Jump to content

Menu

If a HS group's motto is the "train up a child" quote


eternalsummer
 Share

Recommended Posts

Does that disqualify them automatically if you are not looking for a HS group a la the Pearls?  I am just wondering I guess to what extent that quote is code for "we beat our children and you must too" or "we will be very unkind to you if you are not Christian and legalistic about it even if you are quite conservative of behavior and values," etc.

 

Sometimes I think Christians (as members of the group at large) have a better sense of what phrases or bible verses are codes for certain things and which are more widely used.

 

(considering a HS group here in Grand Junction, FWIW, if anyone happens to know of another one)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That phrase was around long before the Pearls. You'd have to find out why they use it. A lot of times people mean it as only spiritual training and don't mean it as a discipline tool.

 

But, like you, I'd be very wary of them and would find out pronto.

 

P.S. I'd assume they are a heavily Christian group, but you'd have to find out if they're accepting of lots of kinds of Christians or only one kind. Any group with a statement of faith or a bible verse as their motto has the potential to be very narrow in their focus and exclusionary. You have to ask.

Edited by Garga
  • Like 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would not glance a second time at a group with that quote as its motto. Possibly, there is no association at all with the Pearls or patriarchy or other ick, but I would not risk it unless I had met multiple people in the group elsewhere and knew them to be not followers of that.

  • Like 10
Link to comment
Share on other sites

ah, nevermind, I read their about me and I cannot make the statement of faith (like at all).

 

Is there anything worse than moving to a new area and trying to find a HS group that will accept you? (rhetorical question, of course there are many worse things in the universe, just venting)

That's crummy. I'm blessed with introverted kids who never want to hang out with anyone, so we've mostly given up on bothering with co-ops. I do belong to one, but we only go on a couple of field trips each year and that's it. I wouldn't even know how to find another group, honestly.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is there anything worse than moving to a new area and trying to find a HS group that will accept you?  (rhetorical question, of course there are many worse things in the universe, just venting)

I feel 'ya.  We're on our sixth state during our HS journey and it's only getting harder as the kids get older.  

 

I hope you are able to find something quickly!  

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

ah, nevermind, I read their about me and I cannot make the statement of faith (like at all).  

 

Is there anything worse than moving to a new area and trying to find a HS group that will accept you?  (rhetorical question, of course there are many worse things in the universe, just venting)

 

 

I feel ya!  We move a bunch (third city in 30 months!), we aren't Christian, and it gets hard.  We've only really needed a HS group this city and the last, but it was still a challenge. Plus I think we have to move AGAIN in about another 8 months.  I hope you find what you are looking for soon

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

ah, nevermind, I read their about me and I cannot make the statement of faith (like at all).

 

Is there anything worse than moving to a new area and trying to find a HS group that will accept you? (rhetorical question, of course there are many worse things in the universe, just venting)

I have recently been through this and it is unpleasant!

 

The issue I ran into (in addition to the statement of faith ) is that to be added to a Facebook info group or even get access to co-op info you had to have people vouch for you. Like they wouldn't even tell me anything about the group or let me join the area FB group. The FB group was not officially part of a support group or co-op. It was just general community info but I couldn't get on it until other homeschoolers vouched for my character.

 

That was very difficult. How do you move to a town of strangers and meet anyone if you can't find out about events until you already know someone?

 

I am sorry. It is very discouraging.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Re: the original question, no I wouldn't assume that scriptural reference was related to the Pearls.

 

As for your update about the statement of faith, I am so sorry. The largest homeschool co-op in our area is one with a statement of faith I cannot sign; the exclusion is certainly sad and frustrating when you just want to make some friends!

 

I hope you find some compatible folks soon.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have recently been through this and it is unpleasant!

 

The issue I ran into (in addition to the statement of faith ) is that to be added to a Facebook info group or even get access to co-op info you had to have people vouch for you. Like they wouldn't even tell me anything about the group or let me join the area FB group. The FB group was not officially part of a support group or co-op. It was just general community info but I couldn't get on it until other homeschoolers vouched for my character.

 

That was very difficult. How do you move to a town of strangers and meet anyone if you can't find out about events until you already know someone?

 

I am sorry. It is very discouraging.

This kind of rule with Facebook groups is usually just to keep trolls and unsavory characters out. I'm administrator for a couple of groups and believe me we have way too many membership requests from profiles with zero legitimate cause to be in the group.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with Maize. I had never heard of the Pearls before this board. That is a common verse in regards to training children spiritually.

 

However, it sounds like you already figured out that group isn't for you. Have you checked the library, YMCA, or 4h group? They may or may not have specific homeschooling groups but you could possibly find a social outlet for your kids.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This kind of rule with Facebook groups is usually just to keep trolls and unsavory characters out. I'm administrator for a couple of groups and believe me we have way too many membership requests from profiles with zero legitimate cause to be in the group.

I understand. So how does someone new to an area find out about resources? Who vouches for the person new to the area? Moving is hard and emotional and to run into a dead end when you just want to know what is happening in the community is frustrating.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The local Parks and Rec looks good and of course there is an art center, swim team, etc.  We just haven't had a ton of luck with that kind of thing in the past - public schoolers seem to always already have friends and aren't all that interested in making serious friends in activities; there isn't a ton of downtime either (art classes are better for this, though) for just socializing.  It doesn't help I guess that I am quite introverted (and so is DD, though she loves and wants friends) so it is an effort for me to facilitate social connections and I am generally anxious about doing it wrong.

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know you have your answer, but I've belonged to a couple Christian homeschool support groups that use that scripture as their guiding principle, but none were Pearl groups. I suppose there might have been individual families that follow the Pearls, but that would've been on the individual family level and not at the group sanctioned level.

Edited by Kinsa
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I understand. So how does someone new to an area find out about resources? Who vouches for the person new to the area? Moving is hard and emotional and to run into a dead end when you just want to know what is happening in the community is frustrating.

 

Is there a state homeschooling organization you can contact? They often have information about local groups. If you can meet a local homeschooler or two they should be able to vouch for you to the facebook group.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know you already know this group isn't good for you but the verse about training up a child in the way he should go would not automatically disqualify but it's something that might give me pause. I did hear some pastor say that the verse is about training up a child according to their unique path and has nothing to do with beating them into submission so I know there are positive views of that verse.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know you already know this group isn't good for you but the verse about training up a child in the way he should go would not automatically disqualify but it's something that might give me pause. I did hear some pastor say that the verse is about training up a child according to their unique path and has nothing to do with beating them into submission so I know there are positive views of that verse.

That is good to know; that is basically what I was asking.  

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with Quill. If I knew a LOT of other people in the group and they were super, fine. Not everyone, everywhere knows about the Pearls and their horrible legacy. These might be super people. But I joined a group I should have known where nutsos and so I am suspicious. Don't join until you know FACTS about this group.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know you already know this group isn't good for you but the verse about training up a child in the way he should go would not automatically disqualify but it's something that might give me pause. I did hear some pastor say that the verse is about training up a child according to their unique path and has nothing to do with beating them into submission so I know there are positive views of that verse.

Agree. I never in my life saw that verse abused, so to speak, until I learned about the Pearls, Gothard etc. from online websites. It's always been a positive verse to me, encouraging a parent to be involved and looking for the child's proclivities rather than forcing something that isn't there. I much prefer that to the other context.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'll pray you find what you need in a homeschool group. As a devoted follower of Jesus myself, I've become aware that

too many who call themselves Christians are detrimentally exclusionary. We sometimes lose focus of what our jobs are

as ambassadors for Christ. If I lived near you in Colorado, I would totally invite you to come over. First, I would LOVE to 

live in Colorado! Second, my kids are always looking for other kids to hang out with, regardless of the age similarities or 

differences. Third, this homeschooling gig is hard enough as it is. Feeling isolated on top of that is just plain the pits. 

 

I really do hope you find what you're looking for! And as to the original question, not everyone who is guided by the Scripture,

"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it" is a Pearl follower.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is there a state homeschooling organization you can contact? They often have information about local groups. If you can meet a local homeschooler or two they should be able to vouch for you to the facebook group.

I was able to find one local group that allowed me to join without a reference. While I am not in sync with the group as a whole I will always be grateful that they allowed me to join. I did finally get added to the FB group after about a year when I met someone who could get me added.

 

I moved from a larger city with a vibrant homeschool community and I'd never run into having to know someone just to find out what local classes were offered, etc. I figure whoever volunteers their time to run a group has the right to do it their way but it is very hard on a newcomer.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Does that disqualify them automatically if you are not looking for a HS group a la the Pearls? I am just wondering I guess to what extent that quote is code for "we beat our children and you must too" or "we will be very unkind to you if you are not Christian and legalistic about it even if you are quite conservative of behavior and values," etc.

 

Sometimes I think Christians (as members of the group at large) have a better sense of what phrases or bible verses are codes for certain things and which are more widely used.

 

(considering a HS group here in Grand Junction, FWIW, if anyone happens to know of another one)

What is the Pearls?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What is the Pearls?

 

 

It's the last name of a couple who wrote some parenting books.  There have been cases of children being beaten to death using the discipline techniques outlined in the books.  The name of the parenting book is "To Train Up a Child."

 

They also write marriage books and encourage women to stay with husbands who sexually abuse their daughters.

 

It's twisted stuff. 

 

ETA:  There have been numerous, long threads about them in the past.  

Edited by Garga
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not sure if this is helpful, but the groups we participate in I have found through creative Googling. One is on yahoo groups, which is about as antiquated as it gets, but they're still active. I'm not on social media, so anything on FB wasn't an option. We lucked out and have a homeschool group that contracts paid teachers- that's been my lifesaver because I refuse to sign a statement of faith to be part of a homeschool group. To me that's something that belongs possibly for a Church membership, but school? Not for us. Ours is run by a church, but they're open to anyone as long as you can pay up and follow the basic rules of conduct.

 

You might also check with your local library and see if they know of any groups. 

 

Oh and one last thing- if your kids are interested in sports or specific activities like music or dance, scan for those that offer classes during the day. Our local ballet and music school has enough interest from homeschoolers that they offer classes during traditional school hours That's where I've met other real life homeschooling Moms, because unlike the other homeschool group, we all sit there and wait rather than drop the kids off. I love the Hive, but it's been nice for the first time in my life to talk to other homeschoolers without typing, lol! :) 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What is the Pearls?

 

What Garga tells you should sum it up. Consider ignorance as bliss in this case and read no further right now. You have enough on your plate and need happy thoughts. The Pearls will bring no happiness to anyone that reads them or contemplates the fall out from their words. It's a sad thing to read, indeed. 

 

It's the last name of a couple who wrote some parenting books.  There have been cases of children being beaten to death using the discipline techniques outlined in the books.  The name of the parenting book is "To Train Up a Child."

 

They also write marriage books and encourage women to stay with husbands who sexually abuse their daughters.

 

It's twisted stuff. 

 

ETA:  There have been numerous, long threads about them in the past.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm strangely cheered that someone who is not a newbie can come into a thread on a homeschool forum now and not know about the Pearls. They're less of a thing in homeschooling now than a decade ago. Which is obviously very good.

 

Of course, apparently there are still homeschool groups with their favorite quote as a motto. :(

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm strangely cheered that someone who is not a newbie can come into a thread on a homeschool forum now and not know about the Pearls. They're less of a thing in homeschooling now than a decade ago. Which is obviously very good.

 

Of course, apparently there are still homeschool groups with their favorite quote as a motto. :(

What is funny, but was afraid to point out but..I knew about it being a bible verse or religious saying..BUT...I was also thinking of "How to Train Your Dragon." LOL

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm strangely cheered that someone who is not a newbie can come into a thread on a homeschool forum now and not know about the Pearls. They're less of a thing in homeschooling now than a decade ago. Which is obviously very good.

 

Of course, apparently there are still homeschool groups with their favorite quote as a motto. :(

Even in conservative churches and homeschooling groups it still isn't a given these days - I run in both and hadn't heard of them until board threads here. I'd heard some other practices that I now know are associated with their materials though, but they weren't broadly espoused and it was more of a 'we have found this useful in our parenting, but a lot of other things that went with it we weren't comfortable with'.

 

 

It's a great change IMO!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The verse itself isn't bad, no.

 

But for it to be the "motto verse" of homeschool group would suggest to me that the parents who formed the group lean towards disciplinarian/authoritarian parenting, and possibly homeschool primarily for "culture war" reasons. I'm not saying that that's what that verse says, I'm saying there's a sociological convergence centered on the popularity of that verse in certain social groups.

 

I'd run fast the other way if I saw a group that highlighted that verse. But I'm sensitive. When I heard of "Teach Them Diligently" just the name sent my defense-o-meter into red alert. I don't even know much about them, but that's probably because I do not visit their website, I do not open thread which discuss them, and otherwise go out of my way to bleep them out of my mind, just because of the name. Gah. It's so horrible! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ah, nevermind, I read their about me and I cannot make the statement of faith (like at all).  

 

Is there anything worse than moving to a new area and trying to find a HS group that will accept you?  (rhetorical question, of course there are many worse things in the universe, just venting)

 

:grouphug:

 

Hope you find something good. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...