neglect their kids. And there are very conservative people I know whose connection to ethical behavior is tenuous at best when it comes to everyone else but themself. Poor adult choices surround people of all ideological backgrounds.

 

Liberal and conservative have generally accepted meanings. If this post here is what you're asking, I'm going to assume the best and hope it's just poor word choice.

 

Yes, it was poor word choice. The words liberal and conservative are very emotionally charged words, aren't they? I didn't know how else to explain it. Someone can suggest better terms if they understand what I am saying. If not, I may delete because I don't want to offend everyone. 

Edited by pinkmint
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Also I think people with parents who brought then up exposed to drug, neglect, poor adult choices etc are out there. But for some reason they end up the kind of person you don't find on a homeschool message board. Or in church usually.

But how would that look, ykwim?

 

"I highly recommend mep in your situation, and don't forget my parents were the pits and I'm still working through extensive trauma from childhood!"

 

I feel like childhoods come up around here pretty often. There's just a LOT of folks and stories here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Pinkmint, you might alter your title/OP to clarify that you aren't really talking about political bent but life style choices. In other words, you seem to be seeking to talk about people who were raised by parents that made poor lifestyle choices for themselves and their children then growing up to take a very different path. You might get more discussion in the area you are seeking if you alter the title.

And even then, you'll probably want to drop the liberal/conservative bit because the idea that drug use, alcohol addiction, and child neglect is the liberal default and ethical behavior is the conservative default isn't any better. Drug addiction/alcohol usage/child neglect know no political boundaries.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

And even then, you'll probably want to drop the liberal/conservative bit because the idea that drug use, alcohol addiction, and child neglect is the liberal default and ethical behavior is the conservative default isn't any better. Drug addiction/alcohol usage/child neglect know no political boundaries.

 

Did you read my last post? I am sorry to be offensive. I didn't mean it that way but it was poor word choices. One of the people closest to me who inspired this question has made some of the worst debauchery is politically conservative. So I guess I should have drank more coffee before I posted. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Did you read my last post? I am sorry to be offensive. I didn't mean it that way but it was poor word choices. One of the people closest to me who inspired this question has made some of the worst debauchery is politically conservative. So I guess I should have drank more coffee before I posted.

It's NBD. If you meant something else, go ahead and change it shoog. If you meant politically conservative/liberal, leave it and let the chips fall where they may.

 

Are you wanting to talk about raising children with wisdom after being raised carelessly?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's NBD. If you meant something else, go ahead and change it shoog. If you meant politically conservative/liberal, leave it and let the chips fall where they may.

 

Are you wanting to talk about raising children with wisdom after being raised carelessly?

 

Thanks, bud. 

 

I changed it to "straight laced" because that's the best term I can think of. It will probably offend someone though so we'll see. I guess I want to ask if there are people out there who are setting more limits than their parents did. Because I meet/ see online, a lot of people who say they don't set as many limits as their parents and that seems to be the norm. 

 

In *MY* case the lack of limit setting involved some raunchy life choices, but I can't make sweeping assumptions. Is this just a bad conversation to have started? LOL. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks, bud. 

 

I changed it to "straight laced" because that's the best term I can think of. It will probably offend someone though so we'll see. I guess I want to ask if there are people out there who are setting more limits than their parents did. Because I meet/ see online, a lot of people who say they don't set as many limits as their parents and that seems to be the norm. 

 

In *MY* case the lack of limit setting involved some raunchy life choices, but I can't make sweeping assumptions. Is this just a bad conversation to have started? LOL. 

To clarify my answer for you:

 

I had no limitations growing up.  Not really.  The requirements were to keep operating room level clean in the house at all times, and don't piss momma off (which what that could be shifted more than wind direction).  

 

I was dating dh at 15, and had no curfew.  I was at his apartment all hours of the day and night, and went where ever I pleased.  I had access to alcohol my entire childhood, and was even occasionally encouraged to drink.  I never did any drugs because I was pretty observant as a kid and saw what they did to people.  I had dreams of getting the heck out of dodge as early as 7 or 8 years old.  

 

Now, my girls have a lot of freedom, but nothing like what I did.  They've never been exposed to the things that I was, and they've had rules.  They have seen the mess I came from as they have gotten older (although they never met my mother as she died before they were born), and have thanked me repeatedly for protecting them from that life.  

 

On the flip side, we are probably very similar in limitations/rules to what my dh had growing up.  He and his brother turned out fairly well, so it wasn't a bad choice to kind of role model our family after his.  In fact, for the first couple of years, I was in complete awe over how incredibly NORMAL his family was...lol.  Now, after 20+ years, I know the warts and skeletons in that family too, and they aren't perfect...but they are still oh so sane and normal compared to what I came from.  

 

I believe that people can and do rise above their upbringing.  It is hard, and the scars are with you forever.  But it can be done.  Step #1, in my opinion, is to refuse to blame your own choices on your family past.  The ones that stay in the mire seem to blame every bad thing in their life on other people rather than owning their choices.  

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

DH and I are more politically conservative than our moms. DH grew up in a stable home and I did not. My extended family is whack, so we see them maybe 1-2 times per year. DH and I share a worldview that is significantly out of sync with my Mom, cousins, and aunt. We differ wrt food, entertainment, drug use, Church denominational differences, money, education, cohabitation, pregnancy, and child rearing.

Edited by Heathermomster
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm pretty much the same as my parents. One of my Dad's favorite sayings is, "Everything in moderation, even moderation." They're moderates and so am I though I might lean slightly more left or right on individual things.

 

Dh is definitely more liberal than his family but they are so very far right, it isn't hard to be.

 

Most of the people I know who are more conservative than their parents are like the op. They had less than stellar upbringings or made bad choices As teenagers then found religion. It seems to be a pretty common narrative.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I believe that people can and do rise above their upbringing. It is hard, and the scars are with you forever. But it can be done. Step #1, in my opinion, is to refuse to blame your own choices on your family past. The ones that stay in the mire seem to blame every bad thing in their life on other people rather than owning their choices.

I think this is so key. When I was 20 years old, I read (devoured, really) the book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I remember being so flabbergasted by just the very first habit: Be Proactive. To stop saying I'm like this because Mom did this, I do that because my boss is a d!ck, I can't do better because I wasn't taught how, etc. It was life-changing for me. It was the first time I had a clear understanding that I could steer my own life.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm much more straight-laced than my parents. My mom was an alcoholic and never acted like a grown up her whole life. She wanted to be seen as the cool parent and let us kids pretty much run wild. My dad didn't like being a father and put zero effort into parenting, as in completely ignoring us and pretending we didn't exist.

 

My husband is much more straight-laced than his parents, too. His parents weren't quite the disaster that mine were, but they were partiers and encouraged him to drink heavily at a young age. They were staunch Catholics but believed that as long as you went to church on Sunday, your bad behavior the rest of the week didn't matter.  

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was, but I think by nature, not by the influence of people or institutions. My mom and I were on a collision course by the time I was a pre-teen. Think liberal, hippyish mother accusing her daughter of her Victorian attitudes. That was us. I didn't have curfew, was watching my brothers overnight from age 11, had a standing offer to take me for birth control starting at age 12, and was clashing big time with my mom for smoking pot and her relationships with men. Outside of the paycheck, in many ways I assumed the steady parent role in the family.

 

Over time she's moved steadily towards more conservative views. I became less straight-laced place during my college years, then shifted pretty far right before landing in a moderate place. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wouldn't say I'm more straight laced than my mom, but I've lived a more traditional life. Big church wedding before I had kids. She got married on a beach when I was in college. We go to mass weekly. She still sings Christmas carols, but is otherwise really angry at the Church. The difference is really privilege. She did her best to escape a wildly disfunctional childhood, and as a result I had only a mildly disfunctional childhood. I've had emotional and financial resources she never had. It's way easier for me to make more traditional choices. I'm really grateful that my daughters have such a normal and boring childhood. It will be fascinating to see how this influences their choices someday.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm about the same as my parents. But a lot of it is that I thought they were amazing parents and I have a great relationship with them. There's a little bit of a chicken and the egg scenario here... what came first, that there was a good relationship or that the other parenting aspects were good, is hard to say.

 

My husband is way more "straight laced" in his every day life than his parents were. The example of you being able to watch every kind of movie, etc. early was true of him too. His parents said they gave him a lot of "freedom," but he saw it as neglect. Being more strict (and I don't even see it as strict, more like "don't let a 6 year old watch NC-17 rated movies") seems also to have come out of being exposed to other "stricter" people growing up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think what I mean to say is not necessarily liberal in the sense of politics. I mean more parents who have drug, criminal, behavior in general issues. Not like hippie parents and you're Alex P.Keaton. But I guess that to would interest me.

 

Also I think people with parents who brought then up exposed to drug, neglect, poor adult choices etc are out there. But for some reason they end up the kind of person you don't find on a homeschool message board. Or in church usually.

 

My mom was pretty straight laced, but my dad has had issues with drugs and still has issues with alcohol.  They were raised in a strong religious background, but religion and faith are two far apart things, even if they look similar.  I have a deep faith life and do not regularly attend church so I'm an enigma to them.  Basing life choices on the Bible is something they cannot fathom and yet not going to church is also something they can't fathom.  It's really hard for each of us to think the other has this not figured out.... because we each try to "help," kwim?   My dad, despite his, ahem, "dabbling" was a really great dad.  I think my mom did the hard day to day stuff and he did the relationship stuff to keep it fun and together.  She gets the harder rap because she had to do the boring mundane, kwim?  I didn't appreciate it way back when.  I do now.  

 

I will say they always worked their tails off.  Economically, they kept it together.  Maritally, they kept it together.  Honestly, it's pretty impressive.  I was exposed to a lot.  Being the oldest, it's almost like my sister and I had entirely different families.  But, as imperfect as they are, and me too ;),  I really do like them a lot. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

(OP, I'm coming in here after your re-direction of the frame of the thread... that is a helpful clarification.  Thank you.)

 

 

I grew up with moderate limits (reasonable curfew, regular but light chores) and fairly high expectations (grades, college, manners, civic involvement).  My parents were not perfect, any more than my husband and me, but they were not dysfunctional either.  My husband grew up in a different geography and higher socioeconomic bracket but otherwise, about the same.

 

He and I both went through a PITA separating-during-adolescence stage with respect to our parents, during which I expect we drove them rather up the wall, but in hindsight Big Picture we both more or less stayed on our parents' Big Picture program.

 

There are a few areas we've staked out a bit differently than how we were raised -- as a family we are a little more observant with faith-based traditions for example -- but overall we're pretty similar.  In terms of lifestyle, I wouldn't exactly say we're "straight-laced" -- we watch contemporary movies, listen to music, have wine with dinner -- but hardly reprobate either, lol.  Which is how we grew up.  In terms of political orientation we're all  basically moderate.  Which again is how we grew up.

 

 

I'm politically a little more conservative than my mother. I'm still on the Left but don't have her distaste for business. Socially we are equally Left, I would say. Neither of us is religious but nor are we lawbreaking druggies. I was raised to be a decent member of a compassionate society.

 

I was actively discouraged growing up from focusing too much on party or religious lines, and rather encouraged to think in terms of "crossing lines" in various domains.  To be engaged as an informed and compassionate citizen of an undertaking that included us all.

 

As an adult I have come to appreciate how hard an idea this really is to convey, and while there are aspects of my parents' well-meaning effort that I now think were somewhat misguided, I dunno that my husband and I ultimately have done any better.  

 

It's quite a radical idea, actually, that the commonalities and ties that bind are stronger than the forces that divide.

.

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My mom was pretty straight laced, but my dad has had issues with drugs and still has issues with alcohol.  They were raised in a strong religious but religion and faith are two far apart things, even if they look similar.  

 

Just wanted to say  :iagree:

 

Maybe some think it's just being nit-picky about words, but I would not describe myself as religious either. For me it's more about where my heart is, not the motions I do or don't go through. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In some ways I am, in others not so much.

 

My parents gave up being parents at some point in my childhood. My dad went out on the road and my mom was too concerned with whatever she was concerned with. Lots of things happened simply because there was no one to monitor our house, activities, relationships, etc.

 

My nickname was "Polly Purebred" because I could never relax and let loose. I still can't - I am the embodiment of uptight.

 

Edited: My parents were both raised in the church but gave up on religion long before I was born. I went to church but neither of my siblings did. My dad was an alleged alcoholic and both parents smoked. I don't drink or smoke. I've never tried drugs. Both of my siblings have much more 'life experience' than I do. I've always thought it interesting that we lived in the same environment yet had such opposite reactions to it.

Edited by Scoutermom
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...