Menu
Jump to content

What's with the ads?

DawnM

When you feel like you have taught your kids well JAWM

Recommended Posts

and they still seem to not GET it, even after the usual "oh, let 'em fail, they'll learn" failures.

 

Just agree with me.  I am too upset to have people argue with me right now.

 

My 16 year old is sweet, kind, and generous.  TOO generous.  He doesn't understand the value of money.  We have done all the Crown Financial stuff with him, we have explained, graphed, and budgeted, etc......

 

I don't know what else to do.  He doesn't get it.

Maybe I didn't get it before I had REAL expenses either.

 

But I am frustrated.

 

That's all.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

He will get it. When  he has to.

I see the teen years as a period where the teen can learn in a protected environment and make mistakes without great risk. Yes, it would be nice if the  teens could handle money responsibly and save - but at least they still have a roof over their head and food on the table because they still live with parents. So, I try to see this as a period where they can practice adulting, but don't yet have to face the harshest consequences of being hungry and homeless.

He will get it. He may make a few more mistakes along the road. I see it as my job as a parent to give my teens much independence and let them make the mistakes, but be the safety net.

Best wishes.

Edited by regentrude
  • Like 11

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Two of my children do not "get" money in spite of rigorous training. I think it's pretty common in the younger generation, something in the water they drank, lol. It is really frustrating, because they really seem to believe that there are no consequences for bad financial choices. ARGGG. I really do feel you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Many teenagers are this way.
I have seen a few teenagers save as their parents instructed, and the second they had some independence they blew the money on less than healthy things. Sometimes it's better for young people to have less money!
I feel your pain.  It is very frustrating. Keep plugging away, mama.

Edited by KathyBC
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

At that age, my mil gave my husband's oldest brother the money she'd scrimped and saved by using powdered milk, etc., for him to buy his clothes for the year, and he came back with one pair of cowboy boots. She was beyond upset.

 

I have my own too generous stories. I have late bloomers. A bunch of stuff solidified at 25. There is hope yet. : )

 

Nan

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:grouphug:

repeat after me:  "he's 16".

 

let me tell you about 1ds. . . . graduated HS with a CCNA.  was making $15 an hour before it was even a gleam in the promoters eyes. (he could have made more if he'd been over 21.)  he BLEW it all.  faster than it came in. he would order something online - and pay to have it overnighted. his then gf (she was pretty messed up. just not about money)  couldn't understand how he went through money so fast.  he eventually quit because he just didn't care about working.  it took him awhile.  ended up working some temp/vendor jobs.  took some  classes.  nothing meaningful or heading that way and he wasn't applying himself.

 

now . . . he's a full time engineering student (loves it, cares about his grades) and working part time. (works full-time between quarters) has money in the bank  (2dd about fainted when she heard), and is making car payments.  and other basic expenses.

 

keep in mind, boys brains develop more slowly than girls, and some develop more slowly still.

 

eta: helping him find something that can take him where he needs/wants to go in life, that he loves, can help.

Edited by gardenmom5
  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

At that age, my mil gave my husband's oldest brother the money she'd scrimped and saved by using powdered milk, etc., for him to buy his clothes for the year, and he came back with one pair of cowboy boots. She was beyond upset.

 

I have my own too generous stories. I have late bloomers. A bunch of stuff solidified at 25. There is hope yet. : )

 

Nan

 

 

great wardrobe.

 

I'm cynical enough to tell them that.  and not give more money even if I could.

 

I'm grateful I really only had one spendthrift.  he's finally learned.  (they grew up watching mil.  who can blow through money like you wouldn't believe.  she'd write checks as long as there were some in her checkbook, and if there weren't - she'd open a new credit card. [not. joking.]  she only stopped spending because she is in a wheelchair and depends upon others to take her places.  and she doesn't go online, or know about qvc.   there were days ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

and they still seem to not GET it, even after the usual "oh, let 'em fail, they'll learn" failures.

 

Just agree with me. I am too upset to have people argue with me right now.

 

My 16 year old is sweet, kind, and generous. TOO generous. He doesn't understand the value of money. We have done all the Crown Financial stuff with him, we have explained, graphed, and budgeted, etc......

 

I don't know what else to do. He doesn't get it.

Maybe I didn't get it before I had REAL expenses either.

 

But I am frustrated.

 

That's all.

My 16 year old is like that. Very kind hearted. I hope no one takes advantage of him before he gets it. Kwim. It's a good trait though.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, not all kids get it and it's not because they don't have to. And some don't learn from failure. (Tho I don't think being too generous is a failure. I'd phrase it as financial misuse.)

 

My husband is 43 years old and still doesn't get it if left to his own spending.

 

Which is why I manage our money.

 

In the mean time, we sit them down and hammer a budget. Because they can get the concept of when their wallet no longer has cash, they are done. They follow a budget for the most part and part of that budget is wallet money they use however. They rarely look into their bank acct beyond withdrawaling their budgeted wallet funds on payday. Dh does the same. So do I just bc it's easy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, not all kids get it and it's not because they don't have to. And some don't learn from failure. (Tho I don't think being too generous is a failure. I'd phrase it as financial misuse.)

 

My husband is 43 years old and still doesn't get it if left to his own spending.

 

Which is why I manage our money.

 

In the mean time, we sit them down and hammer a budget. Because they can get the concept of when their wallet no longer has cash, they are done. They follow a budget for the most part and part of that budget is wallet money they use however. They rarely look into their bank acct beyond withdrawaling their budgeted wallet funds on payday. Dh does the same. So do I just bc it's easy.

 

 

my mom never 'got it'.  when she was looking at selling her condo and moving in with my brother, she finally came crying to dh to 'save her' from her financial messes.  (she had a comfortable inheritance that dh put into high yield cds which left her with a comfortable income.  she started selling the cds.)  dh, has some amazing fiscal abilities -but he wasn't sure he could.  she supposedly told him  everything and where her money went - and he was finding new places to which it was disappearing/had disappeared for six months.  "you spent __ going to movies"... . but, but, but that's "not a bill".

 

he put her on a cash allowance and paid her necessary/regular bills.  (re: utilities, taxes)  at first, a month at a time.  that what her entertainment and groceries.  it was gone in a week.  then it was a week at a time.  if she wanted to buy  a gift for someone - she could come to him.  she appreciated it, as she had no self-control and she knew it.   otho - my grandmother was scrooge and knew where every single penny went and how much was in the bank.  (other than that, she was so NOT sophisticated about handling money. smh  she was good at saving though. . . .she didn't manage to teach her own daughter. )

Edited by gardenmom5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I didn't get it till I was older either, and I was neither stupid, nor lacked a parent who tried his best to help me get it. 

 

I understand how frustrating that would be. 

 

Real life and real responsibility was my best teacher.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

great wardrobe.

 

I'm cynical enough to tell them that. and not give more money even if I could.

 

I'm grateful I really only had one spendthrift. he's finally learned. (they grew up watching mil. who can blow through money like you wouldn't believe. she'd write checks as long as there were some in her checkbook, and if there weren't - she'd open a new credit card. [not. joking.] she only stopped spending because she is in a wheelchair and depends upon others to take her places. and she doesn't go online, or know about qvc. there were days ...

Well, she certainly didn't give him more because there was none to give him. It wasn't a lesson for anyone but Mom, for whom it just deepened the already rampant mistrust. Somebody told her they wouldn,t learn if she didn,t give them responsibility, but in this case, it was like expecting a one year old to be responsible for the candy.

 

Nan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

... I have late bloomers. A bunch of stuff solidified at 25. There is hope yet. : )

 

Nan

 

Oh, thank you for giving me hope!

 

I have a newly-21yr old who is just starting to show signs of 'getting it'. He eats most of his paycheck each week... *sigh*

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When my ds (my only fiscally responsible child) was 19 and moved out he told me Thank God for Scouts! He had learned how to budget meals at the grocery store from being a grub master. He knew that if he had 80 for groceries for the week it must be divided among the amount of meals he was going to consume and that he could eat Top Ramen for some of those meals and eat some at work (he was working at Mc. D's) so he could have good food. Also, scouts taught him how to "share" and get along so that he could have four room mates to save money and not go crazy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

At that age, my mil gave my husband's oldest brother the money she'd scrimped and saved by using powdered milk, etc., for him to buy his clothes for the year, and he came back with one pair of cowboy boots. She was beyond upset.

 

I have a kid who might do that, but she would be perfectly happy about wearing her awesome new cowboy boots with her old and faded clothes. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When my ds (my only fiscally responsible child) was 19 and moved out he told me Thank God for Scouts! He had learned how to budget meals at the grocery store from being a grub master. He knew that if he had 80 for groceries for the week it must be divided among the amount of meals he was going to consume and that he could eat Top Ramen for some of those meals and eat some at work (he was working at Mc. D's) so he could have good food. Also, scouts taught him how to "share" and get along so that he could have four room mates to save money and not go crazy.

 

 

Sigh.

 

I am talking about my son, the EAGLE SCOUT!

 

Yup, he is an eagle scout.

 

Like I said, this isn't for lack of being taught.

Edited by DawnM

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...