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WWYD if your spouse wants to bicycle from Buffalo to Albany in December? Update post #185


luuknam
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I guess I live by a different measuring stick.  My spouse is very adventurous.  He goes off on activities like this regularly.  Could he get hurt?  Yeah, sure.  But I would rather support his dreams than squash them.  

 

Just my opinion.

 

If my spouse did these things regularly and was knowledgeable and prepared for the conditions, then I wouldn't hesitate to support him even if I had a few qualms.  But if he decided to do something completely outside his experience with little knowledge and preparation, that could prove to be extremely dangerous, I'd be very concerned and I would absolutely make those concerns known.  I would definitely not be supportive of something I thought was foolish & foolhardy.

 

Anne

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I talked this over with my husband.  He agreed with my initial reaction/response.

 

First I'd say something like "that is a stupid idea and I can't support it.  The kids are too young for you to do such a dangerous thing."  If he persisted, I would tell him to check his life insurance policy to be sure there were no exclusions for dangerous activities like that, and if all was well, I'd send him on his way.   (Since the risk of death is still probably fairly low, this is somewhat symbolic, but it might make a person stop and think a little longer.)

 

BTW my husband used to snowshoe/camp in Yosemite in winter.  He gave that stuff up when our first kid was born.  His choice, not my demand.  But I'm glad he did.  Maybe he will go back to it someday. Sometimes dreams have to be deferred when there are dependents in the picture.  

Edited by marbel
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I guess I live by a different measuring stick.  My spouse is very adventurous.  He goes off on activities like this regularly.  Could he get hurt?  Yeah, sure.  But I would rather support his dreams than squash them.  

 

Just my opinion.

 

What has been on my mind reading this thread is the boardie's brother who was solo hiking/mountain climbing in Colorado this fall and went missing. He left behind a widowed wife and fatherless children.

 

And I hear similar stories oh so frequently. 

 

The risk is unnecessary. No, I wouldn't squash an adventurer's dreams--but there is no reason their adventures have to happen alone. Find a companion or two to adventure with.

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Yeah, to me it is like a person who can swim laps in a pool deciding to swim across a lake or something.  It's something you work up to IMO.

 

When I was childless, I was kind of a daredevil, but as others have said, there's a lot more at stake now.  I'm not a wimp, but I'm not testing fate all the time either.  :)

 

I wonder what put this idea in her head?  If this isn't a group adventure, why can't it wait until conditions are better?

Edited by SKL
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I would treat this as a manic episode and leave a message for her doctor (he doesn't have to talk to you about it, but should know what is going on).

 

Now, how you deal with a manic episode is another thing.  Rational objections/discussion may not be effective.  Have you been with your spouse during a mania before?  Is there something that would lead you to think she is not manic or hypomanic?

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It seems quite risky to me, and not very smart.

 

But.  If you absolutely cannot stop her, I'd at least:

 

1.  Make sure she had bright flashing lights for the bike, the back and the front.

 

2.  Good tires.

 

3.  Warm gear (clothes and camping equipment).

 

4.  Some sort of GPS tracking so that you always know her whereabouts.

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Living in upstate NY and knowing bikers like I do, I would think my partner was being very foolhardy.  A couple years ago, we had the local Ride For Life and it was cold and raining. This is not an uncommon occurrence in the finger lakes.  The Ride For Life is...Labor Day Weekend, I think.  It's usually hot and humid that time of year, but this time it was in the low 40s and wet.  They  had experienced bikers dealing with hypothermia, and many people needed medical attention.

 

So, I can't imagine riding in possibly 20 below temperatures.  If hypothermia on a bike can set it when it is 40 degrees and wet, what can happen when it is below freezing?  Two years ago we had weeks and weeks of below zero temperatures. It just didn't relent. It's highly likely she will get hypothermia.

 

And how is she going to charge a phone while she is on her bike?  We have a solar phone charger that is made to attach to a backpack, but there has to be extended strong sun to make it work. Again, as an upstater, I am not used to seeing much sun in Jan and Feb.

 

I think she is endangering her life and potentially the lives of others. She might cause an accident riding on the side of the road in poor visibility. It gets dark by 3:30 in January so her window for riding is going to be super short. If she decides to keep riding she is going to be a danger on the road.  When the snowbanks get established there isn't any shoulder on the road. She is going to hurt herself and probably someone else in the process.

 

You say she rides 7 miles to work ad 7 miles back. That is not an experience rider. My friends who are experienced bikers regularly ride 100+ miles every Saturday, and they aren't doing it in January unless the weather is absolutely perfect and clear. Don't get me wrong, they will ride in crazy weather, but in the winter they are riding shorter distances and working on speed and hills. They also ride in groups for safety.

 

Is there any reasons she can't do this in June? That makes a lot more sense. It won't be too hot, the roads will be clear, it could be a really nice ride.

 

 

ETA: just remembered she is planning to tent it.  Lol, where is she planning to camp?  The parks are all closed that time of year.  The state parks close soon after Labor Day.  Does she think she is just going to set up camp in a corn field by the side of the road?  Umm..she's going to be talking to some sheriffs deputies and state troopers who are not going to be amused.  They are going to tell her to get a move on. 

 

Seriously, where is she planning to camp exactly?

Edited by redsquirrel
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I asked DH because, in addition to being a regular bike commuter a while ago, he has done some long bike trips. He has also hiked significant chunks of the Appalachian Trail. He has also done some winter camping. He still spent a lot of time laughing when I told him the details of your wife's planned trip.

 

One of his longer solo biking day trips was from Boston, MA to Newport, RI. He prepped for that one-day ride for at least a month, doing 20+ mile rides on the weekends with a friend. He drove his car along the route he was planning to bike, verifying where he would cross bridges, etc.  After his ride, he then spent the night at the house of someone who was expecting him.

 

Anyway, I guess the best you can do is share some objective advice, including some alternatives. The trip does not sound bad in decent weather, in the spring or fall, after doing some training, if on a rail trail or other safe route.

 

edited to clarify.

Edited by slackermom
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We have tons of winter cyclists here, even along the icy, snowy, and poorly maintained roads. I guess it just doesn't raise red flags with me. She needs to be aware she won't feel as thirsty but proper hydration is so key to avoiding hypothermia. Lots of thin layers are also great, wth good breathability, and her hands and feet need to be muffled/mittened over the top accordingly since she will feel vulnerable there first. A good scarf and ear bags are also awesome.

 

https://www.amazon.com/Sprigs-Earbags-with-Thinsulate/dp/B002WQ7R2O

Edited by Arctic Mama
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Well, my husband has bike commuted home in winter (20 miles each way so 40 total). We live in Alaska and biking even throughout the winter is common. My husband tries to stick to trails though because people in general are awful motorized vehicle drivers no matter how good the roads are, even in summer.

 

A very well known race up here is biking the Iditarod trail. This isn't on a road though so there is no fear of cars just moose, ice(as in falling through shifting sea ice) maybe some wolves usually moose though. You are not allowed to enter the 1000 mile race until you have completed the 350 mile race.

 

 

It isn't a matter of can something be done. It is more can or should you (or her in this case) do it. I see lots of bikes on the Top of the World highway and in places like that (steep cliffs, dirt road, and narrow) I would worry about getting run over and no skill or preparation can help you survive a bus or motorhome hitting or driving over you. I do not know the roads that your spouse would be on so I can't comment there.

 

Your concern about the mental health is a definite red flag though. It sounds like it may not be the right time for her. 7 miles at a time isn't much. It takes more energy to plow through snow than ride on a paved road as I was reminded of yesterday and that will become apparent quickly. If you want to be more supportive it would be better to encourage joining a group ride with some experienced riders or encouraging a spring or summer ride and offer to watch kids at that time. The biking community where I live is very friendly and willing to give advice. I don't know what or if there is much of a biking community for you locally.

Edited by frogger
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Yeah someone up thread said their spouse camps when its in the teens.  It gets colder than that.  I live on the (cough) warmer end of this route and last week it was below zero (F) during the day.   

 

There is also an order in NY where if someone is found sleeping outside they can be required to be evaluated to determine if they are competent to opt not to be forced into shelter.  Not sure if that would happen, but it could. 

 

Living in upstate NY and knowing bikers like I do, I would think my partner was being very foolhardy.  A couple years ago, we had the local Ride For Life and it was cold and raining. This is not an uncommon occurrence in the finger lakes.  The Ride For Life is...Labor Day Weekend, I think.  It's usually hot and humid that time of year, but this time it was in the low 40s and wet.  They  had experienced bikers dealing with hypothermia, and many people needed medical attention.

 

So, I can't imagine riding in possibly 20 below temperatures.  If hypothermia on a bike can set it when it is 40 degrees and wet, what can happen when it is below freezing?  Two years ago we had weeks and weeks of below zero temperatures. It just didn't relent. It's highly likely she will get hypothermia.

 

And how is she going to charge a phone while she is on her bike?  We have a solar phone charger that is made to attach to a backpack, but there has to be extended strong sun to make it work. Again, as an upstater, I am not used to seeing much sun in Jan and Feb.

 

I think she is endangering her life and potentially the lives of others. She might cause an accident riding on the side of the road in poor visibility. It gets dark by 3:30 in January so her window for riding is going to be super short. If she decides to keep riding she is going to be a danger on the road.  When the snowbanks get established there isn't any shoulder on the road. She is going to hurt herself and probably someone else in the process.

 

You say she rides 7 miles to work ad 7 miles back. That is not an experience rider. My friends who are experienced bikers regularly ride 100+ miles every Saturday, and they aren't doing it in January unless the weather is absolutely perfect and clear. Don't get me wrong, they will ride in crazy weather, but in the winter they are riding shorter distances and working on speed and hills. They also ride in groups for safety.

 

Is there any reasons she can't do this in June? That makes a lot more sense. It won't be too hot, the roads will be clear, it could be a really nice ride.

 

 

ETA: just remembered she is planning to tent it.  Lol, where is she planning to camp?  The parks are all closed that time of year.  The state parks close soon after Labor Day.  Does she think she is just going to set up camp in a corn field by the side of the road?  Umm..she's going to be talking to some sheriffs deputies and state troopers who are not going to be amused.  They are going to tell her to get a move on. 

 

Seriously, where is she planning to camp exactly?

 

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Well, my husband has bike commuted home in winter (20 miles each way so 40 total). We live in Alaska and biking even throughout the winter is common.

 

I think one thing that helps is you say it is common.  Here, no, that's not common.  She won't encounter other bikers.  People on the road will not expect a biker. 

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So, thinking about this some more, I don't think she's manic at the moment, but there's a decent chance she's hypomanic.

 

So, I can't imagine riding in possibly 20 below temperatures. 

 

And how is she going to charge a phone while she is on her bike?  We have a solar phone charger that is made to attach to a backpack, but there has to be extended strong sun to make it work. Again, as an upstater, I am not used to seeing much sun in Jan and Feb.

 

You say she rides 7 miles to work ad 7 miles back. That is not an experience rider. My friends who are experienced bikers regularly ride 100+ miles every Saturday, and they aren't doing it in January unless the weather is absolutely perfect and clear. Don't get me wrong, they will ride in crazy weather, but in the winter they are riding shorter distances and working on speed and hills. They also ride in groups for safety.

 

Is there any reasons she can't do this in June?

 

ETA: just remembered she is planning to tent it.  Lol, where is she planning to camp?  The parks are all closed that time of year.  The state parks close soon after Labor Day.  Does she think she is just going to set up camp in a corn field by the side of the road?  Umm..she's going to be talking to some sheriffs deputies and state troopers who are not going to be amused.  They are going to tell her to get a move on. 

 

Seriously, where is she planning to camp exactly?

 

I don't think she's planning on riding in -20F. I'm not sure what her cut-off is, but I'm pretty sure it's some number that doesn't begin with a negative sign. If somebody could give me -20F and a blizzard on the days she wants to go, so I could more easily keep her home, I'd appreciate it though (and normally I don't appreciate -20F and a blizzard).

 

She's got one of those battery things that store enough electricity to charge your phone off (7x if kept warm, according to her), and there'll be towns with diners/Starbucks/etc along the way where she could sit down and charge both the battery and her phone while having something to drink. She was thinking of getting a second one of those battery things.

 

The 7 miles to/from work thing was just about winter riding. She does ride more than that, I just don't recall her riding significantly more than that in winter.

 

I asked her about just moving it to May, and she said she might want to do it again, maybe with the kids (albeit not all the way to Albany with the kids, of course). And, of course the argument that she has this time off anyway, so she might as well use it (maybe I need to find some other project for her to do... unfortunately we're renting, so I can't come up with some home improvement thing that needs to be done).

 

I haven't gotten around to questioning her about where she's going to camp... there's only so many things I can ask her about at once, but I think the answer is indeed corn fields, with the hope nobody sees her.

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There is also an order in NY where if someone is found sleeping outside they can be required to be evaluated to determine if they are competent to opt not to be forced into shelter.  Not sure if that would happen, but it could. 

 

Looks like I need to go Google that.

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https://www.governor.ny.gov/news/no-151-emergency-declaration-regarding-homelessness-during-inclement-winter-weather

 

That order seems to pretty much only apply to people who are homeless or who are reasonably deemed to be homeless, neither of which is likely to apply.

 

Yeah.  Although how would they know either way?

 

It's just too ccccccold!

 

I'm cold just thinking about this. 

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Yeah.  Although how would they know either way?

 

Expensive gear, stated actual plan, etc - of course, they could still involuntarily commit her if they think she's a danger to herself or others (as they always can), but 32F is not going to be a magic cut-off like it would be for the homeless.

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https://www.governor.ny.gov/news/no-151-emergency-declaration-regarding-homelessness-during-inclement-winter-weather

 

That order seems to pretty much only apply to people who are homeless or who are reasonably deemed to be homeless, neither of which is likely to apply.

I can almost guarantee that if someone saw her, the police would be called and either they would deem a mental health problem or she would just be forced to move on. They wouldn't just ignore her in the summer, but it will be even worse in the winter.

 

Upstate New York is not the place for a long winter bike ride.

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Expensive gear, stated actual plan, etc - of course, they could still involuntarily commit her if they think she's a danger to herself or others (as they always can), but 32F is not going to be a magic cut-off like it would be for the homeless.

 

It wouldn't be so bad if it ends up being 32.  It gets way colder than that.  Which you know....

 

You are calmer than me.  I might choke my spouse in his sleep if he told me he wanted to do this.  LOL

 

Admittedly, we aren't particularly adventurous though.

 

My dad has bipolar and this is very much the sort of nutty thing he'd announce wanting to do when he was going off the deep end.  And for some reason this time of year was a popular time for him to go off the deep end.  I hate to just say it's that.  Because geesh who wants to have everything they do scrutinized based on that?  But yeah I'd wonder.  We were ALWAYS the last to realize something was off with him.  You'd think we would be the first to notice.  Nope.

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You are calmer than me.  I might choke my spouse in his sleep if he told me he wanted to do this.  LOL

 

Wouldn't that kind of defy the purpose?

 

I suspect the jet lag from the flight back from NL hasn't been helpful - anything that messes with sleep can trigger episodes.

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<snip>

 

I asked her about just moving it to May, and she said she might want to do it again, maybe with the kids (albeit not all the way to Albany with the kids, of course). And, of course the argument that she has this time off anyway, so she might as well use it (maybe I need to find some other project for her to do... unfortunately we're renting, so I can't come up with some home improvement thing that needs to be done).

 

<snip>

 

Can you all take a family vacation together during the January time off?   I don't remember if your kids are homeschooled or in school so it might not be feasible.  (Though I know loads of people who don't hesitate take their kids out of school for a family vacation for a week.)   If traveling is not possible, even a "staycation" with day trips to fun places or having fun days at home might be nice for everyone?  

 

When my kids were the ages of yours, I'd had been pretty disappointed if my husband had had a week off and wanted to go to something by himself.  We had precious little family time as it was.   Obviously my reaction is based on my own life and preferences, and I don't know yours, so YMMV and all that.  

 

Hope you get it sorted out!

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We just spent a month in a camper in NL (got home less than a week ago). So... no. She doesn't want a family vacation. She wants something alone.

 

 

Ah OK, I can get that.   After a trip like that I could probably use some time alone too. 

 

Maybe you should suggest splitting the week, she goes off alone for half, and you get to go off alone for half.  Again, I don't know your life so I'm sort of speaking tongue-in-cheek and thinking of what I'd like under the circumstances.  

 

I'd still do my best to discourage the bike trip though.   

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Ah OK, I can get that.   After a trip like that I could probably use some time alone too. 

 

Maybe you should suggest splitting the week, she goes off alone for half, and you get to go off alone for half.  Again, I don't know your life so I'm sort of speaking tongue-in-cheek and thinking of what I'd like under the circumstances. 

 

She did tell me I could take a vacation alone later this coming year, so my death stare at least accomplished *something*.

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Even if she looked at a weather forecast, lake effect snow is not always predictable.  Frankly, not only is she being reckless, she is also being extremely selfish.  It is not fair to you or the kids.  It is also not fair to the drivers who have to share a road with her when a variety of road conditions may cause a car to hit her.  That driver would have to live with the remorse of hitting a biker, even if the driver wasn't at fault. 

 

I hope you can talk some sense into her. :grouphug:

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Wouldn't that kind of defy the purpose?

 

I suspect the jet lag from the flight back from NL hasn't been helpful - anything that messes with sleep can trigger episodes.

 

it would solve the problem

 

:lol:

 

I was just wondering.  I can imagine riding a bike on snow or in snow...with the right bike, but how exactly does one manage it on ice?  Was thinking about this today as I was out there driving and saw that along the sides of all the roads are large sheets of ice. 

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it would solve the problem

 

:lol:

 

I was just wondering. I can imagine riding a bike on snow or in snow...with the right bike, but how exactly does one manage it on ice? Was thinking about this today as I was out there driving and saw that along the sides of all the roads are large sheets of ice.

My husband, I, and my three sons use studded tires. No one in our family can afford a fat bike yet. Like with a car, it is easier to use those studs then actually walk when there is real ice.

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Another Central NY'er here, and I live on one of those rural back roads that are rarely plowed, especially if it's not a school day.

 

Just want to add that we've already had more than double our average snowfall for this time of year, and the lake effect machine is just getting started. We were in a white-out on the thruway yesterday between Syracuse and Utica. Out of nowhere!

 

And as Sparkly mentioned, we've also already had nights below zero with daytime temps in the single digits. The next week looks above normal, but I wouldn't want to take my chances after that. It's going to be a hard winter after several milder ones...

 

ETA: and although they do salt liberally in NY, it's not really effective once temps hit the teens or lower. So that's fun.

Edited by Zuzu822
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I'd suggest taking a train south, like regentrude suggested, and doing this where it's warmer. Or I'd be finding a cool local project for the time off, and trying to change the focus of attention. It doesn't sound like you'll convince her with rational arguments at this point, because she thinks she's thinking rationally. I would disagree that she's thinking rationally - not enough training and prep in similarly cold weather.

 

And I want to reiterate something Sparkly said, about her father. Like her, with her dad, we are close to people with bipolar, and some other mental health issues - and when things were spiraling ... we were always the last to notice. You'd think we'd have been the first to realize it was happening. But no. I don't know why it was that way, but it was. And is.

 

Holidays, jet lag, just returned home from a vacation, lack of sleep ... all of those would be triggers here.

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My husband, I, and my three sons use studded tires. No one in our family can afford a fat bike yet. Like with a car, it is easier to use those studs then actually walk when there is real ice.

 

Ok so what if you have a combo of real ice and no ice?  Today everything is frozen solid.  Tomorrow it might be puddles.  Our weather is rather nutty. 

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As for the rec to use back roads for being safer? There's a good chance they won't be plowed, or plowed only in the early morn and late afternoon( for school busses).

These back rural roads also have serious problems with cell phone service. There are areas with zero service.

Someone said it's perfectly doable in Alaska, but how do they maintain roads there? In NY they salt them. The roads, by January, will probably be inches deep in filthy, mushy salt, especially less busy ones. The edges, where I expect a biker to use, are even worse, as this is where a heck of a lot of the snow/muck is plowed to.

Camping? Again, most parks in this area have been closed to overnighters since November.

Visibility? The high beams on new cars are often difficult to see in windy snow, I can't imagine a bicycle having sufficient light.

And then you get the occasional afternoon where it gets above 32 then starts to gently rain. Now you've got a road without snow but a dangerous layer of ice that no bike can do. Add a bit of snow Agee hours later and that ice can remain there until spring, just waiting for you to slip on.

It's basically a very poor, uneducated idea.

I totally agree.

 

As for sleeping in fields...when there are feet of snow on the ground, it's a pretty hard thing to do, logistically. How is she going to tramp through the snow in her bike cleats? How is she going to set up her tent without proper gear to tamp the snow down, and to stake it into the snow? It's simple enough when backpacking, but will she be carrying snowshoes and poles (for staking) and a snow shovel in her panniers? How low is her sleeping bag rated, and has she slept out in those conditions before? Not just in the cold, but after spending entire days on her bike, wet and sweaty and having used up thousands of calories? How will she dry her things? They will, of course, merely freeze overnight. What will she do from 3:30pm until 8:30 am in her tent, alone? Will she be trespassing on the fields or will she ask permission? Has she thought about how a landholder might feel if she dies of hypothermia on his property? Because it's a real risk--I would say under these conditions it's almost a guarantee. And she'll need to own that risk ahead of time.

 

I'm really sorry you are being put this. There are better ways for her to get alone time.

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Oh, and she's planning on sleeping in a tent.

 

Have you told her that you do not want her to go?  If you have asked her not to go, and she goes anyway, I would put a call in to her doctor and let the doctor know what is going on.  I would also consider calling the police.  I doubt that pitching a tent on private property is legal.  Maybe the authorities could stop this "adventure" if you are not able to.

 

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Ok so what if you have a combo of real ice and no ice? Today everything is frozen solid. Tomorrow it might be puddles. Our weather is rather nutty.

 

I'm not arguing that her spouse should do that as I mentioned above and advised her to encourage her spouse to do a different group trip or offer to support her for a summer trip which would go over better, I'm guessing, than convincing her not to go out all. I was just answering a question.

 

But if you are genuinely curious, you do the exact same thing that cars do and leave your studs on. Vehicle drivers don't change their wheels every time there is a thaw. Avoid sidewalks though. Dry sidewalks are slippery with studs on.

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Luuknam, another thing to add to your list of cons is that batteries go dead quick in the cold. When out in the cold it is a good idea to bike with phones and such under clothing in an inside pocket but mostly just remind her she may not have a phone. Even if she had a battery pack to recharge her phone it too could go dead. Even if she did call how many hours would it be before help could get to her anyway. You should always be prepared to survive without electronics. In addition to the many concerns about roads and sleeping arrangements etc.

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I'm not arguing that her spouse should do that as I mentioned above and advised her to encourage her spouse to do a different group trip or offer to support her for a summer trip which would go over better, I'm guessing, than convincing her not to go out all. I was just answering a question.

 

But if you are genuinely curious, you do the exact same thing that cars do and leave your studs on. Vehicle drivers don't change their wheels every time there is a thaw. Avoid sidewalks though. Dry sidewalks are slippery with studs on.

 

I'm genuinely curious how one drives a bike in ice.

 

So dry side of the road would be slippery with studs on. 

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Luuknam, another thing to add to your list of cons is that batteries go dead quick in the cold. When out in the cold it is a good idea to bike with phones and such under clothing in an inside pocket but mostly just remind her she may not have a phone. Even if she had a battery pack to recharge her phone it too could go dead. Even if she did call how many hours would it be before help could get to her anyway. You should always be prepared to survive without electronics. In addition to the many concerns about roads and sleeping arrangements etc.

 

She's planning on keeping phone and battery pack under her clothes for warmth. How long help would take... there are towns along the way, some/most of which should have police departments. So, in theory, it shouldn't take many hours for help to get to her. That said, I'm not enthusiastic about the need to call a local police department or ambulance or w/e for help for something preventable.

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I'm genuinely curious how one drives a bike in ice.

 

So dry side of the road would be slippery with studs on.

 

Studs dig into the ice and other things but not concrete sidewalks. It's too hard. But asphalt would be fine. You can ride on cement but you need to be careful with sharp corners. Many would say it's bad to ride on sidewalks anyway. In fact it is illegal in the downtown area where I live.

Edited by frogger
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